Straight Camp
by foraworldundeserving
Summary: "Welcome to Wildwood Springs Health Camp! Today begins your journey into finding yourself - casting aside the old and embracing the true!" Otherwise known as Brainwashing Camp. Nick/Jeff, Klaine, AU. COMPLETE.
1. Prologue

**I know I started advertising this story right around when _Sail _finished but life caught up and I didn't get the chance to write any more on this, plus I wanted to wait until I was pretty much finished with _Edge of Glory_. But it's about time I at least got the first chapter up and let people see what is to come. ****I've never written anything quite like this, so if you're used to my other work, be prepared for a change. I like to think it's a good one :)**

**This story is not something I have personal experience with. I've put out a call for information in the past and I'll happily take more. Therefore, I do not claim any of this to be an accurate representation of an acclaimed 'Straight Camp.' I am only using the facts I have been given and my own creative license to create this story. This is FanFiction, not a proper portrayal of a camp of this variety. This goes for every chapter so if I forget to put it on the others, this is a blanket disclaimer. **

**This is my first Nick/Jeff-centric story. I blame my beta, _SquirrelzAttack _for completely addicting me to the idea of these two boys being together. It also starts off short but chapter lengths will grow :)**

**AU. Simple as that.**

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><p><strong>Jeff.<strong>

"Jeff, honey?"

Jeff raised his head from his pillow, something that took much more effort nowadays than it ever had. "Yeah?"

His mom was standing in the doorway, looking concerned. "Can we talk to you downstairs?"

"Sure." Jeff sat up, rubbing his eyes. "Just give me a minute."

As his mom walked back down the stairs, Jeff rested his face in his hands and sighed. All he wanted to do was lie back down and sleep the rest of the year away, so he didn't have to go back to school, didn't have to face the kind of crap he had dealt with every day of his freshman year so far. Maybe even sleep forever, and never wake up...

Jeff sighed again, pulling himself off his bed and heading towards the door. He paused in front of his mirror for a second, considering his appearance. His hair, which he used to be so proud of styling, now hanging limply down his face. Deathly pale skin, dark circles under his eyes and a mouth that never smiled. And why should it? He didn't exactly have anything to smile about at the moment.

Like any other teenager, Jeff had thought high school was going to be the best years of his life. He'd have a good group of friends, hopefully find himself a boyfriend, do the Prom thing, graduate and just have a blast. But when he had come back from summer break and realized that people were looking at him differently, avoiding him in the halls... well, Jeff knew he wasn't going to have that perfect high school experience. It was only when he realized that one of his supposed friends had outed him over the break that Jeff knew just how bad it was going to be.

Pulling himself out of his thoughts, Jeff made his way downstairs and paused when he saw his parents sitting in the living room, deep in conversation. They stopped when he approached, and his dad gestured him to sit across from them. "How was school today, son?"

Jeff refrained from rolling his eyes. "How do you think?" he asked instead, lowering his eyes to the carpet.

"So they're not getting any better?"

"No." Jeff sighed, glancing up at his mom. She reached out for his hand which he gave reluctantly, knowing she was only trying to help.

His dad stood, walking over to his desk, leaving his mom to keep talking. "Jeff, you know we support you no matter how you choose to live your life. If you think you're gay, then that's your decision and we love you no matter what."

"But we want to help you," his dad broke in, coming back with a sheet of papers and a brochure. "We want you to feel confident in yourself, and feel safe. So we have a few options for you."

The sheets of paper were handed over. Jeff glanced at the top and his heart leapt into his throat. "Transfers to Dalton Academy?"

"It's a zero tolerance school. That's the safety part." His dad hesitated for a second before passing him the brochure. "This is the confidence."

Jeff stared at the brochure in front of him, uncomprehending. The words 'Wildwood Springs Health Camp' were emblazoned on the front with a picture of a campsite. He flicked through a couple of pages before the realization came to him. _This is one of those straight camps. _"You - I thought you were okay with me being gay?" Jeff would have gotten angry, but he just didn't have the energy anymore, simply staring at his parents in confusion.

"We are, honey, but we want you to be sure. And there's a therapy element to it, Jeff, and we think you need it. You've been getting more and more depressed and we want to see you coming back as that confident boy you were at the start of this year. We don't want..." she trailed off, her voice catching. "We're not going to make you go, but we want you to consider it."His mom was still clasping his hand tightly, and Jeff squeezed back absently as he thought. He hadn't heard a lot about the camps, only that they involved a lot of group sessions and therapy and talking about experiences. And ... _a lot of other gay guys..._

Being the only guy out in his school certainly made it difficult to find someone to be interested in, and so far Jeff hadn't had a boyfriend. But maybe if he found another guy there in the same situation.. who knows?

"I'll do it."

His parents began to discuss dates and packing, Jeff nodding along whenever necessary. All he knew was that in four days time, he would be free of school and off to somewhere that was apparently going to help him. Somewhere that would stop him from wanting to die all the time, or feeling like he was worthless.

Somewhere that might make him feel alive again.

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

_**Take a deep breath.**_

Nick followed the instructions on the screen, trying not to feel too stupid. He glanced behind him again to make sure his door was shut, then turned back to his laptop.

_**Be confident. You know who you are and you are proud of being that person. **_

_I am. _Nick nodded. He knew he needed to stay strong.

_**Set the time aside and sit your person or people down. Tell them in a calm and measured voice that you have something important to talk to them about and you'd like them to hear you out before they say anything. Keep your statements simple and clear, and don't let your emotions get the better of you.**_

_Okay. Okay, I can do this._

Nick stood, pushing his chair back and walking over to his door. He took one more deep breath before he opened it and headed down the three flights of stairs to his father's office. Hesitating only for a second, he rapped on the door.

"Come in!"

Opening the door slowly, Nick poked his head in. His dad was facing away from him, typing something on one of the computers in the expansive study. He waited patiently until his dad finished typing and turned around. "Nick? What can I do for you?"

"I'd like to talk to you and Mom for a moment."

His dad raised an eyebrow but stood anyway, following Nick down to the kitchen. "What's the matter, son? Troubles at school?"

Nick shook his head as they entered the kitchen. "Mom?"

His mother turned from where she was chopping carrots for dinner. "What is it?"

"Nick apparently wants a word with both of us."

His mom frowned but put down the knife, the three walking into the living room. Nick sat across from his parents, noticing that there was a large gap between them as usual. _Does nobody marry for love anymore? _He took a deep breath, then looked straight at his mom, hoping it would be easier if he directed it at her. "There's something I need to tell you both and I'd like you to bear with me until I'm finished." He paused, drawing up all of his courage. "I - I'm gay."

There was a moment of silence, then his dad was on his feet. "What did I tell you, Caroline? I told you a million times, that if we didn't encourage him into sports, he'd turn out to be.. one of _those_."

Nick flinched, but his dad wasn't finished. "I won't allow it. Not under my roof."

"Justin..."

"No!" His dad turned on his mom, shaking his head. "No, it's not happening! The Duval family are highly respected in society, having a _queer _child will only reflect badly on us."

Nick felt the tears begin to build in his eyes. "Dad," he said quietly, "Dad, _please_."

"Okay, here's what we'll do." Justin sat down again, steepling his fingers. "Summer break is in two days. There's a camp that you can go to over the holidays and this whole drama should be sorted out by the time you get back. I'll deal with the arrangements -"

"No!" Nick jumped to his feet frantically. "Dad, there's nothing _wrong _with me! Why are you sending me away?"

And then something in his father's expression softened, and Nick thought he had finally gotten it.

"Nick, you're clearly sick."

_Or not._

"And going to this camp will help you get better. Alright?"

Nick shook his head, tears running down his cheeks. "No, it's not." He turned and bolted up the stairs to his room, managing to slam the door shut before succumbing to his emotions. _Why can't they just accept me the way I am?_

Lifting his head, Nick noticed his laptop was still open to the website he had searched for just half an hour ago. "_Want to come out to the people in your life? Follow these easy steps!_" it mocked him. Growling, Nick crossed the room and slammed the lid shut. _Yeah, right. Easy for the perfect family, maybe. _

Dragging himself over to his bed, Nick crawled under the covers and curled into a ball. He had imagined a million different scenarios for when he finally came out to his family, but this had been one of those ones that he had immediately rejected as 'too dramatic.' After all, the head partner of Duval and Smith was always calm and collected... but he was always about appearances too, Nick realized. He would never let anything as embarrassing as a homosexual son ruin his reputation, and would do anything to stop that.

_Even sending me away to some straight camp._

The tears kept coming and Nick began to sob quietly. It wasn't just that his dad had rejected him either, but that his Mom had sat by and done nothing. But of course he knew why that was.

Nick heard his bedroom door creak and he shoved a fist in his mouth to muffle his crying. Quiet footsteps made their way across the room and then a weight was on the end of his bed.

"Nick, honey, you know I love you no matter who you are. And I'm sorry I couldn't stand up for you... I just -" His mom's voice broke off for a second. "Stay strong to yourself and I'll look into something to help you out when you get back, alright? I love you."

The weight disappeared and his door shut a few seconds later. Nick sighed, burying his head into the pillows and attempting sleep. All he knew was that in two days time, he was headed to a place where a group of people were going to try and make him 'better.'

But Nick didn't want to be 'better.' He just wanted to be himself.

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><p><strong>Next Chapter: Arrival<strong>


	2. Arrival

**Thank you for the positive feedback! I've already had some people cry which is... well, I'm sorry you cried but it's amazing for me to read as the author :) I can almost promise some more crying fests coming up if the Prologue affected you though!**

**I've been asked how frequently I'll update this and the answer is that I have no idea. Most chapters will be averaging around 6,000 words with many going over that and there's a lot of different plot points that need to be worked in here and there... basically, what I'm saying is that this is the biggest story I've undertaken yet and I don't want to make promises I can't keep. I'll try to keep my updates from being too far apart but I can't say I'll update every couple of days or anything.**

**By the way, I always like to advertise. If you have Twitter or Tumblr, I'd love for you to follow me, especially if you reblog a lot of Glee stuff that I can stalk obsessively. Links are on my profile :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the ideas in this story. I have never been to a 'straight camp' and am therefore not attempting to portray an exact replica of one. I do not own any characters you recognize. **

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><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

"Welcome to Wildwood Springs Health Camp! Today begins your journey into finding yourself - casting aside the old and embracing the true!"

Nick raised an eyebrow, glancing around to see if anybody else was taking in this crap. His Dad was standing stiffly behind him, nodding along and Nick stifled a sigh. _It looks like at least one person here is._

The chirpy looking woman out the front clapped her hands together and Nick resisted the urge to wince. Instead, he continued to survey the group of teenagers gathered around. There were about eighteen boys all up, ranging from overly flamboyant to if-I-weren't-here-I'd-still-be-in-the-closet gay. Most of the boys looked less than happy to be here, matching Nick's mood exactly. A couple were glaring at their parents, and Nick noticed one boy in particular with far too much gel hissing something under his breath in the direction of what he assumed was his father. But a blonde guy off to the side was holding the hands of both of his parents, his mother whispering in his ear. Nick felt a spike of jealousy. _Why can't my parents support me like that? My Mom didn't even come!_

"The next four weeks will be life changing for all of you, we guarantee it!" The woman out the front - she had introduced herself at some point, but Nick hadn't exactly cared - was practically beaming at the boys, most of which were looking slightly concerned for her sanity. "Each of you will receive one-on-one guidance sessions, group sharing times, plenty of activities and a whole lot of fun memories to take home with you!"

This time, Nick couldn't suppress his snort of disbelief. His Dad rapped him on the back of the head and he rolled his eyes. Then he realized that the blonde-haired guy was looking in his direction, smirking. Nick simply raised an eyebrow, turning back towards the woman. As nice as it would be to make some friends, Nick just wanted to deal with this excuse for a camp and get out of here. Not that he _wanted _to go home, but better the devil you know. Sometimes, anyway.

"Now I'll start putting you into your cabins. If you want to take your things there once your name is called and get acquainted with your roommates, feel free. Dinner will be at six, you have free time to unpack until then."

Nick's Dad leant in slightly. "I'll just be on my way now then."

"Yeah, okay." Nick refused to turn around as his Dad walked off without so much as a goodbye. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the blonde guy glance in his direction curiously and sighed. _Great, I just keep drawing attention to myself. _

"Cabin One will be Joshua Gibson, Shane Indrum..."

Nick sighed, grabbing the handle of his bag and waiting to find out who he was stuck with for the next four weeks. _Hopefully I get at least one hot guy. _He chanced another glance over at the blonde who had caught his attention earlier. _He's not too bad on the eyes. Things might not be so bad with guys like him around._

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff.<strong>

"... Cabin Four. Nick Duval, Blaine Anderson and Jeff Sterling."

Jeff released his Dad's hand, bending down to pick up his bag before turning to his parents. A lump formed in his throat and he forced it back as he hugged them both. "Look after yourself," his Mom whispered. "Call us whenever you like."

"Love you," he whispered back before breaking free. He refused to look back as he walked towards the cabin with a large number four above the door, not wanting to start crying now. After all, he had signed himself up for this, he might as well see it through.

As he walked through the door, Jeff raised an eyebrow as he saw the other occupants. One of the boys looked up and smiled, unzipping his bag. Jeff noticed the amount of gel plastering his hair, and couldn't help but pin this boy as a prep schooler immediately. "Hi there. You must be Jeff. I'm Blaine."

Jeff took the hand offered to him, smiling. "Nice to meet you." He turned in the direction of the other boy, still smiling as he recognized the boy who had laughed during the director's speech.

"Nick," the boy muttered without looking up from his belongings. Jeff's smile died and he turned to Blaine who shrugged. _Oh well, guess he's not the social type. _Moving across to the last bed, Jeff dropped his bag and began to sort through his things, refolding his clothes neatly and placing them in the drawers under the bed, trying to fight the urge to just lie down and sleep. He was doing his best to put on his 'cheerful Jeff' face, not letting the other boys see what was really hiding underneath and just praying it didn't crack any time soon - especially not in front of any counsellors.

The three boys worked in relative silence for awhile, until Jeff glanced over to see Blaine putting a photo on his nightstand - himself and another boy with their arms wrapped around each other. "Boyfriend?" he asked before he could stop himself.

Blaine nodded, smiling at the picture. "Kurt. He's amazing."

"He's not here is he?" Nick grabbed a few items of clothing out of his bag, shoving them into drawers haphazardly. Jeff winced, thinking about the wrinkles the other boy was going to have to face in the morning.

"No, he's waiting for me back home." Blaine's smile dropped a little. "I introduced him as my boyfriend to my parents who had thought I was straight. That didn't go down well, needless to say." He gestured around the room offhandedly. "His dad is supportive and wanted to argue with my parents about it, but this is my fight. I want to prove that I can come to a place like this and go back as the same person who is still in love with his boyfriend."

Jeff smiled a little wistfully. "How long have you two been together?"

Blaine threw the last of his possessions into his drawer, tossing his bag at the foot of his bed. "Two months now. We kept it under wraps at first for the most part. Even though we're both at Dalton Academy -"

"You go to Dalton?" Jeff blurted out before he could stop himself. Blaine nodded, frowning slightly. "Sorry, my parents are planning on transferring me there."

"Really? That's awesome!" Blaine grinned, Jeff smiling back. "You'll love it, the kids are all really supportive. We told our closest friends about it, of course, but we'd both come to Dalton because of bullying at our old schools a few years back. His dad knew he was gay, my parents didn't. They just thought I was bullied for my love of musical theatre."

Jeff frowned sympathetically. "I know the feeling. So you came out to your parents and they didn't approve of Kurt?"

"On top of not wanting me to date any guys at all, of course." Blaine sighed. "I made the mistake of bringing Kurt to dinner when I told them. Needless to say, when we left we were both crying and we went straight to Kurt's place for some well-needed reassurance that we weren't both abominations and freaks of nature."

Jeff winced, partly due to his own attack of memories. "I'm sorry. Nobody should hear that from their parents."

"No, they shouldn't."

Jeff turned to face Nick who was fiddling with a notebook of some kind, not looking at them. "That happened to you?" Blaine asked tentatively.

"Two days ago, yeah. Dad couldn't get rid of me fast enough."

Blaine and Jeff swapped a concerned look. "I'm sorry," Jeff said.

"S'alright. I don't need sympathy for it or anything." Nick placed the notebook into his bedside table and continued unpacking. Jeff watched him for a second before turning back to Blaine who was staring at him.

"So, your story?"

Jeff instinctively felt his masks strengthening. "My parents have known for awhile. I got a lot of crap at school -" _That's an understatement, _"so they thought we should give this a go. At the very least, it gets me out of my neighborhood for the holidays." He kept it simple, hoping this was enough to satisfy Blaine's curiosity without having to go into the result of the bullying - his depression, the long nights sitting up crying and just wanting to...

"Yeah, I understand. At least we're supposed to be safe here, right?"

Nick snorted again. "I don't understand how safe you can be at a place where they're trying to 'train' you to be straight. But sure."

Jeff frowned, wondering why the boy was so closed-off to others. He knew his relationship with his parents - or parent, he hadn't mentioned a mother - was clearly strained, but there seemed to be more to him than met the eye. "Yeah, I hope they don't go too overboard with all that stuff. I'm perfectly happy being gay, thank you very much."

Blaine nodded his agreement, falling backwards onto his bed. "Amen to that."

Jeff pulled out the final stack of clothes, beginning to re-fold them and sneaking glances at Nick out of the corner of his eye. While Blaine was upfront, cheerful and bubbly, Nick was a closed book, and instead of being put off, Jeff found himself wanting to crack the puzzle.

"Let's make a pact."

Jeff jumped slightly as Blaine sat back up, looking at both of them as if he had just had a brilliant idea. He finished folding his last shirt, putting it in his drawer and nodded. "I'm listening," said Nick tiredly, suppressing a yawn.

"We're all gay, yeah? So let's promise that we'll have each other's backs. If one of us is looking like we're losing ourselves in all of this, we'll pull them out."

Nick looked thoughtful, instead of just belligerent. _Finally, _Jeff thought to himself, _he might actually warm up to us a bit. _"I'm in," he chipped in, still watching the dark-haired boy.

Finally, Nick nodded. "Agreed."

And then the impossible happened. Nick offered them a tentative smile, and Jeff couldn't help the involuntary one crossing his own face. Because this was one good-looking boy when he smiled.

Blaine beamed, holding out a hand towards Jeff. Jeff shook it, watching as Blaine offered the same to Nick. Then Nick turned to him, holding his hand out. Jeff took it, and it was if an electric spike shot through him. He blinked a couple of times before looking into Nick's eyes to see the stunned expression there.

_He felt that too._

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

Nick bit back a gasp as he shook Jeff's hand, pulling away as quickly as possible without appearing rude. He had no idea what had just happened, but he knew Jeff had felt it too. And right now, Nick didn't _want _to know what it was, because he knew whatever had just happened had the potential to crack his resolve and change everything in an instant. So, turning away, Nick searched for something else to talk about. His eye fell on Blaine who was pulling out a top of the line mobile phone, and something fell into place in his mind. "Wait, Blaine Anderson?"

Blaine looked up, frowning. "Um, yeah?"

"Blaine Anderson, son of George Anderson, partner of Anderson and Truman?"

Blaine grimaced, and Nick could see Jeff looking at them curiously. "Don't remind me. I try not to let it define me, thanks."

Nick nodded. "I know the feeling. Nick Duval, son of Justin Duval..." He trailed off, watching Blaine's eyes light up.

"Duval and Smith? Wait, I'm meant to detest you on principle." There was a pause where both boys looked at each other, Jeff looking anxiously between them. Then Blaine grinned. "Just another reason to get to know you better, right?"

Nick fought back the feeling of apprehension at that statement and smiled lightly. "Right. Stick it to them." Jeff coughed lightly and Nick turned to him. "Sorry. Our fathers are lawyers who pretty much hate one another. I've been fed stories about Blaine's family all my life that I can pretty much guarantee aren't true."

"Same for you." Blaine rolled his eyes. "So, what do we do now?"

"Hey."

The boys all looked up to see a figure standing in their door. "We need to be over at dinner soon, so I thought you guys might need these." He tossed a bag towards Jeff, who caught it and looked inside.

"Phones?"

The boy nodded. "They're going to want to confiscate your phones, so give them the decoys and you should be right. My name's Scott, by the way."

Blaine stood, covering the introductions. Nick nodded politely when he was introduced, raising his hands to catch a phone that Jeff lobbed his way. "If you don't mind me asking, how did you know to bring decoy phones?"

Scott laughed, moving over to sit next to Jeff. "This is my fifth straight camp. My parents can't quite accept, after coming back four times to my boyfriend, that I actually am gay. So this time they sent both of us - got no idea how they convinced James's parents to send him, but they did. So now I get to be here with my boyfriend, can't really see why they thought this would be _worse._"

"So.. you know what's going to happen to us here?" Jeff asked hesitantly, leaning forward slightly. "I didn't learn much, apart from it being a safe environment for us to 'rediscover ourselves'."

Scott snorted. "Safe environment? Did any of you read the waivers your parents signed?" All three boys shook their heads. "Right, let me break it down for you. Basically, in their attempts to make us 'see the light'," Scott drew quotation marks in the air with his fingers, "the staff here are allowed to do _anything._"

Nick frowned. "How bad is 'anything'?"

"Let's see. Counseling is basically mind rape. They can feed you whatever crap they like and expect you to take it. On the topic of feeding, the food here is terrible, so if you get really hungry we've got a proper stash hidden in our room. Anyway, wrong behaviour - such as kissing, hand holding, talking about other guys in a way that may be deemed 'gay', or basically anything most of us do on a day-to-day basis - all of that is prohibited and punishable."

"What kinds of punishments are we talking?" Blaine asked, twisting his fingers together nervously. Nick felt his heart racing, wondering just what his parents had signed him up for.

Scott grimaced. "Taking away meals and other so-called privileges is usually the first step. Then there's Isolation - twenty four hours alone in a small room is enough to make you say whatever you want to just get out of there, so do your best not to end up there. They usually save that for the 'worse' offenses though, so me and James are gonna end up there at least five times this camp."

"Why?" Nick couldn't help but ask.

"Because we're not sitting down and taking their crap. My first two camps, I was a good boy who played by all the rules. The last two, I got so sick of it and just rebelled, which is where I found out all of the good tricks and how to use them - especially how to pass the time in Isolation without going crazy, which I'll let you know if you need it. And now that James is here, he's agreed that it's really time to shake things up."

Jeff looked somewhere between stunned and amused. "What exactly are you going to do?"

Scott laughed, and Nick couldn't stop himself from smiling. The boy seemed to grow on people quickly. "A hell of a lot of PDA for a start. I'm refusing my counseling sessions, and group therapy's gonna be a blast, let me tell you that."

"Is there anything else we need to know?" Blaine still looked concerned, running his hand over his hair. Nick winced, wondering how he could handle a hand full of gel like that.

"They do a dance in the second last week, bring in a whole lot of girls from a local summer camp and turn a blind eye to anything that goes on - anything that isn't gay, that is." Scott shook his head, clearly remembering some of the other dances. "I've seen too many guys turn at that thing, so watch each other's backs, alright?" Nick nodded, along with the others. Scott stood, grabbing the bag of phones. "Well, I'd better go hand the rest of these out. Nice to meet you all, and good luck." As he reached the doorway, Scott turned. "Oh, and keep an eye out at dinner. We plan to start this thing with a show."

Blaine chuckled fondly as the boy left. "Man, he reminds me of Kurt so much."

"Are you going to be lovesick this whole camp?" Nick bit out before he could stop himself. Jeff turned to him incredulously and he lowered his head, feeling properly chastised without a word from the other boy. "Sorry," he murmured. "That was out of line."

"It's alright, I know what you're saying." Nick glanced up, confused. _Does he really? _"And I'm afraid the answer will be yes. I need to keep reminding myself of Kurt to get through."

"That's fine," Jeff chipped in, shooting Nick a warning glance that he didn't need. "Better do a good job at keeping our real phones hidden then."

A loud bell sound rang out across the camp, making Nick jump. "Guess that's dinner," he remarked, grabbing the decoy phone and standing. The other boys followed and they left their room, following the other boys across to the large hall standing in the middle of the campsite.

"Strange," Jeff commented as they entered, looking around the room. "It's set out like this camp was supposed to have at least fifty people here."

Blaine nodded, taking a seat. "Maybe people have realized that forcing their kids to come to things like this isn't exactly the right way to show love."

Nick murmured his agreement as he sat next to Blaine at one of the round tables near the middle of the room. Other boys were filling up the other tables, so far all seeming to stick with their cabin mates. Nick saw Scott enter the room, holding hands with a boy who Nick presumed was James. They took the table next to them and Scott leaned over to make the proper introductions. James, it turned out, was almost exactly like Scott. "Going to make this camp realize they can't mess with Scames!"

Jeff looked at him curiously and Nick rolled his eyes. "They have a couple name," he whispered to the blonde boy who immediately bit back a laugh.

"Welcome, boys!"

The room silenced instantly as the director entered the room, standing in front of a large window that Nick assumed held the kitchen. "Good to see you all again. For those who have forgotten, my name is Ms. Taylor and I am your camp director." She gestured across the room and two women and two men made their way over, standing next to her. "These are your counsellors, the ones who will be calling you up on your misbehaviour and making sure everything stays in line; Jessica, Stephen, Zach and Alana. Do get to know them, I'm sure you'll all be great friends!"

"I really doubt that," Blaine muttered quietly. "They remind me of my bullies."

Nick couldn't help but agree - the counsellors looked anything but friendly. Turning to Jeff to see what he thought, he realized that his cabin mate had turned pale and was gripping the table. "Jeff?"

"I'm fine," Jeff bit out without looking at him. Shrugging, Nick let it go. He had secrets of his own, and he certainly wasn't going to push someone else to reveal theirs, lest he have to do the same.

"Now, it's time to go through the ground rules!" Nick stifled a yawn as he attempted to pay attention, wondering when the food would arrive. "First, we have a variety of different activities and sessions that we will run through over the next four weeks. All of these are mandatory except in the case of illness or a pre-approved waiver signed by your parents stating you are exempt from a particular activity." Nick remembered Scott's comments about bailing on his counselling sessions and wondered how well that would go down. "Second, this is a correctional camp. Therefore, there are certain behaviors that are not acceptable, as you can well imagine. Punishments will be delivered for these behaviors. Third -"

"Excuse me?"

Ms. Taylor's lips thinned. "Yes, Mr. Hamilton?"

Scott stood, Nick turning in his seat slightly to look at him. "What exactly are those behaviors, Ms. Taylor?"

"I think you know full well, Mr. Hamilton, it is your fifth time with us. Now, onto the third -"

Scott cleared his throat loudly. "For the rest of the people here though, who haven't had the privilege of visiting so often. Maybe they need to be filled in?"

Ms. Taylor sighed. "Sit down, Mr. Hamilton. Since you refuse to co-operate, I will inform the rest of the campers that the inappropriate behaviors are kissing, hand holding and intimate touching. So -"

"For example," Scott stood again, this time James standing up with him. "This kind of thing would be inappropriate."

Scott pulled James into his arms and kissed him lightly on the lips. Appreciative noises broke out across the room, Nick shaking his head at the antics of the two boys. A moment later, the two male counsellors were on either side of them, pulling them apart. "Just a demonstration, boys, no need to get antsy," Scott said as he attempted to sit down, the skinhead boy refusing to let him.

"For that, Mr. Hamilton, I believe you need to spend the night in Isolation."

A couple of the teenagers winced, clearly knowing what that was. Scott barely batted an eyelid. "Works for me. I think I've got a snorer in my room anyway, so I'll at least start off the camp on a good night's sleep." Winking at one of the boys across the room, Scott let Zach lead him out of the hall. James was shaking his head as his counsellor allowed him to sit.

"Gentlemen, Mr. Hamilton will also demonstrate our Isolation room. For any particularly serious breaches of the rules, some time alone to think over what one has done will always work wonders, at least in our experiences. Because it is the first night, we will only leave Mr. Hamilton for the next twelve hours, but usually one would be locked in for twenty four. Consider this your warning."

Nick couldn't suppress a shiver at the thought of being locked somewhere, alone. His mind helpfully tried to bring up memories which he quickly repressed. _Not now._

"Tomorrow marks the beginning of our sessions. Our psychologist, Dr. Peterson, will be arriving early tomorrow morning and will begin individual sessions. The first to have one-on-one sessions with the Doctor will be campers Hoffman, Masterson, Hamilton and Anderson. You will be informed of what time your session will be at breakfast tomorrow."

Nick glanced at Blaine who was grimacing. "Great, first off the bat. That's going to be fun."

"The cabins will also combine for group chats -"

Nick heard Jeff snort lightly from beside him. "Read: therapy," he muttered. Nick nodded in agreement, rolling his eyes.

"... Cabin One and Four, Cabin Two and Five and Cabin Three and Six." Ms. Peterson clapped her hands together. "Right! Now that all of that is out of the way, let's have a prayer!"

_Oh...kay?_

"Our Lord and Heavenly Father," began Ms. Peterson, and Nick saw heads begin to be lowered around the room. He did the same, not quite sure what to expect. "We thank You for the opportunity to come together with these young men and help them on their road to recovery and discovery. We pray that they may have open hearts to what they are to learn this month and that they will come away cleaned and revitalized and knowing You. We thank you also for the food we are to receive, may it be blessed to our bodies. In Your precious name, Amen."

Nick raised his head, turning to look at his roommates. Blaine looked bemused; Jeff thoughtful. "And now it is time to eat! Enjoy!"

Relieved murmurs filled the room as the boys stood, heading towards the kitchen. Nick frowned. "Didn't Scott say the food was terrible?" He got his answer a second later as the murmuring changed to annoyance and disgust.

James leant across to them. "I'd invite you to eat with me and Scott, but it looks like I won't be able to get to his food tonight either. I think we're stuck with whatever trash they're trying to make us consume."

Sighing, Nick stood with the other three and they headed over to examine the food. Nick was handed a plate of food that looked about three days old, with something that he presumed was meant to at least resemble a lasagne. "Well, there's one of my favourite dishes ruined," he muttered as he sat back down at the table and poked it lightly.

"Agreed." Blaine wrinkled his nose, grabbing a forkful and tasting it experimentally. "I guess it's food. And if the rest of it's going to be like this, we might want to make sure we don't starve."

Nick forced himself to have a few bites of the food before giving up. The other boys seemed to do the same, until the entire hall was sitting and staring in the direction of the director who was watching them. Still smiling - Nick began to wonder whether she had Botox or something - the woman clapped her hands together. "Well, we've got a big day tomorrow so you'd all better go and get a good night's sleep! Dismissed!"

James sniggered, standing and turning to face the boys. "Well, good to meet you all. Pity we're not in the same therapy group, but I'm sure Scott will give you guys some fun. See you tomorrow, if they haven't thrown me in Isolation before then." With a wave, the boy disappeared, following his cabin mates out of the room.

"That boy is far too cheerful," Jeff muttered as they watched him go. Nick nodded, and the three of them made their way back to their cabin, finding that all the heat had been leeched out of the room in their absence.

Blaine immediately pulled off his shirt, tossing it beside his bed. Nick shrugged and followed suit before turning to see Jeff still standing there, looking slightly awkward. "Want me to kill the lights?" he asked.

"Please," muttered Blaine, crawling into bed. "I don't know why, but I'm dead tired."

Nick switched off the lights, making his way across to his bed. As he settled under the blankets, he could hear the sound of Jeff taking off his shirt and frowned. _Is he just shy, or does he have something to hide?_

"Goodnight guys." Jeff's voice floated across the room quietly.

"Night," Blaine murmured, clearly already half asleep.

Nick listened for a moment, hearing the sounds of Jeff settling into bed. This was the first time he had shared a room with other guys in... well, he couldn't even remember the last time. _This is going to be interesting. _"Goodnight," he whispered into the darkness.

* * *

><p><strong>Next Chapter: Beginning. <strong>


	3. Beginning

****So I hope this almost 8k chapter makes up for the wait! ****

****I'd love to hear your opinions on Nick by the way. I'm not too fond of him right now because he's not exactly being the loveliest of people. If anybody's absolutely hating on him, do tell me ;)****

****To those who have already asked for more Klaine, here's the deal. Yes, you will see (sort of) more of Kurt in the story but he is not a main character. This is a Nick/Jeff centric story and was initially planned to be written without Blaine at all. So please don't get annoyed if you don't see much of Kurt - he has his moments but he is not a main focus. ****

****Disclaimer: I do not own the ideas in this story. I have never been to a 'straight camp' and am therefore not attempting to portray an exact replica of one. I do not own any characters you recognize.****

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

Waking up to the sound of other people talking was something Nick hadn't experienced in a long time and it took a few minutes of trying not to freak out before he remembered where he was - not that that helped much, he just had something else to freak out over instead. But putting on his best nonchalant expression, Nick rolled over and sat up to see Blaine pulling on a shirt and talking to Jeff who was doing his hair in the small mirror that was supplied for them separate to the bathroom. "Oh, Nick. We didn't wake you, did we?"

Nick shook his head before running a hand through his hair self-consciously. Jeff's hair looked impeccable after all and Blaine had clearly applied his gel mask before Nick had woken up. "No, it's all good. Just a bit of a change having people in my room."

"I know what you mean," Jeff said, giving his hair a final flick before turning around. "Did you sleep well?"

And his expression was so friendly that Nick wasn't sure what to do. He gave a noncommittal shrug and pulled himself out of bed, digging through his clothes for something to wear. There was a moment of silence - Nick knowing perfectly well that it was a result of his attitude and not really caring - before Jeff continued to talk. "So are you nervous?"

"A little," Blaine said, tucking his phone under the mattress. "I don't like talking about my past to people who don't get it, and I just know that none of these people do. It's not like they're going to bring in a gay psychologist for us to talk to or someone who actually wants to _help_."

Jeff nodded. "I'm wondering whether they think they're helping or whether they know full well that they're not - oh, are you going to breakfast?"

"Yep." Nick was already out the door before waiting for a response. He knew the polite thing to do would have been to wait for his roommates or at least ask if they wanted to come with him, but he wasn't exactly in the mood to be polite.

Nick knew he had let his guard down yesterday. He had been too friendly and given the boys the impression that he wanted to talk to them and be their friend when, in fact, nothing was further from the truth. Yes, Blaine and Jeff both seemed like really nice guys and under different circumstances Nick knew he would have gotten along with them great, but this wasn't different circumstances. This was now and Nick couldn't do it. Besides, the two seemed to be getting along great without Nick being involved, why would he want to intrude on that when he knew full well how it would end anyway?

Just as he reached the hall, the bell that they had heard last night rang out, making Nick jump again. _Something else to get used to_, he realized as he walked into the hall, expecting it to be empty. Instead he found James sitting there, his feet up on the table. "Hey! Nick… right?"

Nick nodded, realizing he was going to have to sit with James, it would be downright rude not to. He took a seat across from the boy, raising an eyebrow. "Why are you up so early?"

"Waiting for them to let Scott out of Isolation. He should be here any minute now." James checked his watch. Nick saw a brief flash of worry before the usual cocky expression returned to his face and that moment taught him more about the boys than he knew he would learn by talking to them for hours. They both always appeared carefree but Nick knew they cared about each other more than anything and, as much as they bluffed it and said how much fun they'd have stirring things up, Nick knew neither of them wanted to be here at all. He didn't blame them - it couldn't be fun knowing your boyfriend was alone in Isolation.

And then James's face lit up and Nick turned to see Scott entering the room, Blaine and Jeff just behind him. "Told you I'd had a growth spurt, babe," Scott said cheerfully as he slid into the seat next to his boyfriend. "I spent the whole night with my knees under my chin. You owe me a massage."

"I owe you nothing." But James kissed him on the cheek lightly, looking far more relaxed. "How was it?"

Blaine and Jeff had arrived at the table and were sitting down next to Nick who was almost relieved. He had been sure that the two would freeze him out for the way he had acted but they seemed determined to go on like nothing had happened. Even though Nick didn't want to start a friendship, he hadn't been looking forward to a month of silent treatment and his icy countenance thawed a little. _Maybe acquaintances can be alright. It's not like I'll see them after the camp anyway._

"What's to tell?" Scott said and Nick remembered they were still talking about his stay in Isolation. "A small dark box with just myself for company. It is how it sounds."

_Oh god._

Nick immediately tuned the conversation out, thankful for so many years of practicing this skill during family gatherings that were really political pissing fights. Thankfully the other boys were already filing in and Ms. Taylor chose that moment to enter the room and calling all of them to attention. Nick tuned out the obligatory prayer, noticing that none of the other counsellors seemed to be focusing on it or praying either, before being one of the first over to the serving area. Breakfast this morning was cereal, something that was at least edible but not exactly the breakfast of choice for twelve teenage boys. And by the time they had all returned to the table and finished eating, Nick was relieved to find that they were no longer talking about Isolation.

"So what do I have to expect?"

"They'll try to get into your mind. They'll read into everything you say… and everything you _don't _say, more that than anything. Your safest bet is to just say nothing though, don't confirm or deny a thing they say. They'll take you by surprise sometimes and you will respond, I know that. Damage control is your friend."

Blaine bit his lip. "What do I do then?"

"Your dad's a lawyer, I assume you know your rights?" Scott paused, thinking for a second. "In fact, that'll help you. They know he is so they'll have to toe the line when it comes to you. And you," he added, looking over at Nick who suppressed his sigh of relief. "You'll both be fine."

The hall was on the move and Blaine stood, his hands knotted together. "I'd better go. If I don't come back, text Kurt and tell him I love him."

Scott clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Don't sweat it. If you stress too much, they know you have something to hide." Blaine gave him an unconvincing smile before heading in the direction of the counseling room. Scott turned back and caught the look on Jeff's face at the same time Nick did - he looked almost as apprehensive as Blaine. "He'll be fine, promise. And so will you when you go in. Now, do either of you know how to play poker?" Both boys nodded, Nick in confusion. "They give us the first morning off except for those in solo sessions and James is awful at poker, I need some good opponents."

"I'm not _that _bad," James whined, effectively breaking all of the tension that had built from the previous conversation. "But I'm up for a game if you guys are."

Two hours later found the boys in a heated game on the floor of Cabin Four with a large pile of chips between them - real ones at that. Scott hadn't been kidding about his junk food stash and of course Nick found himself spurred on even more to win the game and get something edible. He was just about to play the hand that he knew would win him the game when their door swung open to reveal one of the female counsellors staring at them, her hands on her hips. "Gentlemen?"

Jeff turned white and Nick knew he was probably a similar color since the only thought that was currently running around in his head was _isolation isolation isolation_. But Scott laughed loudly, getting to his feet and wrapping the girl in a hug. "Don't scare the newbies, Alana!"

James joined Scott and held his hand out formally towards the girl. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Scott told me you're the one who made this place bearable the past few times."

"Well since we're both here by coercion, I figured it was only fair." Alana turned to Nick and Jeff who were climbing to their feet. Jeff was still an alarming shade of white and Nick resisted the instinct to take his arm in case he fell over. "Sorry guys, I just couldn't resist. You're not in any trouble, I'm only here because I heard Scott mention poker and I wanted in. And I guess because I'm meant to be checking in on everybody to make sure they're not misbehaving." She made a dismissive gesture as if to say _as if I care. _

Scott snorted. "Okay, 'Lana, you're going to have to explain what's going on here. So far they think you're pure evil like the others."

"Oh, of course." Alana took a seat on Blaine's bed, absently fiddling with strands of her long blonde hair. "Basically I don't approve of this camp in the slightest, Mom just forces me to come here every year and help her out. Because of that, I rebel under the radar and help you guys out, make sure you don't get into trouble and all that."

Nick raised an eyebrow, dubious. "How do we know we can actually trust you?"

Alana shrugged. "You don't. And I understand that you probably won't and that's okay. Hopefully you'll see it over time though - even though I have to act a certain way when I'm with the others, I don't think like that. I don't have a problem with you guys and who you like… quite the opposite."

"Still waiting until college?" Scott asked sympathetically, sitting next to the girl and putting a hand on hers. "I don't know how I could do it if I were in your shoes."

Nick frowned and was about to ask when Jeff beat him to the punch, clearly well ahead in what was going on. "You're… are you a lesbian?"

"I think I'm bisexual actually but yes. Of course I couldn't tell my mother or she'd be sending me to a camp like this. Or locking me in a closet."

Nick fought back a shudder and quickly latched on to something else to think about. "Your mother, is that Ms. Taylor?"

Alana nodded. "That's her. And before you ask about the Ms. thing, yes she did have me out of wedlock and still thinks she's allowed to preach at others on the 'right' thing to do in a relationship." Pulling a phone out of her pocket, Alana checked the screen and sighed. "Speak of the devil, she wants me to prepare the group therapy rooms. Good luck with that by the way."

Accepting hugs from Scott and James, the girl quickly made her way out of the cabin. "So, that's Alana," Scott said unnecessarily. "She's the only one like that so don't try to make friends with the others, and don't be friendly with her in front of others or you could cost her a lot more than a job." Jeff and Nick nodded and Scott gestured back to their game. "Right, I believe we were in the middle of something."

The game lasted for another half hour before Blaine appeared looking pissed off. "Bad session?" Scott asked.

"What are you all doing in - oh, I see." Blaine raised an eyebrow at the poker game then sighed. "Yes, awful. I really don't want to discuss it just yet. And Scott, glad you're here, where can I be assured an hour of privacy around this place? I want to call my boyfriend."

"Really, the best I can give you is Isolation. It's a bit creepy first time but nowhere else is going to give you what you need. I'll tell Alana to say she put you in there for an hour if you like?"

Blaine was digging his phone out from under his mattress, the agreed upon hiding spot for the three boys. "I don't even care right now." He turned back around, casting an apologetic look to the others. "Sorry, guys, I know I'm being really rude at the moment -"

"But you need to talk to Kurt," Jeff finished. "It's okay, we understand. Sorry about your session." Nick nodded his agreement to the statement - as much as he didn't want to be friendly, he didn't like seeing anybody that worked up as a result of someone else's words.

"Thanks," Blaine murmured, offering them a smile before following Scott out of the cabin.

They waited a few minutes until Scott returned, allowing them to resume their game. Lunch was fast approaching so after awhile they gave up on poker and ended up eating the rest of the chips, saving a few for Blaine who returned forty five minutes later, looking significantly calmer. "That helped?" Jeff asked, moving over to make a spot for Blaine.

"Loads," he replied, already preoccupied with the idea of edible food. Just as he had finished eating, the bell rang for lunch and a simultaneous groan went around the cabin. "Well, at least we got something to eat!" Blaine said happily, clearly in a much better mood now.

Scott led the way to the dining hall and Nick watched him nod to Alana subtly who winked back when nobody was looking. He and James made their way over to another table, clearly wanting to get to know everybody in the campsite, and the three boys sat down at their usual table, choosing to forego the camp's choice of lunch considering they had already eaten.

Nick glanced at the two boys who were sitting across from them and resisted the urge to sigh. _How am I supposed to stay unattached this camp when they're both so nice?_

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff.<strong>

"So, group 'chats' now." Blaine drew air quotations, grimacing. "How do you think that'll be?"

There was a thunk as Scott fell into the seat, clearly having given up on his own lunch. "I can tell you. Waste of time usually, except you have me so hopefully you'll get a couple of laughs before they end up kicking me out."

Nick frowned, turning to the boy. "I thought you were bailing on therapy?"

"Solo, yeah. They can play all sorts of mind tricks on you in there. But the group one is fine, it's fun to stir the pot in there." Scott blew a kiss across the room to where James was sitting. "James will do the same in his. And you get to meet my roommates - see if you can get them to talk. I can't."

At that, the room began to disperse with the three boys following Scott through into the next room where there was a circle of chairs in the centre. Another two boys were already sitting in there, and Scott handled the introductions quickly. "Josh, Shane, this is Nick, Jeff and Blaine from over in Four." After all the obligatory greetings, they all sat down, Jeff glancing around the room in interest.

"So, what happens now?"

Scott kicked his feet up on the small table in the middle of the circle and propped his arms behind his head. "Wait. Whoever we've got will show up in a few minutes and then the fun will start. I mean... serious conversing. Of course."

Nick snorted and Jeff couldn't help but grin. But a part of him was beginning to silently freak out about what kinds of topics could come up - the last thing he wanted was the risk of any of his secrets coming to the surface. It would _destroy _him if anybody found out, and he was trying to remember why exactly he had signed himself up for this kind of camp when the door opened.

"Welcome to your first group sharing session."

The boys all quietened as a man entered the room, taking the final empty chair. He looked to be middle aged with hair that was beginning to go white, and was dressed in a full suit despite the humid summer day. But what really caught Jeff's attention was the look in his eyes - definitely not pleasant. "My name is Mr. Everitt and I will be your guidance counsellor for the next four weeks together."

Scott waved eagerly from his seat. "Mr. Everitt! Remember me?"

The distaste on the mans face grew stronger. "Mr. Hamilton. Who could forget? Are you going to cooperate this year?"

Scott appeared to be thinking for a few seconds before shrugging. "We'll just have to wait and see."

"Well, thank you for that input, Mr. Hamilton. May I continue?" Scott gave a lazy nod and Jeff bit his lip to hide a snicker. _This might be more fun than I thought. _"As I said, we will be together for the next four weeks. In this time, we will be discussing different issues as a group relating to the concept of homosexuality, life choices and essentially bettering ourselves - _yes_, Mr. Hamilton?"

"Does that mean you're bettering yourself too, Mr. Everitt?"

Jeff saw the man bite back a sigh. "I will be assisting you boys in bettering yourselves. If we could keep the interruptions to a _minimum _until I call on you?" Scott shrugged again, but Jeff could see there was no way that the boy was going to make this easy. "Alright. So today we will be starting off slow and just talking about each of you in general. So we'll go around the circle and everybody will say their name, where they've come from, why they are here and what they hope to gain from this experience." He gestured to the boy to his right - Josh, if Jeff remembered right. "You first."

"My name is Joshua Gibson," he began quietly, and Jeff could immediately tell that he wasn't a public speaking kind of person. "I'm from Worthington and I go to Worthington Christian School. I'm here because my grandparents aren't okay with who I am - I live with them," he added in response to the confused look Scott was giving him. "And what I hope to gain... I don't know." He shrugged. "Come back to me on that."

"Very good," Mr. Everitt said without smiling. "But saying that homosexuality is 'who you are' is a statement we aim to work on eradicating. Next?"

All eyes turned to Shane. "Shane Indrum. Mansfield. Parents signed me up, so here I am. I hope to get this over with so I can go back to the rest of my summer." With that, the boy resumed looking at his shoes. Clearly he had no interest in being there any more than the rest of them and wasn't going to pretend.

After an awkward silence, Mr. Everitt cleared his throat. "We will also work on communication skills. After all, if you don't talk about it, you can't fix it."

"That's the motto!" Scott chimed in, flashing his grin around again and immediately lightening the tension in the room. He sat forward, surveying the group properly. "I guess I'm next, although if you don't know me by now then I'm clearly not doing my job. Scott Hamilton, the proud product of Cridersville which is the outskirts of Lima for anybody who hasn't heard of us yet." Jeff noticed Blaine look up curiously at that and wondered what the significance was. "I go to Shawnee High School... and I'm sure they love me. They all act that way of course." He rolled his eyes exaggeratedly. "And why I'm here? Well, this is Summer Camp for me! Haven't missed one in five years!"

Blaine laughed out loud at that before quickly stopping at the look he was given by the counsellor. "Hey, he's allowed to laugh. I am a pretty funny guy… and I'm here all summer!" Scott made a drumming motion with his hands.

"To wrap it up, Mr. Hamilton?"

"Oh, of course. You guys probably want a chance to talk." Scott leaned back in his seat. "Well, I hope to learn how to convince these guys that gay is okay. If not, I just hope to enjoy the quality time I'm going to get with my boyfriend. We don't normally live together after all." And with that, Scott kicked his feet back up and turned to Blaine. "You're up, my gel-obsessive friend. Hold on," he quickly leaned across Blaine to stage whisper to Jeff. "Dude. You have awesome hair. What are you doing letting him walk around like -"

"_Thank you_, Mr. Hamilton."

Blaine smiled and shook his head, touching his hair self consciously. Jeff made a note to ask about the excessive use of product when they got back to the room. "Hi, I'm Blaine Anderson. I spend most of my time at Dalton Academy in Westerville, where I board, but my family lives in Chillicothe. Don't ask me why, when my father spends most of his time here in Westerville fighting with Nick's dad." Nick smirked at this and Jeff couldn't help but feel slightly left out. He pushed past the feelings, reminding himself that so far Nick had been standoffish and any chance for the other boy to actually start seeing them as friends would be good.

"My parents didn't take too well to me bringing my boyfriend home," Blaine continued, his eyes glazing over a little in the familiar way that Jeff knew meant he was thinking of Kurt, "so they decided to send me here to save the shame on the family name and all that. What I really want to get out of this is some new friends, and I'm getting that already."

Blaine turned to smile at Jeff and Nick. Jeff offered him a smile in return before figuring it was better to just get things out of the way. "Well, I'm Jeff Sterling. I -"

"Excuse me, Mr. Everitt?"

Jeff froze mid-sentence as Zach entered the room. "Mr. Musgrove wanted me to check whether you needed one of the counsellors sitting in on your session. I volunteered."

_Breathe, Jeff. It's alright. _Clenching his fists into the sides of his chair, Jeff forced himself to not make eye contact with the counsellor, staring down at his shoes instead.

"No, I think we're fine here, thank you." The man made a shooing motion with his hands, clearly not above bossing around the other counsellors. Zach shrugged and left. "Mr. Sterling. Please continue."

Jeff took a deep breath, forcing himself to stay calm and not show the panic on his face. _You're safe. _"I'm from Newark, but I'll be living in Westerville next year when I transfer to Dalton as well." He glanced out the corner of his eye to see Blaine smiling at that and allowed himself to relax again. "I'm actually here by choice, my parents had hoped that this camp would help me figure out who I am. Which, I guess, is what I hope I'll get out of it, but I'm fairly confident I know myself anyway."

"Well, we'll see how things work out." Mr. Everitt steepled his fingers on his knees. "Final one?"

"My name is Nick Duval." Jeff frowned as Nick began to speak. The boy sounded like he was presenting a speech for a class rather than talking about himself, and Jeff couldn't help but wonder whether the boy had some masks up that were like his and what that would mean if he did. "I'm from Westerville, and attend Westerville High currently. My father signed me up when I came out to him last week. I don't really want to learn anything from this." Jeff could see Scott frowning and knew the redhead had picked up the same vibes from Nick - there was clearly something beneath the surface that hadn't been dealt with. But Jeff really couldn't preach, his own issues were still sky high.

"Alright, well now that we know each other a little better, let's get on with our session." Mr. Everitt shuffled a few papers on the table in front of him. "We'll focus on the main theme between all of you, which is, of course the homosexuality issue. What I would like to begin with is asking whether any of you can pinpoint where your decision to affirm yourself as a homosexual began?"

Jeff was still trying to work out what the man was on about when Scott spoke up. "Guys, what he's asking is when we realized we were gay. Except he's not allowed to ask it that way because they're not allowed to believe we're gay here."

For once, Mr. Everitt didn't argue with Scott's contribution, and Jeff figured he was doing his best to ignore the boy. A few moments of silence later, Blaine spoke up. "Well, I think I figured it out when I was about twelve. Mainly when other guys were looking at girls and I didn't look at them the same way."

A general murmur of agreement ran through the group. "Thirteen for me," Josh chipped in quietly. Shane nodded, muttering something that sounded like an agreement.

"I've always known," Scott said. "It was just about accepting it."

"Same," Jeff said, feeling a sense of relief rush though him. He had been so paranoid that this group therapy thing would leave him as an outcast as he had been the rest of his life. To find that these other boys _understood _where he was coming from was probably one of the most helpful things Jeff thought he could get out of the camp. Nick was also sitting up a little bit straighter, and Jeff could see a thoughtful expression on his face. A second later it disappeared, and Jeff could almost watch the mask slot back into place. _What's he hiding? _he wondered to himself, briefly considering whether it could be on the same level as his own... _no, stop._

"For those of you who can put an age to it, what was happening in your life at that point?"

Again, it took a period of silence before someone spoke up. "Starting high school?" Josh offered. "Nothing out of the ordinary other than that."

Apparently that was the wrong answer. "The opinion of this camp is that your feelings of sexual preference towards men are based on events that happened triggering this. It may have been an encounter with a male, favorable or not. You may have felt isolated and wanted attention in whatever way you could get it. But something has happened to cause you to feel this way, and our job here is to get to the bottom of it."

Jeff fought really _really _hard to keep his jaw from dropping. _They can't be serious! _

"I kissed a girl for the first time when I was twelve and it was gross. Does that count?"

Mr. Everitt frowned. "No, Mr. Duval, that isn't necessarily the types of events I'm -"

"But you see," Nick said, overriding the man, "it seems to me that these kinds of things are _exactly _what shape us into being gay. The things that turn us _away _from girls and towards guys, not negative stuff that could trigger off some feelings of neglect or whatever."

Nick's tone was light and calm, but Jeff saw the way his knuckles were turning white and knew something had hit a sore spot for Nick. "I agree," he said, wanting to help the boy as much as he could. "It's not like I _chose _to like the guys at my school, none of them were exactly accepting of me being gay. If I could have chosen at that point, I would have chosen girls. I wouldn't now, though."

Scott leaned over to fist-bump him, Jeff rolling his eyes as he did so. "Finally, some people who speak their minds!"

"I wouldn't be too hasty to congratulate them, Mr. Hamilton. After all, we know where speaking your mind has gotten _you _landed in the past." Mr. Everitt was staring at them, his eyes cold, and Jeff understood the silent threat in his words. _Speaking your mind isn't a good thing. Do it and you end up in trouble._

The silence grew tense again before the main finally continued speaking. "Well, that's something else we'll have to do some hard thinking about. I can guarantee if everybody thinks about it long enough, an event will spring to mind. No matter how small, there is always a trigger. Ten minutes reflection."

Jeff blinked at the man a couple of times before realizing that they were meant to be thinking. _Honestly, this is stupid, _began his thought process instead. _There's no way an event from my past could have triggered this. The main events of my past happened __after__ I realized I was gay. _And with that thought, the memories immediately began to flood his mind. Jeff's breathing grew shallow and he twisted his fingers in his sleeves, willing himself out of them, to think of something else, anything...

Opening his eyes with a gasp, Jeff immediately looked around to make sure nobody had noticed his almost panic-attack. Most of the others were lost in thought, but Scott was watching him, looking concerned. Jeff plastered a smile on, but it wasn't enough, he could tell.

_You okay_? Scott mouthed to him after checking that Mr. Everitt was otherwise occupied. Jeff nodded quickly, and Scott stared at him for a few more seconds before shaking his head. _No, you're not. I'll talk to you afterwards._

Jeff began to silently argue, but Scott was already looking away and Jeff knew it wasn't up for discussion. Somehow in a few minutes this one person had discovered that he was hiding something, and that almost freaked him out more than the memories. He knew he could keep things a secret if he wanted - somehow Scott didn't seem like the type who would really push an issue - but for some reason he felt like he might be able to trust the boy.

"Alright, has anybody thought of anything?"

Looking around, Jeff saw everybody else shaking their heads and followed suit. He hadn't exactly followed the exercise properly, but he didn't buy into any of the crap this man was spouting anyway.

Unfortunately that didn't seem to deter the man at all. "Well, you'll all just have to keep thinking. Our next session together is in three days, by then I would like something from each of you, as well as a pivotal event from your childhood." Picking up his papers from the table, Mr. Everitt stood. "You're dismissed to dinner."

"Great session, Mr. E!" Scott jumped to his feet, holding his hand out to the man who ignored him. "See you in three days!"

The second Mr. Everitt left, Blaine burst into laughter that he had clearly been holding in for most of the session. The others joined in, Jeff attempting to do the same. "Wow, what a load of crap!" Nick exclaimed, shaking his head. "This is just ridiculous."

"It gets worse," Scott said, chucking an arm around Jeff's shoulder. "At least you guys look like you're going to make it interesting. Dinner?"

The small group headed back through to the dining hall where the rest of the groups were slowly trickling in. Ms. Taylor was standing out the front, her usual chirpy smile in place and Jeff couldn't help but wonder what exactly this woman was on to make her so happy all the time. When everybody was in, Jeff obediently bowed his head as she rattled out some kind of prayer, noting that she was possibly the only one to push the religious angle around here.

That night's meal was apparently supposed to be spaghetti bolognese. "It looks more like soup," Nick commented as they returned to their table with their plates. "Soup... with chunks of what's meant to be meat. And a couple of pieces of pasta. Fan-freaking-tastic."

"Once again, something else that will only get worse." Scott and James joined them, sitting as close together as they could on the bench. "This one is at least edible so I suggest you eat as much of it as you can."

Taking his advice, Jeff did his best to eat as much of the meal as he could, but still gave up halfway through, as did the others. He noticed Scott's attention was on him most of the time, the boy leaning over to whisper something in James's ear before standing. "I think you guys need chocolate. Jeff, come with me and I'll load you up. I wanted to talk to you anyway."

Jeff knew what was coming. "Alright," he agreed quietly, watching as Scott kissed James on the cheek before dragging Jeff out of the room as Jessica honed in on them, clearly ready to make her authority known if necessary. Instead of heading to one of the rooms, Scott led him over towards one of the small rooms at the edge of the camp. Jeff had noticed them on the way in but still didn't know their purpose. "What are they for?" he asked Scott, indicating to the building.

"That's Isolation. One of two, the other one is over there." Scott pointed across towards Cabin One. "Hopefully you won't end up in either." He dropped down onto the ground, gesturing for Jeff to join him. "Okay, you. Talk to me."

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

"Where do you think he is?"

Nick looked up from his notebook, frowning. Blaine had his phone in one hand - clearly he had been texting Kurt - and was glancing over at Jeff's bed. "I mean, I know he was talking to Scott but it's been _hours._"

"Maybe they have more in common than we realized." Nick shrugged and went back to writing. As awful as it sounded, he really wasn't too bothered by it. He wasn't pretending to call Jeff a friend at this point in time and if Jeff wanted to hang out with other guys, then so be it. Plus, when Blaine said hours, he only meant two. All Nick wanted was a little peace and quiet to do some journalling.

Blaine nodded, still looking thoughtful. "Oh, hey, you know you can get in huge trouble if they find you with that, right?"

"I know." Nick made a face at the stupid rules of the camp. "No personal journals. Which is why I'm keeping it under my mattress. With four counsellors full time, I don't think they'll have the time to worry about room checks."

"You have to wonder why they don't have more." Blaine was still glancing over at Jeff's bed before looking back at Nick. "Sorry, you probably want to focus and..." his phone buzzed. "Oh, and there's Kurt." Blaine's eyes dropped back to his phone with a soft smile and he began to text.

Nick wrote a couple more lines before capping the pen and tucking the notebook back under his mattress. "So," he said, stretching out on the bed and staring up at the roof, "you looked like you recognized something when Scott talked about where he came from." Once again, he berated himself for giving in to small talk but he was _bored_. Besides, he could just put an end to it if he needed to.

"Oh yeah." Blaine dropped the phone next to him. "Kurt's from Lima. I thought I'd check whether they knew of each other. They don't," he added, "but Kurt said he'll keep an eye out when the camp's over."

"Tell me about him?" Nick found himself asking before he could stop himself. Since Blaine was the first guy he had really met - apart from Scott and James of course - he wanted to know what it was like. So despite his choice not to get involved in the lives of others, he had to ask.

Blaine's face lit up straight away. "I - I couldn't even begin to describe him." The boy struggled with his words for a few seconds before grabbing his phone. "I could call him?"

Nick thought about it for a few seconds. He really wasn't _that _interested in meeting Blaine's boyfriend, but he looked so excited at the prospect of talking to Kurt that Nick couldn't say no. "Sure."

Punching in a number, Blaine put the phone on loudspeaker. The sound of ringing filled the room before a voice broke through. "Blaine?"

"Hey baby. How are you?" Nick couldn't help but smile at the change in Blaine's voice. The love was practically seeping out of his words, like Kurt was his everything. But the twinge of bitterness was snapping at the back of his heart, putting a dull edge on the conversation. _I've never had that, and I probably never will. _

"I'm good, honey, how are you?" The responding voice was practically angelic in nature, and Nick found himself wondering how this boy would sing, immediately classing him as a possible countertenor.

Blaine gestured for Nick to join him as he replied. "Well, I've been better, talking to you helps of course. But before I whinge about my day, there's someone I want you to meet."

Nick knew this was his cue. "Hi, Kurt. My name's Nick... I'm one of Blaine's roommates."

"Oh, hi Nick!" Kurt's voice was overwhelmingly cheerful. "Nice to meet you. I'd ask how you were, but I get the feeling you're not going to be fantastic either. I'm so sorry you're stuck there too."

_Wow... he's genuine. _"Thanks, Kurt," Nick murmured, suddenly feeling a little overwhelmed. The fact that one person who he had only been talking to for less than a minute could make him feel so cared for was... well, it made his head spin a little and threatened to let out some emotions that he quickly contained. _Not now._ "So the reason Blaine called is because I asked him about you and he couldn't describe you."

"Is that so? Well, I'm not any good at describing me either." Kurt laughed. "Okay, well I go to Dalton with Blaine, we've been dating a couple of months now. My Dad's cool with it which is good, it means we have somewhere to go when -" He cut himself off, clearly not sure how much he could say.

"It's alright, Kurt. I told them - oh, hold on." Blaine and Nick turned as the door opened, Blaine hurriedly covering the phone. But it was only Jeff, smiling uncertainly at them with a few bars of chocolate in his hands. "Sorry babe, we thought it might've been one of the counsellors."

Nick knew his eyes were giving him away, but he was a chocolate _freak_. Going without it for the past two days had actually been alright, all up until the second he saw the bars Jeff was holding. Blaine looked at him, then turned to Jeff in mock-fright. "Jeff, give him the chocolate before he hurts someone!" Jeff laughed as he handed over the chocolate, Nick tearing into it without a second thought. It was only when he was halfway through it that he realized that Jeff looked far more relaxed than he had during their session and figured talking to Scott had helped with whatever was going on with the boy.

"Blaine, do I get an introduction?" Kurt's voice came back across the line making Jeff jump slightly. "I presume someone named Jeff just walked in?"

Blaine rolled his eyes fondly. "Jeff, this is Kurt, my boyfriend."

Nick watched Jeff's eyes light up. "Kurt, hi! We've heard so much about you."

Kurt laughed. "All good things, I hope?"

"Babe, you know I wouldn't tell them stories like the time you thought your dad didn't know you were gay and you -"

"Hey!" Kurt's voice cut him off. "I told you that in confidence!" But his voice was light and teasing and Blaine was smiling. "And here Blaine was just telling Nick that he doesn't know how to describe me and… oh, right, I was talking about me. My favourite subject. Anyway, I'm in the Warblers with Blaine - that's our show choir - and I sing countertenor when Blaine isn't stealing all of the solos."

Blaine rolled his eyes again, clearly used to hearing this. "Blaine, you sing?" Jeff asked in surprise, Nick echoing the sentiment. He _loved _singing and to know that his roommate was, by the sound of it, the lead soloist for his show choir… well, that would just make it harder for Nick to keep his distance. But the small traitorous part of him was waiting, hoping that Blaine would say yes, that he could have someone else who understood his love of music.

"Are you serious?" Kurt sounded incredulous. "You mean he hasn't spent the entire time singing? I can't get him to _stop _normally!" His voice dropped to a mock-whisper. "He thinks serenading is romantic and I haven't got the heart to tell him that it was only romantic the first time, not the _fiftieth._"

Nick couldn't help but laugh, receiving a slightly surprised look from Jeff in response. _I guess I deserve that. _"Why haven't we heard you sing?" Jeff asked Blaine who actually looked sheepish.

"It usually gets to the point where I drive people away with my incessant need to sing. I kind of didn't want to give you guys the wrong impression."

Kurt was laughing on the other end but Jeff was looking at Blaine contemplatively. "I guess we're in the same boat on that one. I sing as well."

A couple of sets of raised eyebrows later and the boys were turning to Nick, clearly wondering whether he was in the same boat. _Now's your chance… you don't have to be the outsider, you can tell them that… _"No, I don't. Not - not much."

"Oh well, two out of three 'aint bad," Blaine half-sang, before turning his attention back to Kurt. But Jeff continued to look at Nick who shifted uncomfortably under the attention because somehow Jeff _knew _that Nick wasn't being honest. Luckily he didn't have to worry about it for long because the sound of footsteps could be heard making their way towards their room. "Kurt, babe, someone's coming," Blaine whispered before ending the call and chucking the phone under his mattress. The three boys immediately jumped into action and were getting ready for bed by the time their door opened to reveal Jessica.

"Lights out," she said shortly, flicking the switch and shutting the door behind her.

There was a moment of silence and then Blaine laughed. "Well she's just lovely. Can't wait to get to know her better."

Nick sighed, waiting a moment for his eyes to adjust better before getting ready for bed. He heard Blaine duck into the small bathroom attached and figured he was washing out his gel - and if he knew the boy better, he would absolutely call him out on that travesty. Nick might not be overly appearance conscious but no teenage boy should plaster his hair down like he's going to a business meeting every day and Nick was surprised that Jeff hadn't said anything, considering how much attention he seemed to pay to his hair.

_You're overthinking again, _he told himself sternly and climbed into bed, turning resolutely towards the wall and attempting to go to sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>Next Chapter: Shaken.<strong>


	4. Shaken

**The sections are a little uneven in this one, but that's going to happen from time to time in this story, depending on where my focus mainly needs to be. Plus, Nick was giving me grief so I just wanted to get him written without going in to too much detail.**

**Brace yourselves. We're going to learn a bit about Jeff today.**

****Disclaimer: I do not own the ideas in this story. I have never been to a 'straight camp' and am therefore not attempting to portray an exact replica of one. I do not own any characters you recognize.****

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff.<strong>

When Jeff woke to find himself curled into a ball at the foot of his bed, he wasn't at all surprised. The nightmare was already fading from his mind as per usual and he stretched out properly before freezing as he remembered where he was. Nonchalantly, he glanced across to the other two beds. Blaine was still fast asleep, phone clutched in his hand, and Jeff had to smile as he realized that the boy had probably been texting Kurt half the night. But as he glanced over to Nick's bed, he realized the other boy was awake and was looking away as if he had been watching Jeff.

_Well, crap._

Jeff had wanted to conceal the presence of his nightmares for as long as possible from the other boys. He already knew he didn't scream or cry when he had them - even if he was doing so in the dream state - but Nick had almost definitely noticed his sleeping position. That said, Nick hadn't exactly been the most pleasant of people to room with so Jeff could only hope that he wouldn't say anything about it. It certainly didn't look like he was going to.

Sighing, Jeff swung himself out of bed and grabbed his hair care products and a change of clothes, slipping into the bathroom. He dressed quickly, thanking whoever created the camp once again for including the bathrooms in the rooms instead of across the campsite, before beginning the long process of styling his hair. By the time he was finished, he could hear the sound of Blaine stirring back in the bedroom and realized the other boy probably wanted the bathroom. As that thought occurred, another hit that left Jeff smirking. Yesterday morning, Blaine had already been up by the time Jeff woke and his hair had been gelled down as usual. This morning, however, Jeff would get to see whatever it was that Blaine was hiding behind the helmet.

With that thought in mind, Jeff quickly swung open the door, only to have his thoughts derailed as he took in Blaine, standing beside his bed with no shirt on. Jeff allowed himself a few seconds to stare, realizing that he _could_. Yes, Blaine had a boyfriend and he probably wasn't Jeff's type anyway, but Jeff didn't have to feel like he was committing a crime if he checked another guy out. Plus, Blaine was kind of _hot_.

"Morning, Jeff," Blaine said cheerfully, grabbing a shirt out of the pile he had pulled out of his drawer and holding it up against his body. "Does this look okay? Kurt usually judges my outfits on presentability."

Jeff stifled a laugh. "It's a black t-shirt, Blaine. I don't think you can go wrong with that."

It was only when Blaine had pulled the shirt on that Jeff remembered the reason he had rushed out so quickly and eyed up Blaine's hair. The second he did, he was searching for Blaine's gel, catching the other boy's attention. "What are you doing?"

"Looking for your gel so I can burn it," Jeff said quickly.

Blaine self consciously raised a hand to the mess of curls on top of his head, tugging at one. "Come on, this looks awful!"

Jeff paused and slowly turned to the boy, raising an eyebrow. "And wearing a mask of gel doesn't?"

"It's better than this," Blaine said, his tone suddenly defensive. He brushed past Jeff into the bathroom, shutting the door quickly only to reopen it a few seconds later. "That was rude, sorry. I'd just rather not discuss my hair." Jeff nodded and Blaine smiled sheepishly before closing the door again. Honestly, he had no idea what the deal was but decided to let it go. After all, Jeff had his own secrets and he certainly wasn't going to try and make Blaine relinquish his.

Nick had gotten ready when Jeff was in the bathroom and was already heading out the door. Jeff didn't try to stop him this time but watched him go curiously, wondering what was going on with him. Sometimes he would seem like he wanted to be friends and join in with conversations, but then a mask would snap into place and he would shut everybody out. Usually Jeff would leave it, but for some reason he was too curious to let this one go. He wanted to crack the mystery that was Nicholas Duval and work out what it was that he was hiding from the world.

_Maybe it's because you can relate to him just a little too well -_

_Stop it, _Jeff told himself firmly, crossing to his bed and digging his phone out from under the mattress. He had another text from his mom and smiled ruefully at it, pressing his fingers to the _xx _at the end before putting the phone back. He would reply to it later.

The bathroom door opened and Blaine emerged again, smiling as usual. "Oh, did he leave already?" he asked, nodding over at Nick's bed, and Jeff nodded. "What's the go? Do you think we did something to make him feel uncomfortable?"

"No, I don't think so. I think there's just something going on with him personally, or maybe he just really hates it here."

Blaine nodded. "I don't blame him, I kind of hate it too. No offense to you guys but if it weren't for Kurt, this would royally suck."

Jeff shrugged, trying not to show Blaine that the words had actually stung a little. _I'm never going to be enough for anybody, _he reminded himself once again._ Not really_.

"It must be nice, having a boyfriend," he said instead before jumping as the breakfast bell rang out.

"Sometimes," Blaine said once the last chimes had finished ringing out over the campsite, heading for the door. "I mean, I'd wouldn't trade Kurt for the world and I love him to pieces, but sometimes it really sucks because we're two guys in love in _Ohio_. We can't be a 'normal' couple here, all of our dates are either coffee dates or group dates because we can't go to a restaurant and ask for dinner for two without a huge struggle and probably making a scene." Blaine held the door open for Jeff before closing it behind them. "But the actual 'having a boyfriend' that I know you were alluding to? Yes, it is great."

Jeff ducked his head a little, trying not to draw attention to himself even though they were the only people there and of course Blaine would be watching him. "You and Kurt look very happy together."

Blaine stopped walking and Jeff followed suit, frowning at him curiously. "Hey, your day will come, you know?" Blaine said softly. Jeff bit his lip, trying to keep his emotions back because _damn it all _if Blaine hadn't just gotten right into his head. "I was in your shoes just a few months ago, feeling like I'd be alone forever and all that. But you won't be, okay?"

Jeff put on his best brave face and smiled, nodding his agreement even though he _knew _Blaine was wrong. Because if someone ever got close enough to Jeff that he would give them his heart, they would have to know _everything_, and nobody could love him when they found out the truth about his life. He wasn't that naive.

Blaine smiled back, putting a hand on his shoulder gently. Jeff resisted the urge to flinch. "Come on, let's go get breakfast and find that elusive roommate of ours."

The scene was almost identical to the previous morning except this time Nick was seated with both Scott and James, leaving Jeff to wonder whether he chose to sit with them or they singled him out. Deciding it was best not to think about it, Jeff took a seat on the other side of Blaine who had cheerfully plonked himself down next to Nick. "Good morning everybody!"

Scott grinned at them, always one to match Blaine's enthusiasm. "Jeff, Blaine, good morning. Are we ready for a fun-packed day of activities?"

"Activities?" Jeff asked, already hesitant. He hadn't thought to do his research before he came and was definitely coming to regret that considering the small amount he had seen in the past few days. Jeff knew there was plenty more to come and was beginning to wonder whether he was actually strong enough to endure the camp or whether it would be better off requesting his parents to come and pick him up.

Scott seemed to pick up on his worries. "A lot of it is about teaching us to be 'real men'," he said, using air quotes and rolling his eyes. "So I think today is mainly about sports and competitiveness and all that crap you can still easily do as a gay man. And we have a hike in two days time."

"Great," Nick muttered under his breath, Jeff raising his eyebrow in response. Not that the boy was actually looking at any of them, instead staring down at the table like it held the answer to all of life's great mysteries. But Jeff's reaction, although internalized, was very similar, because hiking meant getting hot and getting hot meant rolling up sleeves and _no way _was that going to happen and this was just going to _suck_. _Maybe I can fake sick, _he thought to himself, beginning to mentally weigh up his options. One thing was for sure though: he was _not _going to wear a short sleeved shirt, no matter how much attention that would draw to himself. In fact, Jeff didn't even think he had packed any.

Ms. Taylor entered the room with a clipboard in hand, calling everybody to attention and cutting Jeff's inner musings short. Alana traipsed in after her, winking at the boys behind her mother's back before dutifully standing to attention and waiting with the other counsellors. "Good morning, boys!" the woman chirped, Jeff wincing at the over-emphasis in her voice. "Let us proceed to eat this food that the Lord has given us today, and let it be blessed to us as we embark on our exciting day of self-discovery and enlightenment!" Jeff smirked, knowing that at least one thing every morning could cheer him up a little and that was the ridiculous combination of characteristics that was Ms. Taylor. Seeing how laid back and comfortable Alana was, it didn't even seem plausible that the two were related.

Jeff joined the throng of boys heading over to collect their food, already prepared for disappointment. And okay, maybe porridge wasn't the worst thing possible but it was definitely high on Jeff's hate list, even though he reluctantly scooped some into a bowl and took it back to the table. As the last of the boys got their breakfast, Ms. Taylor cleared her throat again. "Counseling sessions for today," she read off her clipboard. "Mr. Evans straight after breakfast, Mr. Sterling at ten, Mr. Indrum at one and Mr. Nott at three."

Jeff grimaced, poking at his porridge reluctantly. He had forgotten all about his counseling session and already his heart was beginning to race at the thought of what could be happening. "Blaine, how much do they know about you already before you go in?"

"They knew way too much about me." Blaine ran a hand through his hair absently, an act that never failed to make Jeff shudder, thinking about all the gel that must be coating his hand. "But I think my Dad might have filled them in - I wouldn't put it past him. They knew about Kurt, knew about my life before Dalton... so yeah. But I think it'll be different for you," he added quickly, "because your parents didn't throw you in here."

Jeff nodded, focusing on the plate in front of him and trying to stop his face from going white. The last thing he needed was for somebody here to find out details about his past, or his present for that matter. He quickly pushed the porridge away, already feeling like he might vomit from nerves and really didn't need something to help that process along. "So does that mean I have to do this morning's activities?" he asked as nonchalantly as possible, directing his attention to Scott who was staring at him. Jeff felt the intensity of the stare and realized that Scott had sensed his nervousness once again.

"I don't think so," Scott finally said. "Pretty sure we start at nine and there's no point in you getting all sweaty before you have to go sit in there. At least that's what I'd do if I was going to my counseling sessions." He paused, looking over Jeff's head. "Jessica, my darling. To what do we owe the pleasure?"

Jeff twisted around to see the girl standing in her usual pose, hands on hips and glaring. _I wonder what her story is, why does she hate us so much? _"It's been brought to my attention that you didn't go to your counseling yesterday?"

Scott shrugged. "I had more pressing issues to deal with."

"Like?" There was a moment of silence and Jessica snorted. "I knew it. If I find out you've been playing poker again, I won't hesitate to find a worse punishment for you. For now you can come to Isolation with me." She turned her glare to James who was whistling innocently. "Zach will be escorting you personally to your session to make sure you go."

"Wouldn't dream of missing it," James said cheerfully, clearly throwing Jessica for a loop. "After all," he added, "I'd just _love _to let this guy get to know me."

Scott stood and pressed a kiss to the top of James's head. "See you tomorrow morning," he said before allowing Jessica to take his arm and practically march him out of the dining hall. Jeff watched them go, shaking his head. He had completely forgotten that Scott should have been in his session yesterday and realized that the boy was holding true to his statements at the start of camp - he was definitely going to stir the pot as much as possible.

"Well, here comes my escort," James said, nodding in the direction of Zach who was approaching their table. Jeff quickly looked down at his bowl again, not even caring how disgusting the contents looked because it was better than looking at _Zach_. "See you later, gentlemen."

"I suppose we'd all better head off too," Blaine said after a few moments of silence and Jeff chanced looking up again to see the boy looking at his watch. "Scott said we start at nine and I want to text Kurt quickly before we go." Jeff nodded, standing and pushing the bowl away completely. "You didn't eat anything?" Blaine asked, his voice suddenly full of concern.

Jeff shrugged. "Not big on porridge," he said simply, leaving everything else unsaid. He knew if he began talking about anything else now, he wouldn't be able to hold it together and he had to put a lot of work into keeping his masks strong if he was going to survive this session.

_And not just this session but all of the ones after that, and group therapy, and living with these people every day and not giving in…_

Jeff threw up a wall against the thoughts and focused on the simplest thing he could find - taking steps across the campsite. As long as that was the front of his focus, nothing else could penetrate unless he let it. And by the time they had reached their room, Jeff knew he was as calm as he was going to get, albeit completely fake.

Blaine had pulled his phone out from under the mattress, fingers flying across the screen as he tapped something out to Kurt. "He says hi to you guys," he said absently as he replied, and Jeff smiled.

"Tell him I said hi too."

Blaine nodded, finishing off the text before looking up. "Did Nick actually come back with us and leave really fast or…?"

Jeff glanced around to see that Nick indeed wasn't with them. "Oh, I have no idea," he admitted somewhat sheepishly. "I'm just letting him do his own thing really. I'll be his friend if he wants to be but if he doesn't, that's cool."

"Sounds like a plan." Blaine tucked the phone under his mattress and checked his hair in the mirror before smiling at Jeff. "Well, good luck with counseling. See you after."

Jeff nodded, attempting a smile as Blaine left. "Yeah," he said softly, knowing Blaine couldn't hear him. "Luck. I'll need it."

Alone for the first time in the past few days, Jeff took a moment to stare around the room and properly resign himself to the fact that this was his home for the next few weeks. He shook his head at the mess on Nick's bed and raised an eyebrow at Blaine's which was only slightly better. His side of the room was, of course, immaculate, and Jeff knew it was going to take a bit of getting used to to curb the tendency to clean up the entire room. Maybe Blaine would appreciate it but Nick most likely would not.

Sitting on his bed, Jeff propped his head up in his hands and sighed. "Counseling," he said to himself, beginning to mentally prepare himself. Just as he was beginning to put up the walls over his emotions, he remembered the text from his parents. With a fond smile he dug under the mattress and pulled out his phone.

_Hi, honey. How's the camp going? Remember, we love you. - Mom and Dad xx_

Jeff deliberated for a good ten minutes over what to write. _Camp is awful, get me out of here right now… I'm about to go to counseling and I'm petrified… I don't know how much longer I can hold out without giving in… _

_Hi Mom and Dad. Camp isn't what I expected but it's too early to tell just yet. I've made a few good friends so that's something. I love you too. - Jeff xx_

Jeff couldn't shake the feeling that he had just lied but really, there was nothing else he could say. After everything that had happened that year, his parents were incredibly overprotective and if they got a hint that he wasn't coping well, they would come and get him straight away. And maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing, except Jeff had promised himself that he would stick it out, if only to prove that he could. Plus, it was nice to be able to spend time with some other gay guys, even if the circumstances weren't fantastic. Blaine, Scott and James were all great guys and Nick had the potential to be.

With that out of the way, Jeff began the process of pulling up every mental wall he had created over the past year. It was a strong defense - obviously things still affected him badly, but he could hide it from the people who were hurting him and that was really all Jeff could ask for at this stage of his life. Right now he was too vulnerable to even try to just shake off the words.

_So, of course, this camp is just the best place for me to be. _

Sighing, Jeff stood and began to slowly make his way across the campsite towards the small counseling cabin. As he reached the door, it swung open and James came wandering out, whistling nonchalantly. "Jeff! Your turn for torture, is it?"

"How bad was it?" Jeff asked immediately, his heart beginning to race. If James, one of the most put together guys he had ever met, considered it to be _torture_, how was Jeff going to survive it?

James shrugged. "The guy hates me now, but I couldn't care less about that. I just can't believe I have to do that every five days, and he's going to be out for my blood now." Jeff winced and James must have picked up on it as he added hastily, "But don't sweat it. Just act natural and he'll have no reason to pick on you. I stirred the pot intentionally, you can just fly under the radar."

_I hope he's right, _Jeff thought to himself, only barely resisting the urge to flinch when James pressed a hand to his shoulder briefly before disappearing across the campsite. Steeling himself, Jeff walked up the steps and pushed the door open.

"Mr. Sterling." A tall balding man turned around, neither smiling nor frowning at him. "I am Mr. Peterson, the therapist. Please take a seat."

Jeff sunk into the seat that the man had gestured to, twisting his fingers together as subtly as possible. He was already nervous enough about this, but when the man reached over to his desk and pulled out a file, Jeff began to panic. _He has a file on me? What's in there… where did he get that? Is that from my last counsellor? Can he legally do that? Oh my god, he's going to know everything!_

"Mr. Sterling?"

Jeff forced his attention back to Mr. Peterson who was watching him closely. "Yes, Sir?" he asked, trying to pretend he hadn't just had an internal freak out even though he knew it was pretty much hopeless trying to hide it from a psychiatrist. The man probably saw this happen every single day after all.

But instead of calling him out on it, the man simply scribbled a note in the file which was a lot worse in Jeff's opinion. At least if he had been confronted he would _know _what was going on. "Let's see if we can start this session off on the right foot. Why don't you tell me a bit about yourself?"

"Um," Jeff replied intelligently. "I - I don't really know what to say. I'm Jeff… I'm sixteen years old…" he trailed off, looking for an indication that he was saying the right things, but the doctor's face remained impassive. "I like singing?" he ventured. Clearly this wasn't the sorts of things the man was looking for as his lips pressed together into a thin line, but there was _no way _Jeff was going to sit here and spill his guts about the more personal details of his life. It was hard enough to do that with his first counsellor.

Mr. Peterson sighed. "Well, thank you Mr. Sterling. But as you know, these sessions are designed to talk about things of a more serious nature. Now that we've covered the small talk aspect, shall we get down to business?" Jeff shrugged, eliciting another sigh. "So, Mr. Sterling." The psychiatrist consulted his file before proceeding to make it extremely clear what 'getting down to business' meant around this place. "It says here you've suffered with severe bouts of depression over the past year to the point of attempting to take your own life?"

_How the hell did he find that out?_

Jeff winced, considered lying, then realized there was no way he could make it convincing enough. He was already fighting himself to not hyperventilate anyway. "Yeah. The bullying at my school got really bad and I just couldn't take it anymore. I'm glad I didn't go through with it, though."

"What was the subject of the bullying?"

"My sexuality."

The man nodded, placing the file on the table and staring at Jeff over his glasses. "So, you tried to kill yourself as a result of you considering that you are a homosexual?"

Jeff blinked. "Um, no. No, I tried to kill myself because people hated me for being gay."

"Mr. Sterling. There is no such thing as 'being gay.' There is simply the mindset that we choose, and you have clearly chosen to develop this attraction. And as much as you say that your depression comes down to the bullying, I find myself believing that there is a much deeper cause. The fact that you know the life you are leading right now is wrong, that it's sickening and detestable. And that is why you hurt yourself and tried to kill yourself."

Jeff's jaw dropped, even as he unconsciously pulled at his sleeves, tugging them further down his wrists. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me." The man frowned, leaning further forward. "Do not make me make the point clearer, Mr. Sterling."

Jeff began to take deep breaths, strengthening his masks. He remembered Scott's warnings about therapy all too clearly, but he didn't know what he could do to get out of there. "Yes, sir," he muttered quietly.

"Excellent." Mr. Peterson straightened his papers again, glancing down. "It says here that your parents are accepting of your current lifestyle choices?" Jeff nodded, not trusting his voice. "So that's something you'll need to work on when you've recovered, making sure they don't encourage you back to your old ways." Biting his tongue, Jeff simply raised his shoulders in a gesture that the man could take whichever way he wanted. The therapist's face hardened - clearly he was used to seeing people shut off in this way. "We still have half an hour here, Mr. Sterling, and I would like to discuss this in much greater detail."

Jeff rolled his eyes in response. There was absolutely no way he was going to talk about this further to someone who had _no idea _what was going on in Jeff's mind. It had been hard enough to discuss things with a therapist who actually had his best interests at heart - this man wanted to change Jeff completely and he wasn't going to lie down and take that. Yes, there were things that needed to be changed but not if it resulted in Jeff losing his identity. He would rather die, and coming from someone who had actually _tried_, that was saying something.

"Well, it looks like I have the floor then." Reaching under his desk, Mr. Peterson pulled out another file and opened it, beginning to spread pictures out on the desks. Jeff took one look at them and immediately turned away, squeezing his eyes shut but knowing he would never be able to get the images out of his mind. _That is NOT legal!_ "What you see here is images of other supposedly homosexual teenagers who have taken their lives or attempted to as a result of self-hatred. Would you care to look at them?"

"I think the answer to that is obvious," Jeff bit out, unable to help himself. "_Nobody _would want to look at those, what is _wrong_ with you?"

There was a few seconds of tense silence. "I have given my time to try and help you young men understand that the lifestyles you are living are degrading, destroying and just plain wrong. Someday you will all thank me for the work I have done here because you _will _end up as one of these photos here if you don't listen to my words, Mr. Sterling."

_How dare he!_

Jeff wanted to run out, to run and never stop running until he was home, in bed, safe. But he held his ground, refusing to back down. _It's just one person. You can handle it. It's not like the entire camp knows - out there, you're just another guy. _

And that thought was what kept him grounded. He was finally in a place with people just like him, people who knew what it was like to be hated for something they couldn't control, people who just didn't _care _that he liked guys. As long as those people could keep seeing him as 'just Jeff', there wouldn't be a problem. And he could handle these sessions - no matter how rattled he was feeling right now, all he needed to do was hold out a little bit longer.

So for the rest of the session, Jeff kept his silence. The man prattled on about gay teen suicide rates, triggers of homosexuality, different methods he wanted to try to 'cure' Jeff - which all just sounded _awful _and there was no way Jeff would voluntarily sit down to one of those. And Jeff just stayed silent. Finally, with another long sigh, Mr. Peterson glanced at the clock. "Your time is up, Mr. Sterling. I will see you again in five days time."

Refusing to look at the man, Jeff stood and made his way out the door. As soon as he had left the building, Jeff was heading towards the far end of the campsite. He wasn't sure whether the counsellors were waiting on him to return and couldn't care less - right now he just needed to be as far away from anybody else as he could. Finally finding himself some seclusion, he collapsed against the back of the dining hall and attempted to catch his breath. Jeff could feel himself trembling and knew he was dangerously close to a panic attack. And after fighting himself back into control, Jeff felt the masks break. Dropping his head into his hands, Jeff finally allowed himself to cry.

_You're used to this, _he tried to tell himself. _You've always been alone, you've always been the outcast, this is nothing different, this is just someone else who thinks there's something wrong with you. Deal with it._

Usually this was enough to help Jeff pull himself together, but being at the camp had shown him a couple of things, namely in the form of Kurt and Blaine. Two outcasts, just like himself, who had found each other. When Blaine had come out of his session, Kurt had been the one he had gone to for reassurance, and Jeff knew that was the way their relationship worked. He also knew Blaine had been alone for a long time before he met Kurt - at least that was what he had alluded to - but he had him _now_. Which made Jeff think that maybe it was _him _that was the issue, that his life wasn't normal, that maybe he _should _have someone like Kurt.

But Jeff didn't have Kurt, or anybody like him. Jeff was alone.

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

_Just go after him._

Nick watched Jeff disappear across the campsite before forcibly pulling his gaze away from the boy, turning back to the other guys. Scott, James and Blaine were all talking avidly about something - Nick hadn't been paying attention - as the four left the dining hall. As a result, Nick had been the only one to notice Jeff leaving his counseling session looking an absolute wreck. And something unfamiliar and wrenching had tugged at Nick's heart, telling him that he should just _go_, screw being safe.

But he pushed it aside. _Jeff will be fine, _he told himself as they continued towards the other side of the campsite. _He probably just needs some time alone. You don't even know him and after the way you've been acting, he probably doesn't want to know you. And that's the way you want it. _

"So," he said instead, cutting into the conversation and not really caring. Or at least telling himself he didn't really care. "What's next?"

Scott glanced over, one eyebrow raised in such a manner that Nick felt like he had been burned. _Okay, yeah. I deserve that. _But when the reply came, it was nothing short of friendly. "I think it's basketball this afternoon. You any good?"

Nick raised a shoulder in a half-shrug, zoning out as Blaine resumed their prior conversation of telling the other two boys about Kurt. He suppressed a sigh as the basketball courts came into sight. _First football, then basketball. Great._

Team sports had never really been Nick's thing. In school, he was always picked last or not at all and nobody had really ever made an effort to include him, which left him pretty much standing on the sidelines wondering why he was even bothering to pretend to be a part of the team. And it wasn't that he was bad at sports either, it was just his reputation around school that made people decide he wasn't worth getting to know or involving in a team environment. Maybe part of it was his reluctance to join or try out, but Nick knew what would happen if he did. It was better to stay aloof and pretend you were the one distancing yourself than try to get close and get hurt again. And again, and again.

But those thoughts were better saved for another time when Nick could write them down. For now he pushed them aside and focused on trying to be a part of a team again. When they had played football earlier, there had been an uneven number and Nick had immediately volunteered to sit out, claiming he was awful at the game. But since Shane had gone to his counseling session and Jeff hadn't returned, the numbers had evened out and Nick knew he had no choice but to play. Luckily they were divided down the middle which negated the demeaning process of picking people for teams.

Nick had never been big on basketball. All he knew was that you had to get the ball in the hoop and pass it a lot and it involved teamwork. So immediately the boy knew he was going to be awful at the game, but he hadn't anticipated quite how bad it was going to be.

It all started when Scott had decided to single him out and pass the ball to him as frequently as possible. This meant that Nick would more often than not be in a position where he had to try and get the ball to another of his teammates, which involved working with that person and trusting them. No matter how small the level of trust was, it was still trust that Nick couldn't give, and every time he would fumble the ball or try to get past the people blocking him and naturally get taken down. And before long, his team was down twenty points and the resentment was beginning to show.

As they resumed their position after yet another shot by the other team, Nick glared at Scott as he jogged past. "Stop passing me that damn ball," he hissed.

"Just join in and have some fun!"

_Oh right, like that's going to happen. _

And that was pretty much it. Without caring at all, Nick turned on his heel and walked off the court. There was a stunned silence, then a quiet cheer came from one of the boys on the other team. "Thank god, I hate this game. Does that mean I get to sit out now?"

Nick could vaguely hear the sound of Scott and Blaine beginning to talk, no doubt about him. His blood boiling, he wanted to turn around and yell at them that what he did was none of their business, but then Nick knew he would have to face up to why he was leaving and, yeah, that wasn't going to happen any time soon. Making his way down to the lake, Nick sat on the small dock and kicked off his shoes, allowing his feet to dangle in the water. None of the counsellors appeared to be coming after him - Zach had been refereeing and Nick had already realized that the boy really didn't care what they were doing as long as they weren't making out, and even then he didn't care but it was a part of his job to throw them in Isolation. The rest of the counsellors were nowhere to be seen so Nick knew he was safe at least for now.

Allowing his thoughts to drift a little, Nick stared down into the water, wondering what it would be like to let himself slip under the surface and enter that darkness, that muffled silence, the feeling of weightlessness, and just never come back up. Never having to deal with the surface life again, never having to see his father again and know that he wasn't good enough to be a Duval, never having to look at his mother and feel _ashamed_ of her. Never having to go back to that school where everybody hated him or ignored him. To just be himself and the water and _free_.

_I need to journal._

That decision made, Nick stood and grabbed his shoes before turning around to find James walking over to him. "What?" he asked tersely. "I'm on my way out if you don't mind."

"I do actually." James stood in his path, reminding Nick far too vividly of the same scenario being played out so many times in his school. Except the vindictiveness wasn't lurking in James's eyes. "What's your deal?"

"I don't have a deal."

James rolled his eyes. "Oh yes you do. You know, if you just tell us what's going on, we can help you?" Nick snorted, not deigning to reply. "I'm serious. Okay, maybe we can't stop stuff that's going on in your life, but there is a lot of benefit in talking to people. And everybody here gets at least one part of your life, the part where we're not meant to like the people we like. We all understand that, you're just like everybody else when it comes to that -"

"Bull."

James stopped and Nick inwardly hit himself. _Why did you say that you idiot? _But he knew he had to continue. "You have no idea what it's like to be me. Not one single _part _of me. Don't try to pretend that we are at all similar because you are so wrong." There was so much more he could have said, especially when it came to his sexuality and being 'just like everybody else', but Nick chose not to. Instead he shoved past James and headed to his room, hoping like hell Blaine wasn't there.

Of course he was, and the boy looked up the second Nick entered the room, mouth open to talk. "Don't say a word," Nick said quickly and warningly. "I don't want to hear it."

After a few long seconds, Blaine nodded. Nick quickly pulled his journal out from under his mattress and grabbed a pen, uncapping it and poising it over the paper for a second.

_This camp is a nightmare, _suddenly came out in big scrawled letters, almost illegible. _I hate my father for putting me here. I hate my mother for letting him. And, most of all, I hate myself for not fighting back. It's always down to me and I always fail, no matter who or what. _

And that was really all he needed. If Nick had felt the urge to cry at all since he had arrived at camp, it would probably have been then. But instead he felt numb, like every single capability for emotion had been ripped from him upon his arrival and Nick couldn't tell whether that was good or bad. After all, his emotions had been his biggest enemy in the past and he had them down to a fine art of control by now. But watching everybody else who was not just living but _alive_ made Nick sometimes wish he could feel something too. Maybe there was a reason for him to be alive, something to make him happy.

But until Nick found that, he had nothing.

"Are you coming to dinner?"

Jerking out of his thoughts, Nick glanced at the clock in surprise. He had been lost in his thoughts for close to an hour and, sure enough, it was dinner time. Glancing back at Blaine who was hovering by the door awkwardly, Nick nodded and stood, burying the journal back under his bed before following the boy across to the hall. A small part of his mind noted that Jeff still hadn't shown up, but Nick pushed it aside. He had no time to be worrying about others when he was such a mess himself.

When they entered the dining hall, Nick quickly realized that Scott and Jeff had already seated themselves on the opposite side of the room and couldn't repress a cringe. _Yeah, that's my fault. _Blaine looked a little lost but took one of the empty seats, Nick sitting reluctantly next to him as Ms. Taylor rambled on about something unimportant. At least Nick hoped it was unimportant, he certainly hadn't been paying attention.

Dinner was a mess and Nick couldn't even try to guess what it was meant to be. He only ate a few mouthfuls before giving up and resting his elbows on the table, staring down at the plate in front of him blankly while the rest of the room continued to chatter around him.

_Story of my life. When is it ever going to change?_

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff.<strong>

It was getting dark by the time Jeff felt he was ready to come out. He had heard the rest of the boys enter the dining hall for dinner about fifteen minutes earlier and knew he could easily get back to his room without being spotted. There was no way he was going to be able to go into that hall and eat, let alone pretend everything was fine and he wasn't still shook up about what had happened earlier. Bypassing the front door, Jeff quickly crossed the campsite and entered their cabin which was, of course, empty.

Sitting on the edge of his bed, Jeff let out a sigh. His hand edged towards the bottom of his mattress and, without really thinking, Jeff pulled out his phone and lit up the screen, finding one new message waiting for him.

_You know we're only a phone call away if things get rough, honey. Good to hear you're making friends though! - Mom and Dad xx_

Jeff left his thumb hovering over the _call _button for a good five minutes, fighting the internal battle. It would be _so easy _to just call them, tell them how awful his counseling had been and ask them to come and pick him up. But then he would have to deal with the knowledge that he was a quitter once again, that he couldn't stick anything out. He had already tried to give up on life and everything in it, and that hadn't worked. To Jeff, that was a sign that he had to keep going, no matter how miserable. This was what he had been handed right now and this was what he had to deal with.

It didn't stop Jeff from curling into a ball on his bed and staring at his phone, letting the tears begin to fall again. "Will this _ever _get better?" he whispered to himself. "Will I ever stop _hurting _like this?"

Jeff didn't know, and that scared him more than anything.

He had no idea how long had passed before the sound of footsteps echoed down the path and Jeff quickly turned so his back was to the door, staring at the wall. " - didn't see him anywhere, do you think he's okay?" The door swung open and the footsteps stopped. "Oh," Blaine said quietly.

Jeff lay perfectly still as the two boys entered, listening to the sounds in the room. It appeared that Nick had gone straight to his bed and Blaine was headed towards the bathroom, the sound of the running tap coming through a second later. Jeff waited until the tap switched off, hoping Blaine would just go to bed. But, of course, things never worked in his favor and Blaine was crossing the room, heading straight for his bed. "Jeff?" he asked quietly, and Jeff felt the bed sink as Blaine sat on the edge of it. "I know you're awake."

"How?" Jeff had to ask.

"You snore a little," Blaine said, sounding like he was smirking. "Come on, look at me?" Jeff shook his head, knowing his eyes were probably still bloodshot, and Blaine sighed. "Judging by the fact that we haven't seen you all day, I'm going to say your counseling didn't go too well. Do you want to talk about it?"

Jeff contemplated it for a second. It would be _so _nice to just be able to tell someone what was going on and what had been done to him in there. Yes, Scott knew a bit of what was going on but Jeff had still heavily edited the story he had given the other boy. To tell someone _everything_ was still a luxury Jeff couldn't afford. "No," he finally said. "Not really."

Blaine sighed again and then a hand was resting on his shoulder. This time, Jeff couldn't hide his flinch and Blaine noticed. "You remind me of Kurt when he first arrived at Dalton," Blaine said quietly. "He would flinch any time someone touched him too, and he had a lot of things to hide. But when I finally got him to open up, he never regretted it for a second. I'm not saying you should tell me everything, Jeff. I know we've only known each other for a few days and you don't have any reason to trust me yet, but I just want you to know that I'm here for you. If you're really struggling, _let someone in_. It will help you, I promise." Jeff couldn't say a word and Blaine waited a few more seconds before standing. "Goodnight, Jeff."

The light flicked off and Blaine made his way back to his bed. Slowly, the other two boys fell asleep, the sound of their breathing echoing through the room - Blaine's deep breathing with the occasional murmuring sigh, Nick's near-silent breaths as if he was scared to make so much as a noise.

But Jeff continued to stare at the wall, the tears slowly dripping down his cheeks.

* * *

><p><strong>Next Chapter: Masked. <strong>


	5. Masked

**The fact that the Warblers are _returning_ and Nick is possibly having a solo just warms my heart. I've missed them so so much. **

**But unfortunately there's nothing happy about this chapter. **

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the ideas in this story. I have never been to a 'straight camp' and am therefore not attempting to portray an exact replica of one. I do not own any characters you recognize.****

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

Nick was well used to waking up before the sun had risen, too tired to want to get out of bed but too awake to return to sleep, his body simply taunting him because it could. Sometimes it was easier to be awake - he could control his thoughts better than in the landscape of his dreams where anything could attack him at any time - but being awake meant having thoughts to control, people to deal with and life to live.

Regardless, he was awake. With a sigh, Nick glanced towards the window which was still pitch black with just a glimmer of deep blue appearing. At least sunrise was approaching and soon enough the other boys would be awake, giving him a welcome distraction from his own self. Maybe Nick didn't want to befriend the two (or maybe he did, so much that it hurt) but at least watching them and trying to work out how they ticked was giving him something else to think about. Not so much Blaine, who seemed to be an open book when it came to everything except his hair gel. But Jeff on the other hand…

Nick involuntarily glanced over at the boys bed, the same way he had the previous morning. Except this time Jeff was lying perfectly still, tucked into a ball as if he was hiding from something. His arms were curled defensively into his chest like he had something of his own to hide and Nick frowned. Yesterday, he had been woken by Jeff's relentless shifting and had been transfixed by the worry lines marring his forehead as he had struggled in the grips of what had almost certainly been a nightmare. But today his face was peaceful, even though his eyes were still a little red around the edges from crying himself to sleep.

Because Nick had heard it - the quiet, choked off sobs that Jeff had clearly thought or hoped he was concealing well enough, going on for close to half an hour until Nick was ready to scream or start crying himself. And the whole time, Nick had known it would have been so _easy _to just get up, walk the two steps between their beds and at least _ask _whether Jeff was okay. Obviously he wasn't and, judging by the one-sided conversation Nick had heard between Jeff and Blaine the previous night, he probably wouldn't want to talk. But it was the _right _thing to do.

So, of course, Nick had done nothing, simply waiting until Jeff's breathing had finally evened out and he had fallen asleep, rationalizing to himself that he wasn't used to seeing emotions and wouldn't know what to do for the boy at all. And when his own sleep had come, it was restless and interrupted until he had finally woken completely, knowing there was no chance of a proper nights sleep. Not with the feelings going on in his head anyway, and with the memory of Jeff on his mind, knowing that perhaps there was someone just as broken as him at this camp.

_So that would have made you the perfect person to try and help him. Why can't you be braver?_

_No_, Nick told himself, already beginning to shake at the word, the memories flooding back into his head. _You__'__re __not __going __there. __Not __this __morning. __Not __ever._

Sighing again, Nick pulled himself out of bed, dressing quickly, and made his way to the door, opening it as quietly as possible to ensure none of the other boys woke - mostly because they would ask where he was going and he didn't want to answer questions, not in this state. Not when he was vulnerable enough that he might actually _talk_ without being able to help himself. Right now, Nick needed to be alone.

The campsite was eerily quiet and almost beautiful at this hour of the morning. The lake was lapping slowly at the edges of the water and a few small rays of light were glittering on the surface. But despite what was around him, Nick couldn't take it in, couldn't let himself feel anything. That was the way to get hurt and Nick was so tired of people hurting him, tired of _letting _them.

_Isn't this my life? Shouldn't I get to be the one in control of it?_

But Nick knew that would never happen, not as long as he was a Duval. His life controlled him.

It took awhile for Nick to realize he was pacing, making laps of the campsite as his thoughts flew about him. As soon as he realized, he began focusing on his footsteps, targeting his thoughts so he could begin to block out the others. He was still trembling and knew that wouldn't stop for a good half hour after he had managed to get a hold of himself, so the sooner he did that, the better. Nick slowly began throwing walls up, a system so familiar now that he could do it without thinking, which was pretty much the point. His thoughts were his enemies.

Finally, Nick knew he was in control again. Of course the consequence to that was that his emotions were all but numb, but Nick knew that it was definitely the better alternative of the two, especially as he noticed Alana walking across the grass towards him, rubbing sleep from her eyes. "What are you doing up at this time of the morning, Nick?"

"Just walking," Nick said quickly.

Alana surveyed him for a second before nodding. "Nick, I've been working at this camp for the past five years. I've seen many many boys come through these gates from different families, experiences and at different levels of comfort with their sexuality. I've seen boys like Scott before, cocky and confident but they have to be that way otherwise they're going to crumble. I've seen boys like Jeff, ones who are clearly hiding something and are still at the point where they're willing to let people in if the right person comes along. And I've seen boys like you, Nick. Boys who are so withdrawn that they don't even know how to let people in."

Nick gaped, trying to find words. "I - what?"

Alana nodded as if that made things clearer. "You've bottled up whatever's been going on in your life for so long, you wouldn't know how to talk about things if someone asked you - or at least you think you don't know. I'm just afraid that some day you'll explode and, at a camp like this, you really don't want to have that happen when you're in therapy. So, don't shut people out when they ask what's wrong because you _can _talk." Alana sighed. "I know what I'm on about here, Nick. Like I said, I've seen guys like you come through here and, even though you're probably the most withdrawn I've seen, I've seen a lot of them get to the point where they can start talking about things, they can let people in. You could too."

"What makes you think I want to talk about things?"

Immediately, Nick regretted snapping, but Alana just gave him an almost sad smile in return. "Because everybody does. You especially, you just won't admit it because you know I'm right."

And Nick knew she was, and it terrified him.

It would have almost been _easy _to do it right then, to just give in and start talking about something, _anything_… but no. No, he couldn't. "Why aren't there any people here?" Nick blurted out instead, the first thing coming to mind that wasn't going to land him in trouble.

Alana frowned. "Excuse me?"

"This camp looks like it could hold a hundred of us, but there only eighteen here. And why are there only four counsellors? If something goes wrong, you're not going to be able to stop us."

Instead of replying straight away, Alana turned to stare across the campsite and Nick could almost see her disappearing into her memories. "There used to be," she finally said. "When I first started here, there were seventy boys and fifteen counsellors and it was a totally different place and I _hated _it. But as time passed, people stopped sending their kids and the numbers kept dropping."

"Why?"

"I guess people just don't think it's the right idea anymore," Alana said softly. "They're starting to actually realize that love comes in all shapes and forms. You guys don't realize it yet, but you're slowly changing the world. So don't stop being yourselves." Turning to Nick, Alana offered him a smile. "Be proud of who you are." Nick simply nodded, keeping his face carefully impassive. Alana checked her watch and sighed. "Okay, I'd better go. Good luck today."

As Alana left, Nick closed his eyes for a long moment, struggling. That last comment had hit far too close to home, closer than anything else the girl had said in their conversation. And as much as people had surely realized by now that Nick was closed off, that something had probably happened in his past to make him that way, whatever, _this _was something that they had probably never even thought would be an issue.

_What if I can't be proud of who I am?_

The first tear slipped past his still-closed eyelid and Nick exhaled harshly, wiping it away. "Get a grip," he whispered. "Don't make me hit you."

The sound of the bell ringing for breakfast jarred Nick enough to get him back into control again and he turned quickly, making his way back to the cabin. A couple of the other boys were already leaving their rooms and Nick kept his head lowered until he opened the door to his own room, not wanting to interact with anybody until he absolutely had to.

Jeff and Blaine were both almost finished getting ready - Blaine was slipping his shoes on and Jeff was sending a text as Nick entered the room. Both boys glanced up with smiles on their faces and Nick was suddenly struck by how _genuine _they were. These two people actually wanted to be his friend, wanted to know things about him and get to know him and, who knows, possibly even help him through the crap in his life? It was such a foreign concept that Nick needed a few seconds to try and comprehend it and work out what to do _now_ - long enough that both of the boys smiles switched to concern. "Nick?" Jeff asked carefully, standing and taking a step towards him.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Blaine asked and Nick realized his emotions weren't hidden as well as they usually were. Something had invaded his masks too strongly and he wasn't sure how to get it out, how to deal with it, how to _deal._

"I - I just, I wanted to…" Nick closed his eyes and shook his head, fear overwhelming him again. "I can't."

Nick turned on his heel and fled.

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff.<strong>

"What was _that_?"

Jeff stared at the open door for a few seconds before shaking his head and turning to Blaine who looked just as nonplussed as he felt. "I have no idea. I think he wanted to tell us something but -" Jeff stopped, knowing full well what the expression had been in Nick's eyes. _Fear. _Something was going on with Nick, something serious. And Jeff knew he wanted to talk to someone about it - he had probably never discussed it, judging by how closed off he was - but his own fear was stopping him. _But __what __is __he __afraid __of? __Is __it __judgement, __or __something __else?_

"Do you think we should push it?"

"No," Jeff said immediately. "He'll just close off more, I can tell. Can you pretend it never happened?"

Blaine grimaced. "I guess. I just hate seeing people upset," he said before glancing at Jeff meaningfully.

Jeff suppressed a sigh. He and Blaine had already discussed the previous night pretty much as soon as they had woken up. Well, it wasn't so much a discussion as Jeff making it perfectly clear that he _didn__'__t_ want to discuss it, no matter how helpful Blaine thought he was being. And yes, maybe the thought of having someone to talk to about it all was very appealing, but Jeff knew he couldn't. He had already broken once - not that Scott had given him a _choice_ - and he couldn't afford to break again. That was how gossip started, how rumors spread, and Jeff knew the pain of people's careless words far too well. And somehow he knew that Nick was the same. "Let's just leave it, okay?" he said firmly, making sure Blaine knew that applied to both situations. "If Nick wants to talk, he'll talk. As long as he knows he can talk to us, that's all we can do."

And yes, he knew he was being a hypocrite but Jeff _couldn__'__t _talk about what was going on. He just hoped that Nick could.

Blaine nodded reluctantly. "Breakfast?"

To Jeff's surprise, Nick was sitting in the dining hall when they entered. He had been sure they wouldn't see the boy for quite some time, but clearly Nick had a much stronger level of emotional control than Jeff did - and probably than anybody that Jeff had ever met - since he was sitting there, looking just as impassive as usual. Jeff glanced at Blaine who shrugged. "Guess he's okay?"

"Who's okay?"

Jeff turned to see Scott and James coming up behind them and stepped aside to let them through. "Nick," Blaine explained. "Things were a little…" He glanced at Jeff, clearly not sure how to explain it.

"Off," Jeff completed. "But he looks fine now so we're just deciding whether to go and join him."

Scott glanced at James who nodded. "Same decision we have to make. After what went down yesterday, we were thinking it might be better on everybody involved if we just keep our distance for a bit. Nick probably doesn't need us around, making things worse."

"Whatever those things are," Scott added in.

Jeff shook his head, Blaine having filled him in on the previous day earlier that morning. "No, I think you just need to carry on like normal. Look guys," he said, lowering his voice a little, "whatever's going on there, that boy needs normality. He needs to know that people won't change their minds about him, no matter how he acts or what they l-learn about him. That's what we need to do."

Scott was looking at him knowingly and Jeff tried not to wince, hoping his stammer wasn't obvious. Of course he was speaking from experience, of course he wanted to know the exact same things himself, of _course_. But nobody else needed to know that and Jeff did his best to make it clear with his eyes to Scott that their discussion on the first day had been a once-off and that was it. Jeff was done talking about what was going on in his life because there were no solutions that anybody could give. At least nobody here, as far as Jeff knew.

"Well, I'm in," James said, glancing at Scott who shook himself out of his thoughts and nodded. After one last glance at Jeff that said _far _too many things that the boy didn't want to look into at _all_, the four of them made their way over to the table and took seats next to Nick. "Good morning," James said politely, not as cheerful as he normally was but there was no hostility and Jeff mentally thanked him for it.

Nick glanced up, looking surprised. "Morning," he said slowly. There was a second of silence then Nick glanced down at the table again and James raised an eyebrow. Clearly the conversation was over and Nick didn't look at all thrilled to see them there. Jeff had no idea what to do now except continue on talking and trying to keep things normal. _What__'__s __a __good, __light, __all-encompassing __topic __that __can__-_

"I'm sorry about yesterday."

Four heads whipped back towards the boy who was staring steadily at the table. His words were almost inaudible and Jeff was sure he had imagined it, except for the fact that everybody else had heard it too. Scott nodded, smiling, and James echoed it. "It's not a problem, Nick. And what I said still stands, okay?"

There was no reply - clearly Nick had closed off again. But there was progress there, no matter how small, and Jeff let himself feel a bit of pride for the boy he was already considering to be a friend.

_Huh. Friends. That's new._

"Good morning, boys!"

Scott groaned and Blaine chuckled as Ms. Taylor swept into the room. "Before we forget, these are the counseling sessions for today: Mr. Gibson straight after breakfast, Mr. Grant at ten and Mr. Duval at one."

Out of the corner of his eye, Jeff saw Nick stiffen and realized that the boy had forgotten about his session. His grip on the edge of the table tightened, but Nick released it only a second later and adopted his usual bored expression as Ms. Taylor chirped on about the other messages of the day. But Jeff kept the image in mind, the one second where he felt like he saw the true Nick, the _vulnerable _Nick.

_And I know it's going to hurt him, but I want to see more of him. _

The sound of shuffling chairs reminded Jeff that they still had to try and eat breakfast and he obediently rose, following the others up to the serving area. As he did, he noticed Nick was yet to move, staring at the table fiercely, and cast him a helpless glance before choosing to keep quiet. Clearly the thought of counseling was pressure enough for the boy - and Jeff understood that all too well - so he didn't exactly need Jeff acting like a parental figure and getting on his case to eat. Instead, he simply brought back two plates of the attempts at pancakes, sliding one in front of Nick before taking his seat again, carefully not looking at the boy. "Anybody know what we're doing today?" he asked.

Scott thought for a second. "I actually don't know. This time last year they were doing some prayer circle but I don't sense that kind of vibe this year. I guess we'll find out soon."

The conversation had served its desired effect; nobody was paying attention to Nick, except Jeff who was being subtle enough that he wasn't noticed. As they continued talking, Nick appeared to pull himself out of his thoughts and Jeff actually watched the iron-strong mask slip back down over his face again. By that time, breakfast was pretty much ending with those who could stomach the food having eaten it and the rest just picking at it before tossing it in the bin. Nick hadn't eaten but Jeff didn't blame him - he was pretty sure everybody was going to lose a bit of weight over the month they had to spend at this camp.

"Gentlemen, if you'd care to head to your left into the adjoining room, you'll find your activity for the morning." Ms. Taylor gestured to the door that led into the room where the boys had had their group therapy session the other day and Jeff frowned, wondering what they were doing.

"If this is a full camp _sharing __circle_, consider me out," Scott said under his breath. "Last time we did that, a couple of the guys got into a punch up and got kicked out. My only regret is that I didn't join in."

With the exception of Joshua who was headed to counseling, the rest of the boys reluctantly made their way over to the other room. But as the first few boys entered, the mood suddenly changed into excitement and Jeff glanced over at Scott curiously. "They sound… happy?"

"Yeah, I've got no clue either."

"One of you tall people tell me when you can see," Blaine muttered, Jeff suppressing a smirk. Blaine was only a couple of inches shorter but Scott had already begun teasing him for it, Jeff almost joining in on occasion before remembering not to.

And then the rest of the group made it through the doors and Jeff's jaw dropped. "Seriously?" Blaine asked, sounding just as shocked. "They're going to let us have _fun_?"

The room was filled with gaming machines - and how a camp of this size had the budget to afford _this_, Jeff had no idea - with boys already clamoring over them to get to their favorites. Scott was looking around, nodding. "They're all fighting, killing or racing games. The kinds of games that straight guys play I'm assuming. The only issue is that they don't think about the part where gay guys quite like video games too - _yes_, James, I see it." Scott rolled his eyes at his boyfriend who was tugging at his arm, pointing to one of the killing games in the corner. "Sorry, he's five sometimes. See you later."

"Kurt's going to be so disappointed in me," Blaine remarked offhandedly.

"Why?"

"Because I was addicted to these types of games when we first met and he 'cured' me," Blaine said, smirking as they headed over to one of the last free games. "I still plan to show him how much fun it can be but he tells me if he wants to go driving, he'll go in his car."

Jeff had to agree with Kurt on this one, watching as Blaine and Nick slid into the drivers seats. He used to go to the arcade when he was younger, back when friendship circles were based around things that actually _mattered _like shared interests and he had a few friends who would play the same games as him. Maybe now would be an okay time to actually get back to doing a few of the things he had once enjoyed before everything had changed.

But for now, Jeff settled for watching the two boys race. They were evenly matched, but after awhile Jeff found himself not watching the screen but the guys themselves. Blaine was focused and incredibly interactive with the game - groaning when he missed a turn, cheering, even dancing in his seat occasionally in the most dorky manner that had Jeff smiling. He had honestly never met a guy with as much expression as Blaine and, while it was occasionally a shock to the system, he was so much fun to watch and hang out with.

Nick, on the other hand, was the complete opposite. He barely moved except to turn the wheel in his hands, his eyes focused on the screen. Jeff would have marked it down as someone who was serious about their games, except Nick didn't seem to care about the outcome either way. Blaine would groan loudly at a loss or victory dance if he won, but Nick would remain impassive either way. Even as they moved on to different games, there was absolutely no expression to be found, no sign that the boy was enjoying himself in the slightest, or that Nick had any positive emotions at all.

Jeff knew different.

Of course he wasn't claiming that he actually _understood _Nick - that was a tall order considering how closed off he was. But he knew that nobody was emotionless and so far the only emotion they had seen out of Nick was hints at anger, but even that seemed restrained. And Jeff was sure - not positive but very sure - that Nick was purposely hiding every single emotion, no matter what, no matter why.

And Jeff wanted to know why, almost more than he had wanted anything else.

And that in itself just added another layer of confusion because why? Why did it matter what this boy did, why he was so closed off? It wasn't like Jeff knew him at all or had known him or even known _of_him, and Nick certainly hadn't extended the olive branch of friendship in his direction. So why did it even matter, why didn't Jeff just keep his nose out of it and understand that everybody had their secrets, especially himself.

_Hypocrite, _Jeff reminded himself as he took the gun handed to him. _If __you__'__re __not __willing __to __talk, __don__'__t __even __think __about __trying __to __make __others._

Shooting imaginary people helped, that was for sure, and it didn't take Jeff long to pick back up on the excitement of the game, smashing his old high scores. Maybe someday he would be able to go back to that arcade, see if his name was still on the high scores and put it back if it wasn't.

Maybe.

Maybe once everything was better again.

"Hey, guys." Scott leaned over Jeff's shoulder, watching him expertly take down one of the characters. "Hey, not bad, Sterling. Anyway, it's 12:30 and since Nick's got counseling at one, I thought I should let you know to go to lunch."

Jeff fired off his last round, watching Nick do the same before they both slotted the guns into the holsters. Nick had won, but once again didn't react at all, although Jeff had to wonder whether part of that was because of his impending counseling session. Jeff had been nervous enough about his and, with Nick's closed book facade going on, naturally the doctor would be very curious to try and get behind his masks.

The five boys made their way through to the dining hall where Jeff got yet another shock - their lunch was edible. It may have just been sandwiches but the boys fell upon them like they were the holy grail of food, all except for a few of them. Jeff couldn't help but glance around, noticing the few boys here and there who weren't eating anything at all. He had heard rumors of at least one guy there with an eating disorder but couldn't tell who it was.

_Not that it's your business or anything. _

It was only a few seconds later that Nick was standing, clearly heading to counseling. "Good luck," Jeff said quietly, receiving a nod in reply before the boy disappeared. Turning back to the group, he frowned. "What do you think?"

"I honestly think he'll struggle," Scott admitted. "But he's kind of got no choice, unless he wants a stay in Isolation - which reminds me. James, my love, I'm currently beating you on visits to our friendly little box. You might want to up your ante."

As the two boys bantered, Jeff glanced towards the door, watching as Nick walked across the campsite with his head down.

_Good __luck, _he said again to himself, not sure which of the two of them he was directing it towards.

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

As much as it hadn't looked like it at the time, Nick had definitely been soaking in every word the others had said about their counseling sessions - the good (not that there was any), the bad, what to do and not to do and how to get out of there without having all of your secrets revealed. Nick would have felt better about if if he had known what had upset Jeff so much, but all he could do was go in there and stick to his guns.

The door swung open just as he got there and Oscar walked out, head lowered and fists clenched. Nick watched him go before taking a deep breath and pushing the door open. _You __can __do __this,_he told himself before remembering what had happened the last time he had given himself a pep talk like this. And how - funny that - it was the reason he was now here.

The man inside was already seated and waiting for him, holding a file in his hands. Nick felt his palms begin to sweat at the mere sight of it, wondering what they could have on him. Even though he knew there was very little they could know, Nick still couldn't keep his heart rate steady as he took the only other seat in the room.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Duval," the man said, Nick refusing to look at him. "My name is Dr. Peterson and I will be your therapist for the next four weeks."

_Oh freaking joy._

The dryness in the man's tone was immediately apparent - clearly he didn't care at _all _about being here. For him this was just a job, and Nick knew that was a dangerous attitude for someone in this profession. And, like everybody else around the campsite, he was probably completely against Nick's life choices which meant he wouldn't so much be trying to help as to harm and destroy the person Nick was trying to be.

There was a long moment of silence and Nick presumed Dr. Peterson was waiting for him to talk. He gave a shrug, continuing to stare down at his hands. Nick knew he wasn't the only one who would have this attitude entering therapy sessions and was planning to take Scott's advice very seriously - they couldn't get out of him what he refused to talk about. And there were so many things that Nick couldn't afford to talk about.

"Well, I can see we're not going to have a very productive day already," the man finally said. "It's a pity, Mr. Duval. I was looking forward to getting to know you as you're somewhat of an enigma compared to the other boys. I have a little bit of information on everybody so far… everybody except you."

Interesting, but not surprising and Nick allowed his earlier panic to ebb away. His father would never have released any details if he had known any to give and Nick had certainly never been in for any kind of counseling to have notes passed on. The only person who could give information was himself, and Nick felt the weight of that power settle firmly on his shoulders. Finally, here was something he had control over.

There was the sound of papers shuffling, then Dr. Peterson began to speak again. "I do have a sheet of questions here, but I don't believe you're going to answer them. So I will have to make some assumptions based on your behavior to date." Another shrug. Nick was well used to people assuming things about him by now. "When we contacted your father to ask why he chose to send you here, the conversation lasted a mere minute. He simply stated that your coming out was not something he approved of. So now the question comes up of why. Why does he not approve of this?"

Nick rolled his eyes. The answer was simple to anybody who knew his father - in hindsight, Nick was a fool to think that coming out would change things for the better, knowing his father as he did.

"Clearly he has a good head on his shoulders. He knows what is best for his son and chooses to send him to somewhere that he can get help."

Nick had to fight back a bitter laugh at that one because his father wouldn't know what was best for him if Nick hit him over the head with it. He only knew what was best for the Nick that he wanted his son to be, not the person his son actually was. In fact, Nick knew his father didn't even know who that person was.

There was a sigh and Nick knew the doctor was starting to get irritated. "Your mother chose not to comment, why would that be?"

No answer. There was no way Nick was ever going to discuss his mother in this kind of environment. Simple as that.

"What about your friends at school?"

_What friends?_

Nick honestly didn't know how he was doing it anymore. Every fibre of his being just wanted to scream or punch something or tell this man just how _wrong _he was and that it wasn't fair for him to put this kind of pressure on people and maybe Nick just didn't _want_to talk. But of course that would lead to more attention and that was the last thing Nick wanted. He just wanted to get through this session so he could leave and think of a better plan over the next five days.

But the man wouldn't _shut __up_. Nick tried to tune him out, practicing chords in his head as loud as he could and managed to avoid a few of the questions, but some things just couldn't be ignored.

"Why would you choose a lifestyle that is only going to end up hurting you?"

"Do you really think you will be happy like this?"

"Sometimes choosing to like other men is a result of not being found attractive by women. Do women not find you attractive, Nicholas?"

"Do you want to be this way?"

Nick couldn't hold back a slight flinch at the last question, hoping it wouldn't be noticed. But of course he wouldn't get that lucky. "Ah, I see we've hit upon a sore spot. So now we come to a few possibilities. First, that you do not want to be gay, you feel like you have to be, whether that is because you have been told that there is no way to change or because someone has put pressure on you to identify yourself in that manner. Second, that you do want to be gay but the question has triggered a response in you linked to something else. And third that you have a reason to be ashamed of wanting to be that way - which, naturally, you do. Either of the three, I can work with and help you get to a point where you can happily denounce the consideration that you are gay."

Clearly Dr. Peterson was waiting for a response on that one but there was no way in hell Nick was going to reply, not even when he had pretty much nailed it in one of his options. _Especially _since he had nailed it, because Nick knew all it would take was one second for his walls to slip and anybody could get in and start twisting things around.

The silence stretched on, growing increasingly more tense. But Nick was used to tense silences, to silent pressure, and refused to back down. He may not come out of this session victorious, but he wasn't going to be a loser. Not this time.

Finally the man sat back in his seat and glanced at the clock. "You still have ten minutes but I sense they will be used in exactly the same manner. You are free to go, I will see you back here in five days time."

Nick fought every instinct to bolt, instead walking calmly across the room and exiting, closing the door softly behind himself. One quick glance around the campsite to check everybody else was off doing activities and Nick broke into a run, not caring where he ended up or that he wouldn't actually be able to escape. All he wanted to do was run until he was too exhausted to think, too exhausted to care how close his world was to crashing down around him because he couldn't _keep __it __together._

_This __is __your __problem __every __single __time, _he berated himself angrily as his feet pounded across the ground, his harsh breath doing nothing to block out the words. _You__'__re __always __a __screw __up, __you __can __never __stay __in __control __when __you __need __to, __why __do __you __even __try?_

It wasn't working. Nothing was going away and Nick still hated himself and life still hurt and _why_did it have to hurt? Why couldn't things be easier? He pulled to a stop, resting against a tree for a second to get his breath back because even though his mind wouldn't get it together, his body had already nearly run itself out of energy. Just another thing Nick had gotten wrong.

_Why do I even try? _

Growling, Nick raised his fist and pulled it back, ready to slam it into the tree and just keep going for as long as it took for him to stop _feeling _things. And then a cough came from behind him, freezing him in his tracks.

"You don't want to do that."

Slowly, Nick lowered his fist, keeping his back to the other boy. "What do you care?"

"Well, I don't like seeing people hurting themselves for one," James said, walking around to lean against the tree in front of him. "But any injuries like the one you would have been sporting if you'd wailed on the tree get investigated, and they'd pull you in for extra counseling. And considering this looks like it's a reaction to counseling, I really don't think you want to be back in there any time soon."

He had a point, Nick grudgingly admitted. "Thanks," he muttered.

James looked at him for a long moment before sighing. "The world isn't against you, at least not all of it. My offer from yesterday still stands."

Before Nick could say anything - and what he would have said, he had no idea - James was heading back across the campsite towards his room. Nick watched him go, slowly sliding down the tree until he was sitting on the ground, forcing himself _not _to think about the offer and how good it would be to take the boy up on it.

_Why can't you just be normal? Why can't you talk about things like everybody else? Why do you have to shut off from the world all the time, never show your feelings?_

Nick knew why.

He gave himself three more seconds of self-pity before standing up again, brushing the dirt off his clothes. The dinner bell had just rung and Nick would be damned if he was going to skip it and alert people to the fact that there was something wrong, that things weren't as fine as usual.

Of course Nick was painfully aware that the boys knew something was going on, as did Alana. All he could do now was try to sweep it under the rug and pretend that none of his more embarrassing moments had happened over the past few days. Especially not that morning when he had almost come so close to saying _something_, quite possibly even breaking down. Of course he had gotten himself out and back in control as quickly as possible, but Nick knew that they had seen that side of him now, the side that had fears and emotions.

The side that nobody was ever meant to see.

Nick joined the group of boys heading into the dining hall, taking his usual seat. It was only a few moments later that his roommates joined him, Blaine shooting him a concerned look. "How was counseling?"

"Fine," Nick said shortly, trying to ignore the fact that James had just seated himself across the table and was clearly trying to catch his eye.

Blaine seemed to have gotten the hint and Jeff was staying silent, but Scott was another story. "You don't _look _fine, you know."

"Well, that's your opinion." Nick put every ounce of contempt into the words, trying to make it clear that he didn't want to talk to the boys at all, let alone about his counseling. All he wanted was to get through dinner, go to bed and hope that tomorrow might bring a slightly less painful day. Not sit here and pretend everything was fine when it _wasn__'__t, _not have to worry about which mask was the easiest to hide behind or would keep everybody else out the best. Just to be _alone._

The hint was taken and the rest of the table broke into conversation, only pausing when Ms. Taylor made her usual announcements. Nick couldn't care less what they were talking about and ate his dinner quickly, barely even grimacing at the bland texture of the food.

"So, there's a movie on tonight," Scott announced suddenly. "Action, obviously. Are we all in?"

Blaine gave his assent but Nick shook his head, pushing back his chair and standing. "Going to bed."

As he turned to walk away, his name was called quietly and Nick turned back slightly to see Jeff half-standing, looking at him. "Would you mind if I come back to the room with you? I'm tired."

"It's your room too," Nick said brusquely and left the room. As he walked across the campsite, Nick could hear the sound of footsteps behind him and knew it was Jeff but didn't bother to slow down or wait for the other boy. If this was a ploy to try and get Nick to open up, have some one-on-one time, then Jeff would be told where to shove it. Simple as that.

By the time Jeff entered, Nick was already sitting on his bed with his journal out, making sure to look as busy as possible. But the other boy didn't make a move to talk at all, instead heading straight for the bathroom. _Probably __to __wash __the __copious __amounts __of __product __out __of __his __hair __that __he __thinks __looks __good, _Nick snarked to himself, immediately feeling somewhat bad for his thought. It wasn't like Jeff had done anything to Nick, after all, and it seemed that the boy was going through a pretty crap time himself, even if Nick didn't know what was going on. He didn't deserve Nick's contempt, not even silently.

So when Jeff re-emerged, heading straight for his own bed, Nick offered him the slightest of head nods, not even caring if he didn't notice. At least Nick could tell himself that he hadn't completely shut the boy out.

"Goodnight," Jeff said quietly and Nick glanced up subtly to see the boy already in bed, rolling over to face the wall. He was still fully dressed - an enigma Nick did his best not to think too much about otherwise he might start caring - and clearly wasn't waiting for any kind of answer.

_Am I really that predictable?_

_Predictable __is __good, _Nick reminded himself and uncapped his pen, hovering over the blank page. It took a few minutes to realize that tonight was not a good night for emotional journalling - Nick would just end up a wreck and that couldn't happen. Not here. Instead, he began outlining a profile of the therapist, imagining up ideas of why the man would have chosen a job at a camp like this. He had just gotten up to suppressed sexual desires - and that was something that he _really _didn't want to think about - when Nick realized that he couldn't stop looking at Jeff.

Oh, it wasn't like he was staring or anything. It was more that Nick wasn't used to being alone with Jeff - usually Blaine was there or it was just Nick and Blaine and that was a lot easier to deal with than the blonde boy on his own. Nick just didn't know why.

_Is it to do with the fact that you find him attractive?_

"I do _not_," Nick whispered harshly before glancing over again to check Jeff hadn't woken. He hadn't, but the glance helped Nick's brain highlight all of Jeff's more attractive features - his hair, near flawless skin, prominent features that were almost more beautiful than masculine…

Capping the pen, Nick buried the journal under his bed and quickly crossed the room to turn off the lights before returning to his bed. It was better to cut thoughts like that off before they could really take hold, especially when they had the power to change things. And while Nick wanted things to change, he didn't want things like _that_. Not now.

Possibly not ever.

_You can still admit he's attractive though, from a purely objective point of view. _

_Okay, _Nick finally conceded. _Yes, __he__'__s __attractive. __Can __I __sleep __now?_

Nick closed his eyes and forced his mind to switch off before it could corrupt him any further and only hoped he would be back in control in the morning. This was getting dangerous.

* * *

><p><strong>Next Chapter: Hike.<strong>


	6. Hike

**For those complaining about the lack of Neff, I guess I can't ask you to stop but please just take a look at the characters and tell me whether they could actually hold down a stable relationship right now. **

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the ideas in this story. I have never been to a 'straight camp' and am therefore not attempting to portray an exact replica of one. I do not own any characters you recognize.****

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff.<strong>

_What the hell am I meant to do?_

It was hot.

Of course it was hot, Jeff berated himself, it was _summer_. But Jeff hadn't prepared himself for the eventuality - and of course it would happen to _him _- of it being pretty much scorching on the day they were going for a _hike_. A hike where they would just get even _hotter _and this was _not __happening._

Even as he shrugged the long sleeved shirt on, Jeff could feel himself beginning to sweat. Adjusting the collar a little, he glanced at himself in the mirror - and okay, maybe being that pale wasn't going to help his case any to insist that he was fine - before plastering his best 'everything's normal' expression on his face and opening the bathroom door.

Blaine was staring at him. "You can't be serious. It's _boiling_."

Nick was frowning as he tugged on his own shirt - short sleeved of course - clearly in agreement with Blaine's argument. Jeff shrugged uncomfortably. "I get cold really easily. Besides, it's not that hot."

Blaine looked like he was about to argue before frowning, stepping closer. "You okay? You're really pale, are you feeling sick?"

_That __could __work._"I do feel a bit off," Jeff 'admitted', rubbing the back of his neck.

"Why don't you take the day off, stay here?"

"It's mandatory," Nick chipped in, surprising them both like he did any time he chose to talk. "No way he's getting out of it."

"I'll be okay," Jeff said quickly because the last thing he wanted was for Blaine to go and get a _counselor _or something, thinking he was helping. "I can handle it."

Blaine didn't look convinced, but Jeff knew he wouldn't do anything - his loyalty definitely outweighed anything else, at least as far as Jeff had noticed. Instead he moved past Jeff to take his own turn in the bathroom, giving one more skeptical look to Jeff before closing the door. Jeff let out a sigh of relief, knowing that Nick definitely wasn't going to say anything either way and he was essentially off the hook.

Well, except for the part where he still had a five mile hike in the blistering sun and a long sleeved shirt to complete. But Jeff was used to hiding things, to dealing with pain and discomfort. He could handle this.

And then Jeff realized that Nick was watching him.

Biting back the urge to say something scathing, Jeff turned to the other mirror and began to style his hair. Of course it was going to get ruined - they were going on a _hike _after all - but it gave him something to do and something to hide behind. If his hair was done like normal, maybe people wouldn't notice how the rest of him was definitely not right, not normal.

More importantly though, it gave him a reason to turn away from Nick. It wasn't like the boy had shown _any _interest in his well-being before, so the fact that he might be starting now actually annoyed Jeff more than anything. He had been standoffish and downright rude, so Nick did not get to call the shots on when he was going to suddenly turn into someone who cared.

Jeff knew he sounded unreasonable but it was more his own panic than anything, because he couldn't shake the feeling that the day was going to go horribly, horribly wrong.

Blaine exited the bathroom and the three boys left the room to go to breakfast. As soon as Jeff was out of the shelter and into the early morning sun, he knew this was going to be awful. No, he wouldn't get sunburnt like a lot of the others would, but he was beginning to feel overheated already and that was going to kind of _really _suck if he got overheated by walking across the _campsite._

He received stares as well, of course. Guys who were actually already shirtless or had simply chosen not to wear a shirt in the first place were looking at him like he was crazy for wrapping up like it was fall. Jeff simply avoided their gazes and pretended that the ground was utterly fascinating until they could get into the dining room and he could do the same for the table. Of course ignoring the looks wouldn't make them go away, but if he could show that he was entirely uninterested in what people thought about him…

What a lie, though. The most important thing in the world to Jeff was what other people thought of him, which was why he was depressed. According to his former psychiatrist anyway.

As per usual, they joined the table where Scott and James were sitting, Jeff wondering just when the two boys had adopted their group. As he sat down, Scott took one look at him and kicked him. Hard. "You are a moron," he whispered quietly enough that the others wouldn't hear. "That's only going to make things worse."

"Well tell me how to make things _better_ by all means, Scott," Jeff hissed back. "I'm all ears."

But Scott had already turned his attention to Blaine and Nick and was greeting them cheerfully as usual. Jeff sighed and rested his chin in his hand, wishing he could fast forward the day… or rewind and tell himself to just stay in bed and not come out. Or even rewind to that week before summer and tell himself that coming to this camp would be the worst decision he would ever make and if he wanted to ever feel good about himself again to _not _go.

But of course all he could do was deal with what he had been given. Or what he had let himself fall into.

"Good morning, gentlemen!"

James groaned and Scott smirked at him as Ms. Taylor bustled into the room. Jeff had to roll his eyes at how much of a spectacle the woman put on as if there was someone to impress - which was kind ofstupid considering she was addressing a room full of homosexual or bisexual teenage guys.

"Now, today you will all be off hiking, so make sure to load up on breakfast! We don't want anybody getting hungry out there!"

"She's worse than my mother," James muttered and Jeff stifled a laugh, understanding perfectly.

"Counseling sessions will be pushed back a day and your group therapy will be tomorrow instead, but if you have any issues while you are out on the hike that you don't think you can wait until therapy to talk about, _please _don't hesitate to talk to one of our friendly counselors! Remember, we're all here for you and simply wanting to help you get through your struggles." Miraculously nobody laughed, although Jeff could see a lot of cheek biting going on, especially at his table. "Alright, gentlemen, let's eat!"

Jeff knew things would be worse for him if he didn't eat but he honestly wasn't sure if he could stomach anything. Scott made the decision for him, forcibly leading him up to the serving area to get food but thankfully being somewhat subtle about it. "Come on. I'm not making your decisions for you because it's clear you don't respond well to that. But you _will _eat."

"What is it?"

"I wouldn't have a clue," Scott said, cheerful again. "Just try it, you might be surprised."

Blaine snorted as they headed back to the table. "You mean surprised by the new way our taste buds can die forever?"

"They did say we'd learn new things!"

Scott's humor thankfully kept attention away from Jeff who managed to choke down at least half of his breakfast before giving up. "It's awful," he said to Scott who was looking at him pointedly. "You can't tell me you like it."

"I could, but I'd be lying," Scott said before dropping his voice. "Come on, just skive off."

"You think they'd let me get away with that?" Jeff asked, jerking his head towards the counselors. "I'd rather just get it over and done with than have to deal with them asking what the issue is and why I don't want to go. I'm used to hiding, Scott, I can hide this too."

Scott's sigh in response caught James's attention. "What's wrong, babe?"

"Jeff here," Scott began and Jeff felt his heart leap into his throat, "is so uncultured that he believes _Justin __Bieber _is a perfectly acceptable music choice."

James burst into laughter and Scott shot him a look of _you __owe __me _before laughing along. Jeff sighed in relief - all he had to do now was pretend he liked the voice of a singer who was younger than himself and that millions of teenage _girls _were in love with, and he'd be fine.

Sort of.

Every minute that passed in casual conversation was bringing them a minute closer to that hike, and Jeff knew it was just getting hotter by the minute too. "So how far are we walking?" he asked, trying to keep his voice casual.

"Four miles, round trip," Scott told him and Jeff winced. "It's not as bad as it sounds, it's mostly shaded but… we've never done it on a day this hot before."

The others groaned and Jeff allowed himself to join in, knowing he was the only one with any real reason to be upset about what they were about to do. And, as if on cue, Ms. Taylor stood again and drew their attention. "It's time to head off on your hike! Remember, open your mind and body to the wilderness and locate your inner man! Zach will lead you off."

Zach was already at the door, gesturing for them to follow and the boys began to stand. Jeff took one last deep breath before joining his table as they headed towards the door.

Let the nightmare begin.

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

Nick was worried.

That wasn't exactly uncommon in his life - as much as he didn't show it, Nick did worry a lot, mainly about whether someone was going to see through his facades and realized that he _did _worry which just ended up being a repetitive cycle of worry and hiding. But there were other things he worried about - how far his father would go this time to try and change him, what taunts he would have to deal with either to his face or behind his back, how long it would be before he couldn't handle it anymore and snapped.

But Nick also worried about other people, no matter how much he didn't want to. And right now, he was worried about Jeff.

They had been hiking for about half an hour and a few of the other boys had already ditched their shirts completely, complaining loudly about the heat. Nick was sorely tempted to join in but refrained, thankful however that he had chosen shorts and a t-shirt for the day. There was relative shade because of the trees, yes, but the humidity was enough that it felt like the sun was constantly beating down on them. And any time they had to walk through a patch of sunlight, the groans heightened as the sun actually _did _hit them, and hard. It was pretty much torture, but Nick still couldn't work out how this kind of torture was meant to make them straight. At the very least, it simply made him never want to go on a hike again.

His one slice of satisfaction was the fact that the counsellors had to join them. Obviously not Ms. Taylor or Dr. Peterson, but Zach, Steve, Alana and Jessica were all suffering through the heat with them. Alana was down the back with Nick and his group while the others were up the front - he wasn't sure how it had worked out that way but figured Scott had wrangled something. There was a little bit of space between the six of them and the guys in front and that was a good thing because Jeff?

Yeah, he wasn't doing too well.

He was trying to hide it, Nick could tell. But his face was drenched with sweat, as was his shirt, and the long sleeves were clearly too much for him but he absolutely _refused _to so much as roll them up and Nick couldn't understand why. _Is __he __really __that __insecure __about __his __body?_

Nobody had commented yet but Nick knew it wouldn't be long, especially since Jeff was starting to turn an alarming pale and he wasn't the only one sneaking glances at the boy, _surely _someone was going to do something because Nick knew he couldn't but someone needed to -

"Stop."

Nick breathed a sigh of relief as Scott spoke up, moving to stand in front of Jeff who blinked up at him in confusion. "What?"

And okay, something was definitely wrong because Jeff's voice sounded completely drained and now everybody was looking at him in concern and Alana had joined Scott, staring at Jeff. "What is it, honey? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Jeff said unconvincingly. "Aren't we meant to be -"

But the rest of his sentence died as he swayed suddenly, Scott grabbing his shoulder to steady him. "Okay, that's it. There's no way he can continue like this. Jeff, sit down." There was no movement and Scott pushed at his shoulder almost angrily. "Sit down, I mean it."

Slowly Jeff sunk to the ground, Scott kneeling in front of him. Blaine shot a worried glance at Nick and the two followed suit. For once, Nick didn't care if it looked like he was concerned because he _was _and this time, Jeff came first.

A small part of his mind reminded him that this was a change, a development if you will, but he pushed it aside to deal with later. Guilt wouldn't be productive right now.

"I'm fi-"

"Shut up," James said, shaking his head and placing his hands on Scott's shoulders, still standing. "God, Jeff, you are so far from fine and we all know it."

"He wasn't doing too well this morning," Blaine chipped in and Nick blinked, suddenly remembering how awful Jeff had looked that morning. "But he insisted on coming, obviously didn't want to draw attention to himself."

And that wasn't true, Nick remembered with a sudden horror. Blaine had been telling Jeff to take the day off when Nick had opened his _stupid _mouth and told Jeff it was mandatory and if he had just kept quiet then Jeff might not be out here looking like he was going to pass out and _wow __Nick, __you __really __are __a __disappointment, __what __an __idiot, __you __never __get __it __right__-_

_Shut __up! _he told himself firmly, closing his eyes for a brief second to shake the voice out of his head. _You__'__re __not __here, __you __have __no __power __over __me __so __shut __up __and __let __me __focus __on __what__'__s __important._

Alana shook her head, looking almost sad. "I hate this place now more than ever. Jeff, we need to help you so I think the first thing we need to do is get that shirt off -"

"No."

Jeff's voice was quiet but firm and Nick frowned. Then, surprisingly, Scott agreed with him. "He's right. I've seen this before, it's sunstroke and exposing him to the sun further is only going to make it worse. 'Lana, if you cover for us, I'll get him back to camp."

Alana nodded, looking relieved. "I can do that. Take care of him."

Between them they helped Jeff to his feet, Nick hovering, not sure what to do. But once Jeff was upright again he shook off their hands, clearly wanting to be independent. Scott however put a hand back on his shoulder, refusing to let it be budged. "Either I help or you get me and James carrying you, got it?"

"Do you need me to come, just in case?" James asked.

Scott shook his head. "It'll be fine. You have your phone, I'll call if I need you, Alana you didn't hear that." The girl winked and Scott smirked before turning back to James. "You stay here and draw enough attention that nobody notices we're gone, okay?" James nodded and Scott kissed him swiftly before returning his attention to Jeff. "Alright buddy, let's go. It's a long walk, we're going to go slow though."

Nick and the others watched as Scott and Jeff turned and began to walk back the way they came. Jeff still looked unsteady but Nick knew Scott would keep him upright, no matter how much it looked like Jeff wanted to get away. And Nick understood, understood how embarrassing it must feel to be the one showing weakness. Of course he didn't _judge _Jeff for what had just happened but knew he would be horrified if he had been the one to have gotten to that state, to have to rely so much on others. It simply deepened his resolve - Nick was not going to let anybody see what _his _weaknesses were.

Once the two had disappeared from sight, Alana sighed. "Come on guys, the others will be stopping soon and we need to catch up. Everybody else is feeling fine?" Nods all around and she gestured for them to follow. "Let's go then."

Blaine fell into line with Nick, just as he knew he would. "Why did we let him come?"

"Because we had no choice," Nick said brusquely. "We're all stuck in his hell-hole, we have to do what they say. At least he's out of here now."

Blaine didn't reply and Nick was grateful, not that he would show it. The silence was giving him a chance to think, but also to _stop _thinking, to stop worrying about Jeff because it wasn't his place or his concern. Jeff could do pretty much whatever the hell he liked and Nick shouldn't worry about him. He wasn't Jeff's _mother_ or anything, he wasn't even his friend.

Funny how none of his usual arguments were working for him in the slightest.

Nick sighed and resigned himself to a long walk.

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff.<strong>

"Thank you."

It was the first words Jeff had said in the past half hour, the first time he had felt like it was safe enough to open his mouth without wanting to cry or get angry (even though there was no way he was angry at anybody but himself). But they had finally reached the campsite and Jeff was a little more in control of himself.

Scott stopped, turning to face him. "I'm worried about you. And I don't worry easily so that's saying something." Jeff tried to speak, to say he was fine, but Scott held up a hand. "Just let me talk. Look, this is serious. I don't know if you're still doing it or not and I'm not going to ask because that's your business and I know you'd just close off if I tried. But when it has this kind of effect on your life, you need to do something about it. Jeff, you looked like you were either going to pass out or have a complete meltdown back there and, on top of it being really bad for your health, in a place like this that draws attention. The absolute last thing you need right now is for people to start asking questions."

"I can handle -"

"No, you really can't. You're lucky I had the sense of mind to lie for you back there because I know you wouldn't have been able to think of sunstroke yourself. Take it from someone who's been there, when these people latch onto a topic, they _don__'__t __let __go.__" _Scott sighed and Jeff suddenly noticed the weariness and almost pain in his face - _memories? __What __did __they __do __to __him?_

"I don't know what I'm meant to do though," Jeff admitted. "The therapist knows and I'm _not _telling Blaine or Nick. I'm not at all ready for those two to know - to know me."

A few more seconds went by in silence, Jeff trying to avoid eye contact. "Would you consider telling James?" Scott finally asked.

"What good would that do?" Jeff asked back, finally fed up. "Just telling another person how messed up I am, how _screwed __up _my life is? And what, is he meant to fix it? Meant to make it better, make it all go away, like it never happened? Well, Scott, it _did _happen and it still _does _happen and I can't do anything about that and telling the entire _world _isn't going to change that! If I wasn't getting better out there with two loving parents and a proper therapist to help, why would I get better in here where nearly everybody hates me and nobody understands? I'm basically just treading water until I can escape and deal with my screwed up life elsewhere."

Jeff was breathing heavily by the end of his speel, glaring at the ground. There was no response and he cautiously looked up to see Scott watching him, looking neither angry nor ashamed, simply pensive. "You don't think you're ever going to get better," he stated. "But you are. And the day when you realize that is going to be one of the best of your life, I promise. But right now you don't want to hear it and you probably don't want to be near anybody, especially me. Can I trust you to be alone?"

The anger had left Jeff completely at Scott's reaction - now he was almost sickened with himself for acting that way. "I - I can't say yes," he admitted quietly.

"Would it help if I made you promise?"

Jeff closed his eyes for a second before nodding because _yes_, that would help so much and nobody had ever done that before, not like how Scott was offering. "Not forever, of course," he added, even though he knew Scott understood. "Just for tonight?"

"Just tonight," Scott agreed. "Promise me."

"I promise," Jeff said, quickly but truthfully. "Can I go?"

After one more piercing look, Scott nodded and Jeff turned, heading towards his room as fast as he naturally could. Once inside he immediately pulled off his shirt and ducked into the bathroom, locking the door even though nobody else was going to come in any time soon. Force of habit. The rest of his clothes quickly followed, the shower switched on and Jeff tilted his head back under the cold spray of water, feeling the release. Not enough, of course, not as much as he _could _get… but he had promised. And Jeff would never break a promise.

He forced his thoughts away from _that_ as quickly as possible, sinking down to sit in the bottom of the shower and wrapping his hands around his knees, beginning to shake as the reality of the day sunk in.

He had come _so __close. _If Scott hadn't been there, there was no way Jeff would have gotten out of there with his secrets intact, and there was no reason for Scott to have lied for him either. He could have made Jeff's life hell by allowing Alana to remove his shirt or just explaining _why _Jeff was so stubborn about it. And he didn't. For the first time Jeff could remember, someone stuck up for him and made sure he was taken care of.

Jeff didn't know what to do about that.

He was so used to being _alone_, being hated, being ignored. Things like that, no matter how much they hurt, he could deal with. What he _couldn__'__t _deal with was someone knowing and wanting to help, wanting to fix him when Jeff knew he was so far beyond the point of being fixed. Every time Scott reached out to him, it gave him a second of hope that Jeff had never allowed himself to have in the past, hope that would never come true.

Jeff was broken. And there was no glue in the world, no amount of caring or love or friendship that could put him right again.

He realized slowly that he was shivering and shut the water off. But Jeff made no move to get out of the shower, finding that his energy was completely gone. He was close to numb, shaking from far more than just the cold and _terrified _that he wouldn't be able to keep it together. It was only the first _week _and he had already screwed up. Scott knew, the psychiatrist knew, the others probably had begun to make assumptions and Jeff knew it was only a matter of time before -

_No._

No, he couldn't let that happen. Jeff would do everything in his power to keep his secrets secret. That would mean having more restraint when it came to therapy, maybe closing off a bit more from the other guys so they wouldn't get in close. It would be making sure Scott kept his mouth shut and that nobody else found out about what had happened today. And if he could pull the sick card, Jeff was going to take it because it would 'explain' enough that he might just be able to get away with it.

But first he needed to sort himself out.

With tremendous effort, Jeff pulled himself upright and stumbled out of the shower. Drying off, he stared at his reflection in the mirror, only able to see the dark circles, glazed eyes, bedraggled hair and beaten down expression. The things that nobody else seemed to be able to see.

Jeff set to work. New clothes - still long sleeves but hopefully it would be cooler in the room than it was on the hike - and countless attempts at styling his hair, Jeff decided he looked a little better. Still not fantastic, but when had he ever?

Jeff couldn't remember a time in his life when he had been able to look in the mirror and not see a broken wreck of a person staring back. And that scared him.

The others probably weren't due back for at least another hour - they hadn't even been quarter of the way in when Jeff had needed to turn back - so Jeff had an hour to sort himself out emotionally. Of course it wasn't enough, never would be enough and there probably wasn't enough time in the world for him to get his head together completely, but it was enough to disguise, to pretend that he was okay.

Except maybe it wasn't. Half an hour later found Jeff pacing, fists clenched and regretting his promise to Scott because his head was such a _mess _and it had helped in the past but he couldn't because he _freaking __promised. _And it wasn't _fair._

Jeff couldn't get himself under control. He had only ever had two other episodes like this - once during therapy where the psychiatrist had gone too deep, too personal and he had nearly flipped out. And once when - well. There was no need to go there, not if he was trying to calm himself down. But nothing worked for him, nothing except trying to get some sleep and hoping he would wake up the next morning at least somewhat calmer.

He could try, but Jeff had always sucked at trying to sleep in the middle of the day. At least when the other boys came back, he could pretend to be asleep and they would leave him alone for the rest of the night.

But if he was going to do that, he would need to eat first. And the only place where he could get food was Scott.

Sighing, Jeff took a deep breath and quickly made his way over to Scott's cabin to find the boy lying on his bed, headphones in his ears. "Scott?"

"Jeff, you alright?"

Jeff nodded quickly because Scott was looking a bit too worried for his liking. "I'm fine. I just - I'm going to try to sleep but I don't think I'll wake up for dinner if I do and -"

"Of course," Scott said, pulling the familiar box out from under his bed. "Help yourself?"

As Jeff was digging through the box for something to eat, he had to ask. "How on earth did you get a _box _of food in here?"

"Alana owes me a few," Scott explained. "She said it was hers and she has her own room so nobody can tell." As Jeff stood with a bag of chips in his hands, Scott stood as well. "Can I do anything?"

Jeff had to close his eyes to stop the tears from coming. "No," he said quietly. "But thank you."

"Anytime," Scott said, "and I mean it."

After a moment, Jeff felt he was in control enough to open his eyes again. Giving Scott a small smile he turned and quickly headed back to the room, still not sure who was actually on site. His room was the safest place he could be. Of course the tears were gone by the time he had gotten back, of course the one time he _could _cry in safety he now couldn't. Jeff had to sigh at himself because yeah, he kind of _always _screwed up.

The chips were eaten quickly, all but forced down since Jeff knew he needed to eat, and then the boy crawled into bed and attempted to sleep.

He must have gotten something because the next thing he knew, there was talking. "… wish we could do something for him. Do you think he needs the nurse?"

"I don't think so." Nick's voice came floating across the room, soft but more concerned than Jeff had ever heard. "Scott seems okay with leaving him alone - he'd know if it wasn't okay for Jeff to be on his own."

Blaine sighed and the sound tore at Jeff's heart because he had _never _made anybody sound like that, at least not since his parents had found out. "It just sucks. I wish I could help him, I wish I could make whatever's going on go away. But I've learnt a long time ago that I can't fix people, no matter how much I want to."

"The world would be an amazing place if you could," Nick said, neither thoughtfully nor bluntly, simply stated. "But you can't help him."

There was a long silence and Jeff had thought the other two had left by the time Blaine spoke again. "The people who hurt him are going to pay," he said, Jeff stiffening. Another silence and then; "So are the ones who hurt you."

Two seconds later and the door was swinging open, almost slamming shut and Blaine sighed again. "Can't get it right with him, ever." And then a hand was shaking his shoulder gently. "Jeff? It's Blaine. We're going to have dinner, do you want to join us?"

Jeff kept his eyes shut and did his best to make his voice sound bleary and tired. "No, already ate. Thanks."

"Alright. Let me know if you need anything."

Blaine disappeared and Jeff waited until he was gone before opening his eyes. Everything was blurry and he realized it was due to the tears that were about to fall because _he __had __upset __Blaine. _Blaine felt like he wasn't good enough, couldn't do enough and that was the _worst _thing in Jeff's book right now. Blaine had been nothing but nice to him and this was how he was repaying him?

Not anymore.

Starting tomorrow, Jeff was going to get it together. He was going to be in control, as close to perfect as he could be. Nobody else was going to be able to see that he was a complete wreck inside because he simply wouldn't let them see. And he was going to be the one who was there for others, the one who would help Blaine with anything he was struggling with. He would ask whether Blaine was missing Kurt and talk him through it if he was because that's what _friends _did and that was what Jeff considered Blaine, even if Blaine never thought the same.

It was going to be a tough one to fake, but Jeff knew he was up to the challenge.

* * *

><p><strong>Next Chapter: Rattled.<strong>


	7. Rattled

**Just a word of warning - next chapter may take longer than usual simply because I know where I'm headed with it but I don't know how to get there. If that makes sense. Anyway, I'll do my best but with Christmas coming up, I can't make any promises, especially since I have a solid set of graveyards over the Christmas holiday.**

******Disclaimer: I do not own the ideas in this story. I have never been to a 'straight camp' and am therefore not attempting to portray an exact replica of one. I do not own any characters you recognize.******

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

Midway through their morning routine - wherein Nick was fully dressed and ready while the other two fussed over their hair - a familiar figure appeared at their door, barely raising an eyebrow from any of the occupants. "Gentlemen," Scott greeted, leaning against the doorframe. "Jeff."

"Oh, are you saying I'm not a gentleman?"

Blaine laughed and Nick worked fast to hide a smirk while Scott simply rolled his eyes. "You get a special mention, sweetheart. I came to see how you're going this morning."

Jeff finished with his hair and turned around with a flourish. "How do I look like I'm going?"

"Perfectly styled, as usual."

Jeff laughed and Nick's eyes narrowed because there was no way in the world that laughter was real. Nick was the expert on all things fake, on wearing masks and pretending ones life didn't royally suck. There were a few methods that he had seen and used himself - closing off completely, deflecting or the fake persona.

Jeff was definitely using the latter.

Nick didn't know if anybody else had noticed - he sure hoped not because if they had noticed Jeff, they had definitely noticed him since closing off was harder to hide - but to him it was undeniable. The laughter was a little too fake, a bit too bright. He smiling too much and watching everybody else to go off their cues and make sure nobody was onto him.

Of course Nick could call him out on it, and it wouldn't take much to make Jeff's facade crumble and the truth come out but why would he? Why would he even _think_ of doing that to someone else when he worked so _hard _to keep his own secrets up?

_Because you care. Because you want to help him._

Okay, yes, maybe Nick was curious to see what had happened to make someone else put their masks up; before himself, there was nobody he had met who was as guarded as he was. Jeff was an enigma, clearly hiding something that he would do anything to protect as evidenced by their hike. Nick found himself torn between admiration for Jeff's determination and worry. It was foreign to worry this much about another person but…

Nick would never say what was going on in his life wasn't serious but somehow he knew Jeff's was worse and the last thing Nick ever wanted was to know that there was a lower point than what he was experiencing. Because lower meant _he_ could sink lower and whatever was going on with Jeff, Nick didn't want to experience. It was as simple as that.

Was it selfish? Yes. Was he potentially saving his own life? Yes. Did he feel guilty?

Nick tried to tell himself the answer was no but for some reason it wasn't sticking right today.

"Seriously though," Scott continued, "how are you? If you need a day off, I can pull some strings, I just need to know now."

Jeff shook his head, still smiling. "No, it's absolutely fine. I guess I slept it off."

Scott stepped into the room, stopping a few feet from Jeff and really taking him in. "Promise?"

There was something more to that, something that Blaine and Nick couldn't pick up on but both knew was there. At least Nick did, and Blaine had the confused expression he usually wore when one of them was being secretive. Jeff nodded again but his smile had dropped a little, almost to the point of being real. "Promise."

"Hold on," Blaine said suddenly, a grimace crossing his face. "Isn't it group therapy?" Scott nodded and he groaned. "Is that offer transferable? Because I'm suddenly coming down with something."

"Something that involves you spending all day on the phone to Kurt?"

Blaine pressed a hand to his forehead and nodded. "Sure feels like one of the symptoms," he informed them before sighing. "Are we at least doing something less than painful this morning?"

"I wish." Scott rolled his eyes at them. "Today is the first of our seminars. They bring in people who are apparently leading experts in their field and I'd buy that if they weren't claiming that their field was anything other than excessive homophobia. Back when I first came here, there were enough people that you could sleep in the back row but now there's no chance. Just tune out and don't listen."

Nick was fairly sure he could do that easily - years of practice with school meant any teenager could. None of the others looked worried either as Blaine capped his gel and ducked into the bathroom to wash off his hands. "Lets go get it over with then, shall we?" he said smoothly, making some sort of flourish towards the door.

As they all exited, however, James appeared, bounding up the stairs to push Scott straight through the door and shut it behind them to the shock of the other three. "Um," Blaine finally ventured, "let's just say we don't want to know and leave now."

"Agreed," Jeff said quickly and Nick nodded. "How's Kurt?" Jeff asked, turning his attention to Blaine suddenly as if he had just remembered to ask. Nick's eyes narrowed but he let it go - _like you would have said it anyway - _understanding what Jeff was doing. Diversion tactics.

Blaine's smile turned wistful and his pace across the campsite slowed. "As of today, this is the longest we've been apart since we started dating. Apparently he ran into my father yesterday at the mall and his dad made it clear how disappointed he was that I'm in here. Actually got into a fistfight in the middle of the mall until Kurt dragged his dad away." Blaine grinned before his smile faded completely. "I just really miss him."

"It must be hard," Jeff said quietly.

Blaine nodded, stopping completely. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard, once. "It'll be fine," he said, as if he needed to reassure himself more than explain it to the others. "We have our phones and we love each other. Nothing can take away from that." Blaine opened his eyes again, ducking his head a little. "Sorry. I just - let's just go to breakfast."

Maybe he and Jeff weren't the only ones keeping some things hidden, Nick thought to himself as Blaine strode ahead, entering the dining hall. Blaine had his own shut-off valves and it looked like he had just employed one.

Jeff caught his eye and shrugged. "Sore spot, I guess," he said. Nick shrugged back and for a second, a current of understanding passed through them that was less to do with Blaine and far more about each other. About the way Nick was continually rude and shutting people out; about the way Jeff was frantically hiding away something potentially dangerous. That maybe they were similar - too similar.

And then it was gone and Nick blinked, not sure what to do. "Breakfast?" he finally said, Jeff nodding just a touch too quickly in response. And as soon as he looked away from Jeff it was easier to go back to the way things were, back to his self imposed near-silence as they entered the hall heading for Blaine who was staring at the table top.

As soon as they sat down, Blaine looked up. "I'm sorry," he said quickly. "Kurt is simultaneously the only thing keeping me sane and the reason I'm going crazy. I just need to get out of here."

"We all do," Jeff said, lowering his voice as Stephen passed by their table. "And we will. One day at a time."

Blaine nodded before looking up over their heads. "Well, we know what they were up to."

Nick turned to see Scott and James heading towards them, both looking far too cheerful for their location. Scott's hair was mussed and James was straightening his collar as they slipped around the table and took seats on either side of Blaine. "Good morning everybody," James said happily.

"I hope my bed is safe," Blaine said, wincing as if he didn't really want to know the answer.

"Come on," Scott said, nudging Blaine gently. "You're telling me you and Kurt never make out? The counselors check mine and James's room every morning to make sure we're not in there 'being inappropriate.' Yours was the next best option."

The room silenced as Ms. Taylor entered and Nick rolled his eyes, tuning her speel out and considering it practice for the morning to come. Silently he followed the rest of the boys up for breakfast, surveyed the options in front of him and opted for a cup of fake coffee instead, noting Blaine was doing the same thing, sniffing at it experimentally. "I don't even care if it's not real, I'm in withdrawal," he announced as they headed back to the table.

"Fellow addict?" Nick asked.

Blaine raised an eyebrow. "You have no idea. Dalton has its own damn coffee shop." He took a sip, grimacing. "I suppose it'll do."

Nick drank from his own cup and nodded, understanding where Blaine was coming from. "There's just enough coffee to make it coffee but not enough to make it good."

"Exactly."

Blaine grinned at him and Nick smiled back before hiding it in his coffee cup, wondering why he wasn't shutting off completely. For some reason it felt too natural to just talk to Blaine like this for Nick to stop and maybe, just maybe, he didn't have to shut people out completely like he had been, at least not here. Of course there were many areas of his life that were no access for anybody else but…

Well, as it turned out, he wasn't the only person who had been hurt and as far as Nick could tell, Blaine and the others weren't out to hurt him.

Maybe civility wouldn't be so difficult. Not friendship, not yet, and not trust either. But to join in on the conversations, to smile a bit, to feel like a part of something even if it was only to commiserate over their awful experiences so far, it was something Nick wanted.

It was something he had only ever had once before in his life.

There was a flurry of movement and Nick, startled, looked up to see everybody standing. "Coming?" Jeff asked and Nick nodded, following the others out of the room. He presumed they were headed to the seminar - his thoughts had distracted him completely. "How long does this thing go for?"

"Anywhere from half an hour to the entire day," Scott said, rolling his eyes. "There's only a few people who get out of it," he added, gesturing to one of the boys headed towards the counseling room, "but I wouldn't say they're any luckier."

Nick had to agree, even when they filed into the room and realized Scott was right about not being able to hide up the back. There was a back row and the five of them claimed it quickly, but considering there were only two rows in front of the back row, they weren't exactly hidden. "Recognize him?" James whispered to Scott.

Scott nodded. "Monotone guy," he said, something that clearly made sense to James who gave an _ahh _of recognition. "The only way he's going to get anybody to break down will be tears of _boredom_."

"People cry in these things?" Blaine asked.

"Some of the topics get a bit full on," Scott explained. "Not today, this guy gets off on statistics and facts so put on your best glazed over expression and you'll fit right in."

Jeff snickered. "Sounds like World History classes at my school. I'm yet to understand why we care about what's happening in Australia of all places. Nothing interesting happens over there."

Once everybody had filed in, the man turned around to face them and uncapped the projector to fill the screen with grey. A single word in the middle of the screen proclaimed HOMOSEXUALITY and Nick rolled his eyes because really? Would they really be learning about anything _else _this summer?

"Good morning," came the voice and the atmosphere shifted immediately, the boredom almost tangible from that single statement. Any monotone Nick had heard in the past was the pure verbalization of _joy _compared to this voice and the only struggle anybody would have today was keeping awake and not getting caught by the nonexistent counselors.

_Hold on._

True enough, as Nick glanced around he realized the only ones present were Alana and Zach. Where Jessica and Stephen were, Nick didn't know and couldn't care because Zach was on his phone and Alana was falling asleep and they didn't have to pay attention in the slightest. Nick nudged Blaine and silently pointed it out to him, watching his eyes light up as he turned to pass the message along the line. His job done, Nick slumped back in his chair, tilted his head to the roof and closed his eyes.

He didn't quite sleep but he drifted enough that the man's voice became no more than a haze. Scott and James were whispering about something at the end of the row, Blaine sounded like he was texting (a risk to have his phone out of the cabin but considering how much he was missing Kurt Nick couldn't blame him) and Jeff, when Nick peeked, looked like he was fast asleep. Probably a good thing because of the dark circles under his eyes and -

_Hey_. How come he had never noticed that before?

Jeff was already pale to begin with and the dark smudges under his eyes indicated not just a recent lack of sleep but a long time of bad sleep habits. Maybe he was just like any other teenage who stayed up until three in the morning on a school night, but maybe he wasn't and it was that maybe that had Nick watching the boy for just a bit too long until Blaine glanced his way curiously and he had to pretend to be asleep again.

Of course there was nothing he could do and Nick simply filed it away with all of the other observations he had made about Jeff and focused on tuning out life again.

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff.<strong>

He jolted awake when the rest of his row began to move, Scott making a loud comment about lunch. Rubbing sleep from his eyes, Jeff blearily followed the group - and when the five of them had become a _group_ he didn't know - out, not even realizing they weren't headed towards the dining hall until they made it to Scott's room. "Eat quick," Scott advised as he dug into his plethora of edible food, tossing it out to them. "We'll need to be back in the dining hall in five minutes to avoid suspicion."

They all did as Scott advised, idly talking about the seminar. Jeff had no idea what they were discussing, only that the man's voice had put him to sleep and stated so to the general laughter of the others. He laughed too but inwardly was thanking the man wholeheartedly because _wow, real sleep _unlike the sleep he got every night; too light, too restless, awake at the slightest noise, sometimes just awake full stop. If the rest of the seminars were like that then one good thing would definitely come out of the camp.

Still hazy from sleep, Jeff simply followed the others around, only waking up fully when he was in the dining hall again. And oh, then they were on the move again and _right_, group therapy.

Damn it.

He wasn't sure when his sleepy and comfortable haze had transcended into unease or even why but before long Jeff was on the edge of his seat wondering whether he could turn a bathroom break into a few hours of hiding out until therapy was over. And this was kind of worse than anything because he usually _knew _what was freaking him out and here he was, freaking over the idea of something he didn't even know of. What was going on?

From the minute their therapist walked in the door, Jeff _knew_.

He didn't need to wait for the topic to be laid out in front of them and explained. He didn't need to even make eye contact with the man, to see the smile on his face that clearly hid so much more. He just knew from the second he saw him that he knew. And Jeff knew.

They were trying to break him.

"Today is an important topic in the community that you all claim to be a part of," Mr. Everett began without preamble, letting his folders hit the table and sitting down across from them. "I hope this will be enough to show at least one of you that the path you are traveling down is not as harmless as you think, that the impact it has on your soul is far worse than you could imagine."

"Can I just spare you?" Scott asked, cutting in a little more abruptly than they were used to. "We're all evil, going to hell, our life is gonna suck if we continue like this, blah blah blah _who cares_?"

"Mr. Hamilton, clearly there are those who care otherwise this facility would not exist. Today's topic is one of importance and we will be discussing it as a group."

Two minutes in and already Mr. Everett was on edge, allowing himself to get riled up by Scott and that would just make everything worse and what was Scott _thinking?_

It was only when Scott caught his eye looking sympathetic and almost apologetic that Jeff realized he was trying to protect him and get the topic to a different one. He also realized that there was no way in hell that it would work and tried to convey his gratitude and resignation to Scott without letting his overwhelming fear get in the way.

There was no way out of this and all Jeff could do was hold it together and not react. That was all they wanted, some kind of reaction that they could work with and Jeff was definitely not going to be the one to give it to them.

"Depression."

And so it began.

"Recent research has shown that depression is climbing at a significant rate in teenagers, but specialized studies have shown that in certain minority groups, this rate is even higher to the point where it is dangerous. Of course this group is the one known as LGBT or those calling themselves homosexuals who have demonstrated a high level of depression, mental disorder, self harming instances and suicide attempts and/or completions."

God, he was just so _blase _about it all! How could someone sit there and talk about people struggling with such awful things and not even _care_? Jeff gritted his teeth, resisting the urge to tell the man exactly why those things were an issue but resisted, of course. Of course he couldn't say or do anything, just like he could never talk about this kind of topic to anybody outside of his family. Never.

"In recent population-based public health studies, one statistic in particular showed that there are higher rates of recurrent major depression among men who are calling themselves gay, as well as high rates of anxiety, mood and substance use disorders as well as suicidal thoughts for those with a same-sex partner aged fifteen to fifty-four. These are the topics that we as a group are going to discuss today."

Jeff chanced a glance around the rest of the group to gauge their reactions. Josh and Shane, Jeff didn't know well enough to read their faces yet but neither seemed to be particularly invested in the topic, making Jeff relatively sure it was a non-issue for them. Blaine seemed worried and Jeff paused on that for a second before remembering that Blaine worried about everybody and was probably thinking more in terms of everybody who was struggling with it, whether he knew them or not. Nick, as usual, looked impassive but Jeff didn't have the energy to try and search under the mask and look for a glimpse of something. And Scott…

Scott looked _pissed. _Whether it was just because the topic was sensitive for Jeff (not that Jeff believed someone actually cared about him that much) or simple hatred for the topic, Scott was staring at Mr. Everett like he wanted to jam his folder down his throat. And while Jeff would happily join him on that venture, he just couldn't work out what it was exactly that had set Scott on edge so badly.

"Now, who has suffered from depression?"

_What?_

"You can't ask that," Scott said instantly. "In a group setting, we don't have to divulge private information unless we choose to and a direct question like that could be considered as coercion. In fact, it is because I know what you're doing."

A long drawn-out sigh as if Scott had put him through a great hardship. "Alright, would anybody like to share their personal experiences with depression?"

Jeff couldn't look around this time, lest the fear on his face be spotted. Instead he stared down at the ground and listened to the murmurs of dissent around him - clearly nobody had dealt with this topic or were in the same boat as Jeff of not wanting to talk about it.

And then the unbelievable.

"Why do you think suicide rates are so high in homosexuals?"

Josh put forward a tentative answer and Jeff mentally applauded him for it. "Because of bullying? You know, it gets too much because people are always putting them down."

"And if there was nothing to put them down for, there would be no issue," the man stated.

Scott actually hissed, low under his breath, but it was Blaine who spoke up. "Are you trying to tell me that we should just _choose _not to like guys and people would be okay with us? What about people who made fun of me for being in a Glee club and also made fun of my completely straight fellow club members?"

"There is a reason behind bullying every time," Mr. Everett explained, his tone almost weary as if he'd had to give this explanation many times before. "Just like you can choose to quit the program if the teasing is too much, so you can also quit the notion of an alternate sexuality."

"What if you were teased for liking a certain girl?" Nick said suddenly, surprisingly, his voice calm as usual. "If I decided I was straight and I liked someone who didn't like me and her friends all teased me for it. Can I just choose not to like this girl if my heart has decided that she is the one I want?"

Nick had made an excellent point and it took a few moments for the reply. "Your heart understands that it is acceptable to like girls and therefore it is not as easy to just move on -"

"My heart," Scott interrupted harshly, "understands that it is acceptable to like guys. One guy in particular who I actually quite _love_ and I'll be damned if society tells me that's wrong." Holding up his left hand, Scott wiggled the fingers and Jeff's eyes widened as he honed in on the piece of silver wrapped around a certain finger. "See that? That tells me that one day I will be marrying that boy and since America is beginning to make it legal, nothing can stop us. Not my parents, not this camp and especially not _you_!"

And with that, Scott shot a wink in Jeff's direction and stormed towards the door theatrically. "Mr. Hamilton!" Mr. Everett barked, already on his feet. "If you leave this room, you will be in Isolation for as long as I can keep you there."

Scott paused, turning to look back. "Well, I do have a record to keep… but I'd appreciate a good night's sleep as well. I suppose I can put up with ten minutes more of your blatant discrimination, but I'd like to know what the statistics are for heterosexual suicide completions - _not _attempts," he added as the psychiatrist opened his mouth. "Actual completions."

Clearly Scott knew what he was talking about as the reply took awhile to come and lacked the usual confidence. "The majority of the studies have only included both attempts and completions -"

"Not what I asked," Scott interrupted again. "But since you don't seem particularly keen on telling us, let me explain for the rest of the group. If you look at the recent studies, it shows that the actual number of suicide completions in homosexual teenagers is near equal to the number in heterosexual teenagers. Meaning _there is no difference based on sexuality._"

The murmurings of the group were enough to drown out Mr. Everett's protests- weak as they were and just adding further credence to Scott's previous statement. Jeff was the only one still silent, trying to process the facts that had been laid before him.

_It's not because you're gay. You're not weak because you're gay. _

It didn't change a lot, but Jeff felt he could breathe just a tiny bit easier now.

Mr. Everett finally got the group back under control, clearly ready to tackle another topic. "Now, many of the attempted suicides - and of which the homosexual group have _many _more then the heterosexual - refer to instances of self harming. Since I am not permitted to ask directly whether anybody has struggled with self harm, I will instead ask whether anybody has something to contribute to this topic."

Of course that was the way of asking the exact question he was forbidden to ask and Jeff broke into a cold sweat almost immediately because that question was _for him_. And if Jeff didn't speak up now, it would be taken as lying by omission and he knew lying wasn't tolerated here and if he wasn't called out on it now then at least his next solo session would be _hell_ and -

"Nobody?" Mr. Everett shuffled his papers, clearing his throat. "Well then, we'll start with the statistics."

As the man began to read out numbers, Jeff closed his eyes for a second, allowing a moment of relief. Of course it wasn't over; he wasn't naive enough to believe that the omission would be forgotten, but maybe it was going to be dealt with in private after all. And Jeff could handle that a lot easier than potential revelation to everybody else because the last thing he needed was the stares, the judgement, the taunting -

_Breathe. Don't go there._

Without looking, Jeff knew Scott was watching him and forced a calmer expression on his face, remembering yesterday's promise to himself. Keep up the front of normality no matter what, don't let anybody know what's wrong.

Now all he had to do was keep doing that until the camp was over.

Finding the clock, Jeff breathed out a sigh of relief as he realized there were only ten minutes left. Drowning out their psychiatrist, he began to count down the seconds.

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

James was waiting outside their therapy room - not an uncommon event because, well, Scott. But the difference was noticeable in the lack of a smile on his face and before anybody could ask what was wrong;

"First conversion."

Scott swore under his breath. "Who?"

"Peter."

Nick looked between the two in confusion. He vaguely knew there was a guy called Peter in James's room but whatever was going on with this conversion business, he had no idea. All Nick knew of conversions was stuff about religion and since it really wasn't a topic that seemed at all important to him, he couldn't for the life of him work out why it was such an issue to these two.

"How did it happen?" Scott demanded. "What was your topic?"

"Depression, and I don't even know. Our guy is a bit intense, singles people out all the time and he was just staring at Peter saying _you deserve a better life than this _and this guy just _cracked_. He said he was sick of the people getting angry at him and hating him and if there was a better life then count him in and this one sucked and then of course all that crap about he'd never had a boyfriend so he didn't know and -" James shook his head. "Then they got him off to solo and he's gone, Scott. It was just like you said. I saw it in his eyes."

Scott sighed and Nick could see the disappointment in his eyes. "Damn it," he said softly. "I thought we'd have longer before anybody got close."

"Same. He seemed so… right. I mean, I live with him and he never showed any signs of wanting to change."

"Um," Blaine interjected cautiously, "I don't meant to interrupt but what's happened?"

James glanced to Scott who closed his eyes for a second. "Someone's turned straight."

"What?" Jeff said, his voice stunned. Blaine was doing a marvelous impression of a fish and Nick knew his own eyes had gone wide because for all the camp boasted about 'teaching them to find their true sexuality', Nick had never thought anybody _would_.

Scott nodded. "There's always at least one," he explained sadly. "They have all their tricks and after the first solo sessions begin singling out people who they can get their claws into. Clearly Peter had some kind of history with depression that had been revealed through either his file or his first session and with that knowledge, their therapist could angle his barbs just right to crack him. And then when he's broken down and hurting they'll build him back up how they want him to be."

"Is there something we can do about it?" James asked, resting his head against Scott's shoulder wearily. "I mean, can I say something that will snap him out of it?"

"It's not brainwashing," Scott said. "This is the serious one; when they take someone who has broken and legitimately wants to change, there's not much that will get them back. Occasionally making out works - I haven't tried it on anybody," he added hastily. "But I know there was a guy two years back who broke down completely and they got him believing he was ramrod until his boyfriend showed up, marched straight through security - another thing we don't have anymore - and kissed him until he stopped believing their lies."

There was a long silence and then Blaine hesitantly broke it. "So… brainwashing?"

"They have mind tricks in therapy. Sometimes it's a form of hypnotism for people who are highly suggestible and they go into a bit of a controlled haze for awhile until something snaps them out. They'll twist everybody's words to make them question what they've believed, all that can happen there is holding to your truth. But the tricks they achieve in one hour can easily be broken by people who know the signs. And that's part of the reason I don't put up a fight anymore when my parents tell me they're going; I know I can be useful here."

"You're brave," Nick said quietly but purposefully. Of course their eyes all shot to him and he resisted the urge to roll his own - he wasn't _mute _or anything - but he stood by it. To come back to a place like this every single year just to try and help others was the bravest thing Nick had ever heard, especially when it painted such a big target on Scott's head and, in previous years, took him away from his boyfriend for so long.

Scott shrugged. "I know what it's like," he repeated. "But thanks."

Nick lifted one shoulder, staring away from the group and waiting for them to get the hint to stop paying attention to him again. His earlier resolve of civility was quickly crumbling under the weight of every surprised look he got when he said something civil, or anything at all for that matter. The last thing he wanted was that much attention on what he was saying, for people to start probing into the meaning behind his words or wondering why exactly he was saying what he was saying and then questions.

So if it meant that Nick had to stare at the trees for awhile to avoid that, he would take in the shape of every damn tree on the campsite and commit them all to memory.

"Yeah, I noticed we don't have security," Jeff suddenly said in an almost too loud manner. "What exactly is stopping people from running away?"

Scott gestured to the nearest tree - coincidentally the one Nick had just been memorizing. "Ohio isn't the most dangerous place in the world but this is the middle of a forest and most people have safely realized that between the risk of a horrible camp or potential death, they'd take four weeks here."

Nick had to agree with that one but couldn't help but wonder where exactly that line would be for him, whether there would potentially be something that would just be enough to tip him over the point of no return - literally no return, where he would rather go out there and face the wildlife and what may come than stay at this camp and deal with what may come.

It was a lot closer than he had realized.

"So what happens now?"

James was still leaning on Scott who was stroking a hand through his hair absently. "Now we just deal," Scott said tiredly. "If we see signs of him not believing what they've told him, we take the chance to remind him of who he is. Otherwise we just hope he doesn't turn into a mini counselor and start lecturing all of us all the time and we hope he's the only one." He looked down at James with something akin to concern. "Okay?"

"Can we go for a walk?"

Scott kissed his forehead. "Of course we can. Excuse us, gentlemen."

Once they had gone, Blaine gave a low whistle. "Must've been intense to have James upset like that," he said quietly. "But I can't imagine watching someone completely change their views like that because of the influence of another person and not be affected myself."

Nick and Jeff both nodded but neither one replied and it seemed they had gotten to the point where Blaine didn't expect them to. Either that or Blaine was too afraid of setting one of them off accidentally again and Nick suddenly flashed back to the previous night - Blaine's regret at not being able to help Jeff, his own storm out when Blaine got a bit too close to the core for his liking.

And Nick realized.

They were all involved. Secrets could be kept but their existence would always be found out about and sometimes that was worse than the truth coming out. They were in close proximity all day every day for the next few weeks and every single day, Nick realized that these two boys were getting closer to him, both in the way he viewed them and the way they viewed him. Sure, maybe he didn't know why Blaine got so upset when he couldn't help people or why Jeff just seemed upset in general, but he knew and he couldn't look at the two the same way he had when they had all first arrived. Nor, he was sure, could they do the same for him.

Things were changing and Nick couldn't stop them. All he could do was make his choice; to be honest, to let the full truth out on his own terms and see what happened; or to lie, to push people away and keep the details of his life as hidden as possible even though everybody knew they were there.

He wasn't ready to make that choice.

"Is it dinner time yet?"

Blaine reached into his pocket, pulled out a honest-to-god _pocket watch _and examined it. "Half an hour. What's wrong?" he asked Jeff who looked like he was choking on air.

"You carry a pocket watch?" Jeff asked incredulously.

Blaine grinned. "This is the second one I've had. The first one was my grandfathers and given to Kurt for his birthday - there's a story behind it, I promise I don't just suck at giving gifts. And then he gave me this one in return just before I came here." Blaine's thumb ran along the inside where Nick could vaguely make out an engraving but not what it said.

Apparently Jeff had a better vantage point. "Courage?"

"Remind me to tell you sometime."

Jeff shook his head. "You are seriously so… there's not even a word for it."

Blaine grinned. "Kurt says I'm dapper. Apparently I'm equal amounts of dorky though so I shouldn't exist."

Nick fought back his flinch and stayed silent.

The conversation drifted from there, somehow getting onto the topic of music. Jeff and Blaine quickly found a common love for playing piano and from there on it was as if Nick was invisible as they babbled excitedly about their favorite pieces and other musical things that Nick had no idea about. Sure, he loved music himself (not that he would give that away, not that he knew _why_) but piano had never really been his thing. Give him a good guitar though and he was gone for hours.

"I miss it," Blaine said with a sigh, unknowingly echoing Nick's exact thoughts. "Music is such a brilliant escape from everything; even if they'd let me bring a guitar or something I would have been happy."

Jeff hummed in agreement and then there was silence. Strange, almost awkward silence because Nick had nothing to say and Jeff looked like he was starting to struggle with his mask and Blaine was clearly taking it a sentence at a time in hope that he didn't upset someone and _wow_, could it be a result of being gay that made them all this messed up? It seemed to be the only common factor and maybe the camp directors were right, maybe -

_- What about people who made fun of me for being in a Glee club and also made fun of my completely straight fellow club members? -_

_the actual number of suicide completions in homosexual teenagers is near equal to the number in heterosexual teenagers. Meaning there is no difference based on sexuality. -_

Therapy had actually taught him something.

"Oh, brilliant, you're back!" Nick looked up to see James and Scott returning, looking as cheerful as ever, and Blaine looking determined. "James, show me your hand."

Instead of looking confused, James simply lifted his hand and wiggled his fingers. The flash of silver caught in the sunlight and Nick's eyes widened as he remembered the identical ring Scott had shown them earlier. "No, we're not engaged," Scott explained to Blaine. "Promise rings. We gave them to each other last Christmas and promised that as soon as we were living in a state that legalized it, we'd swap them out for engagement rings."

"I love it," Blaine said, examining Scott's ring.

"I bet one of these would look good on Kurt's finger."

Blaine shrugged a little but his eyes had gone contemplative. "Not yet, I don't think. Maybe for our one year just so we don't freak his dad out too much. And I'll need time to save - Kurt's taste in jewelry is significantly more expensive than my budget calls for."

"Aren't you a rich kid?" James asked bluntly. Blaine thankfully didn't take it personally and nodded, prompting a whistle from James. "That must be one damn expensive boyfriend."

"I can't afford him; he's priceless. But he takes me anyway," Blaine told them. "Though for some reason he seems to think it's the other way around."

James snickered, Scott shot him an affectionate look and Nick was hit with a sudden pang of loneliness.

_Why can't I have somebody to have that with?_

It wasn't even that he wanted to be priceless to somebody or to be the person somebody thought they weren't good enough for - all Nick wanted was for someone to actually want him, in any sense of the word.

"Shall we go in?"

Shaking himself out of his thoughts - and it was getting stupidly risky to keep letting himself drift off into them in public like that - Nick followed the rest of the group in, immediately noticing the tension humming in the air. Guys were whispering to each other and a few were glancing at James as if they were trying to draw information from him via telepathy.

"What's going on?" Blaine murmured as they sat down. "Why is everybody -?"

The room suddenly quietened and Blaine broke off mid sentence, staring over Nick's shoulder. It was only when Nick turned around and saw Peter entering the room without looking at a single one of them that he realized word must have spread. And now they were all just waiting to see what the result would be from the first conversion - the conversion, it seemed, that nobody had expected and that everybody now feared.

They had only been there for just over a week and already one of their number had fallen.

What was in store for the rest?

Peter crossed the room and sat down at his usual table, taking no notice of the fact that anybody else was sitting there and placing himself down the end, hands clasped. He looked relaxed and serene and so out of place with the rest of the room that Nick simply couldn't help but stare. Earlier he had entertained the notion that maybe Peter had just been playing along and pretending so he could have an easier run at the camp but now that Nick was seeing him with his own eyes, he realized James was right. It was in the way he sat, the way he moved, but it was in his eyes more than anywhere else. He'd changed, and it could very well be for good.

"I have some very exciting news!" came from the front and Nick heard a few badly suppressed groans around the room as Ms. Taylor bustled up looking even more cheerful than usual, a feat they had thought was impossible. "One of our own has had a substantial breakthrough today and -"

Nick tuned her out. He didn't need to hear it, having gotten the details from James, but more importantly he didn't _want _to hear it. Because if he heard it, if he found out how exactly Peter had changed, it might bear too much of a temptation. Instead he simply pulled up his mental guitar and played _Breakeven _as loud as possible until the movements began indicating the rest of the group were getting up for dinner.

Nobody seemed particularly hungry, especially at their table. In fact the only one who seemed to eat was Peter, chatting away to Jessica in a low voice who had come to sit with him.

Needless to say the rest of the table's occupants had vacated as soon as possible.

Dinner was a quick affair and an early night seemed on the cards for all. For some reason all of the energy was sapped from the room and Jeff in particular looked like he could fall asleep standing up, like the day had taken a lot out of him and Nick had to stop and wonder whether in all of the excitement and worry about Peter, if they had missed something important right in front of them.

But Jeff wasn't forthcoming with any information, simply stealing the bathroom as soon as they got back to the cabin and then crawling into bed fully clothed as seemed to be his habit. Blaine pulled his phone out once he had washed the gel out of his hair and flopped back onto his bed with a begging look towards Nick. "Would it keep you awake if I called him? I promise to whisper."

Nick waved a hand. "Knock yourself out."

Blaine grinned and immediately buried himself under the covers, the sounds of a muffled conversation beginning less than a minute later. Sighing, Nick took his turn in the bathroom before switching the lights off and making his way to his own bed where he laid awake for a long time.

Try as he might, he couldn't work out why it felt like something was just around the corner, prepared to strike.

* * *

><p><strong>Next Chapter: Broken. <strong>


	8. Broken

****Things got serious fast and characters got more emotional than I had planned. That's the thing about this story - I have a plan and then someone decides they're going to react more strongly to a certain event and well, there goes my plan. I can't complain though. ****

****Disclaimer: I do not own the ideas in this story. I have never been to a 'straight camp' and am therefore not attempting to portray an exact replica of one. I do not own any characters you recognize.****

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff.<strong>

Waking up to the sound of screaming wasn't exactly uncommon but when it was somebody else, Jeff was definitely thrown for a loop.

Blaine shot up in bed, eyes still half shut as he searched around the room for the culprit. "Oh my god, who's being murdered?"

"No idea," Nick said calmly and Jeff stared at him, realizing he looked entirely unconcerned as if he was used to hearing people scream at each other. "Maybe instead of staring around at each other looking for a solution we clearly don't have the answer to, we should go and _find out_?"

_Well. _Someone was grouchy in the morning.

It was a good suggestion though and the boys made quick work of getting over to the door, Jeff slowly cracking it open before hissing out a breath of surprise. "It's Scott and James."

"Fighting with each other?"

"No." Jeff pushed open the door a little further so the others could peer out and see what was going on.

Ms. Taylor was standing out on the lawn in a robe and slippers (and that was a sight Jeff could never unsee), shaking her head at the two boys standing in front of her. The person screaming was Jessica who was currently in the middle of one of the rants Scott had informed the boys she was famous for and they were now getting to see firsthand. Alana was standing a few steps back, alternating between shooting the two apologetic glances and glaring at the back of her mother's head. And the boys themselves were standing in the middle of it all, simply taking it.

Judging by the words Jeff could hear coming from Jessica, it was mostly clear what had happened. The two had gotten up early so they could spend some time together undisturbed but had been caught and were now going to pay the price for it. Jeff wasn't sure exactly what the two had been doing - Jessica was screaming about _obscenity _and _moral standards _but since she got fired up over hand holding, her word couldn't be taken as truth.

It wasn't long before Isolation was threatened and the two were split, each being taken away by one of the women. Once they had gone Alana sighed, scrubbed her hands across her face and then turned to their cabin. "You guys can come out now."

Jeff wanted to ask how she had known but Blaine beat him to the punch with what was probably a more important question; "What the hell was that?"

"That was everything that is wrong with society and the lovely woman I get to call _mother dearest_," Alana spat out, and Jeff realized that she looked not angry but disgusted, as if she was ready to vomit. "Judging by that display you'd think they were having sex on her bed while she was still in it instead of getting up early so they could lie together on the grass, watch the sun rise and talk about their future. They were kissing when Jessica found them but I'll tell you what, I've seen my_ grandparents _kiss more passionately than that."

"That's all?" Alana nodded and Blaine looked furious. "What is wrong with these people? It's like they don't have a brain to share between them and - crap, I shouldn't be saying that, that's your mother."

"That woman is not my mother." Alana's voice was vehement but shaking and Jeff resisted the urge to take a step back but he really couldn't handle other people crying, especially girls. "If I had the means to live on my own and never see her again, I would. She may have raised me but she stopped being a mother to me the day she decided she could run everybody else's lives and discriminate against people on something that they can't even help and then decided to force me to come along and help. I will never be able to come out because she'll throw me in here and never let me out until I'm 'fixed' again and if I can't come out to my own m-mother then what do I have?" Closing her eyes, Alana swallowed a few times and then shook her head. "Excuse me."

Blaine was watching her go, biting his lip. "Nobody's how they look on the outside, are they? Everybody has a story."

"That's a very astute observation there Sherlock," Nick said pointedly and walked back inside without a second glance at either of them.

Without knowing why, Jeff felt the need to apologize on Nick's behalf. "I'm sure he doesn't mean it," he said quietly, helplessly. "He's just like all of us - tired of this place and sick of being judged and -"

"Needs to respect that we're _all _in that boat," Blaine finished bitterly. "I'm not going to be a jerk to him about it but he doesn't need to treat others like crap just because he feels that way. I've been bullied before, I don't need more people in my life putting me down."

Blaine followed Nick back into the room, leaving Jeff to grip the railing, take a few shaky breaths and remind himself that there was no bullying at this camp and he was relatively safe and crying was a really stupid thing to do right now as was having a panic attack so both of those things should really stop in their tracks.

It was getting harder and harder to calm himself down too and that was the problem. Usually Jeff could be guaranteed some time alone to get his emotions out, to cry if he needed to or simply because it had built up for too long. But between the constant overseeing from the counselors and having to share a room with two other guys, Jeff hadn't been able to do that successfully and it was starting to show. Blaine seemed to be able to sense when someone was feeling off and the way he sometimes watched Jeff (as if he was fragile, about to break, already broken) had him on edge, just waiting for the questions that would tip him over and into the abyss.

They hadn't come but Jeff wasn't naive. At some point, something was going to come to the surface that he couldn't control and if Blaine wasn't the one to pick up on it, someone else would and it might not be someone he could lie to.

For now, all he could do was force the emotions back and remind himself what was at stake, offer a few empty promises to himself that he wasn't sure he could keep and get that fake smile back on his face. If nobody could see anything wrong with him then it wasn't there.

As he entered the room, it was like switching back to the first time they had met. Nick was sitting on his bed fiddling with the journal he kept and Blaine was texting Kurt in between doing his hair, looking far too cheerful for a place like this. So Jeff kept his end of the charade and smiled at Blaine as he entered the bathroom to get ready, receiving a grin in response that was a million watts of fake but wasn't everything in this place anyway?

Fake was good. Jeff was born to do fake, literally.

He finished getting ready just as the bell rang for breakfast and joined the others as they headed over in silence. It was awkward and strained but Jeff knew it was so much better than if someone had tried to start a conversation because Blaine was still angry under the surface and Nick was still belligerent and Jeff was just afraid, just as he presumed the others were as well. And all together it would lead to bad things if anybody tried to involve themselves in somebody else's business. So the silence remained.

They still all sat together though even though it looked like the last place Nick wanted to be. Jeff presumed it was because nobody wanted to run the risk of dealing with someone they didn't know, someone who might try to pry under the carefully constructed fronts they were all wearing.

With Blaine it might not be such a bad thing. Blaine's happiness and concern was genuine and Jeff knew the only reason he was wearing a mask this morning was because of what they had seen earlier. But Jeff knew if anybody messed with Nick, they would receive a very similar response to what they would get if they messed with him - bad, messy and catastrophic. There was a lot hidden under the surface for both of them.

The silence was made worse by the fact that Scott and James clearly weren't going to join them that day and everybody else had already formed their own groups with the exclusion of Peter who was now on the outside of any group he joined. It didn't seem to deter him from attempting to convert every occupant of the table, however, and Jeff just counted his lucky stars that the boy was over annoying his own roommate instead of picking them to sit with.

But it was mainly because of the awkwardness that Jeff finally noticed the undercurrent of tension hanging in the air, not just from their table but from _everybody_. It was like the switch had been flicked, the flame had been lit under all of them ever since Peter's conversion. It wasn't just that the boy had changed, it was that everything he had been keeping inside had come to the surface when he had and now even if he did go back, the camp knew everything there was to know about him.

Everybody had secrets and it was suddenly and acutely obvious that their own could come out at any time without the slightest warning.

Most on edge were those who were going in for counseling and that was when Jeff remembered that it was Blaine's turn, a probable contributor to his already bad mood. He thought back to Blaine's first session, the way he had returned grumpy and on edge, and wondered just what was in store for his friend that day. And, for that matter, for the rest of them because Scott wasn't there to tell them what was planned for the day and what to do about it.

It wasn't long before Ms. Taylor took that role and Jeff couldn't help but notice that she still had lingering traces of frustration, an unusual look on the normally cheerful woman. Quickly outlining who had counseling that day - Jeff idly making note that Blaine was last - a promise was made that the events of the day would be revealed after breakfast and they were quickly ushered up to do exactly that.

Jeff wasn't hungry and judging by the way nobody else moved from his table, neither of the others were either. Blaine's hands were fiddling on the table top, fingers running through each other in a clear nervous indicator. Nick was staring out the window, his face carefully blank but Jeff could almost hear him thinking and more than anything wished he could just look into his eyes when they weren't guarded and see exactly what was going on in there.

A sudden thought hit him but it was gone before he could actually process it - something to do with Nick and why exactly Jeff was so interested in what was going on in his mind. Dismissing it (it wasn't like he was going to find out what was wrong with Nick any time soon so it didn't matter), Jeff focused on finding something to focus on that wouldn't upset him or leave him nervous and worrying about what the day was going to bring.

But it was quickly becoming clear that he didn't have many thoughts left that would do that. All of the things Jeff had always used to keep himself occupied and at least pretending to be happy were drying up. There was no music to keep him sane and songs were actually beginning to slowly slip from his accessibility - it took more and more to pull up a song that would get him back into a good headspace and soon enough the effort was going to be more than he could handle. His parents weren't there to talk things out with, nor was a therapist he could actually trust.

So maybe the camp was an awful place to be, but Jeff had to face the truth.

He was broken. And for as long as he was, he would never survive in a normal life, let alone a place like this.

Something had to change but the only way Jeff knew to change things was something he had sworn he would never do. Something terrifying but alluring, promising things that nothing else ever could. Something Jeff wasn't actually sure he could continue to fight - he just wasn't strong enough, never had been, no matter what others had said.

He would give it a few more days, Jeff decided. Just a few more to see if it was just a dark patch and things would get more tolerable or if this was how it was going to be. And then he would let his broken self decide what was going to happen.

"If I can get your attention, we are proceeding with today's activities. I need the entire group to follow our counselors through to the next room."

What was left of Jeff stood and followed the others out of the room.

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

There were no chairs.

For some reason, that was the first thing Nick's mind focused in on when they entered the next room. Perhaps it was because it was physical, something his mind had to notice and didn't mind noticing. It was easy to have a lack of chairs at the centre of his focus, after all, and run through theories of why they would be missing and what they might be doing that day, all whilst detaching himself from the situation.

For some reason it had been a worse morning than usual. He had taken the yelling in his stride, well used to it, but maybe it had struck a chord somewhere deep within him that Nick hadn't been prepared for. At any rate he had found himself restless, short of attention, edgy. A combination that never boded well, especially when there was still no clue as to what they were doing that day.

The same sense of unease seemed to be running through everybody and for once, Nick wished he was in counseling where at least he could choose to just stay silent. Out here, where everybody's focus could switch to him in the blink of an eye, it wasn't so easy to pretend he didn't exist. If Nick could just _known _what was happening at least he could prepare for it mentally and know exactly what he needed to detach from.

He turned his focus to the other occupants of the room, watching to see how they all dealt with pressure. A handful were pacing, most trying not to make it obvious that they were. One or two were chatting casually but there was a certain stiffness to them that Nick knew was keeping them guarded. Others were sitting or leaning against the wall, looking around just as he was, trying to figure out what kind of game they needed to play to get out of this room in one piece.

The counselors finally re-entered the room and everybody turned to them, silent at first before a wave of murmuring broke out. Nick was immensely thankful for the noise as it hid his shocked gasp that he hadn't been able to contain as his mind slammed to a halt.

_Blindfolds._

Nick got the hell out of there.

Not physically - that was too much of a risk to take and of course somebody would come after him and then there'd be questions and counseling and pushing at him until he broke - but mentally. Swallowing his panic, Nick instantly detached his mind from the situation until it was like looking at it through a mirror or a television set, until he was there but not enough there that they could hurt him. It only took a matter of seconds to complete the well practiced exercise and then what was left of Nick turned his attention to a man he hadn't met before, presumably one of the other group therapists.

"This exercise serves an important part in your recovery process," he began, cutting straight to the chase as all the therapists seemed apt to do. "To understand why you act the way you do, you need to understand the motivations. Everybody in this room craves male attention but the motivations behind it are not what you believe. We have two exercises to complete today, each involving the blindfolds."

As he was speaking the three counselors present were handing out the blindfolds. Nick silently accepted one from Jessica, hardly feeling the material as it slipped into his hand. A quick glance around indicated that the general mood was apprehensive as most of the boys stared down at the fabric in their hands nervously.

Mr. Everett stepped forward at that point and took over. "Each of these exercises will involve five minutes blindfolded as we do our work, a ten minute reflection period and then time to talk over what you experienced. Your afternoon will then be devoted to silent and individual reflection in which we hope you will realize the impact of what we are about to do. Allow yourselves to take in the words presented to you. Allow your reactions and responses to guide you towards the right decision."

There was a few seconds of silence as the weight of the words was absorbed and Nick felt the shiver of apprehension run through him even from his detached headspace.

That wasn't good.

"Put on your blindfolds."

Numbly Nick lifted his hands and tied the black cloth around his eyes, squeezing them shut an instant before he did.

And there was nothing.

He was shaking, Nick noted absently, only a little, not enough to alert anybody to his distress. His body was displaying the fear his mind couldn't allow itself to endure while he watched from afar, observing it all and not being there because _there _was the worst place in the world.

Nick couldn't detach himself enough to not be aware of the rest of the room; of the nervous shuffling, a couple of murmurs quickly silenced. Having one sense taken away always heightened the others and Nick could actually tell who was nervous - more nervous than the rest of course - by how they were breathing.

Blaine seemed alright for the most part but if Nick had been able to see him, he would have seen the boys fingers twisted tightly together as if he was holding somebody else's hand. But it was Jeff who surprised Nick, in that he sounded no different than before and was in fact _humming _under his breath. It was almost as if he had gotten to a point where nothing else could affect him and Nick wanted to punch him. Hard.

And just as he thought that, a hand landed on his shoulder and he jumped violently. "Relax," the aforementioned boy whispered. "You're freaking out."

Nick realized that in all of his observations, he had allowed his panic to rise to a noticeable level and quickly focused on getting his breathing under control. "I'm fine," he hissed back, jerking his shoulder out of Jeff's grip. He had no idea where anybody was and the last thing he needed was a counselor to get on their case about public touching even though it was as innocent as they could get and Nick _certainly_ didn't feel that way about Jeff in the slightest as he continued to tell himself.

The silence dragged on and Nick was just about beginning to think that this was an intimidation tactic, that they would stay silent until someone cracked -

"Hey, pass the ball!"

_What?_

Shoes began to squeak against the floor and it sounded like - it _was_, a basketball was being bounced and people were moving and Nick clenched his eyes shut tighter, tried to find his grip against the dizzying sensations around him.

"You call that a shot?"

"My grandma could dunk better than you!"

The image painted itself in his mind so vividly and quickly that Nick shuddered violently, trying to push it away. But he couldn't remove the voices, the sounds, the _feelings. _

"Geez, what's wrong with you?"

"C'mon, give me the ball! I'm open!"

"You're useless! No wonder you got picked last again!"

There were a couple of gasps at that and the tension rose as quickly as it had initially been replaced by confusion because suddenly _everybody _realized exactly what was going on.

They could all relate.

Competitive school sports. Teenage boys yelling jeers and petty insults. Trash talk. Any weakness being picked up on and used against them. It wasn't even anti-gay slurs, just the simple competitiveness of a school sport game and boys being idiots and not realizing that to some people, words meant everything. Of course there were some in the room who wouldn't be affected at all and would actually thrive off the atmosphere but most were used to the idea of being an outsider. Last picked for the team, first to throw the insults at.

The voices picked up in volume and pace and Nick bit his tongue in an effort to find something to ground him otherwise he would be outside before he knew how he had gotten there and the game would be over in more ways than one with awful consequences for him. The pain kept him where he was but Nick couldn't keep the torrent of voices from rushing over him, blending together in a cacophony of hatred.

"You suck!"

"How could you miss that?"

"I should never have picked you!"

"Loser!"

"You're such a girl!"

_Five minutes, _Nick reminded himself. It wasn't going to go on forever, surely a few minutes had already passed and they were nearly done.

He had to stop focusing on himself so Nick pulled his focus away as far as he could, towards the other boys again. Blaine was shifting from foot to foot and muttering under his breath, clearly trying to drown out the voices. And Jeff -

_Where was Jeff?_

Nick focused as hard as he could on the spot next to him where Jeff had been - _was_. Jeff was still there but he was as still as stone, not moving, barely even _breathing_.

By the sounds of things, Jeff was coping just about as well as Nick was and that in itself was terrifying because _nobody _should be as broken as he was.

After what felt like a year but was probably only another minute and a half, the voices stopped. "Take off your blindfolds," came from one of the corners and Nick fumbled with the knot, undoing his and letting it drop into his hands. Blinking against the harsh light, Nick waited until his eyes came into focus before looking around, keeping his face carefully neutral. A few of the boys looked a little shaken up while others were definitely more on edge but staying as neutral as he was. Jeff was still frozen in place and Blaine was rubbing the back of his neck, looking almost agitated.

Apparently the session had done its work.

One of the therapists stepped forward and began to speak - something about the effects of what they had just done and how their 'continued efforts at an alternative lifestyle' would only lead to rejection and hurt.

Nick blocked him out. It was easy to tune out words like these, ones that were that familiar but without the knife edge he was used to, not spoken in the voice that could cut away at him no matter how hard he tried to ignore it. When that was gone, all other criticisms were meaningless.

"Would anybody like to talk about why they were affected by that session?"

And there was the difference. Usually nobody would answer the questions (clearly they had a death wish if they did) and the silence would drag on until another lecture started. But this time -

"I would."

_Peter._

The chink in the armor.

"It obviously relates to our everyday lives," he began and Nick was ready to punch him _already_. "We all know what it's like to be picked last for the team or to be discriminated against because of being an outcast. And while they continue to call themselves gay, they will never be included."

Blaine actually _growled _at that and Nick couldn't blame him. He, like everybody else, had caught the pronoun change and the air of superiority, that Peter clearly thought he was now better than them because he was 'straight' and that they were the ones with something wrong with them.

"Now hold on a minute," one of the other boys called out. Nick vaguely remembered him introducing himself as Wyatt on one of the earlier days but they hadn't been in the same circles since. "I'm on the football, hockey and basketball teams at my school and I _thrive _off that kind of trash talk."

"And I'm on the soccer team at Dalton," Blaine chipped in suddenly. "They all know I'm gay and I don't get picked last or told I'm a loser."

"Yeah, but Dalton's protected," Peter argued. "I've heard of that place, the kids aren't allowed to bully so you're nice and safe there. I bet if you went to a _real_ school you wouldn't fare so well."

Blaine flinched and didn't reply.

After that, nobody else seemed game to speak up and Nick really didn't blame them. It wasn't like he was ready to stand up and share _his _high school experiences, especially not when it would just remind him of what he had to return to in a matter of weeks.

"I think we can safely say that everybody understands the message," the therapist finally said, glancing around the room. "You will have time to think it over during silent reflection time. Now please replace your blindfolds."

With more than a hint of trepidation, Nick did as they instructed. He already knew how things worked around here, that they would save the worst until last and hit them while they were still struggling from the last attack in hopes that at least one of them would break.

But it wasn't going to be him.

This time they had barely replaced their blindfolds when the attack began, hard, fast and furious.

"You're gay!"

He froze.

_They're not…_

"Oh my god, you're actually a homo?"

"Get out of here, we don't want you perving on us!"

"The whole school knows and everybody hates you now."

"Bet you only do this because no girls will ever want you!"

"What makes you think any self respecting _guy _would ever touch you?"

"Fag!"

Nobody was moving, even though Nick knew every single one of them wanted to rip their blindfold off and make it all _stop_. But they couldn't; they were frozen in place, hypnotized by the words that had haunted them _all_.

Nick tried and tried but there was no detaching himself, not from _this_. Even the loudest voices in his head couldn't drown out the words circling around him, piercing into his skin, knocking at his walls, trying to _break him, destroy him, bring him down -_

Somehow, he endured, but looking back on it even years later Nick would never know how.

"Take off your blindfolds."

As Nick pulled his away, one final shudder racked through him and he squeezed his eyes shut against it. And when he opened them, Jeff was staring at him, reaching out a (trembling, Nick noticed) hand to touch his shoulder.

_Oh god he knows._

Nick wrenched away, turning as far from the boy as he could because there was nothing in the world that could get him to turn around and look at Jeff right now, not when Jeff had seen… _that. _He would rather face an entire day in counseling, maybe even _Isolation, _before he would ever consider letting somebody see what he knew had been written on his face.

_Panic._

His own worries kept him occupied enough that he didn't listen to any of the following conversation. He half expected someone to speak out and say what they were clearly all thinking - _what is wrong with you why would you do something like that? _- but everybody stayed silent, even Peter. Apparently they were all just as rattled.

"Any questions?" Still nobody spoke and Mr. Everett checked his watch. "It's time to split up for silent reflection. We will be patrolling and we don't want to see anybody talking until the dinner bell goes unless you are speaking with a counselor. This time is for you to understand the impact of this exercise."

Still in silence the group dispersed, making their ways outside and spreading out. A few boys disappeared off to the cabins, others wandered down to the lake. Nick noticed that everybody was carefully avoiding the basketball court and gave a wry smile as he slipped further through the trees, finding the spot he had claimed as his own, the spot he had fled to after his therapy session the first time. Sinking down against the tree, Nick rested his head against the bark and closed his eyes.

_Silent reflection._

That, Nick could _not _do.

So he counted stones. He watched birds fly. He sang songs in his head and threw together some chords to try out when he was back home with his guitar. He stared at Isolation then realized that was a bad idea. He remembered Scott and James were in there and wondered - and then realized that was a _worse _idea.

And then Nick remembered that Scott usually had therapy on the same day as Blaine, and since the first two had gone before lunch it was now Blaine's turn. But Blaine clearly hadn't realized that as he was still sitting against the dining hall wall, staring at nothing.

Nick sighed and climbed to his feet, weaving through the trees quietly until he reached Blaine. "Blaine," he whispered, kneeling down in front of the boy who blinked slowly a few times before finally focusing in on him. "Hey. Counseling."

Blaine groaned and covered his face with his hands for a second before standing and shoving them in his pockets. For a split second he looked the exact image of a petulant teenager being told what to do by their father and Nick reeled a little at how eerily similar it was to _himself_. And then it was gone and Blaine offered him a wry smile. "My favorite," he said quietly. "Thanks Nick. See you later."

As Blaine left, Nick took his spot and sunk down against the wall, tucking his knees up against his chest. From there he had an entirely different view and he could turn his mind to new things like counting the number of bricks in the wall beside him.

He gave up at 221.

The problem with having such a long reflection time was that no matter how much anybody fought it away, soon enough they would have to think about what went down. Such was the case for Nick and before long, his thoughts had wandered over to the hall, the words beginning to replay in his mind.

"_What's wrong with you?"_

"_I should never have picked you!"_

"_Loser!"_

"_The whole school knows and everybody hates you now."_

"_Fag!"_

"_You're a disappointment to everybody."_

"_I didn't raise such an insolent and disobedient child. You will do better!"_

"_The Duval family are highly respected in society, having a queer child will only reflect badly on us."_

He was crying.

He hadn't cried properly in ages, not since the night he had come out, the night that had landed him in this place of _hell_. But Nick cried now; tears streaming in rivulets down his face; shoulders shaking; lips clamped together to suppress any sobs because he was out of sight but not out of vision - because it was all _true. _

He was a disappointment. He wasn't the son he was supposed to be. He wasn't the model student, the sports captain. He wasn't even a high academic achiever. The only thing he had to his name was guitarist, occasional singer and _gay_.

It wouldn't get him anything but scorn and rejection.

Nick had been warned his whole life that this would happen. Time and time again when he hadn't succeeded and his father had _punished _him and then school had happened and they had their own _punishments _too because he didn't fit in, didn't know his place. And then himself, his own hatred of his self because he couldn't -

_shut up shut up shut up._

Employing all of his self control, Nick stopped the tears and wiped away those on his face. Taking a few deep breaths he closed his eyes and pushed it all away. It went, not as easily as other times, but when Nick opened his eyes again they were clear.

He could do this. The masks would go up for a few more weeks and then he would be out, he could go home and lock himself in his room and if he needed to scream and punch a few walls then he would. But for now it all needed to stay inside because losing it here would mean losing far far more than his temper.

But Nick was still scared.

There was no _solution. _Only temporary fixes that would hopefully hold him another day, another week, until the end of the month, until his father went away on business, until school ended. There was nothing that would make life different, make the pain go away, make things _change. _

It all seemed so hopeless.

But then again, it always had.

Tilting his head back, Nick traced shapes in the clouds and watched the sun set until the dinner bell finally rang.

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff.<strong>

Ten minutes into dinner and Jeff felt a flood of guilt when he looked up and realized Blaine wasn't there.

"Do you know where Blaine is?" he asked Nick who was staring down at his food, poking it absently with his fork. A long silence followed and Jeff sighed. "Nick?"

"Huh?"

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Jeff repeated himself. "Blaine. Have you seen him?"

Nick looked up at Blaine's chair and frowned, mirroring the expression Jeff knew had been on his face only a few seconds earlier - clearly Nick hadn't noticed their roommate's absence either. "Uh, no idea. Maybe he's just not hungry?"

"What if they have him in Isolation?"

Nick shook his head. "Scott and James, remember? There's only two Isolation rooms."

"Maybe his therapy just ran over time," Jeff said before realizing he was talking to himself as Nick had lost interest again. A flare of anger ran through him and he opened his mouth to finally ream out the other boy and figure out why he didn't care about anybody and -

Stopped himself just in time.

_You hadn't noticed either, remember? Maybe Nick's had a crap day as well. _

The memory of Nick's face after taking their blindfolds off earlier that day - that one accidental unguarded second where _everything _was on his face - flashed into Jeff's mind and he grimaced.

_Yeah. I think Nick has had a seriously crap day._

No matter how much Nick annoyed him at times, Jeff could never call him out on it because it was so painfully obvious that there was something more behind it. It wasn't just rudeness or self-centeredness; Nick had his coping mechanisms and they were drastic which probably meant something bad had happened to him. And with all he had gone through himself, Jeff would never let himself be the person to make somebody else's pain worse.

All appetite gone (like that wasn't an common occurrence), Jeff stood and pushed his plate away. "I'm going to check if he's in the room," he announced, fully expecting Nick to not so much as acknowledge him, and headed towards the door.

"I'll come."

Jeff resisted the urge to freeze knowing it would look comical and most likely offend the other boy. Instead he nodded as Nick drew level with him and together they walked out of the dining hall and towards their cabin. The silence wasn't so awkward as much as it was contemplative and Jeff was just beginning to wonder whether he might actually be able to get along with Nick when the boy paused outside their door. "Listen," he said quietly.

Jeff stopped and listened, immediately identifying what Nick had picked up. The sound of crying could be heard from inside the room, accompanied by a low murmuring of a voice. "Blaine," he whispered, glancing at Nick who looked almost worried. "Should we -?"

Nick shrugged. "Do you think he'd want us to?"

It only took Jeff a second to make up his mind. "He can tell us to leave. I'm too worried not to go in."

And with that decision made, Jeff gently pushed open the door and stepped into the room to see Blaine curled in a ball on his bed, tears streaming down his face. His phone was in his hand and Kurt's voice was emanating out of it, soft and soothing. "They are absolutely _wrong_, sweetheart, I promise you that. Nothing in this world is going to stop me from loving you, especially not a camp of people who have no idea what we have."

From that statement, it was pretty clear what had gone down in Blaine's therapy session that morning and Jeff's heart went out to the boy. "Blaine?" he said quietly, not wanting to startle him but failing as Blaine's head jerked up wildly. "Shh, it's okay. It's just us, Jeff and Nick."

"I'm glad you're here," Kurt said immediately. "He hasn't spoken to me in the past few minutes, can you tell me what's going on?"

Jeff crossed the room to sit next to Blaine without a second thought. "Blaine, can you talk to me?" Blaine shook his head and Jeff realized he was biting his lip, clearly trying to keep his tears back. "Kurt, what happened?"

"He called me, said he'd just gotten back from counseling and he couldn't take it anymore." Kurt's voice was shaking. "He said he was told that someday I would come to my senses and leave him and if he didn't sort himself out, he'd be alone. And then all this other stuff… I don't know how much he'd want me to say but -" Kurt broke off for a second and Jeff could hear him trying to control himself. "I think they're trying to break him completely."

"Blaine," Jeff said quietly, gently pulling the phone from his hand and giving it to Nick, not really knowing why the boy was there or what he was doing but using him anyway. "You know they're just lying to you, none of it is true. Your boyfriend is on the phone right now telling you how much he loves you and you know - you _know _- that they're lying. Don't you?" Blaine made a murmur that sounded almost like agreement and Jeff smiled a little. "Yeah, of course you do. They've been lying to us since day one, telling us that who we are is wrong but they don't know us. They don't know Kurt, they've never met him and you told me that Kurt is beyond explanation, beyond stereotypes. How can they prove what Kurt's going to do if they don't know him?"

The silence was long but Jeff left it, knowing Blaine needed to actually let the words process. Nick was talking to Kurt in the other corner, his voice quiet, but Jeff kept all of his focus on Blaine, waiting. Finally the boy wiped his eyes and nodded. "They can't."

"Exactly," Jeff said, relief tingeing his words. "Remember what we promised each other on the first day? That we're going to look out for each other if they try to trick us, try to tell us that there's something wrong with us. This is us keeping that promise, telling you that they're tricking you, Blaine. Kurt won't leave you because he doesn't have to come to his senses, he's already there. He's not confused or delusional, he's in love with you and there's _nothing _wrong with that."

Jeff was close to tears himself because he _needed _Blaine to know this - Blaine and Kurt actually had each other and Jeff might never get what they had. He couldn't see it fall apart like this.

Blaine was sitting up, wiping away the last of his tears. "You're right," he said, his voice faint but determined and Nick and Kurt stopped their conversation immediately. "I love Kurt and that's all that matters. They can't stop that or change that or make it wrong when it isn't."

"I love you too, sweetheart," Kurt said as Nick crossed back across the room and pressed the phone into Blaine's hand. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that, it wasn't right and you know if I could be there, I'd be giving them a piece of my mind." Blaine gave a weak laugh, tucking his knees up to his chest and resting the phone there, one hand tracing over it lightly as if he could be closer to Kurt that way. Jeff gave Nick a look and together they left the room, closing the door behind them.

"I'm going for a walk," Nick said immediately and was down the stairs before Jeff could reply, disappearing into the darkness. Jeff was tempted to call after him but refrained, suddenly taking in the way Nick's voice had wavered a little and realizing Nick needed his alone time right now just as much as Jeff needed his. He wasn't sure what Nick's issue was but considering he was on the verge of crying himself, Jeff couldn't really press it or judge. All he could do was hope that the boy didn't do something stupid like try to run away, even if that was exactly what Jeff wanted to do himself.

He really wasn't sure if things could get any worse or if he wanted to imagine ways that they could because it already felt so much like hell that Jeff didn't know if he could take it. And it clearly wasn't just him that was suffering - everybody was tense and on edge and the fear was tangible because not even Scott could tell them what was to come.

Things were changing, people were getting inside their heads and nothing was safe anymore. And Jeff was absolutely terrified.

* * *

><p><strong>Next Chapter: Revelations.<strong>


	9. Revelations

**We're starting a little differently this chapter and skipping straight to the afternoon. There's a lot to cover and I didn't want the chapter to run too long. It's inferred that Jeff had his solo counseling session that morning. **

**Trigger warning. Explicit mentions of self harm and suicide attempts. Please don't read this chapter if you are at risk of being unsafe because of these words. If you need to skip it but you are afraid that you will miss vital information, please send me a message via this site or Tumblr and I will summarize the details for you. I don't want anybody putting themselves at risk just to keep up with this story. **

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own the ideas in this story. I have never been to a 'straight camp' and am therefore not attempting to portray an exact replica of one. I do not own any characters you recognize.******

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

"I'm so over this group therapy crap."

Nick frowned as Jeff settled himself into a chair, crossing his arms defensively over his chest. His roommate had been particularly edgy since his counseling session that morning, and Nick almost wanted to ask what was wrong. But of course he never would, not while it continued to run a risk of attention being turned on himself and not when he had been silent all morning anyway. After the previous day, Nick actually didn't trust his words.

Blaine clearly didn't have the same qualms. "Jeff, what's going on?" he asked, sitting on the other side of the blonde boy.

"Nothing," Jeff bit out, staring at the wall. "Just... just sick of it."

Blaine swapped a concerned look with Nick before turning around quickly as Mr. Everitt entered, taking his usual seat. Nick suppressed a sigh, wondering what kind of stupid topic they were going to be talking about today. _Just something we're all going to lie about obviously._

Scott wasn't even there to make things easier or lighten the mood - he and James had apparently been caught making out down by the lake when Jessica had gone looking for them after Scott had skipped his counseling session. Apparently it had been some kind of 'stick it to them' maneuver from the previous day. So it was just Joshua and Shane, who were nice enough but just sat quietly for the most part.

"Gentlemen, we have a particularly important topic to discuss today." Mr. Everitt clapped his hands, surveying the group with his usual stare and Nick started - _when the hell had he gotten there?_ "You'll all remember that in our last group therapy session, we discussed depression as a result of sexuality and I asked how many people had struggled with this. I have been informed that someone wasn't honest during our session."

Jeff suddenly stiffened, his reaction confusing Nick for a second before he realized.

_It was him._

Before Nick could begin to process what that meant, what Jeff had actually gone through, their counsellor was talking again. "There is one amongst our group who has been driven to the point of self mutilation and even attempting suicide because of how sickened he was with his sexuality."

Joshua and Shane immediately turned to each other and Nick could see the judgement on their faces already. Blaine looked confused but like he was ready to be angry if necessary. Nick himself was still struggling with the thought that this was Jeff they were talking about - _does Jeff really hate himself that much? _

Pieces were beginning to fall into place rapidly and Nick was beginning to feel sick.

"The person I am talking about is Mr. Sterling, who has -"

"_Stop it!"_

Jeff was on his feet, his face white. Nick instinctively reached out an arm but Jeff jerked away wildly. "Don't you _dare _make those kinds of - those _assumptions _about me! I was told our counseling sessions were _private! _And even if they weren't, I wouldn't have given up that information anyway, because I knew you'd do _this - _you're all _liars!"_

And with that, Jeff spun around, kicking over his chair in the process and fled the room.

In the moment of absolute silence that followed, Nick turned to Blaine who was looking as stunned as he felt. In unison they stood and turned, walking quickly out of the room. As soon as they were out, they broke into a run - Jeff had already made it back to the room (he presumed and hoped) and Nick was concerned for his safety. "Did you know?" he puffed out to Blaine as they bolted across the campsite, Blaine simply shaking his head in response.

The door was locked and they wasted precious time waiting for Blaine to dig his key out and finally get it in the lock to get the door open. Bursting through the door, Nick saw Jeff frantically rummaging through his bag, throwing things all around the room. Nick immediately knew what he was looking for and crossed the room quickly, grabbing his roommate from behind and securing his arms.

"Let me _go_!" Jeff screamed, trying to free his arms desperately. Nick simply held on tighter, tugging the boy backwards until they both fell onto the ground, still restraining Jeff. "Let me go, you don't _understand_, I _need to _-"

"No, you don't," Nick said calmly, somehow managing to keep the panic he was feeling out of his voice. He had never seen anybody flip out like this before and didn't know what else he could do apart from make sure Jeff didn't hurt himself. Jeff was crying harshly, his breathing shallow as he continued to fight with Nick. His movements grew weaker until he finally gave up, slumping against Nick helplessly. Nick relaxed his hold a little, moving his arms to wrap around the other boy's waist instead as Jeff sobbed into his shoulder.

Blaine had locked the door behind them and crossed the room to kneel in front of them, his face pale. Clearly he had no idea what to do either and Nick looked up to catch his eye, to see the absolute fear in his face that he knew was on his own. And Nick couldn't even be sorry for sharing his emotions and for actually being afraid for someone else because this was so so much bigger than himself.

It was time to stop running.

After a few minutes, Jeff pulled away, still shaking. Without a word he rolled up his sleeves and held out his arms so Blaine and Nick could both see them. Blaine turned even paler, and Nick couldn't stop the tears from running down his own face at the sight before them.

It wasn't the first time Nick had encountered someone who self harmed. He was a teenager who had been at public school after all, there were plenty of 'emos' around. But the most he was used to seeing was one or two scars, and on the rare occasion an open wound. Jeff's arms were literally covered in scars and Nick could see the evidence of at least a year's worth of self harming. Most were completely healed over, but there were a few that couldn't be more than a few weeks old. There was no mistaking them for what they were either and more pieces were settling in to place; the long sleeved shirts, the hike, the _fear_ -

Nick realized that neither he or Blaine had said anything yet, but before he could try to think of something to say that wouldn't be patronizing or accidentally insulting, Jeff spoke. "Yes, it was true. But I _didn't _do it because I was ashamed of who I am. It wasn't because I'm gay, no matter how much they're going to insist that it was."

Blaine was the first to speak. "Why, Jeff?"

Jeff gave a bitter laugh. "Right to the heart of it. I told you I was bullied at my old school, yeah? Well, I didn't quite know how to handle it properly. I couldn't even tell my parents at first, I hadn't come out yet and I was ... I was ashamed. Not of my sexuality, not ever. Ashamed that I couldn't stop it myself, I couldn't stand up for myself, I wasn't being a _man_. So one afternoon I came home and just sat in the shower for hours, trying to work out how to deal with all of the ways these people were making me feel. And then I saw the razor and -" He cut himself off, attempting to curl up in a ball.

Nick instinctively pulled Jeff in tighter. "You thought it would make you feel better," he finished quietly, Jeff nodding in agreement. "Did it?"

"At first. When I was doing it, it was like the pain was bleeding out of me as well as the ... well, blood. Afterwards, I just felt worse. But I couldn't stop coming back to it, it was like my drug. It still is."

Blaine inhaled sharply. "Jeff, when was the last time?"

Jeff seemed to realize what he was worried about. "Not here. About a week before I came. I thought I'd have to while I was here, but I also couldn't do that to you guys. I mean, if you'd walked in, or seen..."

Jeff trailed off again and Blaine reached out, taking one of his hands. Nick hesitated for a minute, but he _needed _to ask. "Jeff, he mentioned a s-suicide attempt?" He hated the way his voice stumbled over that word, but that was something to think about later.

"He did. And that was true as well." Jeff paused for a few seconds before continuing, his voice quieter. "I - it was just like any other day, and that was the problem. It was that day that I realized that it was never going to end. As long as I was there, they were always going to hate me because I was me."

Nick saw Blaine nod, clearly understanding. "So, I got home and ... well, I didn't want to try and cut to death because I had always separated my cutting from suicide and I didn't want to change that, even dead." Nick suppressed a shiver at how casually Jeff could talk about his own death, as if his life didn't matter. _If he still thinks that way, we need to change it, pronto._

"We didn't have a gun. Hanging... we'd studied it in History, it could go wrong easily and I didn't want to end up paralyzed for life instead or something. So I went to the medicine cabinet and ... and took everything."

Nick was thankful that Jeff wasn't facing in his direction as he had totally lost control of his emotions by now. Blaine seemed to be holding it together a lot better. "What happened then?" he asked.

Jeff swallowed roughly. "Mom found me, unconscious on the bathroom floor. And no matter how accepting she is, no matter how much she loves me, I will never forgive myself for what I did to her, what I made her go through."

"Jeff," Nick began, but Jeff shook his head roughly.

"Next thing I knew, I was waking up in hospital," he said, overriding Nick's words. "They'd pumped my stomach but I was still throwing up for a week afterwards. I can only remember bits and pieces of my time there, but somewhere in my delirium I came out to my parents and explained everything. They - I mean, they were terrified and hated the fact that I hadn't told them... but they loved me regardless. They got me to counseling.. the hospital wanted to lock me up but they wouldn't let them."

Blaine frowned. "Lock you up?"

Jeff nodded. "Psych ward. My parents wouldn't sign, they took me home. We spent hours talking about it, they tried to get me to make promises that I knew I couldn't keep. So in the end I only had to promise three things. If I ever felt like killing myself again, I'd tell one of them. If I ever hurt myself, I'd show them..."

"And the third?" Nick asked quietly.

"Never stop being myself," Jeff whispered. "Never let them get the best of me."

Nick could see the look in Blaine's eyes and knew he had probably been told the same thing at some point - probably by Kurt. "I shouldn't have run," Jeff continued. "I should have stood up for myself, told them that it wasn't true... I shouldn't let myself get beaten down... I shouldn't let Zach affect me every damn time he looks at me -"

"Zach?" Nick glanced at Blaine who looked puzzled. "What's Zach got to do with this?"

Jeff laughed again, the sound painful. "Zach was a senior at my school until he got kicked out. He was a huge part of the bullying. Obviously the best choice to have work at some place like this... I mean, I know he can't _really _hurt me... but seeing him every day -"

"It reminds you," Blaine finished. "I know." The rest of the sentence was left hanging but nobody pushed for elaboration; after all, Blaine had been upfront about his bullying past in the first place. Right now was about Jeff.

Jeff nodded, reaching up to wipe at his face roughly. "So now you know everything. I was naive enough to think I could room with two guys and keep it a secret." He shook his head. "I still have trouble sleeping, so if you ever wake up and I'm gone, I'm just walking around the place." Jeff shrugged. "Anyway, I'm still addicted... as you probably figured from that episode before."

Nick could feel the shame rolling off the other boy. "Jeff, it's okay."

"No, it's not. It's pathetic. And I mean, it's not like I'm the only gay guy who's gone through this kind of crap. Blaine, you got bullied, didn't you? And you didn't resort to this -"

"Kurt did."

Jeff froze. "What?"

Blaine sighed. "I promised I'd never tell anybody, but I think he'll forgive me. Kurt self harmed for about a year and a half before arriving at Dalton... and for the first six months there. I was the one to find out. He says I was the one to save him too, but that's not true. He saved himself."

Nick could tell that Jeff was hanging on every word. "How?" he whispered.

"He kept fighting. He knew his life meant something." Blaine gave Jeff a small smile. "Yours does too, and next time I talk to Kurt I'll get him to talk to you. He can help you."

Jeff nodded. "Thank you. But I still feel like such a screw up. And now the whole camp probably knows and... I just don't want to deal with it. Everybody else seems so much more _normal_, like they're handling things -"

"You're wrong." Nick couldn't believe the words were coming out of his mouth, but there was no taking them back now, no taking anything back now, no way to change how much Jeff had affected him and how _tired _he was of running. "Believe me, I'm not even close to handling things."

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff.<strong>

_What?_

Jeff twisted to look at Nick in surprise. But as soon as he took in the state of the other boy, his jaw dropped. "Nick... I didn't mean to -"

"It's okay," Nick murmured, making no move to wipe the tears from his face. "It just hits home a bit. Not in the same way... but -" he trailed off, shaking his head. "I've never - this has never happened. I've never been like this in front of people before."

He was terrified, Jeff could tell instantly, but more than that. He was _determined_.

Nick was actually going to tell them.

His arms had gone slack around Jeff and Jeff took advantage of that to slip out of his grip to sit next to him, wanting to see him properly for this. Nick started a bit at the movement and Jeff realized he had slipped away to somewhere else while he had been talking.

And then Nick was standing and Jeff's heart caught in his throat because he was headed for the door and he'd probably just ruined everything and now Nick was walking away and closing off again and they wouldn't be able to help him -

Nick stopped by his bed and reached under the mattress to pull out the small notebook that Jeff was so familiar with by now. He had seen it half a dozen times when Nick was writing in it but never the contents and never had he thought they would be able to.

"It's all in here," Nick said quietly, crossing the room to sit down again. He placed the book on his knees and wrapped his arms around himself in an instinctive manner, suddenly looking years younger and so vulnerable that Jeff's heart ached. He already knew this was a side of Nick that not many people had seen and one that the boy hadn't shown for a very long time and that in itself was so much more than Jeff had ever expected he would learn about Nick.

"You know there's no pressure," Blaine said gently, eyes flickering between the book and Nick. "We're never going to ask you to share more than you want to. But whether you do or not, you can trust us."

Nick looked at him, holding the gaze for a few seconds before turning to Jeff. "It's nothing as bad as yours," he said, sounding a little worried. "I don't want you to think I'm trying to make out that -"

"I know."

Grey eyes locked with hazel and they were telling the story long before Nick ever began to speak. Maybe they had been telling it all along and Jeff had simply never taken the time to look for it.

He would never know.

"You know my father is a high society lawyer," Nick began, dropping his eyes to stare at the book in front of him. "He has certain expectations of how the world is going to run and because he has the money, influence and power of about seven men, he gets whatever he wants whenever he wants. It doesn't help that he was the only child of a very rich couple who taught him how to get all of those things and also taught him that he was the only person in the world who mattered."

"He married young, to a woman also in high society. I suspect it was arranged but they've never told me - either way, they courted for a few months and then married. My dad was already working his way up the ladder at that point and had received some kind of marriage inheritance, the kind that was designed to be given to the man when he married so his wife wouldn't have to work. I don't know if my mom ever had her own career aspirations but I know she has never worked a day in her life, instead staying at home to host dinners and make important connections that the family needed."

Blaine winced. "Is she happy?"

"No." The answer was flat and certain. "She's not. I don't know whether it's that she wants to make her own life instead of pandering to my fathers or whether she actually isn't happy in the marriage at all. But she's the perfect submissive high society wife and that's all that matters to him."

Jeff couldn't imagine it, not even for a second. He knew his parents loved each other and neither would ever have thought of marrying for less than that. He had grown up under the same beliefs and being gay didn't change that for a second either - he fully intended to marry somebody he loved one day. To know that someone had grown up watching their parents and realizing that they didn't love each other, well…

No wonder Nick was so guarded.

"My father was high in his career and in society and everything was going perfect. And then the biggest mistake of his life happened."

Jeff suddenly felt sick because he _knew _what was coming next, just like he knew that Nick had heard those same words - _biggest mistake of his life -_ said to him by the man who was meant to love and care for him.

"My mother fell pregnant. With me."

Nick was shaking and Jeff didn't even realized he had taken his hand until Nick squeezed back hard, taking a deep breath. "I can't remember the first time he told me I was a regret but I've grown up knowing it so it must have been young. How's that for a first memory, huh?"

He laughed more bitterly than Jeff had ever heard anybody before and Blaine shook his head. "God, Nick. Nobody deserves that."

"Apparently I did. I deserved everything he gave to me."

Perhaps Jeff didn't understand because he wouldn't let himself, but it still came as a complete shock when Blaine's eyes widened in realization. "He hit you?"

"Only when I was young and he could get away with it. When I got old enough to run or hide it happened less and he stopped when he realized I was big enough to hit him back if I got angry enough. There were -" Nick stopped. "There were worse things he could do," he finally completed, his voice strained.

Before either of them could say anything, Nick was turning back to Jeff. "You saw it, yesterday, even though you didn't know what it was. When I took the blindfold off."

Jeff remembered. Of course he did, how could he forget the absolute _fear _in Nick's eyes for that one second when he had accidentally let his guard down? Before he had thought it was just the words that had gotten to him but the way Nick was talking now, he was suddenly not so sure.

"Yeah," he said quietly, squeezing Nick's hand again.

"It wasn't - well, yeah it was the words too. I don't think anybody got through that without being affected." Blaine and Jeff nodded together and Jeff felt a shiver go down his spine at how badly he had been fighting to hold it together, how horridly he had broken down when they had all gone to reflect. "But it was more than that. I - I'm claustrophobic."

This time it was Jeff who got it as the realization slammed into him. "He didn't," he said flatly. "He _locked you up?_"

"Yes."

"That _monster_."

Both boys turned to Blaine whose eyes had gone dark. "You don't do that to your kids. You just _don't_."

Jeff agreed completely but Nick was starting to shake again and Jeff knew he needed to get it out. So he shot a look to Blaine, trying to silently tell him to keep calm, then turned his attention back to Nick. "What would cause that?"

"Anything," Nick said quickly, clearly wanting to say it as fast as he could. "Stupid things would get me sent to my room - that wasn't so bad but as a kid it was the worst thing because kids don't really comprehend that they can just open the door and walk out. It feels like being trapped. But then that wasn't enough of a punishment because my room had toys and stuff so…" Nick shook his head. "I can't."

"It's okay," Jeff said immediately, shifting a little closer. "Don't. You don't have to."

But Nick was flipping open the notebook, going only a few pages in before pushing it over to Jeff. "That."

The picture was simple. Nick clearly wasn't the best of artists but somehow Jeff knew it wasn't artistic detail he had been going for, but release. "The garage?"

"It was safe enough," Nick said, his voice only just above a whisper. "Nobody ever parked in there, it was for storage more than anything and there weren't fumes or whatever. He wasn't going to risk anything serious happening because then it would get found out. But there were no windows and the only way you could see was if you opened the door and I - I was so _scared_."

The tears were pooling in his eyes again and Jeff acted on instinct (something that had been working for him well enough so far) pulling Nick closer and wrapping an arm around him. He had no words, nothing he could give to try and reassure the boy because he didn't even know if it was over or whether Nick would go back home after this camp and do something wrong and then have to spend hours out there alone in the dark - it was too much to think about, to know that someone could be this afraid of the person who was meant to love them. Jeff had heard of child abuse but to him, this was so much more than that.

"Your friends were dictated, weren't they?" Blaine asked suddenly and Nick started a little, looking up at him. "I mean, my dad tried but my mom stood up to him but if yours didn't -"

"I had no real friends," Nick stated hollowly. "I still don't. The only people I ever met before I started school was children of the other people my father interacted with and they were always different ages. So then I went to school and I didn't know how to talk to other kids so they shut me out and even when we all got older they just never let me back in. I know how it feels to be picked last for the team every single time, except I don't get picked at all. I don't get bullied because nobody wastes their time trying to notice me. I've never had to worry about people wanting to know more about me until now because there was nobody to care."

There were no tears, no emotions. Clearly this was something Nick was used to and that was actually so much worse than if the boy had broken down because nobody should be _used _to not being noticed. "So, you've never had anybody? Ever?" Jeff asked, hating himself for the words but he just couldn't believe that nobody had ever tried to talk to Nick.

Nick hesitated. "Once," he said. "Once there was a kid who was my age. We were seven at the time and both hated the society thing and he was a very rich client of my fathers who was up for some fraud and embezzlement case which he claimed he hadn't done. My father believed him, had him over quite a number of times for drinks and 'case work' and we were sent off to play. We talked a lot about how much it sucked. He showed me the bruises on his back, I showed him the garage and the drawings I did and things I wrote. I - I thought I had someone, finally."

"Was that the one -?"

"Yeah."

Jeff frowned. "What one?"

Nick sighed. "The case that my father won, only to find out that his client had played him and had actually embezzled almost five million out of the company and couldn't be tried again. Put a huge dent in his career that took him a few years to recover from. Naturally that connection was severed and I never saw his son again. Pity, because that was about when I started realizing that the whole 'girls have cooties' thing might be less about that and more about guys being my preference."

Nick fell silent and Jeff couldn't help himself looking down at the notebook. Or, more specifically, at the page next to the drawing which had what looked like a poem. "Go ahead," Nick said, making him start. "There's a lot of things I don't have the words for that I want you guys to know, and they're all in there."

Jeff refrained from asking if he was sure and picked up the notebook instead, Blaine shuffling around so he could get a look at it.

It wasn't a poem, he and Blaine realized at the same time.

"You write songs?"

Nick actually laughed at that, a genuine laugh and Jeff's heart hammered to a stop at the sound of it because that was the _first time _he had heard it and it was actually beautiful. "Yeah," he admitted sheepishly. "I may have lied about the whole musically inclined thing. I play guitar."

"What are the odds?" Blaine murmured, shaking his head as Jeff flipped the page. The grin on his face died instantly though as they took in the words scrawled across the page.

_**I HATE MY LIFE.**_

"Like I said," Nick interjected quietly, "I don't have the words most of the time. But that kind of summed it up."

"How old is this book?"

Nick shrugged. "I think I started this one halfway through last year. I have a few hidden away."

Jeff nodded and continued to turn pages.

Slowly, a picture of Nick's life was painted. Like he had said, the drawings, songs and words inside said more than Nick would ever and Jeff just wanted to cry for this boy who had spent his whole life not being good enough, not just to his peers but to his family as well. A boy who had shut himself off to the world, locked up his heart and thrown away the key, never trusted anybody enough to let them see what his life was truly like, choosing instead to put up the strongest walls to keep absolutely everybody away -

Until now.

Jeff wanted to look up and tell Nick how brave he thought he was and how much it was appreciated that he trusted them, _something _along those lines… until Blaine flipped another page and everything just stopped.

_I don't want to be gay._

Nick had frozen, staring down at the words. They all had.

Blaine was the first one to react. "How long ago?"

There was a long silence and then Nick physically turned away, staring at the door. "Always."

Silence.

"Go ahead, hate me," Nick finally said, his voice shaking. "I know, the one thing that nearly gets me kicked out of home, the thing I risked everything to tell my father even though I know he knew - why else would he have straight camp pamphlets lying around? - and I'm _ashamed of it_. I don't want to be gay, I don't know if I even am, I don't know if it's the whole 'not getting attention from your father' thing and I'm substituting, I just _don't know_ and it scares me more than anything, more than even getting locked up for a week would because I'm meant to be sure of who I am and you all are and I just never have been. And I see how happy you are with Kurt -" Nick gestured to Blaine roughly who was staring at him, wide-eyed, "and I want _that_ but is it just that I want to be loved or I want a guy to love me, I _don't know!_"

Nick burst into tears.

Jeff stared at Blaine, horrified, for exactly one second before pulling Nick as close as he could, completely ignoring the way Nick tried to struggle away and hoping it wasn't because he was within close proximity of a gay person - he couldn't start thinking that way now, not now when Nick needed him the most. And no matter what, he was going to be there for him.

Because his horror wasn't that Nick wasn't sure of who he was, wasn't that Nick sometimes didn't want to like boys, none of that - no. His horror was that Nick had lived like this for so long and that there was just another way that Nick felt like he was letting somebody down. But this time, it was himself.

Jeff spoke through silence, through touch and proximity and the simple fact that he didn't run away.

Blaine spoke through words.

"We don't care," he said softly, his voice smooth and reassuring with no hint of doubt. "We really don't. Of course we want you to know who you are and be confident in that but Nick, it doesn't matter, it doesn't change a thing. We're still your friends, always, and we're going to support you through this and help you. And you know what? If it turns out that you are straight, we'll still be there for you."

"Really?"

Jeff winced at how pained Nick sounded and tugged him closer. "Of course," he said, taking over from Blaine. "We've spent our whole lives being judged because we're gay, do you really think we'd do the same because you're straight? No matter what, we're here for you."

Nick let out a sigh and relaxed. "You called yourselves my friends - you actually -?"

"Yes," Jeff and Blaine said in unison before catching each other's eye and laughing. "Seriously," Blaine continued, "I know you've had it rough but you're not alone anymore. You've got two people who know what it's like to go through stuff and to be judged and we're not going to judge you for anything or run away or any of that."

"We promised that we're in this together, remember?" Jeff added, reminding himself too. "If you're still willing to know me after what I shared, of course I still want to be your friend."

He held his breath at that because after Jeff had shared his story they had gone straight on to Nick and Jeff didn't actually know whether the other guys were okay with it or whether they just hadn't had a chance to tell him how weak he was and how much they despised him for what he had done.

"Of course we do," Blaine reassured him straight away. "I'm proud to know both of you. And in the spirit of sharing things, I'll share something with you that only Kurt knows."

Jeff raised an eyebrow. "Okay?"

"It's about the hair gel."

"Oh thank god," Nick said quickly. "There _is_ a reason behind it?"

Jeff snorted and Blaine rolled his eyes. "There is. I know what it's like to try and be moulded by your father and my dad would always have a go at me about things. The problem was that he didn't so much want me to change things, he just liked having somebody to have a go at. So I'd change things and then he'd find something else. I didn't play sports, I joined soccer, that wasn't enough; I didn't get good enough grades, I boosted them all to A's, that wasn't enough; I didn't spend enough time with girls, I convinced a few of the girls at my old school to hang out with me, that wasn't enough. So he started picking at things I couldn't change. I was too short, my eyes looked too girly - I kid you not. And then the hair -"

"And that you could change."

Blaine nodded. "I chopped it off and started gelling it back. I just wanted one less thing for him to have a go at me about. I'm still not game enough to stop wearing the gel when I'm at home or going to school or a function or something, the only time I take it out is when I'm alone with Kurt for the day."

"You actually look so good without it," Jeff said, remembering the one time he had seen Blaine before he had shellacked his hair back. "I get that you can't do that at home but you're safe here, at least safe from judgement by the rest of us. If you want to be yourself, you should."

Blaine grinned and spontaneously threw his arms around both of them. "You're both amazing," he informed them. "Seriously. No matter what, I'm glad for at least one thing from this camp and that's to have met both of you."

Jeff shook his head, grinning. "You are such a sap. But me too."

He chanced a look at Nick and his smile only grew wider when he saw the one on Nick's face - _finally_.

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

After Blaine had let them go, everybody had settled back into their spots on the floor. For a while, the only sound in the room was silence. Each of the three boys seemed to have their own thoughts to process and nobody was in any hurry to interrupt - after all, they had all just thrown their entire souls out on the line.

Nick, for his part, was completely taken aback at how _free _he felt. Sure, they said that sharing burdens helped release them a little but he had never been sure if he could believe it or risk it. But seeing Jeff so broken but so willing to share had changed him and Nick just - well, _everything _had come out. More than he had expected and the response had been far from what was anticipated.

_They actually don't care. _

It hadn't changed a thing in their eyes. All it had done was explain the walls that he no longer needed.

Whether Nick could actually tear them all down completely like he had tonight and keep them down _every single day _was a story that was yet to be told. He might wake up the next morning and realize there was no way he could keep going on like this and go straight back to hiding. Or he could find that vulnerability was actually easier than he realized.

All Nick knew right now was that things were okay. And okay was actually kind of wonderful.

Movement caught his eye and Jeff was pulling his phone out of his pocket, staring at the screen and literally going pale as he answered. "Mom?"

Nick frowned and glanced over at Blaine who looked just as nonplussed. So far they hadn't seen Jeff use his phone at all even though it was presumed that he was keeping contact with his parents, so to see him look so _worried _about answering a call from his mother was a little bit concerning.

"No," Jeff said quickly, shaking his head as he jumped to his feet. "No, seriously, it's okay. It's okay, I just -" he broke off, biting his lip as he listened. "Mom, listen to me. It's okay. I _promise._"

More silence and Jeff was pacing now, one hand running through his hair. "I know. I didn't think -" He sighed. "I know. It's not right but there's nothing we can do."

Nick could almost make out the worried tones of a woman on the other end but the words were unintelligible and not his to listen to anyway. "No," Jeff said again. "Yes, I'm sure. Don't -" More silence. "Okay. Okay, yeah, that's fine. I will." He smiled. "I love you too. Bye." Hanging up, Jeff stared out the window for a moment before turning his attention to the others. Nick realized he had stood at some point, as had Blaine, and they both stared at Jeff, hoping for an explanation.

"That was my mom," Jeff said, somewhat unnecessarily. "I kinda sent her a text when I first got back to the room saying I couldn't handle it and I needed to get out of here. Obviously she panicked… but she also said that she could be here first thing in the morning."

Nick's heart dropped. No, he didn't want anybody to have to stay at this camp if they could help it, but Jeff was the first person he had truly let in _ever _and now he was leaving?

And there was something else niggling at the back of Nick's heart, something telling him that Jeff leaving was just that bit more significant than if, say, Blaine were the one to be leaving. But he still made himself smile because at least Jeff was getting out -

"I said no."

"What?" Nick blurted out before he could help himself. "You… you're staying?"

Jeff nodded. "If I leave now, I'll just be running away like I've been trying to run away every other time. Plus…" Jeff hesitated for a second before seeming to realize that there was no point in hiding things. "After everything we've gone through tonight, how could I leave you guys to suffer here and go home? We're in this together now."

Nick wasn't quite sure whether he or Blaine was the one to initiate it, but before he knew it they were both hugging Jeff, the blonde boy actually _laughing _as they did so. "And tomorrow?" Nick asked. "You're going to be okay when we go out there?"

Jeff shrugged. "I don't know what they're going to do and that scares me. But there's really no other choice - if I'm staying, I have to deal with it."

"I've got a saying for times like these," Blaine said, his voice soft. "_Courage_. I used to text it to Kurt all the time, whenever I was worried that he might not be okay or that he might just need to remember that. It doesn't matter what happens to you, as long as you stand up against it and remember that you are strong enough and brave enough and have enough courage to get through anything. That's what we all need to get through."

"Courage," Jeff repeated quietly as if trying it out. He nodded. "Courage. I can do that."

"We all can," Nick added, smiling a little when Jeff looked at him. "We'll have courage for you tomorrow and you can have courage for me if I ever get thrown into Isolation."

"And we'll have courage that one day Blaine might throw out the hair gel."

Blaine snorted and collapsed onto the floor beside Jeff's bed. "I should really wash it out now that you mention it." He thought for a second then waved his hand lazily as he yawned. "Whatever."

Rolling his eyes, Jeff sat down on the bed and looked up at Nick questioningly who shrugged, joining him. Jeff knocked their shoulders together lightly and Nick smiled, feeling his face warm up a little. "I think we're going to be alright."

Nick's smile grew wider. "I think so. With a bit of courage."

* * *

><p><strong>Additional Notes: In regards to Jeff's story, I did my research. I am a self harmer myself (trying to recover), though nowhere near as bad as I portrayed Jeff to be, but I know the feelings that were going through his head. I have never attempted suicide but have thought about it. So I did research on different unsuccessful suicide attempts and found that most people who overdose experience this delirium and can't remember the week or so after they overdose, depending on what they take. I do not claim full accuracy or that this is what every self harmer experiences.<strong>

**Next Chapter: Acceptance. **


	10. Acceptance

**One quick note about a few comments I've been getting lately asking whether this story has been abandoned. I do not intend on abandoning this story at all. For those of you who have followed right from the start, you know the wait between chapters used to be closer to a month than a week as I worked on _Kiss _as my priority. I have gotten better with updating but I still can't promise any consistency. But, and what I hope is once and for all, I will not abandon this story unless circumstances change beyond my control. **

**This chapter just kept happening! When one of my OC's call for development, I just kind of can't resist them.**

**Jeff's section of this chapter will, once again, have mentions of self harm in it (not as many as last chapter), while Nick's will be discussing it a little as well. Please don't read if it will be an issue for you. I am once again more than happy to send summaries to those who might need them.**

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own the ideas in this story. I have never been to a 'straight camp' and am therefore not attempting to portray an exact replica of one. I do not own any characters you recognize.******

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

The tears streaming down his face was the first indication that Nick was awake. Sniffing quietly he opened his eyes, giving himself a moment to adjust as usual, then a second longer to try and work out why his bed felt different. It was only when he heard the sound of light breathing coming from beside him that Nick realized he wasn't in his own bed.

_So where the hell am I?_

Nick lifted his head, wiping the tears away and immediately took in the sight of the two boys on the bed next to him. Blaine was curled into a ball at the foot of the bed which Nick had now identified as Jeff's. And Jeff was right next to him, arms curled protectively into his chest as he slept. That gesture alone brought back all of the events of the previous day and reminded Nick of just why he was crying. He had been asleep, yes, but his mind had still been going over everything that had happened in the hours the boys had spent in the room. And now Nick had time to just stop and think about what had happened and, more to the point, about all of his own admissions.

Nick's first reaction was shame. After all the promises he had made to himself to stay on guard, not to admit anything, not to let down his walls… he had shared _everything._

_How am I going to face them when I wake up?_

And then he glanced back down at Jeff, frowning. Jeff had just shifted in his sleep and one of his sleeves had slipped down slightly, revealing a few of the scars on his arm. Nick stared at them for a few seconds more before a different kind of shame overtook him. Jeff had no choice about the revealing of his secrets and, judging by his breakdown, it was clear how much it had cost him to have his past come out. Jeff had to take measures to hide the things he was ashamed of every single day - Nick could just not talk about his past and that was that. And Nick realized he really had nothing to complain about.

But more than that, he had no reason to be ashamed. After all, there was no way he was going to judge Jeff or treat him _any _differently after learning what he had. So why should he assume that the others would act any way otherwise? Blaine and Jeff had been nothing but supportive when Nick had told them the truth about his life, even when it came to the struggles with accepting his sexuality, something he was sure he would be judged for at a camp like this. And they had both just been so _amazing _about it all.

So now Nick had the biggest question to face: how was he going to act when the other boys woke up? His general attitude so far had been that if he didn't let the others in, they wouldn't be able to hurt him. But now they _were _in, there was no going back from that. Nick had opened that door and put everything about himself on display for judgement. He could close the door, yes, and go back to his previous attitude of freezing the boys out, but he couldn't make them forget what had happened, the things he had shared.

_So, do you need to shut them out? _

Nick was terrified, he would freely admit that. There were now two people who knew so much about him after he had spent _years _having nobody to confide in, nobody he felt like he could truly be himself around. The fact that he had opened up to Jeff and Blaine without a second thought had to count for something - Nick's judgement of character had always been sound in the past and he hoped with everything he had in him that this was no exception. Because there was no way he could just pretend the previous day hadn't happened and hadn't changed his life.

_There__'__s __some __people __out __there __who __care __about __me __and __like __me __for __who __I __am, _he thought to himself, still trying to get a grip on what the words actually meant for his life. _I __can __be __myself __with __no __judgement._

_But I don't even know who I am._

Nick sighed, letting his head fall back against the pillow. He _knew _he was gay, yes, but having been told his whole life that he shouldn't be meant that he still hadn't come to terms with it. More tot he point he hadn't come to terms with the fact that he was _allowed _to be and shouldn't be ashamed of himself and that was what caused the fear. All of his self-doubt and self-loathing had come from a stem of confusion, a seed planted in his brain that told him he wasn't okay. And as much as he told himself that it was, that there was nothing wrong with him, Nick still had those mental blocks that stopped him from connecting with himself, from really knowing who he was. After living two lives, trying to mesh them both into the one person he was supposed to be was confusing, painful and depressing and Nick didn't want this kind of life anymore.

He glanced at Blaine, smiling slightly. Blaine who was so confident in his sexuality, in who he was as a person - apart from his hair gel dependence which Nick knew he and Jeff would be breaking him out of very quickly now that they knew the reason - and knew who to be and how to act. Blaine knew because there was no reason for him to _not _be himself, there was almost no alternative. He could separate the Blaine who had to be what his father wanted and the Blaine who was the real Blaine, the one he showed to everybody else every single day. Blaine was just Blaine.

But Blaine also came from a similar situation to Nick. He had spent his childhood years being moulded into who he was supposed to be and told who he couldn't be too… but Blaine had somehow broken free from that and stayed true to himself, no matter the cost. So what did Blaine have that Nick didn't?

_Courage._

Nick squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop the tears from coming again because it was _so __true_. Blaine had courage in abundance and Nick didn't even have the courage to just be himself, the thing that should be so easy and natural. He put up masks every day and hid away from the world, too scared to try and just be who he was.

Well, it was time for that to change. Come the morning, Nicholas Duval was going to _be _Nicholas Duval. Not a mask, not an imitation, not who he was _meant _to be. Nick was going to be Nick and there wasn't a thing anybody could say to stop him. Not now, not ever.

And as Nick felt the weariness slip over him again, drawing him back to sleep, he couldn't help but smile at his final thought.

_And I have friends to help me now._

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff.<strong>

Waking up the next morning was one of the strangest things Jeff had experienced. Apart from his eyes being puffy and sore and his throat scratchy from crying (not something that was uncommon), Jeff also had the fact that there were two other boys sleeping on his bed. Well, Blaine was half on the bed with his legs on the floor while Nick was sharing Jeff's pillow, one hand loosely resting on top of Jeff's.

And for some reason, Jeff couldn't look away.

Nick also showed signs of crying and Jeff lay still and allowed the events of the previous day to wash over him. He knew that word would have travelled around the campsite already and a lot of the boys would be judging him when they got up, but right now Jeff was just lost in the moment, in the fact that these two now knew almost everything there was to know about him and didn't judge him.

With a sigh, Jeff sat up and gently shook Blaine's shoulder. "Come on, Blaine, your neck must be killing you."

"It is," came the muffled reply, "but getting up isn't going to help that. Leave me to suffer in peace."

Jeff laughed quietly, still painfully aware of the sleeping Nick. "Get up and I'll give you a neck rub."

Blaine lifted his head quickly, wincing. "Why didn't you say that in the first place?" He turned around so his back was leaning against the bed. "Please tell me you're one of those people who have magic hands?" Jeff's response was to simply begin rubbing at Blaine's neck, eliciting a content sigh from the other boy. "Okay, I approve." There were a few minutes of silence before Blaine finally spoke again, his voice lazy. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"Good," Jeff said on autopilot before stopping. _You __can __actually __be __honest __now, __you __know? _"I mean, I'm good enough. Worried about what's going to happen when I get out there though. Everybody _knows_, or at least they think they know but they don't really. They don't understand."

Blaine raised a hand, resting it on Jeff's lightly. "Whatever happens out there, we've got your back."

Jeff held onto Blaine's hand for a few moments before the sound of Nick stirring on the bed got his attention. He glanced over to see Nick blinking awake and freezing when he saw Jeff sitting on the end of his bed. Blaine began to say something but Jeff stopped him, knowing Nick needed a minute to remember what had happened the previous night. _Please, __don__'__t __shut __us __out, _he mentally begged the boy. _Don__'__t __do __what __you__'__ve __done __every __other __morning __this __camp._

Nick slowly pulled himself up so he was sitting up. "Morning guys," he said quietly.

Jeff couldn't stop the smile from crossing his face. "Good morning, Nick. How are you?"

"Better," Nick said, and Jeff could tell he was being honest. "Heaps better."

Blaine smiled up at him. "I'm glad," he said simply. "You going to go okay in counseling today, do you think?"

Nick shrugged. "I don't know. Counseling is counseling." He pulled himself off Jeff's bed and stretched his arms above his head. "I don't even remember falling asleep there," he commented as he moved across to his side of the room, digging out his clothes for the day.

"Neither," Blaine admitted before groaning as Jeff managed to get a kink out of his neck. "That's amazing, thank you. Your hands are _wonderful_."

"Do I need to tell Kurt about this?"

Jeff raised an eyebrow, glad Nick's back was to him because _did __Nick __just __make __a __joke? _He glanced at Blaine who was smirking, clearly happy with the changes in their friend - at least Jeff hoped they could call Nick their friend now. And Jeff loved this new Nick as well, especially since he knew full well that this wasn't a different Nick but the Nick that he had been afraid to be for so long. "No," Blaine finally replied, standing up and heading towards his own bed. "I couldn't bear to break his heart. Sorry, Jeff, we'll have to keep our love affair secret."

Jeff mock-sighed. "I suppose I can handle that."

The three boys quickly got ready for the day, Jeff taking his usual amount of time on his hair. It was only when he was ready to go that he heard Nick's quiet gasp and turned to see what the problem was. "I - Blaine?"

Blaine raised a hand to his hair self consciously. "I'm going without the gel today. Why, does it look bad?"

"Are you kidding me?" Without waiting for an answer, Jeff slipped into the bathroom and returned with Blaine's gel. "Since I finally can, you are forbidden from this. I don't know how Kurt's lasted this long without taking it off you himself."

"He's tried five times. I just keep buying more."

Jeff began to laugh, the other boys quickly following suit. And maybe they laughed for a bit longer than they should have, but at least they _could _laugh. After everything that had been admitted last night, this was pretty much their way of saying _hey, __I __don__'__t __judge __you, __you __don__'__t __judge __me, __so __we__'__re __cool._

The sound of the bell ringing out stopped their laughter. Jeff in particular tensed up instantly as he knew he had to go and face the rest of the campers, and Blaine's hand was in his. "It's going to be fine," Nick said reassuringly. "We're here."

Jeff nodded and they left the room, quickly making their way across to the dining hall. To Jeff's surprise, nobody even gave him a second look and they were already seated with breakfast before anybody came over to talk to them. And since the 'anybody' was Scott, Jeff knew there wasn't going to be a problem. "Gentlemen," he said, sliding into the seat across from them. "What's shaking?"

"Same old camp, same old disgusting food?" Blaine poked at the piece of toast in front of him that was already cold. "Where's James?"

Scott stole the piece of toast from Blaine and ripped a chunk off it. "They found him using his decoy phone when he got out last night so he's back in - keep that in mind, there'll be a phone confiscation at some point when they remember they forgot to do it in the first place. Anyway, he's beating my record though, this is the third day in a row. They let him out long enough to eat and then he was back in."

"That really sucks," Nick said, staring down at his plate and not noticing the surprised look that Scott sent to Blaine. "At least you guys are sticking it to them, maybe soon they'll realize that you can't be stopped." He offered a smile to Scott before standing, resting a hand on Jeff's shoulder for a second and making that familiar crackle of heat pass through them. It still caught Jeff off guard every time and he was yet to work out what was going on there, though he was wondering whether it was linked to the fact that Nick was kind of really good looking, especially now that he was smiling -

Yeah, that was a dangerous path to start wandering down and Jeff averted his thoughts quickly.

"Well, my turn to be deemed as crazy," Nick finished, letting go of Jeff's shoulder. "Have a good day, guys."

As Nick left, Scott raised an eyebrow at Jeff. "What got into him? He's… happy?"

"We all talked last night," Jeff said simply. "I presume you heard about group therapy yesterday?"

Scott's face darkened. "I did. I've been doing my best to set people straight without actually giving details. I can't _believe _he'd stoop so low, Jeff. They've done some pretty crap things in this place before but they've never revealed someone's past like that."

"It's alright. It was bound to come out eventually." Blaine's hand found his under the table and Jeff squeezed it gratefully. "Anyway, these guys were fantastic about it once they learned the truth and then we all opened up a bit and… well -"

"Nick knows he can trust us now," Blaine finished. "And I think that's going to spread on to you guys a bit as well."

Scott held his hand up for a high five and Jeff gave it laughingly. "Proud of you, dude. Didn't I tell you that they'd be cool with it and you didn't need to keep it from them?"

"Wait." Blaine raised an eyebrow, turning to Scott. "You knew?"

"Scott worked out something was going on with me in our first group therapy session," Jeff explained. "He kind of gave me no choice but to talk about it. I - it wasn't that I didn't trust you, Blaine, I just…" he paused. "Well, no, I didn't trust anybody. Not really."

Blaine squeezed his hand again. "I understand," he said reassuringly. "Don't sweat it. And on that topic, there was someone you wanted to talk to about it, I believe."

It took Jeff a few seconds but he was nodding eagerly. "I'd love to if I could."

"Scott, can you arrange for Jeff to go into Isolation for a little while?" Scott nodded, already seeking out Alana to send her a silent message. "Come on, I'll grab my phone." Jeff followed Blaine back to their room where he dug his phone out from under his mattress and led Jeff straight back out, over to the Isolation room that James wasn't currently occupying. "It's a little creepy at first but nobody will bug you in here."

"How do I get out?" Jeff examined the door that clearly only opened from the outside. "They're going to know something's up if the door's cracked open."

"Oh, true. Alana got me when I was done last time." Blaine handed his phone to Jeff. "Punch in your number. I'll just be hanging in the room since we have the morning off, buzz your phone when you're ready to come out and I'll get you." Jeff followed the instruction before handing the phone back to Blaine who, after checking that nobody was around, called Kurt. "Hey babe, I've got Jeff here who was wondering if he could talk to you about something?" After a few seconds of silence, Blaine nodded. "He'll tell you. I'll talk to you later, alright. Love you."

Blaine handed over the phone and Jeff stepped into the Isolation room, allowing Blaine to shut the door. He took a second to get used to the darkness of the room before pressing the phone to his ear. "Kurt?"

"Hey, Jeff." Kurt's voice, warm and friendly as it had been the last time, came down the line. "You wanted to talk to me?"

"Yeah." Jeff took a deep breath - even though he had already admitted it twice in the past few weeks, it was still a big deal to tell someone. "Um, I don't know if Blaine's told you anything about what happened yesterday but we were in our group therapy session and some stuff came up and the counsellor basically told everybody some stuff that had happened in my past and I had a complete meltdown and - and I'm rambling. And you probably have no idea why I'm talking to you right now."

Kurt laughed quietly. "Not really," he admitted, "but it's alright. Go on."

And Kurt sounded so gentle and understanding that Jeff knew he didn't need to hold back. "The truth came out to everybody that I'm suffering with depression, self harming and that I tried to kill myself."

There were exactly three seconds of silence, Jeff holding his breath as he waited for a response. "Honey, you need to know right now how _amazing_ you are," Kurt finally said, his voice sounding suspiciously choked up. "And _brave_. Thank you for telling me."

Jeff fought back his tears because he still had to get used to this whole being considered brave thing. In his own mind he was the weakest person he knew. "I - Blaine told me to call you because…" he stopped, remembering Blaine's comment last night about Kurt not wanting Blaine to tell anybody and wondering how to deal with the situation at hand.

Kurt dealt with it for him. "Because I've been there," he said quietly. "It's alright, I know Blaine wouldn't have told you if he didn't think it would help. And I'm glad he did because now I can help you and you can talk to someone who knows what it's like. You've never been able to do that, have you?"

"No," Jeff whispered, trying to get his voice to sound stronger and failing. "Never. The only people who knew before this camp were my parents." Kurt sounded like he was going to say something but Jeff beat him to it, _needing _to know. "How did you do it, Kurt? How did you get through it?"

There were a few moments of silence as if Kurt didn't know what to say. "Sometimes I don't even know, Jeff. Some days I swear I'm not actually past it, like it's just around the corner and I'm going to slip back into it if I'm not careful. But it's been a year for me, Jeff. A whole year without hurting myself and as much as Blaine says otherwise, I owe a lot of it to him. But I owe it to myself too." Kurt sighed. "Jeff, it wasn't easy, and I won't try and tell you that it is. Getting the willpower to quit was the most difficult thing because after so long of struggling with it and spending so long being hated for who I was, I didn't see why it was even a problem. It was just me I was hurting after all." Jeff nodded, completely understanding the feeling. "It actually took a few months after Blaine found out before he had to sit me down and tell me it was hurting _him_."

"Were you together then?"

"No," Kurt said, his voice dropping lower as the memories clearly rushed back to him. "I had already decided I wouldn't date anybody while I was self harming, not until I stopped. But he was my best friend and he found out in the first few weeks of me being at Dalton. Even back then he could read me better than anybody else ever will and he knew something wasn't right. Of course he was distraught when he found out, but it really didn't hit me until the day he came to me and told me I had to stop because he couldn't bear knowing that I was destroying myself." Jeff winced, understanding the power those words would have on Kurt, especially if he had liked Blaine at the time. "So I had to try and do something. And admitting it to him and discussing it with him was definitely one of the hardest things about it because I'd _never _told anybody before."

Jeff wasn't sure whether he was overstepping but ventured to ask, "Blaine said you and your dad get along really well. You didn't -?"

"I couldn't. Or at least I didn't think I could." Kurt sniffed. "He had trouble with his heart, finding out about the bullying and having to get me transferred to Dalton was stress enough in my opinion. It took a lot of convincing from Blaine before I would even consider telling him. But I'm so glad I did because he loves me exactly the same, only now he knows to keep an eye on me." Kurt grew silent and Jeff knew he was probably crying. "How are your parents with it?"

Jeff bit his lip. "They, uh, they found out when my mom found me unconscious on the bathroom floor." He heard Kurt gasp softly but knew it wasn't judgmental, simply shock. "They hate that I do it but they haven't stopped loving me and they just want to know when I do it so they can keep an eye on me. And obviously they want to know if I ever get to that point again."

"Jeff… honey, can you tell me from the start?"

So, once again, Jeff laid his whole story out on the line. It was easier this time around, he noticed, probably half from having already said it once and half from knowing that Kurt _got __it_. And because of that, Jeff didn't have to hold back, didn't have to give the censored version like he had with the boys the previous night. He hadn't concealed anything but with Kurt he could talk about the cutting in much more detail, the severity, the tools, everything that other people would probably consider him mental for talking or even _thinking _about. And when it was finally out, Jeff almost collapsed in relief because it was _out_.

Kurt had stayed silent throughout the whole thing and Jeff waited for a response. "Has Blaine preached his courage mantra at you yet?"

Jeff laughed. "Last night, yes."

"Take in every word of that, Jeff, because you'll need it. You're already _so _strong, but god have you been through a lot." Kurt's voice was thick with emotion but Jeff could hear the smile in his words. "You're honestly inspirational, you know? And you're going to get through it, I promise, but you need to get out of that school."

"Oh, Blaine didn't mention it? I am." Jeff laughed again, feeling more carefree than he had in a long time. "I'm coming to Dalton next year."

Kurt squealed in delight and Jeff immediately classed it as the cutest noise he had ever heard. "I get to meet you! Oh, I'm so excited, all we need to do now is get Nick along… except Nick's a little standoffish, isn't he?"

Jeff hesitated for a second. "Not so much anymore," he said, noticing his voice had gone softer. "He talked last night too."

"He has a story?" Kurt's tone turned concerned again. "Does he need to talk to someone?"

"I don't think so. He - I hope he'll talk to me if he needs to." Jeff wasn't sure that it would be the case - after all, Nick had only just started talking about his past and was clearly still struggling to accept himself. But Jeff was going to make damn sure that he was there for Nick if he needed it.

There was a slight inflection in Kurt's next sentence and Jeff tried his hardest not to read into it, not even sure why he didn't want to know. "I think he will. But back to you, Jeff. Can I ask some questions?"

"Go for it."

The following conversations had Jeff laying his soul barer than he ever had before. Kurt's questions were probing but gentle enough that Jeff had no hesitance to answer them and couldn't even bring himself to feel ashamed of his answers, especially not when Kurt was telling his own story too - a story so similar to Jeff's except for the one key difference; he had stopped.

"You're going to get through it, Jeff," Kurt said quietly, his voice sounding slightly hoarse. Jeff glanced at his watch, surprised to see that they had been talking for close to two hours. "It won't be easy, but it will happen. I promise it gets so much better."

And Jeff believed him. "Thank you, Kurt."

"I'm going to get you to get my number off Blaine's phone and text me yours. I want to stay in touch with you when you're out of here, especially since I'll be seeing you at Dalton in a few months." Jeff smiled at the thought. "And I want you to call me any time you need it. I don't care if it's three in the morning - I've called Blaine at that time before and I felt horrible for doing it but it was necessary. Don't hold back on asking for help. I'm here for you, Blaine's here, I think Nick probably is too. You're an amazing guy, Jeff… and Blaine tells me you're hot too."

The serious atmosphere was completely broken as Jeff laughed. "Well, I try," he said jokingly. "I'll do my best to not seduce your boyfriend away."

"See that you don't. Speaking of my boyfriend, you'd better get him to let you out of that room, hadn't you?"

Jeff looked at his watch again and realized that Nick should be getting out of his counseling session soon. "I think so. Thank you, Kurt, _so_ much."

"Anytime, Jeff. I mean that. I'm looking forward to meeting you."

"You too."

Jeff ended the call and quickly sent a text to his own phone before sitting down to wait. It only took a few minutes before the door was creaking open. Jeff blinked against the harsh light, his eyes focusing in to see Blaine standing there. "How'd it go?" he asked, holding his hand out for Jeff to take.

"Your boyfriend is incredible."

Blaine laughed, taking his phone back from Jeff. "Isn't he just? Don't get any ideas though, he's mine."

The fact that he could joke about _boys _with someone was something that Jeff really needed to get used to but knew it would take awhile, just the same as the easy camaraderie that he and Blaine were sharing as they walked back to their cabin would.

But the thing that would _really _take a lot of getting used to was walking back into the cabin to be met with a boy throwing his arms around him and blurting out, "I'm _gay_, Jeff. And I'm so _damn _proud of it!"

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

Nick had never believed he would be able to be cheerful at any _second _of this camp, let alone going to _therapy. _But he was almost whistling as he crossed the campsite towards the small building where he knew Dr. Peterson was waiting. Yes, the man was probably going to try and drag his past out of him again and try to make him talk which had so far been unsuccessful in his other sessions. But this time he was going to succeed, because Nick _was _going to talk. He just wasn't going to say things the counsellor would like.

The moment he entered, Dr. Peterson was talking as usual. "Nicholas. Am I going to be talking at you again this session or would you like to input?"

"I would _love _to talk." Nick threw himself into the chair and grinned at the surprised psychiatrist. "What I'd like to start with is seeing a copy of the confidentiality waivers this camp has in regards to psychology. I presume you got your proper training?" The doctor opened his mouth to reply but Nick overrode him. "If you did then you have to abide by the same rules as any other doctor of your profession - you cannot share details of what is said in your session except with people you directly report to if there is an issue of safety, or to the parents or caregivers of the person you are talking with."

There were a few moments of silence. "I fail to see what this has to do with you. You haven't talked so I haven't had anything to share with anybody."

Nick raised an eyebrow, still smiling. "No, you haven't. But this becomes about me when you upset my roommate and friend to the point you did last night because you let his _private _details spread across the campsite. In his situation, you may have chosen to report to your superior because you thought there was an issue of safety, but there is no way that the story should have gotten to other counsellors without Jeff's permission and _especially _not brought up in an environment where others could use it to judge him." Nick shifted so he was facing the man completely. "You, sir, have gone against everything you stand for as a psychiatrist and if I was on better terms with my father, I would convince him to bring charges against you on Jeff's behalf."

Of course Dr. Peterson only heard what he wanted to hear. "You're on bad terms with your father, Nicholas?"

"Yes, I'm on bad terms with my father because he can't accept the fact that I'm gay."

Nick paused, his mind relaying the words again. He had said he was gay before, of course - coming out to his parents, talking to the other guys, group therapy… but he had always just said it because it was what he _should _say, because they were the words that apparently described what was going on in his heart. But it had always felt like 'Nick' and 'gay' were two separate entities, like they were separate and he had to switch between them to be whoever he was. In fact, it had been a necessity in his high school where the aim of the game was to keep low and not draw attention to oneself.

But this time, the words had clunked into place, settling somewhere in his heart as _truth. _And Nick knew for certain and knew it was _okay_.

"I'm gay," he repeated softly.

Apparently the psychiatrist hadn't heard him. "So when did these issues with your father start?"

Nick figured he had said enough and lounged back in the chair, folding his arms behind his head. "That's between me and my father," he said loftily before beginning to whistle loudly, staring up at the ceiling. Keeping the grin from crossing his face wasn't exactly easy but somehow Nick managed to last out the rest of the therapy session without a hint of anything other than indifference showing on his face.

Just before the time ran out, Dr. Peterson finally asked a question that Nick felt like answering. "Why do you continue to stick to this stubbornness that you are 'gay'?" he asked, air quotations and all.

Nick slowly sat up, resting his elbows on his knees and leaning his head on his hands. "Because I am," he said simply. "I know who I am and I'm gay."

And it really didn't get any better than this because for once in his life, Nick _did _know for certain who he was. It didn't matter what kinds of things they could throw at him here, what they would try to get him to believe or not believe about himself. It didn't matter that his father hated him and would never be proud of him unless he married a girl and became a lawyer. It didn't matter that his mother wouldn't stick up for him or be brave enough to say that she loved her son for who he was. Of course they were all fundamental parts of his life, but right now Nick knew the only thing that mattered was that he _knew _himself. And he could be confident in who he was and proud of himself.

Dr. Peterson sighed. "An attitude we need to begin discussing. Now that you've started to open up, we can begin to work through this mindset that -"

"Oh hey, look at that." Nick pointed at the clock. "Time's up, doc. See you in three days!" And before the doctor could make a comment, Nick was out of the room, staring around the campsite as if he had expected it to change. And really, that wasn't too strange of a thought considering how much _he _had managed to change in a matter of minutes.

_Everything feels so… free._

Nick wasn't naive. He knew he was still stuck at this camp for the next few weeks and, after his comments in therapy after his previous stony silence, the counsellors would probably be keeping a close eye on him and trying to get him to change. But now that Nick knew who he was, he had no intention of letting anybody stop that.

But right now, Nick had some people he suddenly wanted to see more than anything.

Nick jogged back to the room, feeling like every nerve ending was tingling. On his way, he noticed Blaine heading across the campsite and presumed Jeff was still in the room but when he arrived he found it empty. Nick attempted to sit on his bed but found himself back on his feet before he knew it. His journal was dug out from under his bed and two words were written in big block letters before that was tossed aside too in his overwhelmed state.

And then the door opened to reveal Jeff and Blaine, laughing about something, and Nick didn't even think about it twice before practically throwing himself at Jeff, clearly startling the blonde boy. "I'm _gay_, Jeff," he exclaimed, finally able to say the words properly and _mean __them. _"And I'm so _damn _proud of it!"

It took a few seconds for Jeff to realize what was going on, but as soon as he did he was laughing and hugging Nick back. And then Blaine was joining them and they were all slightly hysterical but it was _worth __it. _Nick had never felt so accepted in his life. Finally Nick pulled back, wiping his eyes and realizing he wasn't at all ashamed that he had started crying because it was about time all of these tears came out. There was no more suppressing his emotions. "So what torture are they putting us through this afternoon?" he asked, knowing no words needed to pass between them anymore. They could just keep moving forward.

"Seminar." Jeff groaned loudly and Blaine nodded. "I know, they'll realize someday that it's not going to work. I think half the counsellors around here have mental problems, or perhaps their ignorance is just… what?"

Nick winced as Blaine slowly turned to see Stephen standing in the doorway, arms crossed. Jeff dropped his arms from where he had been frantically signaling to Blaine to shut up, but the damage was done. "Anderson. I think you can use a few hours in Isolation for those comments."

Jeff cast a panicked look at Nick who was biting his lip. So far the three of them had managed to stay out of Isolation to their relief, but it looked like Blaine was the first to go. To their surprise, Blaine simply shrugged. "Alright. I'll see you guys later. Enjoy the seminar." His last words were dripping with sarcasm and he pulled his arm away from Stephen's grip, winking back at the boys and touching his pocket lightly.

As soon as he was gone, Jeff started laughing. "Yeah, he'll be fine."

"What?"

"Oh, I was out in Isolation before talking to Kurt on Blaine's phone, I only just gave it back to him. I know what he'll be doing in there."

Nick allowed himself to smile, knowing Blaine had just been handed the opportunity to spend some quality time talking to his boyfriend. And even though Nick still couldn't stomach the thought of spending time in that room, he knew it wasn't an issue for the others who enjoyed the privacy of it. "So, you talked to Kurt?" he said slowly. "About… yeah. Um, how was that?"

Jeff's smile faded. "Yeah, it went good. He's helpful."

"I'm glad." Nick rubbed at the back of his neck uncomfortably, well aware of the tense silence that had filled the room, but he _really _didn't know what else to say.

Unfortunately, Jeff picked up the wrong vibe completely, crossing his arms over his chest almost defensively. But his tone when he finally spoke was more defeated than anything Nick had heard before. "Look, if I made you uncomfortable by talking about it, we can forget I ever mentioned it. I know it's a pretty taboo subject and I spilled my guts and we barely know each other and all that. So if you want to forget it, please do."

Nick was shaking his head immediately. "No, not like that, Jeff. _Never _like that. I just… I don't know what to say and I don't want to say anything that could accidentally offend you or make you think I'm judging you because I couldn't really live with myself if I did that. That's all."

There was a long moment where Jeff simply stared at him. And then he _smiled._

Of course Nick had seen Jeff smile before but this… this was like the sun coming out in the middle of winter. Jeff was smiling at _him_, just for him and it sent Nick's heart into a frenzy he had never experienced before. All because of a smile.

_What's going on here?_

The moment passed as soon as Jeff turned away towards the door, his voice slightly higher than normal and suspiciously emotional. "So, let's go get this seminar out of the way." Nick groaned loudly and Jeff laughed. "Come on, we'll sit next to Scott and have him give us color commentary."

Unfortunately, Scott was absent from the seminar, and considering James was still in Isolation, Nick had a pretty good idea of where he would be. Instead, he and Jeff sat up the back - not that anybody voluntarily sat down the front except for Peter and the counsellors - and pretended to pay attention. Well, Nick pretended to pay attention. Jeff was slowly falling asleep in his seat, his head leaning closer and closer towards Nick's shoulder who held his breath, just waiting…

And then Jessica appeared - Nick hadn't even noticed she wasn't down the front - and slapped Jeff on the back of the head to wake him up. Nick suppressed a sigh, promptly confusing himself. _Why __did __I __want __him __to __fall __asleep __on __me? __That__'__s __kind __of__… __weird._

Nick didn't take in a word of the seminar which was something about the roots of evil in homosexuality and how every famous homosexual in history ended up going wrong. Instead, he took the time to let his thoughts roam free, allowing himself to casually sort through the past twenty four hours and get himself to a place where he was content to move forward. Nick had never given himself this luxury before, tending to keep his thoughts tightly boxed away where he couldn't give them free reign, and it was so relaxing that he barely noticed he was awake until the sound of chairs shifting alerted him to the end of the seminar. Turning, he saw Jeff staring at him and raised an eyebrow in silent question. "You're getting there," Jeff said simply. "Let me know if I can do anything to help."

Nick was overly touched by the statement. "Thank you," he said quietly. "I don't think I want to go to dinner tonight."

"Neither do I." Jeff stood and held his hand out for Nick to take. "Want to swing by Scott's room and check if he's in there?"

Nick waited until he had stood because by now he knew it was going to feel strange when he took Jeff's hand. He couldn't figure out why yet but Nick _knew _he should know. "That sounds fantastic," he said once they had broken contact. "I know he has more chocolate that he hasn't given up yet."

Jeff laughed again and together they headed over to Scott's cabin. The rest of the boys were headed to the dining hall along with the counsellors so it was easy enough to slip into the room… that was, until Jeff stopped dead in the doorway, Nick running into the back of him. "What's wrong?"

"Shh," Jeff said quickly, pitching his voice to a low murmur. "Scott, sorry, we'll just go -"

"No, no it's fine. Come in."

After a second of hesitation, Jeff stepped into the room and Nick finally got to see what had startled the boy so much. And Jeff was probably right to be startled since Scott was sitting on his bed with James in his lap who was fast asleep with tear tracks streaked across his face. Scott was wiping at his own eyes but still smiled at them. "You're always welcome, okay? James won't mind."

"What happened?" Nick breathed before stopping himself. "I mean, you don't have to, I just… is he okay?"

Scott nodded, gesturing for them to sit down on the opposite bed. "James just got out of Isolation," he began quietly, glancing down at his boyfriend with his fingers brushing idly through his hair. "Isolation itself doesn't bother either of us, but James's biggest trigger is words. And Jessica took it upon herself to stand outside the Isolation room just before you guys went in to the seminar and give him a lecture for the last hour of his time in there about how he was an abomination, filth, scum… you get the picture." Scott sighed painfully. "He broke. And of course I had to pick up the pieces because people think it's okay to hurt my boyfriend and think he'll sort himself out."

Nick was speechless. Scott and James had been that couple who had always seemed so strong. They were absolutely crazy about each other, determined to be who they were without caring about consequences and were honestly Nick's role models when it came to the kind of person he wanted to be and to be _with_. And to see them so broken, it was like a kick in the gut. But Nick's respect for them was still sky high because he saw how much Scott cared about James, how much he was willing to go through to be with him and how he refused to walk away even after seeing him like this.

_I want to be loved like that._

"You guys are going to be alright?" Jeff asked. Nick glanced over and saw the look of almost admiration on his face and realized that the boy had come to similar conclusions to him. "Can we do anything - try to keep Jessica away from him?" Nick nodded, already willing to give whatever support he could, even though the little voice at the back of his mind nagged at him that he could be thrown into Isolation for this.

Scott looked back up and smiled at them. "I'm sure it would be much appreciated if you can, but don't go getting yourselves into trouble for our sake. After all, we're the ones who are meant to be getting into trouble for you guys!" He laughed before glancing at the clock. "Now, since you showed up here during dinner, I'm guessing you didn't want to eat their filth. You know where my stash is." Nick couldn't resist any longer, pulling the box out from under Scott's bed and tossing a few items up to Jeff. "Hey, where's Blaine?" the boy asked, frowning at them.

"Isolation," Jeff said. "But he's got his phone so we don't think he'll be suffering too much."

Scott laughed quietly. "Get him to tell Kurt I said hi. I've never actually talked to the kid but I've heard rave reviews that he's pretty amazing."

Jeff suddenly grinned. "He is," he said and Nick remembered that Jeff had been talking to Kurt that morning.

_Was __that __only __this __morning? __It __feels __like __forever __ago. _

"We'd better go before we get caught in here," Jeff said, casting a look at Nick who nodded and headed for the door. "Look after each other."

"We will. You guys too."

Nick glanced back at that but Scott was already focused on James again. Deciding to let the statement lie, he followed Jeff out of the room and across to their cabin. Saving a few things for Blaine, they made quick work of the food before Jeff sprawled on his bed, glancing across to Nick who was perched on the edge of his. "So, we dealt with all of the serious stuff last night. Tell me something about you that's interesting."

It only took Nick a second to think. "Okay, I understudied as Kurt in the Sound of Music when I was eleven."

Jeff's eyebrows raised. "_Really_? That's awesome!" He laughed, shaking his head. "I knew from the second I saw you that you were musical. I just did, and your line about not being a singer… I wanted to call you out on that so badly."

"You have no idea how much I wanted to just tell you," Nick admitted. "But I was so determined not to let anybody in."

"I'm glad you have."

Jeff's voice was quiet but determined and Nick watched, fascinated, as he blushed. "I'm glad I have too," he said softly. "It feels so weird knowing that there's people who know so much about me, but I couldn't have asked for anybody better to have found out." And now they were _both _blushing and Nick was slowly beginning to understand why, but just before he could properly get there, the door was opening to reveal Blaine. "Oh, hey, you're out early."

Blaine tossed himself onto his bed, toeing off his shoes. "Yeah, Alana came by, said I'd suffered enough. How was the seminar?"

"Boring," Nick said quickly. "Isolation?"

In answer, Blaine held up his phone. "Kurt's a lifesaver. I would've gone stir crazy in there." He turned to Nick as he shoved the phone back under his mattress. "I just hope you never get put in. There was a bit of light coming in but once the sun went down, yeah. Not great."

Nick swallowed the lump in his throat. "I'll do my best to stay away from it."

"We'll look after you," Blaine said cheerfully before yawning widely. "We didn't sleep much last night, did we?"

Now that Nick thought about it, he realized he was bone tired. "No, not at all. Want to call it an early night?"

Blaine opened his mouth to reply but stopped, gesturing in Jeff's direction. Nick turned to see Jeff's back turned to them, the boy clearly already asleep. "Yeah, I'd say that means an early night," Blaine said, a hint of laughter in his voice. "And you know what's awesome? I don't have to spend ten minutes washing my hair out tonight!"

"We told you there were perks," Nick teased, kicking off his shoes and finding he didn't have the energy to do anything else but fall into bed. "Can you get the light?" Grumbling, Blaine took the few steps to the light switch and turned it off, sending the room into blissful darkness. "Thanks, Blaine."

"G'night," came the muffled reply.

Nick allowed his eyes to close, a smile curving across his face because _hey, __today __was __kind __of __awesome. _"Goodnight," he murmured before drifting into what he hoped would be a dream-free sleep.

Either that or a dream suspiciously entailing a blonde haired boy with the most gorgeous laugh Nick had ever heard. He wasn't fussy.

* * *

><p><strong>Next Chapter: Car.<strong>


	11. Car

**The feedback on this story is just mindblowing at the moment. Especially on Tumblr - there's a 'Straight Camp' tag where some excessive flailing goes on every time I post a new chapter and I'm just in love with you all. **

**I've also been requested to write more on Scames, namely a oneshot about how they got together. I'm definitely considering it, but hopefully this chapter gives you the Scames that some of you have been holding out for. **

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own the ideas in this story. I have never been to a 'straight camp' and am therefore not attempting to portray an exact replica of one. I do not own any characters you recognize.******

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

It was strange just how _easy _it was.

After that first day, Nick had woken up the next morning expecting things to crumble at his feet, expecting that it had all just been a wonderful and slightly scary dream in which two boys had found out a lot about him and not turned away in disgust. But to have Blaine and Jeff still treating him like normal, to have Jeff chatting away while he did his hair and Blaine interjecting as he texted Kurt, both of them including Nick just like a _friend_… well, it didn't take long to get used to.

All his life, Nick had promised himself he didn't need people. He could get by without them. They were just a luxury that was given to 'normal' people, not something he was going to really get or need. He would be just fine alone.

Now that he had people, had _friends_, Nick knew he had been deluding himself.

It wasn't that he couldn't survive on his own if Jeff and Blaine suddenly decided to have nothing to do with him. But he would be unhappy again and when that unhappiness crept through him, seeped into every part of his life; it wasn't like being alive. It was being dead inside and going through the motions, just waiting for somebody else to come along and bring light into his life again.

And Nick had promised himself he would do everything in his power to make sure these two boys stayed with him, for all of their sakes. Not only did he need them to help with his life, they needed people in theirs. Not so much Blaine, but Jeff. All that time that Nick had been recognizing something of himself in Jeff, he had never known. And now he did.

Loneliness.

It was gone too, gone out of the blonde boy's eyes and replaced with something so akin to hope that Nick sometimes found it hard to look at him. Not because he didn't want Jeff to have hope for the future but because he knew he was one of the people who had helped put it there and it was still so _foreign _to be something useful in somebody's life.

"We're over halfway," Jeff suddenly commented, making Nick start a little. "Did you realize?"

Blaine hummed noncommittally from his bed and Nick rolled his eyes. "I didn't," he answered. "That's - wow. I can't believe we all made it this far."

"I never thought I'd get _this _far."

Nick glanced up, catching Jeff's eye in the mirror. "Neither," he said quietly, understanding what Jeff was really driving at. "Never really thought it was a possibility."

A moment passed between them, something that had been happening more frequently for the two boys who had suddenly realized they truly weren't alone. Jeff's ears went a little pink and Nick glanced down at his hands, unable to stop the smile from forming.

Blaine, unaware of what had just happened or at least tactful enough not to comment, changed the subject unexpectedly. "I'm not so sure I want to leave," he said as he finished typing out a text to - presumably - Kurt.

Nick frowned. "You don't want to leave? Apart from the fact that this is the least friendly place on earth, don't you want to see Kurt?"

"More than anything. Which is why I don't want to leave because as soon as we're done here, my parents are taking me away to our beach house for the rest of the summer, arriving back the night before school starts."

While Nick was still failing to see the problem, Jeff apparently got it. "And let me guess, absolutely no visitors?"

"My friend Wes can come," Blaine said with a shrug. "He's fine enough, we get along well. But there's one person definitely not on the invite list which means waiting until the first day back at school to see Kurt again."

Nick winced, finally understanding. "That - wow. I'm sorry, Blaine."

"Same," Jeff said absently. "Hey, would visits from people here be out of the question?"

"Probably. Why?"

"Well we usually head to the beach for a weekend in the summer," Jeff explained. "If we end up being near each other which I'm sure I could arrange… I mean, I'm not Kurt but I'm sure it would be good to see people again."

Blaine looked taken aback at that before grinning, sudden and bright. "That would be pretty awesome if you did. All we'd need is to get Nick to come and it'd be a camp reunion!"

"Because we all want to remember this place," Nick said sarcastically but with a smile so they knew he was kidding. "I'd love to but I doubt my dad would be up for it."

"You're always more than welcome to come with us."

It was Nick's turn to be startled as he swiveled to stare at Jeff. "Serious?"

"My mom would like you. My dad would be glad I've got friends. And -" Jeff shrugged and turned back to his hair, steadfastly avoiding eye contact. "I don't know. We're pretty good friends now. I don't want to lose contact or anything."

The happiness rose up in him hard and fast and Nick couldn't wipe the smile off his face for any amount of money. "Neither," he said quickly, ignoring the way his voice sounded different as he began messing around with his belongings, trying to look busy for the same reason he knew Jeff was attacking his already perfectly styled hair; because something was going on that neither of them had experienced before and sometimes it was easier to deflect than to try and work out _why_.

When Nick finally looked up, it was to see Blaine smirking at him with a raised eyebrow. Nick frowned, feigning indifference but only causing the smirk to grow. "Well," Blaine said nonchalantly - _far _too nonchalantly - with an almost innocent smile now in place, "shall we head to breakfast, good sirs?"

"I swear you've come straight out of the sixties," Jeff told him as they headed towards the door. "I'm surprised you're not wearing little bow ties."

Blaine coughed awkwardly and Nick turned to see that it was finally his turn to blush. "Well… I kind of normally do. But Kurt packed for me and refused to put them in -"

"Okay, hold on," Nick interrupted, holding up a hand. "_Kurt _packed for you?"

"Let me guess, more laid back style?"

Blaine quite literally burst into laughter while Jeff and Nick shot alarmed looks at each other. "Oh my god no," he finally said, wiping the tears from his eyes. "Kurt doesn't trust me to formulate an outfit on my own. Apparently my crimes against fashion are numerous and there's a reason they put me in a blazer nine out of twelve months of the year. No, the bow ties were omitted because he thought they'd get ruined without him here to iron them."

With that, Blaine continued on to breakfast, leaving two stunned boys standing behind him. "I'm starting to think Blaine's a really good liar," Jeff finally said, "and is making all of this _up_."

"I'd think so too if it weren't for the hair gel," Nick agreed, not even kidding around. "The pair of them seem too good to be true."

"People are like that sometimes."

Nick turned, frowning, to ask what Jeff had meant only to find him walking away in the same direction as Blaine. With a shrug he followed, presuming it was something from his past and deciding it was better to not bring it up.

Blaine was seated already with Scott and James when the two boys arrived to join them. They were a few minutes early so the room was still only half empty and Nick grinned when he saw who Blaine was talking to. "It feels like forever since we've seen you both in here at the same time."

Scott groaned. "Tell me about it. I mean, I'm all for breaking my record but that place gets cramped and kind of boring."

"And naturally he would much rather be out with his boyfriend," James added sternly.

"Oh, he's definitely _out _with his boyfriend," Scott said, winking. "But yes, if I had to be anywhere at this camp, it would be with you and at least today isn't going to be too painful."

"What are we doing?"

"A lovely team building exercise," James said with so much false cheer in his voice that Scott rolled his eyes and hit him. "Key word on the _building, _gentlemen. We're building a car."

Blaine's snort was loud enough for the next two tables over to stop talking and turn to him. "Sorry," he said quickly, waiting until they turned back to continue. "My goodness, why does everybody believe that fixing a car is going to make you straight? My dad tried that same trick on me and my boyfriend works in a _garage _in his spare time."

Nick reeled at that one. "_Kurt_?" he asked incredulously. "I seem to remember a conversation all of ten minutes ago involving bow ties and _dirt_?"

Blaine nodded, looking immensely proud. "He was also on the football team and did cheerleading."

It was Jeff's turn to snort as Blaine's eyes glazed over. "Well, he's gone. Seriously though, I can't wait to meet this guy."

Nick grinned. "Same. He's certainly something -" He cut himself off, watching Jeff warily. "What?"

"It's just really nice to see you smile."

No, he definitely was _not _blushing.

"Um, thanks," Nick stammered, dropping his eyes to the table. "It's - well, it's good to have a reason to."

Jeff was still smiling at him and Nick looked up again, suddenly realizing that this time he couldn't look away because he couldn't _remember _the last time somebody had looked at him like they truly wanted to know he existed and it almost hurt but in such a good way -

"Don't mind us! We're happy to sit here and be invisible!"

Nick felt rather than saw James elbow Scott in the ribs. "Don't be rude!" he reprimanded. "Let the boys flirt if they want."

Nick went bright red and Jeff dropped his gaze immediately, his own ears flaring up. "We're -" Nick cleared his throat when his voice came out scratchy. "We're not flirting."

"Where would you get that idea?" Jeff asked, now taking his turn to stare down at the table. "We're friends. Friends talk."

And that much was _certainly _true because there was no way they had been flirting. Just because they were gay and single didn't mean they had to be interested in each other and Nick was about as interested in Jeff as Jeff was in him, which was somewhere around zero. So there was no flirting.

_Right?_

Thankfully Nick was saved from thinking that one over much further by the arrival of Ms. Taylor who echoed Scott's contributions - they were indeed to be rebuilding a car that day and all instructed to go back and change into the oldest clothes they had, something that would survive a bit of dirt and grease. "And remember!" she finished, beaming at them all, "it's going to be a very hot day so put on that sunscreen!"

"Oh my god she's like my _mother_!" James groaned. "If I burn, I burn, it's _my _skin."

The others voiced their agreement but two at the table were silent for the same reason.

_It's going to be a very hot day._

"What are you going to do?"

Jeff shrugged, biting his lip. "Try my hardest not to pass out, just like last time?"

Nick shook his head. "There must be something we can do. You're not going to make it through a whole day of working in the sun in long sleeves, Jeff."

"And I'm not going to go out there in short sleeves and let everybody _see_."

"I know." Nick sighed, shaking his head. "Can we get you out of it? You could say you're sick."

"Won't work, he showed up for breakfast," Scott chipped in and Nick realized they were all listening. "But there's two cars so if we all go to one, hopefully less of the guys will join us and maybe it'll be safe enough, or at least you can take breaks in the shade. There's no way Jessica can be convinced to go anywhere near the grease, Stephen doesn't care about slacking off as long as you're not being 'gay' about it and Zach just doesn't care."

"We'll get you through it," Blaine said and Jeff nodded with a hopeful smile. And looking at that, Nick immediately vowed to make sure Jeff was his number one priority for the entire day, because somehow he knew this was a boy who didn't hope often and trusted even less. And if Jeff could be given a reason to trust them on the small things, hopefully he could continue to trust them with the bigger ones.

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff.<strong>

So, as it turned out, Jeff had kind of picked the best people to accidentally break down in front of.

The guys were _fantastic_. Any chance they could get to get Jeff into the shade so he could take a break was used, even if it meant they all had to work extra to make up for what he should be doing (which wasn't much even when he was helping; Jeff had never exactly learned how to do much to a car except change a tyre), and not a single one of them complained. Jeff ended up being the one complaining, especially when it ended up being Nick who was being the most helpful out of everybody and it just wasn't fair.

Jeff wasn't sure whether this was Nick's way of making up for being a bit of a jerk the first few weeks or whether it was the true Nick finally coming through. Either way, it was definitely somebody Jeff was a fan of.

They all took a break after a little while, sprawled on the grass under the shade of a few of the trees. James was regaling Blaine and Nick with stories from his school that had them literally on the ground in laughter. Jeff had been listening too but after awhile he pitched his head back and closed his eyes, breathing in the fresh air from the slight breeze whirling around them. The sound of laughter was calming, something he wasn't used to and Jeff felt like he could stay here forever and just _be_.

Grass crunched next to him as another body joined his. "Doing okay?"

Jeff opened an eyelid lazily. "Doing great."

"Good," Scott said quietly, leaning back on his elbows. "Seriously good, I like seeing you not so worried."

Jeff mulled over that one for a few seconds. "Why exactly do you worry about me so much?" he finally asked, tentatively. "I mean, yeah, you worked it out pretty quickly and there was the whole hiking thing but - well, why me? There's plenty of guys here struggling with stuff that I'm sure you could work out if you just asked them, there was the whole thing with Nick where it was obvious _he _was hiding something and you picked me to worry over?"

It was Scott's turn to be silent. Jeff waited until he finally sighed, turning to look at him properly. "I didn't pick you," he explained. "I saw tendencies in you that were - _so _familiar that I couldn't let it go."

Jeff froze. "Scott?" he asked carefully. "Do you…?"

"I don't and never have," Scott said quickly. "It was never what it _was _that I picked up on. It was the signs - the addiction, the withdrawal, the fact that something had control of you and you felt like you would never escape it. I saw all that and that's why I had to try and help you, to try and show you that you can escape and it, whatever it is, will never be the one in control of you."

By the end of his speel, Scott's eyes were closed and he looked a little shaky. But more than that, he looked lost in thought, in _memory_ and Jeff knew.

"What was it?"

"Drugs," Scott said, his voice barely a murmur. "My first boyfriend got me hooked - told me it would be fun, there'd be no harm, and then left me. I was thirteen. I thought I was in control of the situation but with nobody to keep an eye on me and nobody to care if I was dead or alive, it spiraled out of control."

"_Thirteen?_" Jeff whispered, eyes wide.

"You have no idea how often it happens. The worse the world gets, the younger people start doing stuff like this. I've seen kids in your shoes except they're half your age and it's scary. So yes, I was thirteen at the time, fourteen when I got serious and fifteen when I got clean. A year and a half ago now."

Jeff couldn't say anything. He just stared back at the boy, hoping Scott would get what he was trying to say - _I don't know enough, I'm not judging but I can't understand, please -_

Scott sighed, closing his eyes again as if it were easier to face the world that way. "It made me feel like I was escaping from the world," he said slowly. "My dad had decided he had no son because I'd come out a few months earlier. My mom was out of the picture. I had this guy who thought I was good enough to date and he offered me something that would take me away for a few hours. Of course I did it and I never even realized it was killing me until James and his brother came along and decided to save me from myself."

"What did they do?"

"We kidnapped him."

Startled, Jeff looked up to see James standing behind them, watching. Blaine and Nick were still in conversation a few feet away but it was quieter as they were clearly interested in what was going on with the others.

Scott tipped his head back and smiled at James who returned it, sitting down behind him. "Want to tell it for me?" he asked.

James, with a quick glance around for counselors, patted his knee and Scott rested his head against it. "Of course. And I wasn't kidding either, we really did kidnap him against his will with no knowledge from anybody else."

Jeff felt a chill run through him because this had suddenly gotten real serious real fast and he was sitting here talking to somebody who had _taken somebody else away. _It didn't matter that Scott was his boyfriend - if you made someone stay with you for long enough then they could believe anything and if James was keeping Scott as his against his control -

"Okay, I can see that brain going a mile a minute," Scott interjected. "It's definitely not what you think, Jeff. He took me so I could get clean."

"Scott didn't realize that the drugs were affecting him so badly," James explained. "I'd been friends with Scott for a few years and I knew what he was like before that bastard changed him and got him hooked. I couldn't let it ruin his life like that and I knew he needed help even if he didn't want it."

"So you took him?"

"My brother took him, technically. Just picked him up outside his house at the beginning of Winter break and we drove him out to our parent's second house. Kept him there for the entire break."

James trailed off and Jeff didn't ask. He had heard enough stories of what rehab and going cold turkey was like to know it was probably an experience neither of them wanted to relive and, to be completely honest, not one he wanted to hear about.

"He got me clean," Scott said after awhile, staring past them into the trees. "I owed him my life but he wouldn't hear of anything like debts. All he wanted was my friendship which, as you can see, eventually turned into so much more. James saved my life then did me the honor of becoming my boyfriend and all I did for him was get him thrown in here."

"Scott, don't," James said quickly, lacing their fingers together even though Scott seemed to be protesting the action. "Come on, don't do this to yourself."

"It is my fault though."

James shook his head and placed his other hand on Scott's shoulder as he moved to sit up, keeping him in place. "Were you the one who showed up at my house and convinced my parents that instead of just ignoring the 'problem', there might be a solution? Or was that your father?"

"Exactly. _My _father. If you weren't associated with me then -"

"I wouldn't be in here but I wouldn't be happy," James finished. "I love you and I distinctly remember making you a promise when you put this ring on my finger that I wanted to be with you no matter what life threw at us. And you did the same which means dealing with the fact that sometimes I'm going to have to suffer the consequences of your father."

It sounded like a conversation well-rehearsed and Jeff couldn't help but wonder just how many times James and Scott had gone through this same argument, and just how deep Scott's insecurities really laid. Insecurities that had never come anywhere close to the surface in the few weeks Jeff had known him but had clearly always been there.

Just another example that everybody has a story.

Not a single emotion had crossed Scott's face but James still seemed able to read every one of them - every fear, every hint of sadness or regret or worry. On the outside they seemed just like any other couple but in actuality their bond was nothing like Jeff had ever seen before. And he knew it came from what they had been through together. James had seen Scott at what must have been his absolute lowest point, and he still loved him.

And that gave Jeff so much hope.

Neither of the boys paid much attention as Jeff stood and moved away, still caught up in each other. It wasn't his place to stand by and watch them have a private moment, especially when Blaine and Nick had resumed work on the car and were currently pulling all the weight by themselves.

"They okay?" Blaine asked in an undertone as Jeff joined them.

"They're both in good hands," Jeff told him. "You heard?"

Blaine nodded. "I mean, I'd state the obvious that I never expected it but that's never an assumption you'd make about anybody anyway. I guess - it's just hard to picture."

Jeff understood. Seeing the Scott that they saw on a daily basis who was cheerful, witty, always in control of his surroundings and more importantly of himself, it was near impossible to imagine him alone and broken down with a drug addiction that took being _kidnapped _to recover from.

But he had recovered and clearly come out so much stronger. Even in a place like this - that the rest of them had started affectionately referring to as _hell_ - he was always in control. Nothing was taking him down again, just like nothing was taking Jeff down this time.

_Huh._

He'd never thought that before.

Deciding to leave that one to ponder over later - because to have such a _conviction _that he was okay this time was scary and Jeff needed a lot of time - Jeff walked around to where Nick was lying half under the car and maneuvered his way under to the clear surprise of the boy. "Teach me?" he asked.

Nick grinned back at him. "It would be my pleasure."

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

They got their car finished in good time - Scott of course had done the same thing every year and Blaine had spent a fair amount of time in Kurt's father's garage. And since there was nothing else to do, they were all released to do any 'camp sanctioned' activities which basically meant the only physical contact allowed was beating one another up or playing football.

It ended up being a slow, lazy summer evening, the kind where it was all too easy to sit outside and watch the sun set. The three of them were sitting on their cabin stairs, Blaine leaning against the post on the left, Nick with an arm loosely twined around the right. And for just one evening, they all escaped, all forgot that they were abominations to society and that they were only in this place because people in their lives thought they needed to change.

Nick didn't even know where it had come from but the words needed to be said, he realized, after they had spilled out of his lips.

"How can we help you?"

"Hm?" Jeff asked, turning to him tiredly - god, he really _was _tired and it was all the time, how had they never noticed before? - looking confused. "Are you talking to me?"

Nick nodded. "I mean, I'm not saying I know… well, _anything _about what you're going through. But I'm not naive enough to think that just because you don't talk about it and that you haven't done anything to yourself in awhile means that you're okay now. And I want to help, somehow. If I can."

"Same here," Blaine said quietly from the other side, catching Nick's eye. "I've been there once with Kurt so I have a little bit of an idea. And I guess we never really asked, are you at the point where you want to recover?"

Jeff wasn't looking at either of them now, staring out into the sky instead. "I do," he finally said. "I - god, sorry, it's still so difficult to talk about when it's not therapy -"

"It's alright," Nick reassured instantly. "No pressure, okay? We're not going to force anything out of you."

"I know." Jeff took a deep breath and let it out slowly, visibly calming down. "Yes, I want to get better. No, it's definitely not over. And as for helping, you've both already done so much by just accepting me. All I really need is to know that if I'm struggling, I can come to one of you no matter what time of day and just have someone who knows so I won't do anything. It's a huge ask but if you're willing…"

"Always."

Jeff, clearly startled, turned to face Nick. "Are you sure?"

"You're the first set of friends I've ever had," Nick explained and _yeah_, Jeff was right when he said it wasn't easy to talk about. "I kind of don't know how to be a friend but I want to be. I want to be there for you because I do at least know what it's like to be alone and it sucks more than anything, I reckon, even more than going through the pain."

Jeff had closed his eyes and Nick could see the way he was biting the inside of his cheek, clearly trying to hold it together. Deciding that they had been serious enough in the past few days, Nick shrugged and quickly lightened the atmosphere. "Besides, if you're taking me to the beach, it's the least I can do. I can't remember the last time I went."

There was a moment of silence and then Jeff laughed, Blaine began to echo Nick's sentiment and Nick felt his stomach begin to flutter in a completely never-before experienced manner. And he was pretty positive it wasn't a result of Blaine agreeing with him.

Something was happening to him. Something was changing inside a heart that had been hardened against the world for so damn long and had just learnt how to feel again. Something that had been lurking since day one that Nick just hadn't had the courage to confront. Something he was still not sure he could confront but Nick also knew that the something was getting closer day by day until it got to a point where he couldn't ignore it anymore.

So.

Let it be.

Because Nick could handle himself now. He could understand his thoughts and control his emotions without having to throw up the masks. He could let people in and accept the fact that people knew what was going on already and trust that they wouldn't ruin it. He could _trust._

And, in time, Nick knew he could feel. So whatever it was that he was feeling, Nick knew he would be able to handle when he finally worked it out.

For now, all he needed to do was sit with his friends and watch the sun set on another day, and just be.

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading!<strong>


	12. Realizations

**Sorry for the delays, I suffered a workplace injury that limited movement on one of my arms for most of this week so a lot of this chapter was typed one-handed. I will try to get one more chapter out before I leave in five days time but no promises and no assurance of any kind of regular update schedule once I've moved as it depends on internet availability on campus. I am not abandoning this story though. I couldn't ever. **

**This chapter in particular was one that I felt a need to get perfect. I hope I've achieved what I was looking for. **

**Trigger warnings for the first thousand words. Please be careful. **

**Disclaimer: ****I do not own the ideas in this story. I have never been to a 'straight camp' and am therefore not attempting to portray an exact replica of one. I do not own any characters you recognize.******

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff.<strong>

It was a group therapy day. And all Jeff could think of doing was staying in bed forever.

"I'm sick," he announced from under the blankets when Blaine poked him to get up, adding in a weak cough for effect. "Don't think I'm going to be able to do anything today."

"Oh," Blaine responded and Jeff could almost hear him thinking. "Um. Do you want me to get someone and -"

"Blaine, he's not sick," Nick interrupted and Jeff bit back a groan because _of course Nick would. _"What's today?"

Blaine was silent for a long moment then; "_Oh_."

"Yeah." A weight sunk into the side of his bed. "Jeff. Out."

Jeff poked his head out of the blankets, flattening his hair into something midway decent as he did. "Don't make me," he said, trying to ignore the way his voice rose at the end as if he was a small child begging to not have to go to school. Which, come to think of it, he kind of was.

Nick sighed, his expression softening. "I know you don't want to, just as much as you know you have to. Yeah, you could hide out in here but wasn't the point of you staying that you weren't going to run away?"

Of course Nick was right, completely right. But that didn't stop the nervous shaky feeling rising in Jeff because now he _had to, there was no choice about it_. His fingers gripped at his forearms tightly as he closed his eyes and began to take quiet, trembling breaths.

"Jeff?"

"I know that look," Blaine said suddenly, his voice taking on an edge of urgency. "Jeff, it's alright, you're safe. Fight through it."

He _couldn't. _

The panic attacks weren't uncommon but it wasn't like they happened every week or anything and every time, Jeff was thrown off and too upset to try and work through the techniques his therapist had given him. Panic attacks only ever ended one way and right now Jeff was being denied that by the two boys in the room who he knew weren't going to give in and just let him hurt himself. So somehow he had to pull it together.

But the shame was creeping in, hot and heavy and making it all so much worse because his parents were the only ones who had ever seen this and that had been bad enough but for Blaine and _Nick _to see it was just unthinkable.

He needed to get out but there was no escape. Not from this.

Blaine's voice had faded, no stronger than the gasps of his own harsh breathing or the heartbeat pounding in his ears. The words weren't sinking in - words that Jeff was sure would be able to help and tell him what to do if he could just get to them.

"Jeff."

The voice broke through and Jeff latched on to it, pulling his focus towards that one word. If he could just get himself focused on something other than the fear, he could get past this and put up any walls he had to so he could get by. He just needed to _get out_.

Blaine's voice was coming in clearer, enough that Jeff could focus on that too. "… think he got that. Keep talking."

"I don't know what to say," came the voice again.

"The words don't matter. He just needs voices, something."

Jeff finally managed to place the owner to the voice as he began to speak again. "Jeff, it's going to be alright. Just - just keep fighting. It's going to end and then you'll be okay. We're here, we've got your back and we're going to look after you. You're stronger than this, you have more courage than this, don't let it beat you."

Nick.

Nick was worth fighting for.

Without realizing it, Jeff had managed to control his breathing so he was no longer hyperventilating. "That's it," Blaine told him and Nick fell silent. "Deep breaths. You're okay. You're almost there."

It took a few more minutes until Jeff could properly say the panic attack was over but he was still shaking, more from potential embarrassment than anything. Blaine was still murmuring quiet phrases of reassurance and Jeff just kept breathing steadily, reminding himself that everything was okay.

Finally, Jeff deemed it safe to open his eyes. The first thing he saw was Blaine, naturally, who was kneeling beside him. "Okay now?" he asked quietly and Jeff nodded because no, he wasn't but that wasn't what Blaine was asking and they both knew it. As long as Jeff could get through the rest of the day, no matter how he was, he would _be _alright. Eventually.

It was Nick, however, that Jeff feared looking to. Nick's voice had been the one to pull him out of it but it was also the first time Nick had ever seen anything like that - at least Blaine had experienced it before with Kurt. Jeff wasn't stupid enough to believe that Nick was going to judge him now or want nothing to do with him but seeing someone in a state like that was never the most attractive and, whether he knew it properly or not, Jeff kind of _did _want to be seen as at least mildly attractive by the other boy.

But when he finally garnered up the courage to look at Nick, there was nothing but the sincerest of concern in his eyes. "Is there anything I can do?" he asked and Jeff nearly had to close his eyes because who had ever known that Nick could sound so _tender_?

"I don't think so," he said, wincing when his voice came out shaky. "If there is, I haven't found it."

"Do you want me to call Kurt?"

Jeff considered it for a second but shook his head. "Thanks, but I just need a minute and I'll be alright. Therapy isn't until this afternoon so as long as they're not trying to mess with our minds this morning, I'll be fine." Blaine's phone buzzed on his bed at that moment and the slight flickering of his eyes was all Jeff needed. "Go," he said, a hint of laughter in his voice. "See what he wants."

Nick took Blaine's spot as Jeff sat up, running a hand through his hair. "If you feel like you're going to have another panic attack today, I want you to tell me," he said, still in that same quiet voice but with a sudden air of authority that made Jeff realize it wasn't a matter up for question. "It's up to you whether you want to warn Scott or somebody but we'll be creating a distraction and getting you out."

It took a few seconds to force himself to do it but Jeff finally convinced his body to move. Something as simple as giving a hug was still so foreign but he needed it as much as he wanted to give it. Nick only stiffened for a second before relaxing, wrapping his arms around Jeff and holding him tighter than Jeff ever remembered being held before. Hot tears rose quickly and he bit them back, trying not to become overwhelmed by how safe he felt in that moment. Nick was the only one who had ever made him feel that way.

"Thank you," he whispered against Nick's shoulder, keeping his eyes shut tight. "I couldn't have done this without you guys."

"It's mutual," Nick promised him. "You going to be okay?"

Jeff nodded, allowing himself a moment more before pulling away slowly. Nick almost seemed reluctant to let go but Jeff didn't let himself believe that. "I should get dressed," he said, glancing at the clock and realizing there was only a matter of minutes before they were meant to be at breakfast. "Anybody know what we're doing today?"

"I can find out," Blaine said as Jeff pulled out some clothes and ducked into the bathroom to change, hardly caring what he was wearing. "Give me a second."

Jeff had just finished making his hair at least somewhat presentable when Blaine called out again, "Gym, apparently."

"We have a gym?" he heard Nick ask.

Jeff gave himself one more glance, deemed it presentable and re-entered the room. "I haven't seen a gym anywhere and I don't think they could hide a complex like that."

"They could send us out into the wild," Nick said, eyebrow raised as if he was truly considering the possibility. "Do the whole 'nature is your gym' thing or pit us against one another to see how 'manly' we are -"

"Fight club!"

Jeff swapped glances with an equally confused Nick before they both turned to Blaine. "Pretend that we're both ignorant and tell us what fight club is."

"Can't," Blaine said quickly. "First rule of fight club."

"You don't talk about fight club," Jeff completed. "I did hear rumors that Dalton had one but somehow I can't see them sending us out to fight each other to the potential death."

"How did you hear rumors?"

"I did some research once I found out I was transferring," Jeff explained. "But let's just go ahead and say they _won't _be starting the Wildwood Springs Fight Club with us. Scott would take us all out anyway."

"Damn straight," Scott commented from the door, smirking when they all jumped. "That never gets old. And breakfast is in three, two, one -"

"You have seriously been here way too many times," Blaine said once the bell had finished ringing.

Scott nodded. "Don't I know it. This is the last year though."

"How do you know?"

Ushering them out of the room, Scott turned so he was walking backwards and facing the three of them. "I'm eighteen next month. That means legally I have to be the one to sign the papers to make me come here and that won't be happening. Besides, next Summer I'll be gone from this state and so will James."

"Where are you going to go?" Nick asked.

"Haven't got the faintest," Scott said with a grin. "But James has some kind of trust fund set up by a wealthy relative who carked it a few years back that he gets when he's eighteen. We figured we'll go wherever we can get in for college or find jobs, whichever comes first, and just go from there."

"You'll keep in touch, right?" Jeff found himself asking.

"Of course. Blaine's already got my number, I'll get the rest - oof!" Scott spun around, raising an eyebrow at the person he had run into. "Oh, my bad. Sorry Petey-boy. Morning Miss."

Peter crossed his arms, glowering at the four boys even though three of them were innocent while Ms. Taylor dusted some imaginary dirt off her dress. "Good morning Mr. Hamilton, gentlemen. Do try to be more careful in future."

"My apologies," Scott said and Jeff stifled a laugh. "May I walk you to breakfast?"

Peter's glare increased twofold as Scott linked his arm around Ms. Taylor's, beginning to chat amicably with her. It only took a few steps for James to appear on the other side as if summoned by his boyfriend, taking her other arm. "They really are an incredible pair," Blaine commented, the laughter tangible in his voice.

"They're quality," Nick agreed and Jeff nodded.

"They're a disgrace upon humanity," Peter said loudly and Jeff barely stifled a groan, having forgotten that the boy had been left with them. "There is nothing proper about their relationship and it should not be encouraged by anybody."

"Yeah, well if it bothers you just think of them as extra special friends," Blaine said quickly, gesturing for the others to follow him. Neither of the three of them had ever been stuck with Peter when he got on his high horse and Jeff certainly didn't want today to be the day - not because it would set off another panic attack but because any day was a bad day to have to listen to Peter.

Peter followed, of course. "It's hard not to see what they are actually masquerading as the truth when they flash it around all the time and shove it in our faces," he said. "In my opinion -"

"Well nobody asked for it," Nick said and strode into the hall without looking back.

Half of Jeff was shocked, the other half wanted to applaud Nick for saying what they were all thinking. With a sidelong glance at Blaine they quickly followed suit, leaving the clearly stunned Peter to do whatever he chose.

"Sorry," Nick said immediately when they both sat down. "I just couldn't sit there and let him insult them like that."

"We were thinking the same thing, don't worry," Jeff reassured him.

"Insult who?"

Scott and James sat down, Scott propping his chin on his hand as he waited for an answer. "You guys," Blaine explained. "Peter was spewing out his usual garbage and Nick pretty much put him in his place."

Scott applauded and James blew Nick a kiss, Jeff and Blaine watching on in amusement. "We appreciate it," James told him, his expression turning a little more serious. "It's not like we couldn't take him down -"

"Literally," Scott added, winking at Blaine.

"But we're trying to be as nice to the others as possible," James concluded. "We're only here to give hell to the counselors, everybody else is off limits as far as we're concerned."

"Even though Peter's turned against all of us and is delivering any information he hears to Jessica?" Nick asked.

Jeff stared at him, stunned. "You're kidding, right? Where did you hear that?"

"I get around," Nick said vaguely.

Resolving to find out more about that later (because as far as he knew, they were the only ones Nick actually hung out with), Jeff turned to James and Scott to see what their take was, finding them nodding together about something. "Well, that changes matters," James informed them.

"Consider him on our hit list."

Jeff had to fight back his laughter as Ms. Taylor began to speak, instead amusing himself with watching what Peter was doing. He quickly realized what Nick had been on about - Peter was sitting across from Ian and Wyatt from Cabin 5 who were having a whispered conversation, clearly eavesdropping on them. "Well that's just rude," he muttered to himself.

"What is?" Blaine asked as Ms. Taylor finished her speel and the room exploded with noise again.

Instead of answering, Jeff stood and quickly made his way over to the two boys. Peter had already headed towards Jessica and Jeff made sure he was gone before stopping the others. "Guys, whatever you were talking about there is about to become public knowledge."

Leo sniggered and elbowed Wyatt who was grinning. "Yeah, I'm sure Jessica's going to be thrilled to hear about our secret 'love shack' out in the forest. She's going to have a better time trying to find it too."

The two headed over to the breakfast area and Jeff watched them go, shaking his head. Deciding he needed to get to know a few of these other campers better, he headed over to catch up with Nick who handed him a plate. "What was that about?"

"Peter was spying on them but they gave him faulty knowledge," Jeff explained as he wrinkled up his nose at the food. "We've been here for weeks and the food still isn't appealing."

"I'd be worried if it was."

Jeff laughed and Nick's smile grew a little wider. Not dwelling on it, Jeff picked out the limited amounts of edible food and took them back to the table where the others were in the middle of an intense conversation about some movie they had all seen. Nick joined in enthusiastically and Jeff began eating, being the only one who hadn't seen it.

It was actually quite nice to not have to keep up with the conversation as it allowed him time to watch what the rest of the room was doing. There were a few other groups of guys who seemed to be getting along fairly well but there were also a fair few who looked like they had no interest in making friends. Of course most of the boys had been forced to come along but Jeff had never really thought about what it was like for those who were completely set against being at the camp and would do anything to get away.

Jeff also knew that, to an extent, that had been Nick in the first few weeks. He had been so shut off from the rest of them that Jeff had pretty much given up hope and now he was one of the closest people in Jeff's life. It took an awful circumstance to get them there, yes, but they had tried to get Nick to open up and that had been a huge part of it in the end.

What if nobody had tried to reach out to these boys? What if each of them had their own story that kept them trapped, fearful of the rest of the world and unable to trust just like Jeff had been himself? What if they were sitting there contemplating whether it was worth living even another day like this and _nobody _knew, nobody had tried to help them?

A hand touched his and Jeff looked up to see James watching him. "What's on your mind?"

Jeff relayed his concerns quietly, aware that the others were still in their conversation and not wanting to bother them. "I just never thought of it before," he finished. "I feel kind of awful."

James nodded. "I get where you're coming from but it's actually more in hand than you think. Scott and I do sit with you guys a lot, mainly because you're the most receptive to us, but we network too. By the end of camp, we will have talked to every one of these guys and done what we can to help them out. A few of the ones sitting on their own are actually as okay as you can be in this place, they're just better on their own."

"Are you two saints in disguise or something?"

"Saints aren't generally gay," James told him with a laugh. "We're just a couple of guys who want people to know that you are who you are and trying to change that is wrong. That just because you're stuck here doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you and nobody should be able to tell you that there is."

Jeff nodded but his mind was ticking over something. "What do you do if you get overwhelmed with it yourself?" he finally asked. "If you're the ones helping hold others together, how do you deal with coming unstuck?"

"We talk to each other for the most part," James said. "Scott and I talked for a long time about coming to this camp, knowing it wasn't going to be easy. He said we could run away, refuse to let them control us. But the truth is, I want to help people. I helped Scott a few years ago and he helps me every day. Sometimes it gets tough, yes, but it's worth it."

"And when talking to each other doesn't work," Scott chimed in, "there's always the gym."

The rest of the room began to stand and Jeff rolled his eyes at Scott's predictability. "Where is this gym anyway?"

"Do you guys know how to count?"

The comment didn't make much sense until Scott led them outside and turned them in the direction of the cabins. "Oh!" Blaine said suddenly, pointing to the far end of the row where a cabin with the number seven sat. "I never thought to count the cabins."

"Yes, because it was my instinctual reaction when I got here to make sure they didn't have any extra cabins," Jeff said dryly and Nick snorted. "Let's just get this over with. Why do they think that making us sweat will make us straight?"

"I have no idea," Scott admitted.

"I'm more curious about what Jessica is up to."

Jeff turned to see the girl making her way through the trees and began to laugh. Relaying the story to the other boys, they were all near hysterics when they entered the gym, especially when they saw Ian and Wyatt lifting weights in the corner and clearly not making out in the woods. "Two hours?" Scott said.

"Nah, she's not that stupid. An hour, tops."

Scott and James shook hands then turned and wandered away towards a set of treadmills. Jeff just shook his head, well used to the two of them by now and turned to the others. "Any gym buffs?"

Blaine was currently eyeing up the weight set like it was poison. "Soccer and jogging with Kurt is about it for me, I can't stand this kind of atmosphere."

"Sweat ruins my hair," Jeff informed them. "And I don't stand for things ruining my hair."

"Oh my god Kurt is going to _love _you."

It was Nick that offered a viable solution. "There's boxing gloves and a bag. Blaine can show us just how good this imaginary fight club is."

"It's _not _imaginary!" Blaine said indignantly but quickly claimed the boxing area before anybody else could. Jeff shot an amused glance at Nick and followed.

It turned out that Blaine could actually throw a pretty good punch and once Jeff had gotten over his issue of wincing every time he heard a fist connect with the bag, he found it quite enjoyable to watch. After awhile they swapped out and Jeff had a rather flimsy attempt, laughing the whole time. He wasn't a violent person and found that he was totally okay with that.

But when Nick took over, Jeff's breath caught in his throat.

He was actually a _lot _stronger than he looked. While Nick wasn't visibly muscular, his punches had a lot more weight behind them than Blaine's and he took longer to tire. Either Nick had been trained or he was naturally strong and either way it was hypnotizing. Physical strength had never been a huge turn on for Jeff, having had it used against him too many times to count, but this was less about a threat and more a sense of protection.

After all, Nick had already protected him from himself. Why couldn't he protect him from the rest of the world too?

But Jeff had to shake those thoughts off the minute Nick stopped and began to unstrap the gloves. It was _stupidity _to believe that Nick would do something like he had been imagining; follow him around and knock out anybody who dared to look at Jeff the wrong way. In fact, believing that Nick was any form of protector was pretty damn stupid and Jeff needed to stop before he got hurt again.

It didn't stop the fact that Jeff felt completely safe any time he was close to Nick.

They spent the rest of the morning messing around with all of the other gym equipment, splitting up to try out new things and also mingle with the other campers. Jeff found himself loading weights for a scarily buff Drew from Cabin 6 before joining Scott in a run on the treadmills, in which Scott ran and Jeff kept up a brisk walk for all of five minutes.

"So if there's only eighteen of us here," Jeff asked when Scott slowed to a jog, "how can they afford gym equipment and video games and whatever else they're going to roll out?"

"Used to be a popular camp," Scott explained. "Some seriously rich people used to send their kids here - still do, in fact - and they'd donate any money needed to see their sons 'get better'."

Jeff shuddered. "So does that mean that Blaine and Nick's parents potentially -"

"Almost definitely," Scott confirmed. "The camp will take the upfront fee and then give the parents a call about a week in and discuss how the treatment is going. They'll always say how much easier it would be if they had additional funds and nine times out of ten the money will roll in."

It nearly made him sick just thinking about it. Jeff knew his parents were nothing like the stereotypical type who sent their children - the fact that he hadn't been sent was enough to confirm that. So many of the teenagers around him had parents that would fork out however much it took to get rid of this part of their child that Jeff's family had accepted without question. He was so lucky and sometimes it made him feel more guilty than ever that even with the most accepting and wonderful of parents, he still had to hurt himself.

He didn't share that out loud, of course. Instead, Jeff focused on spending the morning just hanging out with the other guys and getting to know them a bit better. He noticed Nick had spent close to an hour talking with a guy named Oscar who Jeff had met briefly and had to bite back the resentment that rose in him suddenly and without understanding.

They were sent to shower half an hour before lunch and, after looking at the sweat dripping from Blaine's hair, came to the general consensus that he could have first shower. Nick and Jeff waited outside, Jeff fiddling with strands of his hair almost mournfully. "This was a half decent style," he commented.

Nick grinned at him almost evilly and, before Jeff could catch on, leaned over and messed it up completely. "And now it's not."

"_Nick!_" Jeff shrieked, his voice embarrassingly high pitched as he immediately attempted to flatten his hair again, wincing at how sweat drenched it was. _If being straight means you want to be sweaty, I'll stay gay forever thanks._

Nick was laughing uncontrollably but it died as soon as Jeff looked at him again. "Um," he began slowly, "is this the part where I should -?"

"Run."

He didn't need telling twice.

Jeff had to laugh as he watched Nick sprint across the campsite, clearly not realizing that Jeff wasn't chasing him. It was good to have Nick around, he decided, no matter what happened between them.

Blaine poked his head out the door, frowning at Nick who had only just realized he wasn't being pursued. "What's going on?"

"Nick said I could have second shower," Jeff said innocently and claimed the bathroom before his friend could, grinning to himself at Nick's indignant yell from the other side of the site.

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

The atmosphere was tense when the six of them filed in for their therapy session after lunch. Even Scott wasn't attempting to joke around, seeming to know that the only way to release the tension was for someone else to say what needed to be said.

Jeff.

It was a horrible burden to place on him and if Nick could take it away, he would in a second. But while four of them in the room didn't care in the slightest, there were still the other two, as well as the rest of the camp, who didn't know the truth. Scott had done damage control, yes, but until it came from Jeff, until people could see that he wasn't the person he had been portrayed as, it wouldn't matter.

There was silence after they had all seated themselves, Josh and Shane not so subtly glancing at Jeff every few seconds. Scott looked about ready to blow up at them and Nick was set to join him until Jeff cleared his throat, glanced at the door and rolled up his sleeves.

_Holy crap._

He hadn't been expecting _that_.

"I'm gay and I'm proud of it," Jeff said in the now stunned silence. "The rest of the world isn't." He pushed his sleeves back down and looked at the two boys who were now openly staring back. "You can believe whatever you want to believe but I know the truth. They'll say whatever they can to get us to turn on one another and believe that their word is truth but it isn't. I'm not going to sit here and argue my case and explain why, but I've shared my side of the story."

Nick was in awe - there was no other word for it because he would _never _have been brave enough to do what Jeff had just done if it were him; hell, he couldn't even do it for his own story! And Jeff had just sat there, knowing full well that a whole new string of rumors could come from what he he had just done, and did it.

Forget Scott, Kurt and anybody else Nick had been looking up to. Jeff was the bravest person he he had _ever_ met.

Mr. Everett chose that moment to enter which was probably good - Nick wasn't sure he would have been able to contain himself if either of the two boys had said something derogatory and starting a fight would definitely count against him in this place. Jeff met the therapists gaze cooly, giving nothing away in his expression but Nick understood. There would be no backing down today.

"Well, Mr. Sterling, it's good to see you again," the man began, sarcasm almost evident in his voice. "I trust we will have no scenes like last session?"

"As long as you don't cause them," Jeff responded, "I wouldn't dream of interrupting what is sure to be a _scintillating_ group chat."

Mr. Everett's eyes narrowed but he elected not to respond, taking his own seat and laying his usual stack of files on the table. "Today I hope we can have a _civil _group discussion about how to free ourselves from the bondage of homosexuality, starting with how to retrain your mind into knowing the truth. Most specifically, we will be looking at love and lust, comparing the two and finding the truth."

"Great!" Scott called out eagerly, surprising Nick. "I'm pretty sure at least two of us will have a lot to contribute to this conversation!"

Mr. Everett looked skeptical but Blaine was grinning at Scott, clearly having caught on. With a shrug, Nick leaned back in his seat and waited for what he was sure would be a great show. "Well, Mr. Hamilton, I look forward to hearing your opinion when it is called upon," Mr. Everett finally said, shooting a glance at Blaine. "Yours too, Mr. Anderson. But for now, let's discuss how each of us became trapped in this idea of being gay."

"Well, I am," Nick and Scott said at the same time before smirking at each other.

"Same here," Blaine said. "If this is being trapped, I kind of don't want to be free."

"Freedom is totally overrated," Josh chipped in to Nick's surprise. The kid was usually pretty quiet but something seemed to have changed in the way he was looking at them today. Nick had to wonder whether it was due to Jeff. "I _like _being gay."

Jeff was the last to speak. "It comes with some pretty harsh consequences sometimes, but that's the same for if you were born a certain colour or race or even gender in some places. You have to put up with the ignorance of the world to be unique and I for one do not want to be the same as everybody else, especially if that makes me a bully who picks on others for things they can't and shouldn't have to control."

Predicting anger, Nick was surprised when their therapist seemed unconcerned with their responses before realizing where exactly he was headed by his next comment;

"Have any of you _tried _being straight?"

There was a long silence before Blaine ventured to answer. "Do you mean tried to like girls? Because yes, but then I realized I didn't."

Mr. Everett shook his head. "As in, tried to hold down a long term relationship with a girl because you know it's the right thing to do."

"That's _stupid_," Scott said instantly. "I don't like girls, why would I want to stay in a relationship with someone I didn't like. I love James and I want to be with him."

"Same for Kurt," Blaine added. "I would never try to date someone else when I already know who I love."

Nick watched the two begin to get geared up, clearly ready to defend their loved ones for as long as it took, before noticing the slight smirk on Mr. Everett's face and realizing what it meant. Of course he had already anticipated this and was clearly ready to counter them both.

Which meant they needed something else.

"Have you ever tried dating a man?"

All conversation stopped as everybody turned to Jeff. Keeping his head high, he watched Mr. Everett who looked almost stunned, not anticipating the conversation to be turned on him. "No," he finally said. "No, I have not because I _know _that it's wrong. I don't need to try it to prove to myself that, as a male, I am supposed to love women."

"Are you married?"

"I am," Mr. Everett told him. "I have been married for eleven years."

"Clearly to a woman," Jeff said, smiling a little. "I'm glad you found love. But tell us; do you love her because she's a woman? Or do you love her because she's the kind of person you love, has all the personality traits and attributes that you look for in a person and because your heart just can't stop feeling things for her, and she just happens to be a woman?"

There was no answer and none of them needed it. They all knew the truth.

And in the silence, Jeff stood.

"You make such a huge deal about sexuality, just like everybody at this camp, but there is no truth in it. Maybe most of the world fall in love with the opposite gender but I don't believe they purposely go out of their way to do so. What truly happens is that someone catches their eye one day and that person consumes them, takes control of their mind and their heart and they can't let go. Things like gender, race, appearance - _none _of these things matter anymore. What matters is that you love them."

Nobody could speak and nobody _wanted _to. Maybe Mr. Everett did but even he was lost for words - whether that was because he knew it was true or because of the sheer power Jeff's words held, Nick didn't know.

He didn't care either way. All he could do was silently will Jeff to keep talking.

"And this is it for me," Jeff continued after a moment. "Maybe I identify myself as gay, but that's because experience has shown me that I generally fall for guys. But that doesn't matter to me. The only reason I'm so determined to make sure everybody knows is because the world tries to tell me that it's wrong and I _know _it's not. I know there's nothing wrong with me, because it's never been about sexuality for me. It's always been about love. And I don't care what anybody else tries to tell me; when I fall in love there's no way you're stoping it because you think it's 'not right'. Because love is never wrong."

Nick stared up at his friend who in turn was staring at the counselor, his face alight with conviction and everything just shone about him in that moment and he was so damn beautiful that Nick just couldn't -

And Nick _felt. _

It were as if life itself was exploding within him and it took all he had not to cry out in shock because that was how it was to actually feel. No, maybe he hadn't been emotionless before but he might as well have because never had Nick had something to put everything into, every feeling and hope and emotion all bursting within him, filling him so he almost floated out of his seat.

It wasn't even the revelation itself that was overwhelming him, but the simple moment in which a boy who never had anything to live for suddenly finds his everything.

And it was Jeff.

Of course it was, it was so blindingly obvious that nobody else had ever gotten under Nick's skin so badly, nobody else had been able to affect him like Jeff had when Nick had been fighting so hard not to be noticed, nobody else had irritated him so badly that he had wanted to scream about everything - and that was exactly what he needed.

Because Jeff also made him smile like he meant it, _because_ he meant it. Jeff made his heart quite literally skip a beat when he laughed or smiled at Nick like he was the only one that mattered. And Jeff made him feel like things were going to be okay no matter what, just because.

Because Jeff made him _feel_ - good, bad, anywhere in between, Jeff gave Nick a reason to want to feel all the emotions he had kept locked away for so many years, and the strength to let them out.

When Nick had been younger and not afraid to dream, he had fantasized about the man he wanted to one day marry, building up an image that had always stuck in his mind even when the dreams had been forcibly stopped for fear of them never coming true. A strong, powerful man, a hero, a man who would sweep in and take Nick away from his father. A man who could fix Nick and be his hero, his protector. A man that would love him enough for the both of them, a man who would never push Nick to open up about himself. The man Nick wanted to be but never would.

Jeff was really none of those things - flawed, scared, broken himself, in just as much need to be rescued as Nick. And if any kind of relationship ever formed between them, it wouldn't be a case of Jeff protecting Nick any more than it would be Nick protecting Jeff. In the end, Nick had fallen for just another imperfect human - something completely against his original life plans but yet another thing that had shown him just how badly planned his life had really been.

Nick needed Jeff. But more than that, he wanted him. He wanted every feeling this boy could invoke within him but there was so much more to it than that. He wanted to be Jeff's protector, to be the one to help him through the hard times like that morning, to hold him close and try to make it all go away. He wanted to learn everything he could about him, just as Nick wanted Jeff to learn everything about him in return.

He wanted to have him, to love and be loved, not because Nick had been craving love itself but because that need seemed almost laughable in the face of what he could have. Why would Nick ever just settle for the first person who would love him now when he could have so much more?

He wouldn't. Not unless Jeff wouldn't have him, but Nick wouldn't think about that now, not when the world was so bright with promise.

"Nick?"

As if coming out of a deep sleep, Nick brought his awareness back to the room which was slowly clearing. Jeff was kneeling in front of him, eyes still bright from his earlier confrontation (and when had that been? Nick just didn't know anymore) but glimmering with a hint of worry too. "Are you okay? You've been glazed over for a little while."

Nick smiled and took the hand being held out to him, finally embracing the feeling of connection it elicited. It meant the world, after all.

"I'm great," he said, the words nothing but complete truth. "Let's go to dinner."

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff.<strong>

Something had changed in Nick that day.

Jeff couldn't pinpoint when it had happened any more than he could figure out _what_. It wasn't even that he was acting differently or in a way that would cause reason for suspicion and, so far, Jeff was pretty sure he was the only one who had noticed. Somehow he could read Nick easier than the others.

But there was _something_.

And as much as Jeff just wanted to corner him, find out exactly what had happened, question him until he came out with it… he knew it was a bad idea. Because whatever was going on wasn't a bad thing at all - in fact, it might be just the opposite. But even if it was a bad thing, it was Nick's right to share what he wanted when he wanted and after he had shared so much with them already, Jeff would never push for more.

It would come to the surface soon, and Jeff was as sure of that as he was that there was something to even surface. No matter how or why, they would find out. And it might even change their own lives, for all Jeff knew. In fact, with the amount their lives had already tangled - _especially _his and Nick's - it would almost certainly influence them.

Good or bad, Jeff was ready for that.

He trusted Nick, more than he had thought he could ever trust anybody and especially more than he thought he could trust someone he had only known for a matter of weeks. It was terrifying and simultaneously comforting and Jeff wouldn't give it up, no matter the cost, no matter what it meant. Maybe he wasn't meant to feel this strongly about a friendship with somebody. Maybe there was something lingering around the edges that Jeff hadn't quite brought himself to examine yet, afraid of what it would bring or what he would have to do if he let them invade.

But Jeff trusted.

Whatever fire or fortune Nick walked them through, Jeff was confident he would guide them both through with a steady hand. And Jeff would be by his side the entire time.

* * *

><p><strong>Next Chapter: Dance<strong>


	13. Dance

**READ: Guys. Okay, look, I do my best to be nice about the readers who try to put the pressure on to get quicker updates. I will occasionally say something about it when it gets to be a bit much but for the most part I just bear with it, knowing it's a semi-compliment. But what I will _not _stand for is people privately messaging my beta and telling her to hurry up on editing the chapter. This is NOT okay with me. Angela and I are in different time zones and a lot of the time when I finish writing she is at school or sleeping. She also writes her own stories and has a very busy life and I do not expect her to drop everything to edit a chapter when I finish it. If it takes her a little while to get it edited, that's fine with me and none of my readers have the right to demand things from her. Angela is actually a very quick editer and I'm lucky to have her so seriously guys, bite your tongues on this one.**

**This will be the last chapter I post before I leave (since I do leave tomorrow after all!) so I can't promise when the next chapter will be up. But this story will not be abandoned unless something happens to me, I promise. **

**Unfortunately, it's the writers duty to give you that one chapter that sends someone's world crashing down. I've done that to Jeff already, so it's time for another target in our unlucky trio. Enjoy, if you can. **

****Disclaimer: I do not own the ideas in this story. I have never been to a 'straight camp' and am therefore not attempting to portray an exact replica of one. I do not own any characters you recognize. ****

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

For a camp where the whole aim was to break their spirits, it was sometimes a real effort not to just burst into laughter in the middle of the dining hall.

Instead of Ms. Taylor delivering her usual morning speech, Jessica was the one to stand. It had clearly pained her to be polite and attempt subtlety as she commented on rumour spreading, taking advantage of others and the fact that the trees behind the dining hall were off limits and from now on, hearing so much as a _rumour _that anybody had gone in there would be met with some serious time in Isolation (a direct contradiction to her first comment but Nick knew if he opened his mouth to call her out on it that his laughter would echo enough that the boys in the imaginary love shack would be able to hear him).

All in all, a productive morning. At least until breakfast was served.

Nick dumped his tray next to Jeff, swinging his legs over the bench and sitting down. "Any takers on what this one is supposed to be?"

Jeff shook his head, poking at the grey sludge with a fork. "Are you game to try it?"

"It's scrambled eggs enriched with protein." Scott's tray hit the table across from them, James following suit. Their hands immediately linked on the table, and Nick counted to five silently, waiting until Zach slapped them both on the back of the head to separate. "Hopefully it won't make you sick, but they want you to have a lot of energy for the dance tonight."

Blaine sighed, pushing his tray away. "I really can't be bothered with this dance." He shrugged, attempting a smile as he pushed his damp curls out of his face. "Anyway, I have therapy this morning." All of the boys pulled faces and he chuckled. "See you all later."

Nick watched him leave, frowning. Something seemed off with the usually cheerful boy, but Nick did his best to dismiss it as a combination of tiredness and being fed up with the camp. He knew the rest of them were in the same boat, after all. "So, can you tell us what we're in for tonight?" he asked, turning back to Scott. Beside him, Jeff was sniffing a forkful of 'eggs' hesitantly.

"Basically a bunch of girls who have been told they can do whatever they want. So they'll wear their most revealing outfits and try to grope you the whole night." James snorted, leaning into Scott slightly as he listened to his boyfriend talk. "Of course the bisexuals are going to make the most of it, but for those of us who are 100%, it's just another brand of torture."

Jeff nodded, giving up on breakfast after one bite. "So, is anybody else going to turn, do you think?"

"Hard to tell." Scott glanced around the room, and Nick saw his eyes land on Peter who was currently gesturing wildly to a bored-looking Andrew. Nick winced, hoping Andrew could get out soon - he had been subjected to one of Peter's lectures before and knew they weren't pleasant. "There's a few that could by the end of camp, but it all depends what goes down in therapy sessions today. They usually pull out all the stops on the day before the dance when it comes to their 'special cases'."

"Who are they?"

Scott frowned again. "I can't be too sure this time. I'm always a special case, but I'm a different kind - the one they know they probably won't ever crack. But there's a few boys who they think they can definitely crack. I can usually pick them to warn them, but I think the've caught on to my games, unfortunately." He stood, pulling on James's arm. "Anyway, there's no activities today. They want to focus all of their attention on individual sessions for those who need it. Either of you got one?"

Nick glanced at Jeff, both boys shaking their heads. "Then you're not high risk cases. That makes things easier. Enjoy your freedom." James gave a wave as the two left and Nick nodded before attempting a mouthful of his scrambled eggs.

"What do you think?"

Nick swallowed with difficulty. "I didn't realize it was possible for something to taste like grey," he muttered.

Jeff chuckled. "I reckon." Then his smile faded. "We need to keep an eye on Blaine tonight. I don't know if you noticed, but something seems kind of ..."

"Off?" Nick supplied, Jeff nodding. "Yeah, I noticed. Hopefully they don't screw with him too much in therapy today." He pushed his tray away. "So, what are we doing with our day off?"

"Sleep," Jeff replied instantly. Nick couldn't stop his laughter as the other boy raised his hands defensively. "You know why."

Nick's laughter died instantly. "Crap. Sorry, Jeff."

"Hey, it's fine." Jeff gave him a crooked smile and stood. Nick gave his legs a few seconds to co-operate and not turn to jelly, before standing as well. "I'm heading back to the room. Come wake me when it's time to get ready, okay?"

"So... five minutes before we need to go?" Nick teased lightly, wincing when Jeff elbowed him. "Okay, okay! I'll give you plenty of notice."

Jeff grinned. "That's better. See you later."

As Jeff walked away, Nick watched him go almost longingly. He was definitely at the point where he had to admit he had a crush on the other boy, but it was starting to scare him how strong the feelings were getting. Granted, Jeff was cute, and they had shared a lot with each other, but Nick had never quite felt anything like this before. And the thing that scared him the most was that he wasn't sure how much longer he could last without admitting it.

Sighing, he stood and made his way over to the table where Oscar was sitting, avoiding any eye contact with Peter lest he be pulled into another 'debate.' After hanging out in the gym with him, he figured Oscar was a safe bet to hang out with and seemed like a pretty cool guy. As he sat across from the boy, he heard the end refrain of _Marry You _and his eyes lit up. "It's an awesome song isn't it?"

"Sure is," Oscar said, smiling. "I just learnt to play it too."

Nick frowned. "On what? There's no instruments here."

Oscar looked around quickly to make sure nobody was nearby. "Smuggled my guitar in."

Nick's eyes lit up. "Are you serious? I'm having serious guitar withdrawals, do you think I could -?"

"Of course." Oscar stood and Nick followed him down to Cabin Five. Pushing open the door, he knelt down and reached under his bed. "I keep it hidden in case someone wants to check the room; nobody's confiscating my baby."

Nick knew the feeling and couldn't stop the grin from crossing his face as Oscar pulled the instrument out. "It's gorgeous," he whispered. Even though it was just another guitar, Nick hadn't seen one for almost three weeks and he had missed his music like crazy.

Oscar handed the instrument over and sat on the bed. "Show me what you've got."

Somehow they managed to pass almost five hours in there, only breaking for lunch. Neither Blaine or Jeff joined them, but Nick was almost too preoccupied to notice. He knew his roommates both played instruments but both preferred piano and it was nice to talk to another guitar enthusiast.

Finally, Nick looked at his watch. "Oh, I'd better go. I promised Jeff I'd wake him in plenty of time to get ready for the dance."

Oscar nodded, putting the guitar away. "We'll do this again sometime, yeah?"

"Absolutely," Nick said, already beginning to mentally plan which songs to do next time. "See you tonight."

Leaving the cabin, he jogged lightly across the grounds to his cabin. Opening the door quietly, he paused as he saw Jeff sitting on the edge of his bed. "Awake already?"

Jeff nodded, rubbing his eyes. "How long do I have?"

"About an hour. Is that enough time?"

"Yeah." Jeff stood and stretched, Nick not quite able to look away as his shirt rode up a little. "Well, I think so. I have to find an outfit for myself, get my hair done... then probably find outfits for you and Blaine, drag Blaine away from the hair gel and try and get you to do something with that mop."

Nick raised an eyebrow, mock-offended. "Oh is that so? You think I'm not capable of dressing myself?"

"Your track record speaks for you." Jeff smirked, already rummaging through his clothes, pulling out one of his usual fashionable outfits before pulling off his shirt. Again, Nick couldn't pull his eyes away, but this time his eyes were drawn to Jeff's arms. It was only for a few seconds, but when he looked up he found Jeff staring at him.

Nick immediately ducked his head, feeling himself blush. "I - I'm sorry," he stammered.

"Hey, no. It's fine." Jeff crossed the room, placing a hand on his arm. "I know you're not judging me when you look. And they are an eyesore, after all."

Nick stared at the boy. "Jeff, I don't want you to ever talk about yourself like that again." Jeff opened his mouth to interrupt but Nick overrode him. "You're beautiful, no matter what."

Now it was Jeff's turn to blush. "You - you'd better get ready," he said quickly, turning back to his side of the room and pulling on his shirt. Nick couldn't stop himself from smiling as he turned to his own clothes, because he knew it wasn't a negative reaction. He quickly dug through his clothing, only to stop when a hand reached in, pulling out a shirt. "This."

Nick turned to smile appreciatively at Jeff. "Thanks. Don't know what I'd do without you."

Jeff's blush returned in full force and he moved over to the mirror, beginning to work on his hair. Nick changed quickly before joining Jeff and flicking at strands of his hair idly. "I can't be bothered. I mean, this is for _girls_."

Jeff paused. "You might be right, but I never pass up an opportunity to look my best." Nick laughed, conceding defeat and simply stood next to Jeff, watching the blonde continue to perfect his hair.

"Hey guys!" Both boys turned to see Blaine standing in the doorway, already dressed. "Come on, you don't want to be late!"

With that, Blaine turned and jogged away, humming under his breath. Nick watched him go then turned to Jeff who was looking confused. "When did he get changed?"

"I ... I guess when I was sleeping?" Jeff frowned, looking out the door again before turning back to Nick. "He had counseling this morning, what's up with that?"

"Um... at least he's in a ... good mood?" Nick adjusted his collar and slipped his feet into shoes, Jeff doing the same. "Might make up for our lack of enthusiasm."

Jeff shrugged. "At least someone's looking forward to this dance. Ready to go?"

"No, not really. Let's just get it over and done with."

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff.<strong>

Jeff sighed, swinging his legs absently as he looked around the dance floor. He found himself looking for Nick first, and discovered his friend dancing awkwardly with a girl who looked like she was wanting much more than a simple dance. Nick, meanwhile, was grimacing but nodding politely as she rambled about something, trying to stop her hands from wandering. Snorting, Jeff kept looking around, taking in the sights of various gay guys trying to fend off girls and Blaine making out with a blonde in the corner and other girls fixing each other's hair and -

_Wait. What?_

Jumping to his feet, Jeff pushed through the dance floor until he made his way to Nick's side. "Hey, sorry to cut in. I need a word."

Nick immediately followed him, an expression of relief on his face. "Thank you so much!" he murmured quietly. "I was getting worried about where - what the _hell?_"

Jeff had pointed across to where Blaine and the girl were sharing a chair, their lips locked. "Yeah. That's what I thought."

"Please tell me he's just doing this to appease the counsellors?"

Jeff shrugged. "I don't know. Can't be sure with Blaine but he actually looks like he's enjoying... oh hell. _Kurt._"

Nick's eyes widened. "We need to get him out of here _now._ No matter how he justifies this, that still counts as cheating. Plus, didn't he make that promise to Kurt -?"

"That he'd stay faithful to him, no matter how much pressure was on him?" Jeff finished. "Yeah, he did. I think it's time to make good on our pact." He glanced around, checking on the status of the counsellors. "Tell Scott we need a distraction, then get over by the door. I'll haul Blaine out, leave when you see us coming."

"On it." Nick quickly pushed his way through the crowd, disappearing over to the other side of the room where Scott was sitting. Jeff watched him mutter something in the other boy's ear, Scott nodding. Nick disappeared again, heading towards the door as Scott stood, grabbing James by his hand and tugging him towards the clearest vantage point. The eyes of the counsellors were immediately on him. Scott simply winked before tugging James closer to him, locking their lips instantly.

Jeff was moving towards Blaine straight away, tapping his friend on the shoulder. Blaine looked up, frowning. "What, Jeff? I'm a bit busy here."

"Emergency. Something's wrong with Nick." Jeff hoped that Blaine's compassionate nature hadn't been dulled by ... whatever the hell was going on in his brain right now. Sure enough, Blaine expression switched to worry and he stood, removing the girl from his lap gently.

"Where is he?"

Jeff led Blaine over to the door which Nick had just left through, seeing them coming. Jessica and Zach were physically pulling the two boys apart while Stephen was yelling at them, pointing wildly. Jeff winced, hoping the two would be okay before remembering how much trouble Scott was capable of getting himself into anyway. _Probably just adding yet another trip to Isolation to their list. _

Nick was jogging lightly towards their cabin and Jeff and Blaine broke into a run to catch him. They caught up just as he was entering, and as soon as Blaine was through the door, Jeff slammed it and leant against it. "Want to tell us what the _hell _that was, Blaine?" Nick turned around, directing all his ire at the boy.

Blaine blinked a couple of times. "Um... what do you mean?"

"We mean the way you were lip-locked with a _girl_, Blaine."

Blaine relaxed. "Oh, that. Her name is Hannah and she's really nice, said we should meet up sometime once camp's over -"

"You're _gay_, Blaine." Nick stepped forward, closing the gap between himself and Blaine. Jeff stayed by the door, just in case Blaine made a run for it. "You don't _like _girls."

"That's what I thought, but I think I was wrong after all. I mean, kissing her felt good, why would it feel good if I wasn't attracted to her?"

Jeff sighed loudly from behind him, Blaine spinning in his direction instantly. "Blaine, kissing _anybody _feels good, unless they really suck at kissing."

Blaine shook his head. "Dr. Peterson told me that kissing a girl would determine an attraction to them. It has."

"And what about when you kissed _Kurt_, Blaine? How did that feel?" Nick crossed the room to stand next to Jeff, his arms crossed. "You told us that it was the best sensation in the world, being close to Kurt because you _love _him."

Blaine shuffled awkwardly from foot-to-foot. "I think I must have been wrong. My mind only told me it felt good because I thought I was attracted to guys but -"

"Oh my god," Jeff cut in, his eyes wide. He turned to Nick frantically. "He's not just caught up in it or confused; he's been brainwashed. Somehow they got to him without us noticing."

Nick's jaw dropped. "Crap! What do we do now? Should we call Kurt and tell -?"

"No way," Jeff said firmly. "There's no way I'm putting that boy through listening to his boyfriend talk about not being interested in him anymore. I don't care how understanding Kurt is."

"Kurt's very understanding," Blaine chipped in, still smiling somehow. "I'm glad, because he'll get it when I explain why we have to break up -"

Jeff was across the room in an instant, slapping Blaine across the face. Blaine stopped talking, stunned, as he raised his hand to his cheek. "You are _not _breaking up with Kurt!" he snarled. He was about to continue before a pair of hands were resting on his shoulders.

"Hey, easy. It's not his fault, remember?"

Jeff sighed, unconsciously leaning back into the touch. "I know. I just - he can't do this."

There was a moment of silence before Nick replied. "He can't, and he won't." Removing his hands from Jeff's shoulders - Jeff sighed before he could stop himself or wonder why it bothered him to lose contact with Nick so badly - Nick stepped next to him, facing Blaine. "Blaine, you were on the phone to Kurt _yesterday_. You told him you loved him."

"I - I was mistaken." But Jeff could see the beginning of hesitance flickering in Blaine's still-stunned eyes. _That's it, Blaine. Come back to us._

"No, you weren't." Nick continued talking steadily. "You are in love with Kurt. Just because the people here have told you that you're not meant to be, you _know _you are. You've heard it said all your life that you're not allowed to be, but you never let it affect you before. You're stronger than this, Blaine."

Blaine frowned, closing his eyes. "I - I don't know. I'm so _confused_."

Jeff felt his heart break for the boy standing in front of him. "We know you are, Blaine. It's all a part of their tricks, remember? They want you to be confused, they want you to believe what they do. But we can't buy into it, because they're _wrong._"

"Kurt needs you to be strong, Blaine," Nick added.

Blaine shook at Kurt's name. "But... kissing Hannah felt ... right."

Nick sighed. "If Kurt were here, he'd be doing this. But I think he'll understand." He glanced at Jeff, looking almost apologetic for some reason, before closing the distance between himself and Blaine, lightly kissing him on the lips.

Jeff felt a pit of jealousy erupt in him. _What the hell? _he thought furiously, watching the two boys kiss in front of him. He knew why Nick was kissing Blaine and he fully agreed with the other boy's tactics - though he just hoped Kurt would see it their way. What he couldn't understand was the feelings inside himself. _I thought I was over this crush on Nick... _

Then Nick pulled away, and Jeff pushed the thoughts aside. _Later_, he thought to himself, watching anxiously as Blaine's eyes opened. They were glassy for a second, before clearing into an expression of absolute horror.

"Oh god, what have I _done_?"

Blaine collapsed to his knees, Jeff and Nick by his side in an instant. Both boys wrapped an arm around him as Blaine began to sob, murmuring brokenly under his breath about how he'd 'ruined everything'. Jeff bit his lip, not sure he could even imagine the agony his friend was going through right now.

Looking up, Jeff glanced over in Nick's direction, only to find the other boy staring at him. There was something in Nick's eyes that Jeff couldn't quite figure out, and for some reason didn't want to. He knew it would change things, and right now they couldn't afford any more changes. Blaine was what was important. So he simply gave the other boy a smile, touching his hand lightly where it rested against Blaine's back. Nick smiled back before leaning closer to Blaine, whispering comfortingly in his ear.

After a few minutes, Blaine's tortured sobbing eased, and he raised his head. "I - I need t-to talk to Kurt."

Jeff frowned. "Blaine, do you think that's a good idea right now?"

"I can't put it off. He - he needs to know straight away otherwise he'll think I was hiding it." Blaine's voice was still slightly shaky, but he was wiping the tears off his face and taking deep breaths, and Jeff had to admit that he was looking better - mainly because he was almost back to his old self.

"You don't want one of us to tell him first?" Nick reached over for Blaine's phone, holding it just out of Blaine's reach.

Blaine shook his head. "No, it needs to come from me. If he needs to - to break up with me over this, he can't hear it from someone else first."

Nick nodded, handing over the phone. "You know where we are if things get bad. Watch out for the counsellors."

Blaine stood, Nick and Jeff following suit. He paused for a second before turning and wrapping his arms around both boys. "I'm so sorry," he whispered.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. They do."

Blaine pulled back, nodding before taking a deep breath and walking out of the cabin. Jeff watched him go before swapping a worried glance with Nick. "Poor Kurt," Nick murmured, moving over to sit on the edge of his bed and gesturing for Jeff to join him. "I really hope he understands that it wasn't Blaine's fault."

Jeff nodded, sitting next to Nick. "The kid's a saint, if he's anything like Blaine's been describing him. He's going to be hurt, yes, and they'll need to talk about it a fair bit before they can move forward, but he knows how much Blaine cares about him. I'm just worried about Blaine going in for counseling tomorrow - they'll know instantly."

"I guess this is where Blaine's 'courage' mantra is going to be put to the test." Nick began to fiddle with the hem of his shirt, and Jeff was suddenly aware of their proximity, of Nick's arm right next to his, how _good _Nick looked in nice clothes for the dance...

Oh.

"You do realize we're still meant to be at that dance, right?"

Nick put a finger to his lips and cocked his head towards the door. They listened for a few seconds until Jeff picked up what Nick had clearly heard - the sound of footsteps growing progressively louder and clearly heading right towards their cabin.

"Well, crap."

Jeff jumped to his feet immediately, moving over to Blaine's bed and grabbing the pillows. Nick caught on to what he was doing and stood to help him. Together, they arranged the bed into a rough image of a sleeping body just in time, as a knock came at the door a matter of seconds later. Jeff immediately fell back on his bed as Nick answered the door, hoping it was enough.

Jeff could vaguely hear the sound of Ms. Taylor and Nick conversing before she entered the room, frowning over at Blaine's bed. "So he's sick, you say?"

"Yeah," Nick replied, sitting on the edge of his bed, a concerned look on his face. Jeff mentally applauded his acting skills. "Turned pale and ran out, we followed him and found him throwing up. So we got him back here, and Jeff said he'd stay to keep an eye on Blaine while I went back and apologized to Hannah on Blaine's behalf."

Ms. Taylor's expression cleared instantly. "The lovely young girl he was getting to know? They've formed an attachment, have they?"

Jeff nodded, smoothly taking over. "They seemed very interested in one another. Blaine suggested they might be meeting up after the camp."

"Well, it's wonderful to see Blaine's self-discovery working so well." Jeff fought back a grimace, smiling politely. "I do hope Mr. Anderson is feeling better by morning. Mr. Sterling had better stay here to keep an eye on him, I suppose. Mr. Duval, I will escort you back to the dance."

Nick nodded, standing. As Ms. Taylor exited, Nick turned back to him, winking. _I owe you, _Jeff mouthed to him. Nick nodded again, smirking, before leaving the room. As soon as he left, Jeff fell backwards, staring up at the roof. "What's going on with me?" he murmured quietly.

Of course Jeff knew. He'd had crushes before, obviously, but there was something different about what he felt for Nick. Perhaps it was the realization that Nick actually _could _reciprocate his feelings - Jeff still wasn't ready to think about that look Nick had given him, lest he get his hopes up - simply because they played for the same team. Maybe it came down to the shared experiences, sleeping in the same room for so long... something similar to overexposure, Jeff reasoned.

But Jeff couldn't quite shake the feeling that it was the simple fact that he had more than just a crush on one Nicholas Duval. And he wasn't sure how to feel about that.

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

As Nick approached the cabin, he noticed the lights were off. Easing the door open quietly, Nick tiptoed into the room, hanging his jacket up and breathing a sigh of relief. Going back for the last hour of the dance hadn't exactly been pleasant - the same girl managed to track him down again and attempt to get him into a corner for reasons Nick _didn't _want to consider - but he had made it through without being kissed or groped. A success, he decided.

Glancing across at Blaine's bed, Nick saw the lump under the blankets that looked exactly the same as when he had left. He reasoned that Blaine hadn't come back yet, and sent up a silent prayer for his friend, hoping that he and Kurt were just talking things out and Kurt hadn't done anything rash.

Then he glanced in the direction of Jeff's bed, and his heart leapt into his throat.

Jeff was sprawled across the top of his bed, blankets still at his feet where he had kicked them off that morning. One hand was resting on his stomach, the other next to his side. He was fast asleep, still dressed, and Nick wondered whether he had just fallen asleep, or had tried to wait up for him. Either way, Nick smiled fondly as he walked over, lightly pulling the blankets over his friend. "Sleep well," he murmured quietly, glancing at him one last time before turning away. It was such a small thing to other people but no matter how many times Nick saw Jeff sleeping, he would probably never get used to it.

Walking back over to his own bed, Nick stripped off his shirt and folded it. _At least one good lesson has come out of this camp_, he realized. _Jeff's taught me how to take care of my clothing. _Still smiling, he kicked off his shoes and finished getting ready for bed. Just as he sat back down on the edge of his bed, he heard footsteps making their way to the door. Praying it wasn't one of the counsellors, Nick stayed where he was. A moment later, the door creaked open and Blaine entered the room, wiping his eyes.

Nick felt his stomach drop out from under him. "Blaine?"

Blaine jumped, turning towards Nick's bed. "Oh, hey. Didn't see you there."

Blaine's voice was hoarse, and Nick could tell that he had been crying most of the night. "Come here," he said, gesturing for Blaine to sit with him. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah. I guess." Blaine sat on the edge of the bed, twisting his phone in his hands. "We talked about it."

Nick waited for a second, before gently prompting for more information. "How did he take it?"

Blaine chuckled quietly and bitterly. "How would you take it if your boyfriend had cheated on you with a _girl_?" Nick stayed silent, placing a hand on Blaine's knee and squeezing gently. "Naturally, he was pretty upset. I mean, he heard me out like I asked and I thought the silence was a good thing until I realized he literally couldn't talk because he was crying so hard."

Nick bit his lip, hearing the pain in Blaine's voice. He still couldn't tell whether Kurt had dumped Blaine or not, but really didn't want to ask outright. Luckily Blaine kept talking. "So of course I lost it completely and we both just sat there and cried for ages. I just - I didn't know what to do to fix it, because I _couldn't_." Blaine's voice was shaking and Nick wrapped an arm around him, Blaine leaning into him slightly with a sigh. "So he pulled himself together - I was still a wreck - and told me how upset he was about it. As if I didn't already know." Blaine made a strangled noise, somewhere between a laugh and a sob and Nick just held him tighter, not knowing what else he could do.

"And then, just when I thought it was all over and he was about to end it... he told me that the reason he was so upset was because _I _was so upset. Because - because they had, in his words, 'taken the beautiful strong boyfriend I had and made him stop believing in himself'." Blaine's voice caught and Nick shook his head in disbelief.

"Blaine, you've got yourself an _angel_."

Blaine nodded, his head still against Nick's shoulder. "Don't I know it. And I told him so, repeatedly." He sighed again. "Of course we still had things to sort out - we had to talk about the kiss with Hannah and I swore to him over and over that it means _nothing _now that I'm back to myself... but I think we'll be okay. He said he'll call me first thing in the morning," Nick winced, remembering Blaine telling him that Kurt got up at five to help in the garage, "and we'll discuss things again when we're calmer."

Nick finally allowed himself to relax, and smiled. "I'm so glad you two managed to talk things out." He gave Blaine a few moments of silence, before asking his next question. "So, what caused it, Blaine?"

Blaine lifted his head, staring across the room blankly. "I wish I knew. I had my session with Dr. Peterson today, and he said he wanted to try something new with me. And after that, I really can't remember a lot. I know I went to the dance and I know I - I kissed that girl and... and I know Jeff slapped me and you kissed me. But up until that moment, when Jeff hit me, it was like I was just watching everything happen on a television screen or something."

Nick frowned. "I don't know. I guess we'd better ask Scott in the morning... and thank him."

"Thank him?"

"Oh, right, you wouldn't remember that." Nick chuckled slightly, remembering the scene from earlier. "Scott was your distraction to get out. He and James... well, made the most of the attention on them."

Blaine sniggered lightly. "I'll bet they did. I wish I had his courage, but I guess that comes from overexposure to a place like this, and I definitely don't want that." He suddenly stiffened. "Wait, will he get in trouble because of me?"

"No more trouble than he usually gets in." Blaine still seemed worried, so Nick attempted to reassure him. "Relax, you know Scott. He would have done something to stir up trouble tonight anyway, he just did it for a cause this time. And he was more than willing to, so just be grateful and make sure you don't let anything like that happen again."

"I'll do my best." Blaine dropped his head into his hands. "But what if I can't fight it?" he murmured. "What if I just zone out like I did again?"

Nick leant forward so their shoulders were touching. "Jeff and I will snap you out of it again. We've got your back, Blaine, remember? Just like you've got ours if that ever happens to one of us." He nudged Blaine's shoulder lightly, almost sagging in relief when Blaine finally smiled back.

"Okay. And thanks, Nick."

Nick knew what the inflection in Blaine's voice really meant. "No problem. I'm guessing you told Kurt about that too?"

"Yeah. He understood why you did it, so he's not going to get mad at you or anything. In fact, he'll probably want to thank you and Jeff when he calls tomorrow, he mentioned he wanted to anyway."

Nick mock-groaned. "I love Kurt, but I'm _not _getting up at five in the morning just to be thanked. Tell him I'll talk to him at a _normal _hour."

Blaine laughed, their voices still hushed. Nick allowed his eyes to flicker over to Jeff's still prone form, checking that they hadn't woken the other boy. He turned back to Blaine, only to find him smirking at him. "What?"

"You so like him."

Nick ducked his head, trying to hide his blush. Even in the faint moonlight, he knew it was still apparent, and sighed. "Of course I'd fall for a guy at _straight camp_, right?"

Blaine nudged him back. "He's a great guy, Nick. Why haven't you gone for it yet?"

"I don't know if he feels the same, and -" Nick hesitated, before deciding they'd gone this far anyway, "and I've never had a boyfriend before."

"I know the feeling." Blaine's hand found his, squeezing lightly. "Kurt was my first boyfriend too, and I was his. You'll work it out together."

Nick sighed, deliberating with himself. It wasn't like what he was about to say next was a huge secret or anything - all of those had been out in the air ever since the incident with Jeff anyway - but he still hesitated. "I - Blaine, my parents don't love each other. I've never had anything to aspire to in regards to marrying someone I love. I don't know if I could do it."

Blaine's jaw dropped. "Dad told me that Justin Duval never married for love but I never believed it. Nick, I'm so sorry. But trust me, you don't need to look at your parents to work out how to fall in love. If we all did that, none of us would be here and we'd all be in relationships with girls, wouldn't we?"

Nick nodded slowly. "Yeah... yeah, you're right. I just don't want to screw it up, Blaine."

"Nobody does. But we all make mistakes," Blaine paused for a second, clearly remembering the events of the night vividly, "and if you really love someone, you'll work through it."

"I - I need to think about it."

Blaine nodded, standing. "I understand. I'm pretty dead anyway and I've got Kurt ringing tomorrow morning - sorry in advance for waking you by the way." Nick grimaced playfully, kicking Blaine's shin lightly.

"Get out of here."

Blaine ruffled his hair before moving over to his own bed. "Goodnight, Nick."

Nick pulled back the covers, sliding under them and suddenly realizing just how tired he really was. "Goodnight, Blaine."

And before he could even go over the events of the day in his mind, before he could begin to try and work out the expression on Jeff's face when he had _smiled _at him earlier, Nick found himself falling fast asleep.

* * *

><p><strong>Next Chapter: Aftermath.<strong>


	14. Aftermath

**As my Tumblr followers know, I'm incredibly excited to be giving you guys this chapter! Not to say you won't absolutely hate me for it by the end but... well, find out for yourselves!**

**This chapter is dedicated to everybody who has come to me and thanked me for this story, saying it's made a difference in their life or helped them to come out to the people they love. I write for fun but if I can also write to change lives, I will take every opportunity to do so and I'm so glad to hear of some of the positive stories I get from you guys. Be proud of who you are! **

**Disclaimer: I** do not own the ideas in this story. I have never been to a 'straight camp' and am therefore not attempting to portray an exact replica of one. I do not own any characters you recognize.****

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff.<strong>

"For the love of all things sacred and wonderful, Blaine, turn that _off_!"

Jeff cracked open an eye, attempting to glare at his roommate, failing but not really caring because it was probably five in the freaking _morning_ and Kurt was making that damned phone ring and as nice as Kurt had been to him in the past, right now he was on Jeff's hit list.

"Sorry!" Blaine whispered, scrabbling for the phone and finally silencing it as he began to talk to Kurt - thankfully _quietly. _

Sighing, Jeff sat up, knowing he wasn't going to get any more sleep this morning. As he stretched, he realized he was still wearing his clothes from last night, but someone had pulled his blankets over him. He automatically glanced over at Nick who was rubbing his eyes, allowing himself a second to stare before looking back at Blaine. _Why do I feel like I should be concerned about... oh. _

Nick stood, padding over to Jeff's bed and sitting on the end of it. "Sleep alright?"

"Mm. Did they talk last night?"

Nick nodded. "Hopefully everything's alright this morning, too."

Blaine looked up at them, nodding slightly. "Oh, hold on a second, Kurt." He lifted the phone away from his ear, pushing a button before setting it back on his table. "Okay, you're on loudspeaker."

"Hey guys," Kurt's gentle voice filled the room, sounding subdued. Jeff couldn't blame him. "Just wanted to say thank you so much for what you did for Blaine last night."

"We promised we'd have each other's backs from day one, and we meant it. Blaine would have done the same for us." Nick reached across to take Blaine's hand, who looked like he was tearing up again. Jeff mimicked the action. "How are you holding up?"

Kurt sniffed quietly and the first tear slid down Blaine's cheek. "It's ... difficult," he admitted quietly. "But I'm not losing Blaine over something like this. He means the world to me, and it wasn't his fault. I can't imagine how I'd handle being in a place like that. You're all - you're all so strong."

Blaine's head dropped and Jeff could tell he was crying. He glanced at Nick, then both of them stood, moving to sit on either side of Blaine. There was a moment of silence, then Kurt's voice came through the phone, slightly shaky. "Blaine, honey, please don't cry."

"You know me too well," Blaine murmured, shaking his head. "How can you stay with me after what I did?"

Kurt sighed softly and Jeff knew they must have already discussed this. "Because we promised we'd stick by each other through this experience, no matter what it threw at us. Because we're stronger than they think we are - this can't take us down. And because I love you, Blaine."

Jeff felt the tears filling his own eyes as Kurt spoke, hearing the simple passion behind the words. _I want that_, he realized, _more than ever. _

_And if I let myself, I think I can have it._

His eyes unconsciously found Nick who was staring right back at him. Instead of breaking the gaze like he had the previous night, however, Jeff kept looking at him. A silent communication seemed to pass through them and Nick's eyes cleared, filling with understanding and the faintest glimmer of hope. _Later_, he mouthed to Jeff who nodded, pulling his focus back to Kurt and Blaine.

"I love you too, Kurt," Blaine whispered hoarsely. "And it's not going to happen again. You're right, we are stronger than them."

The bell suddenly rang out, starling Jeff. Glancing at his watch he saw that it was seven - clearly Kurt had held off on calling at five like he had said he would. "Blaine, c'mon, you don't want to get caught with that."

Blaine glanced ruefully at the phone but nodded reluctantly. "I have to go, Kurt. But I'll call you as soon as I can."

"Okay. Nick, Jeff, look after him for me, please."

Jeff glanced back over at Nick who smiled. "Always," he said, squeezing Blaine's hand tight before letting go, allowing Blaine to take the phone off speaker and say goodbye to Kurt properly. "Are you hungry?" he murmured to Nick.

"Not for what they serve here. Why?"

"We need to find out what the hell happened to Blaine last night and the only person who can and will tell us is currently in a small box."

Nick shuddered and nodded. "As long as I don't have to enter said box, yeah, let's go talk to them."

The two quickly got ready, joined by Blaine once he was done saying goodbye and composing himself. "How are you going to act today," Nick asked as Blaine quickly ran a comb through his hair. "I mean, if you go back to how you were a few days ago they're going to know that something's up, but if you act like the zombie you were last night then everybody on the campsite is going to want to punch you."

"I want to punch myself," Blaine muttered.

"Blaine -" Jeff began.

"No, I know," Blaine said quickly. "I honestly have no idea though, about how to act. I thought confused might be my best bet, like I know something's wrong but I don't know what - because whatever happened to me seemed to be targeted to when I was with a group of girls and being back with guys would surely confuse me a little, right?"

"We'll find out for sure when we talk to Scott," Jeff said, "but for now, that sounds like a good plan. Just… think back, as hard as you can. You don't remember them giving you anything?"

"Because we've got a case against them if they did," Nick added. "They can't do that without your permission, parental permission and having it signed off by a qualified psychologist."

Blaine didn't look mollified. "I can't remember so they could very well say I consented, my dad would probably sign off on it in a heartbeat if he found out it was something that made me kiss a girl, and that nut-job in there _is _a qualified psychologist, no matter how much he acts to the contrary. Just like with all of the other crap they get away with in here, we have nothing to stand on."

Jeff sighed and put a hand on Blaine's shoulder, gently steering him out of the cabin. "Either way, we'll go to breakfast for five minutes so you can put on a front for the counsellors and then find out what Scott has to say about it. You've dealt with the important part and all you need to remember is that Kurt loves you, no matter what."

"I don't deserve that," Blaine said quietly, raising a hand to forestall Jeff's imminent protest. "I know what you're going to say, but don't. Until I actually know what happened, I'm not letting myself off the hook and saying that just because Kurt isn't holding a grudge when he has every right to, I should be okay with what happened."

Jeff thought better than arguing, casting a helpless look at Nick who shrugged. "Let's just go to breakfast," he said with a tone of finality. "We'll have all the answers we need soon enough."

The walk was silent (and thankfully short) with each of the boys seemingly lost in thought. Jeff himself was forcing himself to keep his thoughts on Blaine's situation - hashing out ideas for what could have happened and why they had chosen Blaine instead of anybody else - rather than thinking about his own life. Especially when Nick was right there, his brow furrowed in concentration and far too distracting for this early in the morning.

They made it to the dining hall just in time to take a seat before Ms. Taylor began her customary speech. "I can see a few tired looking faces today!" she chirped, hands clasped together and actually _beaming _at them. "Apart from a few unpleasantries, last night seemed to be a good night, _very _good for some in particular."

Blaine shrunk a little in his seat at that and sighed. "Shut up, sit down and stop treating us like children," he mumbled and Jeff winced, resolving that getting Blaine back to his cheerful and tolerant self would be their first priority - when Blaine was miserable, it kind of made you want to kick puppies or something equally depressing.

"And, as a result of some of the wonderful connections formed, we have a surprise for you! The lovely young ladies have agreed to come and pay us a special visit this morning so you can get to know them one-on-one and, for those who really hit it off, this afternoon you will be allowed to leave the site in groups to take the girls out on dates!"

A couple of the boys wolf whistled and there was a mild scattering of applause, but generally most of the boys looked unenthusiastic. Jeff didn't blame them - the last thing they all needed was for these girls to come in for round two. Especially…

_Blaine._

"Want to get out of here?"

Blaine nodded tightly and, as the rest of the guys stood for breakfast, quickly left the room. Jeff glanced at the counsellors, making sure the three that would actually care what they were doing were all occupied before he and Nick followed.

Alana caught them at the door. "I know what you need to do," she said quickly, ushering them out. "Just remember, Jeff, you've got counseling first up. Don't miss it, he'll be out for blood this morning."

"Yeah, a great reason not to miss it," Jeff said sarcastically, smiling ruefully at Alana before turning around and realizing Blaine was already halfway across the campsite, heading towards the second Isolation room. "Oh boy, he looks pissed."

"He has every reason to be," Nick said as they broke into a jog. "Scott didn't exactly warn him."

Sure enough, they got there just in time to hear Blaine rap sharply on the door and yell out, "Scott Hamilton, what the _hell _did they do to me last night and why didn't you do something about it?"

"Can I say you've got the wrong house?" Scott asked after a few seconds.

"I wouldn't," Jeff advised, watching Blaine carefully. "I'd just give him a straight answer because, despite how much of an angel Kurt is, Blaine's pretty convinced he nearly lost his boyfriend last night."

"Okay," Scott said slowly. "Blaine, I'm really sorry they got you but I promise you, I didn't know you were going to be a target. I told the others yesterday that I can usually pick out the guys they're going to work on and warn them but I couldn't this year. In fact, I didn't even know until Nick got me to be a distraction. I'll keep a closer eye on things from now on but you have to believe that I tried."

Blaine's expression softened and he nodded. "It's okay. It's not like it's your job to make our lives easier anyway, you're just as suck here as we are. I just want to know what happened to me and how I avoid having it happen again."

"That's easy enough to answer. They hypnotized you."

Nick snorted and Jeff raised an eyebrow in his direction. "You can't be serious? The stupid magicians trick?"

"Call it what you want but it works," Scott said darkly. "You saw Blaine last night, didn't you? I've seen so many guys fall under that trap and let me tell you, not all of them had the friends like you two to pull them out and it ended very messily when they came back to themselves and tried to work out what was going on."

This time Jeff didn't need to see his eyes; the tone was enough. "They got you, didn't they?"

"James called me the day after it happened," Scott said with a sigh. "I told him it was over because I had been deluded and I liked girls - thank god it was my third time at the camp and I'd already warned him if that ever happened to snap me out of it. I won't go into details but… we survived, naturally. And it sounds like you and Kurt survived it?"

"We did," Blaine said quietly. "Completely thanks to him. So what do I do now? Should I pretend I'm still under the hypnosis?"

"I think you'd be safe to pretend you're coming out of it," Scott told him. "If you actually were, and if I'm correct and they're inviting the girls over today, you'd be horridly confused by everything and then you'd probably have some alone time with whichever girl you ended up with but you don't want…"

"Scott?" Jeff prompted after a few moments of silence.

"I was just thinking about something I've always wanted to try," Scott said. "But I've always been in Isolation the day after the dance for doing something stupid so I never got to. I don't believe the girls know what kind of camp this is and I've wanted to ask one of them."

Blaine was already nodding. "I can do that. I want to talk to Hannah anyway and explain… I think I might have agreed to be her boyfriend and I really don't want to have to deal with that today. If it turns out that they're working for the camp, I'll just pretend I came out of the confusion and 'realized' I have a boyfriend."

"Sounds good to me. And Blaine, I really am sorry."

Blaine smiled faintly at the door. "It's okay. I should be thanking you instead - you did get yourself thrown in here for me."

Scott snorted. "Please. That's no big deal, this is like my second home - it's got my name on it."

"He's not kidding either," Blaine told them. "I saw it when they put me in here. He's carved _property of Scott Hamilton _into the wall."

"James is working on the other one, probably as we speak."

"No, he's not," James said from behind them. "I got up to the _a _and then Alana let me out."

"You realize this means I'm winning?" Scott said from inside his box and James shook his head fondly, stepping forward and opening up a slot that the others had somehow missed. "Oh hey, that's the best view I've ever had from inside here."

James laughed. "I'm glad to know I'm better looking than Zach. And of course you're winning, you've got years on me."

"Maybe I'm just more of a troublemaker than you."

"You're equal in my books," Alana informed them as she arrived. "Which is why I'm letting you both out early. Just tell anybody who whines about it that I asked for an apology and you gave it."

A squinting Scott emerged from Isolation, rubbing at his eyes. "I'm more than happy to apologize for the fact that you're stuck with such bigoted idiots every summer because us 'rowdy homosexual teens' don't know how to behave ourselves."

"Only if I get to apologize that you rowdy homosexual teens get stuck with the bigoted idiots every summer because they don't know how to accept people."

"Deal," Scott said promptly and held his hand out. Alana, laughing, shook it then stepped back and allowed James to take her place and embrace his boyfriend. "Call me a sap but I miss you when we're in there," Scott told him.

James sighed and kissed his cheek. "Same."

The painful niggling feeling from earlier rose up again in Jeff as he watched the display of affection - _god_, he just wanted it. Was it too much to ask that he had someone to love him as well?

"As much as I hate to interrupt," Alana said quietly, "you guys should probably take that elsewhere unless you want to go straight back in the box. And Jeff, honey, you need to go to therapy.

The three boys reluctantly followed orders, Jeff waving goodbye to the rest of the group as he set off to his therapy session, although with a lot less trepidation than usual. Hopefully the therapist would be too preoccupied with the dance the previous night to bring up his usual conversation pointers about Jeff's self harm and suicide attempt - a conversation Jeff was only comfortable having with four people in his life. On that thought, Jeff glanced back to see what the others were doing, realizing quickly that the only person he was really seeing was Nick.

With a sigh, he pulled himself away.

* * *

><p><strong>Nick. <strong>

So, as it turned out, Blaine was actually a really good actor.

In his 'confusion' at not understanding why he was suddenly surrounded by a bunch of guys who were claiming to be gay, Blaine had 'suffered a small breakdown' and locked himself in the room until the girls arrived. As Nick stood on the other site and 'attempted to talk him down', they formulated a plan of action.

As soon as the laughter of the girls getting off the bus was audible from inside the cabin, Blaine was calmly letting himself out and together the two boys made their way purposefully towards the bus. Hannah and another girl who seemed to be her friend (who Nick vaguely recognized as the girl he had been dancing with for some of the night) were headed towards them and Blaine caught Hannah's hand immediately, eliciting a grin from the girl. Nick knew Blaine was probably feeling awful for leading her on but the boy simply smiled and said, "Why don't you two ladies accompany us to our room so we can have some privacy?"

The girls began giggling (why did girls always _do _that?) and accepted, the friend winding her arm through Nick's as they headed back towards the room. Jessica caught Nick's eye as they walked past and nodded as if giving her seal of approval before heading away towards the rest of the boys who were less enthusiastic - at least Nick knew they now wouldn't be disturbed.

They entered the room and as Hannah leaned in to begin what she clearly thought was a make-out session, Blaine gently pushed her away and nodded at Nick. "Ladies, we need to have a word with you about something serious," Blaine said softly, gesturing for them to take a seat on the opposite bed. "We understand why you're here but we have to tell you right now that it's not going to happen."

Hannah pouted but sat down, clearly interested. Her friend gave Nick a long searching look and, clearly not finding what she wanted, joined Hannah on the bed with a glare. "There are plenty of boys here who would take us into their rooms for the _right _reason," she informed them haughtily.

"You might actually be wrong about that," Nick said as delicately as he could. "Do you know what this camp is for?"

"It's, like, the guys version of ours," Hannah said slowly, brow furrowing in confusion. "Isn't it? You know, sports and games and instruments and all that?"

Nick raised an eyebrow at Blaine who smirked a little in response. "We might have some of those things here but that is definitely not what this camp is mainly for. If you didn't catch the sign, it's called the Wildwood Springs Health Camp."

"Oh wow," the other girl said suddenly, "are you guys sick or something?"

This time they both did laugh, unable to help it. "Well," Nick said finally to looks of confusion, "based on the expectations of the people at this camp, apparently." He sighed and watched their faces, waiting for the reaction they both hoped to see. "We're actually all gay."

Hannah got it first, eyes widening as she covered her mouth with both hands. "Oh my god. We didn't know, I swear!"

"You mean we've been making out with _gay guys_?"

Hannah ignored her and Nick took that as permission for them to do the same. "They told us it was a mixer between the two camps," she said quickly, "and that you guys were a little antisocial after not seeing girls all summer but to just have fun. I thought it was kind of weird that a lot of the guys weren't interested at all but then I found Blaine and… wait. Blaine? You were totally into me."

Blaine closed his eyes and ducked his head a little, clearly not wanting to dredge up the whole story again. "Okay, I'll just be really straight with you," Nick said, smiling a little at the unintended pun. "They mess with our heads here and it goes as far as brainwashing - namely, hypnosis. Blaine wasn't in control last night, to say the least."

"I have a boyfriend," Blaine added. "Thank god I still _do_."

Hannah actually looked panicked at that. "I'm so sorry! I _swear _I wouldn't have if I had known!"

"It's okay," Nick assured her quickly. "We don't blame you girls at all, now that we know that you're not a part of it. And to be fair, some of the guys are bisexual and actually had a great night last night. But especially when it comes to you, Hannah, we thought it best that you know why Blaine isn't suddenly all over you."

"Thank you for telling me," she said quietly. "What do we do now?"

Blaine chuckled. "Well the counsellors think we're… uh, _busy_, so they're not going to disturb us. So either you can storm out on me and announce to the camp that I'm a jerk and I'll 'sulk' in here until lunch or we can hang out and talk."

"I'm out of here," the other girl announced. "You guys might be gay but I'm sure there's a guy around here who'll understand that girls aren't meant to be resisted."

She stalked out and Hannah coughed uncomfortably. "Sorry about Anna," she said quietly as the door shut behind her. "Her boyfriend cheated on her just before she came to camp and she's angry on the best of days. I think she went to that dance looking for a replacement."

"She won't find one with us," Blaine said, finally smiling properly. At least it appeared that one weight was off his shoulders. "So, tell us what the girls camp is like?"

As it turned out, the girls camp (which was a few miles down the road, much nearer to actual civilization) was actually what it claimed to be in the brochures - a fun summer camp designed for teenage girls to have a summer away and just enjoy themselves. Hannah, who went to the same school as Joshua ("But I didn't know he was gay, I don't think he's come out there. I don't blame him though, with our school you wouldn't want to be anything out of the box."), was definitely enjoying her time at the camp. "It's kind of hard to let loose at school," she explained after laying out all the activities for them. "I want to be a doctor so I have to study really hard."

She was a lovely girl, Nick noted, and probably the exact type of girl Blaine would go for if he was interested in females. They seemed to get into conversations with ease and, while Nick would join in occasionally, it left him the perfect time to get his head in order.

_What do I do about Jeff?_

He hadn't let himself hope or read into any of the little signs Nick had thought that Jeff might be sending over the past few days but between the previous night and the morning, Nick's heart had betrayed him to a point where he couldn't ignore it anymore.

Despite every self-preservation instinct telling him not to _dare_ even dream of it, Nick couldn't help but think that Jeff liked him too. As strange as it was, he felt like he knew his friend well enough after only a matter of weeks together to tell what was lurking behind those eyes. Maybe it was just that Jeff had let his walls down completely around them and every expression was written all over his face, but that morning, that _look_…

Sometimes it was the worst thing in the world not to let yourself hope. Because hope gave you courage and the motivation to do something about it instead of locking yourself away and fearing for the rest of your life that you weren't good enough, would never be loved, and you would never find out what might be waiting for you if you didn't try, if you didn't _hope_.

Maybe, maybe just this once, Nick could let himself.

But was he even ready for a relationship, even if Jeff did feel the same? He hadn't been with anybody before, and no, neither had Jeff, but Nick hadn't even been allowed to be friends with people who his family didn't approve of. How could he have a _boyfriend_ who his father not only didn't know but would reject immediately all based on gender? Because in the end, his father's opinion didn't matter, but the man knew how to make his life hell and would do so without any hesitation if it meant his son was going to impact on his own reputation.

Did it matter more to fly under the radar, to get out safe and then live his own life? Or did the fact that a few weeks in a place where Nick was supposed to have been destroyed had actually taught him how to feel and that it was _okay_ mean so much more than anything else?

And wasn't it more important that he hold onto the one thing that kept him sane, helped him to live and _gave him hope whether he liked it or not_?

And, just as if his mind had conjured him up, in walked Jeff.

The physical proof was enough - a smile broke out across Nick's face that he couldn't stop and everything felt lighter, easier to handle. Already the dark thoughts about his father were flickering away into a corner of his mind, not because they were being repressed but because they just weren't important at this point in time. All that was important was talking to Jeff, seeing how he was and how his counseling had gone.

(A small part of Nick's mind informed him that his decision had pretty much been made but that was for later too.)

Jeff smiled back at him, opened his mouth to speak then snapped it shut when he caught sight of Hannah. "Um, hi," he said awkwardly, shooting a helpless glance at Blaine and that was when Nick realized that Jeff didn't know what was going on, whether they were still pretending or not.

Blaine, thankfully, caught on straight away. "She knows," he said and Hannah nodded, Jeff visibly relaxing at that. "Hannah, Jeff. How was it?"

Jeff pulled a face. "Diabolical would be the word," he said with a sigh. "He asked a million questions about my experiences at the dance and wasn't too pleased when I explained I had to leave early when you were 'unwell'. But he asked about you, actually looked a little nervous when I said you were fairly confused. I'm starting to wonder whether the other counselors don't know what he does."

"You think it would be obvious though," Nick chipped in, "with all of these guys suddenly turning up 'straight' and all that."

"Maybe they just look the other way," Jeff said, shrugging. "At any rate, I barely made it back here alive, there are girls _everywhere _out there who won't take no for an answer."

Nick shuddered. "Teenage girls are scary," he said solemnly before remembering the fourth presence in the room. "Oh. Um… no offense?"

"None taken," Hannah said with a laugh and a wave of the hand. "I'm perfectly aware of how frightening we are. Why do you think I'm in here instead of out there fighting over what we thought were potential boyfriends?"

"You're pretty cool as far as teenage girls go," Blaine told her and Hannah's smile widened a little.

Nick glanced at Jeff and they both smirked - poor Blaine hadn't realized that being gay didn't make him any less appealing to the girl. Hannah was definitely still nursing a crush, she just knew she couldn't act on it. It was actually kind of cute.

_Like Jeff?_

Cursing his brain for bringing up thoughts like that when he was holding _eye contact _with the boy, Nick hurriedly looked away before he could do something stupidly embarrassing like blush. However, when he glanced back a few seconds later, Jeff was staring firmly in the other direction with a light dusting of pink across his cheeks and _that _was interesting. But now Blaine was the one smirking at them and damn it, Blaine _knew _so Nick had no reason to be embarrassed so why was he?

_Because it's normal, _the quiet voice in his head told him. _When you like someone, you do irrational things. Congratulations._

And, strangely enough, Nick actually was kind of proud of himself. After all, this was his first real experience with liking someone - and it was someone who might actually _like him back_ too - and experiencing all of these things without feeling any guilt or shame was probably the best feeling in his life to date. Because he could finally be himself without feeling like he was letting himself down.

"How long are you continuing this charade for?" Jeff asked suddenly, as if a thought had just occurred to him. "I mean, are you two going out on a date this afternoon?"

Blaine bit his lip. "As awful as I feel for saying no, I'd feel more awful if I did. I mean… Kurt…"

"No, I understand," Hannah said immediately. "I won't say I'm not a little bit disappointed but I know nothing would ever come of it. But can I.. um -" oh and now _she _was blushing and Nick couldn't hide a grin because at least they were all kind of in the same boat on that one today - "Could I still text you? You gave me your number last night and I'd like to stay friends. If it's okay with Kurt, of course."

"I'm sure Kurt would be fine with it," Blaine assured her. "And so am I."

"In that case, I'll storm out and pronounce to the camp that you are definitely not the guy you claimed to be last night - it might add to your confusion charade."

"It's much appreciated."

Hannah grinned at him and nodded at Nick and Jeff. "It was lovely to meet you all, even though the circumstances weren't the best. Good luck with the rest of the camp!"

And just when Nick thought it was over, Hannah turned back at the door with a glance at him and Jeff and added, "By the way, you two make a really cute couple."

"I - oh, um -"

"Uh, we're not -"

She was gone and all that remained was a thoroughly amused Blaine whose smirk died a little when both boys simultaneously turned a glare on him. "Lunch?" he asked meekly, already halfway to the door before they could reply.

"Confused face," Nick reminded him and Blaine nodded, swinging the door open and slamming it shut behind him, making the other two boys jump. Apparently he had chosen to go for angry instead.

"We'll probably, uh, want to leave separately," Jeff said quietly. "Go after Blaine."

Nick nodded and, absolutely refusing to let the threatening tension seep in, caught Jeff's eye and smiled at him. Jeff looked surprised for a second before relaxing and returning the smile and Nick actually wanted to stay here forever, to just blurt out how he felt right now and damn the consequences, but he couldn't. At least not yet.

With a sigh, Nick followed Blaine out, who was thankfully not going over to Hannah but instead heading towards the dining room. Quickly passing the group of girls surrounding Hannah ("… he told me that kissing me felt different than it should, like I'd changed. _He's _the one who's changed!"), he entered the dining hall to find it beginning to fill up with other boys - clearly it had been used as a room of sanctuary for most of the morning.

Jeff joined him a minute later and together they both approached Blaine tentatively, acting as if he was going to fly off the handle. "Can we join you?" Nick asked him.

"Do you normally?"

"Yes," Jeff said, shooting a 'concerned' look to Nick. "We all normally sit together for lunch."

Blaine nodded then dropped his head into his hands. "Why doesn't any of this feel right?"

Scott slid in across from them at that and leaned forward, talking quietly to Blaine in what was clearly meant to be portrayed as an explanatory way. Jeff shrugged and stood, Nick following suit, and they headed over to get food for the three of them. "This charade is crazy, isn't it?" Jeff muttered.

"It really is," Nick whispered back, grabbing a plate for Blaine and loading the two up with surprisingly edible looking food. "At least there's one good thing about the girls being here," he realized and Jeff nodded.

Blaine appeared to have withdrawn into silence by the time they resumed and Nick left him to it, hoping it meant that his 'recovery' was imminent. Messing with the counselors was fun for a little while but it would be nice to have things back to normal - well, as normal as they could be in a place like this.

Although, there was one thing about normality that Nick wouldn't mind changing…

Out of the corner of his eye, Nick watched Jeff - watched him eat, interact with the others and just go about what was currently his daily life. He watched the boy who he had fallen for so quickly in such a strong way; but the boy who was his best friend, the only person he had ever considered for such a title, the one who it would _destroy _him if he lost his friendship.

And his answer was clear.

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff.<strong>

"How's this?"

There was silence for a moment and then Blaine nodded, clearly satisfied. "Great."

Nick smiled, leaning back against one of the trees. "Did you want to talk, or -?"

When Blaine had quietly pulled the two of them aside at the end of lunch and asked if either of them knew of a way to disappear for the afternoon that didn't involve Isolation, neither had bothered to ask why. They could both see that, despite having Kurt's forgiveness, their friend was still struggling with getting over what had happened the previous day. Hopefully it wouldn't take too long for Blaine to realize it wasn't something he had done but something that had happened to him.

"Not really," Blaine said, just as Jeff had predicted. "I just need to think. You guys don't need to stay - I mean, I'm not kicking you out but I'm not going to be great company."

Nick shrugged before suddenly grinning. "There's a hint of truth in every rumor. I'm going to find the love shack."

He disappeared into the trees, Jeff shaking his head as he watched him go. Of course Nick wasn't going to find anything (he hoped anyway because Ian and Wyatt still affirmed that they weren't a couple and certainly hadn't been out copulating in the woods) but it was his way of getting out of Blaine's hair without actually abandoning him and Jeff respected that.

"You're not following him?"

Jeff shrugged, taking a seat on the ground. "We're not joined at the hip, no," he replied idly, leaning back against a fallen tree log and closing his eyes. It was a good patch of shade on an otherwise hot day and Jeff intended to enjoy it.

Blaine muttered something under his breath that Jeff didn't want to think about (because should they really be and what did that imply and was Blaine actually advocating a potential relationship or was it just a joke and _this _was why he didn't want to think about it) before raising his voice again. "Okay. We'll I'll just be wandering around over here."

Jeff waved a hand absently, not bothering to open his eyes. "Take your time."

For a long while there was only the sound of nature and Jeff basked in it, easily slipping into a half-asleep half-aware state of boneless relaxation. They would probably only get away with this kind of absence once and it was his full intention to make the most of it.

Blaine was wandering around a few feet away, crunching leaves and the occasional twig underfoot as he did so. Nick still hadn't shown up but Jeff wasn't particularly worried. He'd come back eventually.

And sooner rather than later, as it turned out.

"Come take a walk with me?"

Jeff didn't even flinch as the voice came quietly in his ear - he supposed a part of him had been expecting (wanting, hoping for) this all afternoon. Giving a quick signal to Blaine, Jeff stood and followed Nick back through the trees. But instead of heading towards their cabin as Jeff had presumed (or the hypothetical love shack as a wild part of his mind had wondered) they took the path down to the lake. A bold choice to be out in public but maybe Nick wanted room to run if Jeff said no.

Jeff wasn't going to say no.

Unless… well, what if that wasn't what Nick was going to talk to him about? What if Jeff had read into a million signs that just weren't true, let his hopes get the better of him and was about to make a complete fool out of himself when it turned out that Nick actually just wanted to talk about his dad or something?

Maybe he could trust Nick now but Jeff still couldn't hope. Hoping had only led to disappointment in the past, why would now be any different?

Why indeed?

So, bracing himself for disappointment as they sat down on the lake edge, Jeff almost missed it when Nick turned to him, took his hand and calmly stated, "So, I've fallen head over heels for you."

_What?_

Jeff couldn't say a word - _he hadn't hoped, hadn't dared to hope but he could have, should have, didn't need to because this was so much better - _but thankfully Nick didn't take it as a rejection like Jeff would have if the roles had been reversed. "I know it's forward and kind of sudden," Nick said, still in that same calm voice and when did he get so self assured anyway?

(Jeff kind of loved it.)

"But after last night, I felt like I had to do something," Nick continued, staring right into his eyes for what felt like the first time. "I saw what they can do to us here - they can make us forget who we are and who we lo- who we care about. And while I don't believe they could ever stop me from feeling the way I do about you, I don't want to take the risk. And I just don't want to wait any longer, especially since I felt like I got an indication that you felt the same. I'm not saying you do or have to, of course, because you are completely entitled to like or not like _whoever_ you want -"

"Nick?" Jeff tried to interject, because Nick's calm was beginning to slip as the boy clearly started second guessing himself and the last thing Jeff wanted was a potential freak out on his hands.

Nick didn't take any notice. "And if you don't like me back, that's _fine_, I promise I won't get weird about it or change anything unless you need me to - if you need me to move out of the room I can, even though I promise I won't do anything weird or make you feel uncomfortable around me -"

"Nick," Jeff said again, more firm but also with a hint of laughter because _holy crap this was real Nick liked him. _

" - all I really want is your friendship and if there's a chance of more, that is so fantastic but if there's not, I completely understand and -"

Jeff gently placed a finger to Nick's lips, trying _so hard _not to think about the fact that it was _Nick's lips for god's sake. _"If you'd let me get a word in," he said, laughter bubbling around the edges and his smile so broad that his jaw was threatening to split in half, "then I could tell you that _of course _I like you."

Now it was Nick's turn to succumb to the stunned silence while Jeff just smiled at him, waiting and suddenly understanding why Nick had been so self assured earlier. After all, he knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was Nick - why did he need to be scared?

"Of course?" Nick finally asked.

Jeff nodded, trying to find words that would mean more than _of course _before giving up because clearly Nick got it. They both got it.

This was _real._

And then Nick was leaning towards him and Jeff couldn't breathe. _Is this really happening?_

Their lips met and a surge of emotions flooded through him that Jeff had never experienced before. Every inch of hurt, ever name he had been called, every cut he had made on his own skin, all the times he had felt worthless, pathetic, alone... all of it simply faded away in the feeling of Nick's lips against his. In that one kiss, Jeff had found his redemption. He knew who he was and who he should be. And it was all right here.

Nick pulled away, staring into his eyes and looking slightly shocked at his own boldness. Jeff simply laughed, pressing their foreheads together as he wrapped his arms around Nick, feeling as if he could float on air. No matter how much people tried to tell him that he was wrong, _nothing_ could take this moment away from him.

"Oi!"

_Oh, crap._

Jeff pulled away, turning to see Stephen, Jessica and Zach running their way. "Nick," he said quickly, turning to the other boy. "No matter what they do to us, what we just shared was real. They can't take that away from me, or from you."

"Jeff, they're going to put us in Isolation!" Nick looked absolutely terrified and Jeff squeezed his hands quickly.

"You can do it, Nick. You're strong." And Jeff truly believed he could. They had both grown during this experience, just not in the way they were 'meant to.' Nick could handle the Isolation room.

He only hesitated for a moment before saying the words he had come to realize were true. "I love you, alright?"

Nick nodded. "I love you too," he said quietly and even under the circumstances, Jeff's heart still did a backflip because _Nick actually loved him. _

And then a pair of hands were on his arms, tugging them apart. Jeff felt Nick's hands slip out of his and stared into his eyes one last time before Zach grabbed Nick and pulled him away. Jeff was jerked roughly to his feet and pushed in the direction of the other Isolation room. He could hear Jessica screaming abuse at Nick as the other three disappeared across the campsite and just hoped that the other boy would be okay.

As the dark room loomed towards him, Jeff closed his eyes and prayed for it to all be over. All he wanted was Nick back in his arms, because despite everything that had been said to them both, that was what was right. That was all that mattered.

* * *

><p><strong>*hides from readers*<strong>

**Next Chapter: Isolation**


	15. Isolation

**I know it's been a long wait. Thank you (most of you) for being patient. There were a few issues on my Tumblr regarding this chapter but we'll leave those on Tumblr, only to say that repetitive asking/demanding for chapters gets you nowhere. Please just keep in mind that I am now a student doing a hectic course and living with some difficult roommates, plus I start counseling on Tuesday so life may just get more hectic. **

**But here it is! And apologies for the end...**

**Disclaimer: ******I do not own the ideas in this story. I have never been to a 'straight camp' and am therefore not attempting to portray an exact replica of one. I do not own any characters you recognize.********

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

_It's just a room. It can't hurt you. Nothing can hurt you in there. _

Nick fought back a scream as the door shut on him. He vaguely heard Jessica saying something outside - most likely derogatory - but all he could focus on was the darkness closing in on him, threatening to trap him and...

_No. _

Curling into a ball, Nick attempted to calm himself down but he was breathing way too fast, almost hyperventilating from the panic. He knew if he stretched out his feet they would hit the opposite wall and there was nowhere to go and no way to get out and he could _die _in here -

But he wouldn't.

_You've been trapped before, _he reminded himself. _You're still alive._

And others had been locked in here before, after all, and they had come out. Hell, Scott had probably been in here fifty times and he was no worse off for his experiences.

Tears still streaming down his face, Nick carefully stood and felt his way around the walls, running his fingers over them until he found the engraving. _Property of Scott Hamilton, _he shaped out slowly, feeling the words calm him more than anything else because Scott was brave but he wasn't fearless. His first time in here had probably scared him too, but he had gotten through it and Jeff was probably doing just fine in his box too.

Nick could do this.

That didn't stop him from curling right back up on the ground and letting himself cry it out for as long as he needed - it wasn't like time mattered.

It was just _horrible. _And yeah, it was kind of irrational because of course he'd be let out and he wasn't going to be left in the box forever, but his mind couldn't comprehend that. All it knew was that he was in there, stuck in there with no way of getting out and if everybody else suddenly left the camp or if there was a fire or something, he couldn't get _out _-

And that thought pattern was dangerous so Nick extinguished it quickly, thankful he still had the ability to do so. Instead, he attempted to think of more pleasant things - or at least, the most pleasant thing currently in his life.

The decision to tell Jeff how he felt yesterday had turned out to be so much easier than Nick had thought. He had sat there all lunch, watching his friend and realizing the true extent of their friendship - the fact that they had already bared their souls to one another and if a friendship could survive that, it could survive anything. The fact that Nick could tell Jeff exactly how he felt and if Jeff didn't feel the same, their friendship would survive.

It had. And, in turn, it had become so much more.

Still shaking, Nick closed his eyes and tried to remember. And if he imagined just hard enough, he could almost pretend Jeff was there with him.

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff.<strong>

Jeff attempted to calm his breathing as he was forcibly dragged towards the small room. He had been in there before, yes, when he was talking to Kurt, but there was something very different about knowing he was going to be locked in and not allowed out for _twenty four hours._ He knew that Nick was being pushed into the other one right now, and his heart went out to the boy he had fallen so badly for. _Stay strong, Nick, _he thought, wishing he could send his thoughts to the other boy. _I'll be back for you, I promise. _

The door opened and Jeff had a brief glimpse of the empty room with a single bench for company. The door slammed shut, plunging the room into darkness except for the small crack of light under the door. And even that would fade soon - it was early afternoon when they had been separated, Jeff had to last all night in this box.

"We will return in twenty four hours to release you," came the voice from outside before Jeff could hear the sound of footsteps moving away. Turning, he reached his arms out in front of him until he met stone. Working his way around the room, Jeff located the bench and sat down, wrapping his arms around himself as he stared at the chink of light.

Even without claustrophobia to battle against, the room was beginning to feel eerie and Jeff sighed, preparing himself for a sleepless night and the almost certain re-emergence of childhood fears.

_It's only twenty four hours. You can do this._

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

It only took forty seven minutes - but what felt like solid hours - for Nick to break down.

"Let me out!" he yelled, banging against the door. "I don't care what it takes, I'll do whatever you want, just let me get out of here!"

He continued to punch the door for a few minutes, growing steadily more panicked, until finally the slot opened and Jessica looked in, one eyebrow raised. "Here's how it works," she said calmly. "You come out and go straight to solitary therapy for a double session. After that, whether you've chosen to or not, you will go to the room containing Jeff and tell him that you've changed your mind and made the wrong decisi-"

"No."

Jessica stopped and stared at him for a few more seconds but Nick stared back, jaw clenched defiantly. With a shrug, she snapped the slot back into place. "Suit yourself," she called out as she began to walk away. "You'll see things more reasonably once the sun goes down."

But he could already see reason.

Nick could handle solitary therapy - at least, he hoped. What he couldn't handle was the possibility of losing Jeff, either through forgetting he loved him or having to give him up. Nothing was worth putting Jeff through that, not after everything the boy had already gone through in his life, not after everything they had _both _gone through. They both needed this.

He could last. No matter how terrified he was, some things were worth confronting your fears for.

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff.<strong>

Jeff approximated he had been in the room for three hours when it happened for the first time. A small flap opened and a pair of eyes peered through.

"Admit you were wrong and we will let you out early."

Jeff raised his eyes calmly, sitting cross-legged on the floor. "I'm cool, thanks."

The flap closed and the sound of footsteps moved away again. Jeff supposed he was lucky that Zach was the one checking in on him - the boy might hate him but he was never one for words, and Zach had no power over him anymore. At least he was spared any of Jessica's comments or Stephen's speeches.

Sighing, Jeff stood and stretched. The light was fading from underneath his door and Jeff knew night was falling. As he had many times during the few hours he had been trapped, Jeff thought about Nick, locked in his own personal hell. Over and over, he berated himself for not doing something to try and help Nick with his claustrophobia - this camp had small boxes that people could be _shut in_ for gods sake, and they hadn't even thought about doing something in case?

But it was too late now.

Jeff shivered, wishing he had thought to bring a jacket. Granted, he had been pulled away from Nick pretty much the second they had kissed... and there Jeff's thoughts derailed as he drifted back to that kiss. It was the only thing that was keeping him sane right now, and so he continued to replay it in his head over and over, smiling not just from the memory but at his own personal victory.

They could keep him in here, away from basic human comforts, for as long as they wanted. But nothing was going to take that image out of Jeff's mind or the feelings out of his heart and in that respect, he had already won.

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

"Nick?"

Nick raised his head, seeking out the eyes peering in at him. "Alana?"

"Sweetheart, are you okay? Blaine mentioned claustrophobia - don't hate him for it either, he was in a right panic when he found out where you are - so I thought I'd better be the one to check on you."

Nick attempted to smile. "It's okay, I'll get through it. I've been here many times before." And yeah, he probably wasn't meant to say that but the fear was creeping up the back of his neck again and any chance he had to keep Alana there longer, he would take.

Alana gave a low whistle. "Damn. Hold tight, okay? If you need me to come back and check on you during the night, I can."

"It's fine," Nick forced himself to say, even though his mind was screaming at him to agree to it. "You need your sleep after all. If Jeff can do it, I can do it. Could you check in on him for me?"

"I just walked by. He's singing to himself."

Nick laughed, surprising himself. "Good to hear. At least one of us is keeping our spirits up."

"You should too," Alana said, blowing him a kiss before closing the slot.

But somehow Nick knew a song wasn't going to be enough to comfort him tonight.

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff.<strong>

Night was falling and Jeff was terrified.

Not for himself. No, _he _didn't matter right now. He wasn't the one probably scared out of his mind, struggling with flashbacks and memories of the past, unable to get out and with nobody to comfort him and _damn it why did he put Nick through this? _Why didn't he say they should go somewhere else, somewhere less public? He knew, he _knew_ Nick was going to talk about his feelings even if he hadn't dared to hope it, he _knew._

And now Nick was locked in his biggest nightmare and Jeff _couldn't save him._

_You're so useless, _the voice began to taunt him, quietly at first but growing louder until it was ringing through his ears, all he could hear; _look what you did, you're supposed to care about him, love him, and you put him in there, you're so pathetic, you're not what he needs, not what he wants -_

_Stop._

The second voice was shocking enough that Jeff stilled, right on the verge of a panic attack, and the first voice silenced.

_That was Nick._

Not there, of course. Nick was still locked in and wasn't getting out for hours yet, and neither was Jeff. But this was almost better because Nick was in his head, Nick's words and bravery and _courage _was in his head and that other voice could go hang because Nick's were the only words Jeff wanted to hear tonight.

After months of therapy, Jeff's psychiatrist had been no closer to giving him working techniques that would help stop his panic attacks or ward them off at the first signs, and Jeff had been resigned to the fact that he wouldn't be able to have control of himself when things got too scary or the voice decided to start taunting him again. Sometimes he could block it out but even then it was only temporary and it would simply return later and stronger. They weren't going to try any kind of medication until he was older which meant, as far as Jeff had known, living his teenage years in constant fear of himself.

But maybe there was something that could save him, something that could calm him down from the place he worked himself up to.

And maybe, maybe if Jeff let himself hope again, he could be okay.

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

He was tired, so tired. But it wasn't safe.

Nighttime was always the worst, especially when he had been younger. His father had never left him in a dark place for the entire night but once the darkness had fallen and he had begun to be tired, that was the worst. Because he could _not _fall asleep.

Only once had Nick fallen asleep while he was locked away and he had woken to darkness with no light switch in grasp and it wasn't his room and it had been the worst. He had freaked out and begun screaming until his father had shown up, looking actually worried himself, and gotten Nick out of there. There had been no punishment for a few months after that - clearly the terrified screams had knocked a little sense into the man, at least for a short amount of time.

It was the idea of waking up in the unknown, waking up somewhere and not being able to get that light on to know there was air around him and room to move and breathe, that was what got Nick the most. And he was willing to stay awake the entire twenty four hours if it meant he didn't have to go through that panic.

No matter how tired he was.

Nick yawned, settling a little more comfortably against the floor. He rested an elbow against the bench, resisting the urge to lean his head against it too. It wasn't comfortable but it would do for the next few hours anyway.

His eyes had adjusted just enough to the darkness to be able to see the outline of the bench and his legs and sometimes that was worse anyway, only just being able to see things and knowing that the light was gone. If it was pitch black, at least he could pretend his eyes were shut and he was just sleeping or dreaming.

Maybe if he just… closed his eyes…

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff.<strong>

"Nope," Jeff murmured with a sigh and lowered his feet off the wall, curling up in a ball again for the third time. Once again, it only lasted a few seconds before he was shuffling around again, resting his head against the bench and resisting the urge to knock his head against it.

It wasn't even about not being able to fit in the room or not being comfortable enough to sleep. He was just edgy, frustrated, sick of being cooped up, worried sick over Nick and wanting out of here, out of the camp, back to a life that was at least halfway normal and to the promise of a life at Dalton with Kurt and Blaine and a life where he had someone who _liked him._

Yeah. He had said it hundreds of times over in his head and it still wasn't getting any more real.

After all, what kind of guy would like _him? _The outcast, the laughing stock, the boy who hated life and his own life so much that he would go to such desperate lengths to try and escape? Jeff had never imagined that such a person would exist, someone who could look past the flaws or even stare right at them and see that Jeff was a human being, someone worth caring about and loving.

Nick did.

Nick _loved him._

And it still wasn't real.

But a lot of things weren't feeling real right now, caught in the darkness of the room and the night. It was that time of night that the exhaustion was hitting hard and nothing was making sense in his mind and it would be scary if it weren't so _weird. _After all, Scott sitting on the bench beside him nattering away was certainly not real but the fact that Jeff could almost see it was real enough and Scott was amusing enough that Jeff actually laughed out loud at a few of the things he said before catching himself.

He really needed to sleep.

But how could he sleep when Nick was alone and undoubtedly terrified? There was little chance that Nick would sleep through the night and no way was Jeff going to snooze while his… his…

What was Nick anyway?

They hadn't exactly had time to clarify if they were together, dating, boyfriends or any of those things and suddenly it was more of a worry than it probably would have been in the daylight but the darkness heightened everything and were they together? Was Nick his boyfriend now or was it just a kiss that would result in awkward tension between them because one or both weren't ready to commit?

It was niggling at him, hard, but Jeff flicked it aside and focused even harder on getting himself comfortable. Managing to wedge his feet under the bench, Jeff rested his head on his arms and forced himself to calm, relax and slip slowly into sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

A thin pale strip of light was shining along the floor when Nick opened his eyes and it took a solid minute for him to realize what was going on.

Daylight.

He had slept.

And that was when the realization hit him, so hard, just like all of the others had been the past few weeks, but so so welcome.

_He was stronger than this._

This little space may contain him physically, but not mentally. And he would get out, and the little space would still be there but _he _wouldn't because he would be free. In the end, it was just four walls and a bit of darkness and himself.

And since Nick no longer had a reason to be afraid of himself, there was really nothing to be scared of.

Of course the lingering traces of panic were still there - extreme phobias didn't go away in a day, after all - but he wasn't ready to sell his soul to get out anymore. That didn't mean he wasn't ready to get out at the earliest possible moment, but if he ended up having to come back, Nick knew it was going to be okay.

And he probably would be back too, at least if he continued to be with Jeff. After all, Scott and James had been in Isolation more times than any of them could count (except Scott and James who were in direct competition after all) simply because they were a couple who showed that they cared about each other. That was what Nick wanted for him and Jeff, even if he hadn't clarified it at the time, and of course consequences would come with that.

But Nick was ready for it.

He had spent so much of his life being afraid of what people would do to him if he spoke up, acted out, was _himself_. He had lived in fear of the people in his life and, as such, had suppressed so much of himself that he had almost forgotten how to live, how to feel. And now Nick had the opportunity to actually be himself, be with someone who meant the world to him and show that, and nothing, _nothing, _was stopping him now.

The darkness couldn't touch him and neither could the scornful looks, pointed glares and whispered words. None of it meant a damn thing in the face of love.

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff.<strong>

Strangely enough, just after midday was the hardest part for Jeff.

He had made it through the night, through the hours convincing himself that he was okay and Nick was okay, and had even managed to sleep for a few hours. But now it was light enough that all he had was his thoughts, his memories of where he had been just under twenty four hours ago now.

And instead of giving him hope like it had yesterday, it filled Jeff with fear.

Nick could have spent the entire time he was in Isolation deciding that he had made the wrong decision, especially if being with Jeff meant that he would have to put up with things like this. There was still just under a week of camp left and if they continued to be in a relationship, Jeff was sure that Jessica would find reasons to put them in here as much as possible, especially since Jeff was also sure that she knew about Nick's claustrophobia by now. It might be too much to ask and Jeff wouldn't blame him, not in the slightest, but it would quite honestly break his heart to come out and find that Nick had chosen not to be with him anymore.

He hadn't lied when he told Nick he loved him yesterday. Maybe it wasn't love like the way he loved his parents or his parents loved each other or even the way Blaine and Kurt loved one another. But it was love in its simplest form - because Nick meant more to him than any other boy ever had and Jeff had already known for awhile now that he wouldn't be able to walk away from this camp and never see the boy again. Now it had simply developed on so many more levels.

Jeff had never let himself feel this way for anybody before, let alone act on it. And now that that he had, if he got out of here and found out that he couldn't, it would _crush _him. After all, there was a huge difference between knowing the rest of the world didn't want you to be in love and knowing that the person you loved didn't want it either.

But it wouldn't be on Nick's shoulders.

In fact, Jeff was going to take it on his own.

The risk was too high. Nick had his family situation, the claustrophobia probably still working away at him; Jeff had his own scars and demons too terrifying to ever fully share. If this relationship somehow survived Isolation, would they possibly be strong enough to still be together, despite everything? Could Jeff handle a relationship where they took care of one another so fully - of course he wanted to be the one to take care of Nick, but could he handle having Nick take care of him?

Honestly, he wasn't sure. A lot had changed in Jeff's life and his heart since he had arrived at the camp. He knew he was changing for the better but was it enough? Was he enough of a person to even have a whole heart to offer to somebody else?

The light was slowly changing, shifting into the afternoon sun and Jeff knew their time was almost up.

He had a decision to make.

* * *

><p><strong>Next Chapter: Truth<strong>


	16. Truth

**Oh my god we actually got there.**

**This chapter has driven me up the wall. I've had parts of it written for months now and other parts I procrastinated over and agonized over and couldn't find the words for and wrote backwards and wrote random parts on my phone in the middle of the night and all those awful things. But I made myself sit down over the past two days and just get it done because I did leave you all in suspense (again) and I needed to get it done and get it done right.**

**Plus, there's a bit of 'make or break' in this chapter (a bit.. psh, try everything!) and it needed to just get done before we could continue.**

**A quick note on the next chapter - I haven't even started. I know all of one section that I'm going to write in it. So please continue to be patient.**

**A few of the songs that were listened to in the compilation of this story - _Somebody to Love, Glad You Came, I Want To Break Free, You Found Me, Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You), All The Rowboats, Because of You _and _Fix You. _Interpret as you will, just not in that order.**

**Finally, thank you to everybody on Tumblr for putting up with my awful and out of context quotes, especially the most recent one that caused a few broken hearts and people sobbing in respective corners. In context, things might get a little better. We hope.**

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

"Time's up."

Nick lifted his head from where he had been staring at the strip of light coming through the door, trying to estimate the time. He had spent the past few hours blasting music in his head and watching the colors of the light change, waiting for it to hit the shade it was when he had told Jeff he loved him.

The door swung open, full light infiltrating for the first time in twenty four hours. Nick screwed his eyes up against the glaring light but was given no time to get used to it. A hand was on his arm, tugging him out far more gently than Nick anticipated. "Sorry, honey, I have to put the act on," Alana whispered. "You okay?"

Nick nodded minutely. "Where are you taking me?" he asked at a normal level.

"Dr. Peterson would like a word with you." Alana tugged him across the campsite, Nick still blinking against the early afternoon sunlight invading his retinas. But as soon as they were past Stephen and Zach who were sitting outside the hall playing a card game, she dropped his arm gently and leaned in to whisper in his ear. "I checked on Jeff a couple of hours ago. He'll be let out once you're done in counseling."

"How is he?" Nick whispered quickly as they neared the office.

Alana shrugged. "He sounded alright. Exhausted, but that's normal, and very worried about you."

Nick couldn't help but smile because _hey, he's kind of maybe my boyfriend now. _"Could you tell him I'm fine and that I love him?"

"Of course." Alana smiled, shaking her head. "About time you two got your acts together. What are you going to do when you get out of here?"

Nick opened his mouth to answer, then stopped. "I - we haven't talked about it yet. We didn't really get the chance."

Alana paused just before the door, turning to Nick with the biggest smile possible on her face. "I love how he's so much a part of your life already. You two will work it out though, I believe that." With that, Alana stepped forward and knocked on the door. "Nicholas Duval," she announced.

It probably should have surprised him that there were three people waiting for him but Nick was sort of getting used to the camp throwing everything they had through both barrels. He gave a curt nod to both counsellors and a very fake smile to Jessica who was sitting in the corner, her usual scowl in place. It was rather unattractive and a fleeting thought made Nick wonder if she had a boyfriend of her own… or girlfriend, for that matter.

Huh. Something to think about later.

"Let's make this quick, I've been in a box all night and I'm tired," Nick said, sitting in his usual seat and crossing his arms. "I could use a proper bed."

Not one for polite conversation, Mr. Peterson dove straight into it. "On your behalf, your parents signed a contract before you entered this campsite. Within this contract, amongst other things, is a strict outline on acceptable and non-acceptable behaviors; behaviors which yourself and Mr. Sterling flagrantly breached just over twenty four hours ago -"

"Funny thing that," Nick interrupted lazily, leaning back in his chair. "See, I know I'm under the age of consent and all that, but I didn't sign that contract. Just because my parents signed for me doesn't mean anybody gets to dictate my actions."

"You see, Mr. Duval, it's not quite that easy -"

"Tell me something," Nick cut in again, "that contract of yours, does it stipulate punishments?"

Mr. Peterson glanced at Mr. Everett who nodded to continue. "It does -"

"Specific punishments?"

Silence, and Nick grinned because he had them.

"If the contract details specific instances of misbehavior but does not detail a specific punishment for each or even a general specified punishment for any type of misbehavior, there is a double standard. What you deem a punishment - and an acceptable one for the crime committed in that matter - can be entirely different to what others may deem a punishment. Take Scott for example; I've seen him thrown in Isolation for mouthing off to you guys, kissing his boyfriend, refusing to follow instructions… are these all on the same level of misbehavior? One wouldn't think so. Yet, here we are with Scott having seen the inside of those walls so many times that his name is in there."

Leaning back, Nick grabbed the water glass on the table and drained it - putting people in their place was apparently thirsty work. But not a second later and he remembered the other pressing issue that he had been trying to block out for what Nick had predicted as the last seven or so hours, and ducked out the door before anybody could stop him.

A few minutes later as he returned, breathing a sigh of relief, the atmosphere in the room had shifted and Nick just raised an eyebrow, waiting for the next attack. _What's it going to be, _he mused as he sat back down, _are they going to try and dig at my past or tell me that Jeff doesn't love me and scare me into breaking up with him myself?_

"It was a mistake, Mr. Duval, and the sooner you come to realize that the better."

_Definitely the latter then_, and Nick just rolled his eyes. "I like guys," he announced. "Jeff likes guys. I like - no, I _love _Jeff, okay? And he loves me -"

"Are you sure?"

Once upon a time that kind of mind psychology would have thrown Nick for a loop, worried him to no end and freaked him out that maybe he was wrong, maybe Jeff actually didn't care. But now he just smiled back calmly and nodded. "Yes, I'm sure. Because I know Jeff, I know him better than any of you ever will no matter how much you try to get into our heads. I know what he's been through and I know the kind of person that's made him. But one thing I know for certain is that I will never fall for your tricks again. You can lock me up as much as you need to but I'll coming out every time sticking to the same story and, in the end, I'll be leaving this camp and you will lose."

"Will you stop being so _stubborn!"_

_Well._

Nick raised an eyebrow and faced Jessica who was actually out of her seat with a slowly turning purple face of thunder. On the first day, a sight like that would have terrified Nick, but by this point he already knew Jessica was all bark and no bite. She had no power over him.

"Was it something I said?" he asked innocently.

"It's always something you kids say, something you do, _everything _you do. You think this is real?" she demanded, hands clenched into fists but thankfully resting at her sides. "You think this '_love' _is actually going to last? You're dead wrong because you're naive and deluded and _stupid. _Give it up, kid. He's not going to stay with you, he'll get sick of you or change his mind or - or realize that he is straight, just like we've been trying to tell you and -"

"I know who you are."

"Excuse me?"

Nick repeated himself slowly, softly, deliberately. "I know who you are. You're someone who has been hurt by love."

Jessica paled - _jackpot _- but recovered quickly. "I don't know what you're talking about," she said quickly.

"So the thought of Jeff and I being happy together doesn't eat away at you?" Nick asked, watching her carefully. "Not just him, though. What about the fact that I could have had my pick from girls at that dance if I had wanted to?"

He was boasting a little, yes, but the desired effect was taking place - Jessica's jaw was clenched hard but not out of anger this time. This was holding back another emotion and Nick would feel guilty if it weren't self preservation.

"Someone hurt you badly," Nick continued, sharpening his tone and staring her down. "Someone broke your heart and instead of dealing with it like a normal person, you gave up on love. But not just for yourself, oh no. You decided that if you couldn't be happy nobody could. And when you heard about this camp, you realized that there was a place in the world where they try to eradicate love. So that's it, that's why you're so angry with us all the time. It's not so much that we're in love with the same gender but that we're in love and you can't have what we do."

The adults were silent, surprisingly enough. Nick was sure someone would have shut him up but maybe they were just as interested in hearing the answer as he was - after all, the entire camp was run by gossips as far as he could tell.

Jessica interrupted his silent musing by bolting from the room, hands covering her face. Nick gave himself a silent moment of congratulation (honestly he was just surprised that it had _worked_) before turning to deliver what was hopefully his final speech of the day.

"You have spent three weeks trying to break me. I think you have seen that I will not be beaten down by you. So, you can either keep me in here for another hour or you can give me up as a lost cause and let me go. I'd rather be back in Isolation than here."

For a second Nick panicked, hoping they wouldn't take his bravado as a challenge and throw him straight back in. But it seemed he had been convincing enough as his freedom was granted almost instantly. "After all," Mr. Peterson suddenly spoke up as Nick was halfway out the door, "we do have Jeff to speak with next."

A cold shiver ran down Nick's spine at the tone but he refused to react, stepping out and letting the door swing shut behind him. Because yes, he was afraid for Jeff - not that he didn't think Jeff was strong enough, of course he was, but he had seen Jeff break before - but there was no use in showing them that. They needed to see that at least one person in the world had confidence in the boy.

"Next orders?" Nick asked as he jumped down the stairs to land in front of a waiting Alana.

Alana surveyed him silently for a second. "Why are you cheerful?" she demanded.

Nick allowed a smile. "Oh, just got out of a scintillating conversation. Very thought provoking. Now, am I right in guessing that you're taking me away somewhere and then forcing Jeff through the same treatment?"

"Yeah." Alana was still staring at him like he was the latest scientific discovery but obediently took his arm and began to lead towards the cabins. "You just have to stay in your room until - no, seriously, what the hell _happened _in there? I saw Jessica leave and she looked like she was crying."

"Just made them understand that they can't control me," Nick said innocently.

Alana shook her head and was silent for a good minute. "Well, I guess I was wrong about who's going to be the fighter in this relationship," she finally muttered to herself.

Nick winked at her and entered his cabin, closing the door. Only then did he let the smile fade, sinking onto the nearest bed and biting his lip in worry.

_Please, let Jeff be okay. Don't let them break him again._

He wasn't sure who he was talking to - after all, the conventional Christian God would probably want nothing to do with him if he actually existed - but if there was someone out there who could hear (and would listen), then Nick would keep asking.

He'd do anything for Jeff, after all.

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff.<strong>

"Ready to go?"

"_Yes_," Jeff responded immediately because no matter what was potentially waiting for him, anything beat the box right about now.

Alana laughed as she opened the door and Jeff blinked rapidly, thankful that it was late afternoon and the sun wasn't too blinding. "Funny that, Nick seemed to feel the same way."

"Nick's out?"

Alana nodded. Jeff slowly stepped out the door and tried not to panic because Nick was already out and waiting for him somewhere and Jeff still didn't - he couldn't - not _yet_.

There was just no way for Jeff to prepare himself to break Nick's heart.

"You don't care where he is?"

"Of course," Jeff said quickly. Too quickly obviously, because now Alana was looking at him strange and if anybody were capable of reading minds at this place it would be her; plus, she knew why they had been in there and was probably expecting Jeff to be racing off to find Nick straight away.

"Probably back in your room, but you're not going there yet."

"Why not?"

Alana grimaced as she pointed towards the counselling office and Jeff felt his stomach sink. "Sorry, honey, I have to. But Nick survived so you will too, okay?"

_They've already interrogated Nick?_

"Is he okay?" Jeff demanded instantly, trying to stay calm because he had to go in there too and he was supposed to be _detaching _from Nick but it didn't mean he didn't care. And right now, he cared. "What did they say to him?"

Oddly enough, Alana broke into a smile at that. "Oh, there you are Jeff. I was wondering where you'd gotten to." At Jeff's confused look she sighed and stopped, turning to face him properly. "Nick is fine. Obviously a little shaken up but that was to be expected. However, his message to you was that he loves you and there was no way I was going to deliver that when you were acting like a selfish moron."

Okay, _woah_.

"Excuse me?"

"There's a girl back home that I love," Alana said suddenly, dropping her voice. "And I think - I'm not positive but if I'm hopeful - I think she loves me too. But I've let my fears of things being too hard, too difficult because of my mother and this damn camp… all of those things stopped me from being with her. I hate it and I hate myself and I am _not _letting you break up with Nick or stop whatever's about to happen from happening because you're afraid."

"But I'm afraid for _him_."

Alana sighed again and softened her tone. "I know. I'm not saying you're planning to do this because you're afraid of what will happen to you. But Nick can hold his own. From what I know of that boy, there's no way he'll even consider ending things with you now unless it's genuinely not working. And he's scared for you too, Jeff, but he knows that being with you is more important than that fear."

Jeff was dumbstruck, allowing Alana to lead him to the counselor without another word as his mind worked away at the conversation, trying to work out _how. _But before he even had time to get that far - and there was a lot further to get like what he was actually going to _do_ - he was being gently pushed through the door into his worst nightmare.

His father was no lawyer but Jeff was pretty damn sure they weren't allowed to do this.

"Jeff," Mr. Peterson said curtly, gesturing to the only unoccupied seat in the room. "If you will."

Jeff obeyed, trying to keep from glancing at Zach who was actually _cracking his knuckles _and no this actually was not okay, not after the night he had just had. His eyes then flickered to Mr. Everett who had a stack of papers in his hands, as per usual. Except this time, Jeff thought they might be a little more relevant to the situation.

"On your behalf, your parents signed a contract before you entered this campsite. Within this contract, amongst other things, is a strict outline on acceptable and non-acceptable behaviors; behaviors which yourself and Mr. Duval flagrantly breached just over twenty four hours ago."

_Don't say a word. Don't admit or deny anything - of course they know what happened but all they need is one word from you and they can twist the truth._

"We have just finished speaking with Mr. Duval on this subject and he had quite a bit to say for himself. Do you have anything you'd like to say?"

Jeff didn't even bother shaking his head, just kept staring at the wall between the two men. They would get the hint and Jeff had better things to occupy his mind with right now, the first of those being Alana's words.

Was he really being selfish? In his mind, he had planned it all out with perfect reasoning, that this was all happening because he cared _so _much about Nick, that none of it was about himself. But now that he was out of the box, back out in a place where people actually existed other than in his mind, Jeff was starting to wonder.

It was just all too _much. _He couldn't think straight, couldn't get his mind to work in that same logical way it had when Nick had kissed him and things had been so simple. Yesterday the whole situation had been so straightforward - admit they liked each other, become boyfriends, ignore the rest of the world and go for it. But now all of the questions were arising that Jeff couldn't answer and couldn't ignore.

"Well then, as the counsellors of this camp, it is our duty to help you realize what has happened and how to recover from this situation. There is still hope, Mr. Sterling."

And of course, _this _to deal with.

Mr. Everett leaned forward, unwillingly pulling Jeff's attention in his direction. "I think you can agree that you've taken a step backwards on the road to recovery, but this doesn't mean you have to settle. After all, just because Mr. Duval appears to be settling for you does not mean you have to lower your values and standards for yourself."

That one sentence left Jeff reeling - _Nick's still interested? But what do they mean by settling? He's - does he not really love me? Did he ever? _

Apparently, despite his promise to keep quiet, the emotions were written all over Jeff's face and Mr. Everett nodded. "We've been here for many years, Jeff," he continued and Jeff dimly noticed the use of his first name - trying to be friendly, perhaps? - "and we've seen this many times. Unfortunately, when people are trapped in the same place they just take what's easiest to get. This is no reflection on your character, simply that Mr. Duval saw an opportunity to get what he believed he wanted and took it."

He was going numb as the words pierced into him because no, it couldn't be true, it _couldn't. _Nick loved him, he had said so himself and Nick didn't lie about these things, Nick was honest with him, they were honest with each other -

Unless it had all been a lie.

After all, how long had it taken Nick to 'open up' to them? Or, how long had it taken Nick to fabricate a story that would convince them that he was just as hurt as them before swooping in and taking what was 'easiest to get.'? In other words, Jeff.

"I know it's hard to hear but the sooner you come to terms with what happened to you, the better."

No, none of this was _fair. _Jeff had finally found someone who cared about him, who noticed him, who _wanted _him and even though Jeff had been sure they couldn't last, at least the attraction could have. But that wasn't real?

He had been so _sure. _

The silence dragged and it was growing harder for Jeff to control himself, to hold back the waves of emotion washing over him and threatening to tear him down. His mind was at war with itself - because part of him still remembered the look in Nick's eyes when he had admitted his feelings, the sincerity that had reflected there; but the rest was trying to sort the lies from the truth and coming up blank.

Then it was Zach's voice pulling him out of his thoughts. "Come on, just get over it! You honestly think he loves you? It doesn't matter how much he says it, he doesn't _mean it_."

And those words silenced the fight.

Because Nick _had _said he loved him and in that moment, Jeff had been more sure of that than anything else. It was the truth.

It _was_. Nick loved him and he meant it. And Jeff loved Nick too.

But that wasn't the end of it, not by any means. He was only sure of one thing and so many more questions still remained unanswered. In fact, Jeff was right back where he had been when he was exiting Isolation, except now shaken up and worried.

_You're so weak. Can't even handle this - how can you handle having a boyfriend?_

"I believe Mr. Sterling needs some time to process," Mr. Peterson spoke up. "You are free to go, though I suggest you avoid your room right now as Mr. Duval is currently there."

"Oh, on that note," Mr. Everett said quickly, shuffling through his papers until he found the right one to hand over to Jeff, "you'll be switching rooms. It's more for your sake than anything else - after this awful business with Mr. Duval is sorted, it will be easier for you to not share a room with him lest he try to trick you again. Mr. Evans of Room 2 has been advised of the switch and will be ready for whenever you choose to pack your belongings."

With no more to be said, Jeff quietly stood and left the room.

At least he managed to make it out of the building with most of his pride intact - he hadn't spoken, hadn't flared up or reacted or let them see how much it was hurting him. But now the tears were welling up and he was going to break if he couldn't find somewhere to shelter, someone to take care of him and a way to feel safe and secure again. The world was hurting too much.

"Jeff?"

Alana was waiting and Jeff moved towards her, biting the inside of his cheek hard to keep the tears at bay. It was less about not trusting her and more about completely not wanting to have a breakdown in public.

But he still didn't know. He still wanted to protect Nick so much, wanted to make the world as safe a place as possible for the person he loved - but he couldn't. He could take care of Nick but he couldn't protect him because those same people wanted to hurt Jeff and would take him out just as easily, probably easier than they would take down Nick.

And did Nick even _want _Jeff?

He had tried so hard not to believe them because the counsellors hated him and this whole place was full of lies and he knew that intellectually. Yet, the words were still there (_you honestly think he loves you?... when people are trapped in the same place they just take what's easiest to get…)_ and they wouldn't leave him alone.

What if this time, it was true?

"Jeff, honey, you're free to go," Alana was saying gently. "Can I take you somewhere?"

But in the end, there was only one decision he could make. There was only one person who could help him see the truth and make the right decision.

There was only one person he could trust.

"Nick," Jeff whispered, his voice cracking a little at the end of the word. "Take me to Nick."

* * *

><p><strong>Nick. <strong>

Nick couldn't stop pacing.

He knew Jeff was in therapy right now, being told what he had done - what they had done - was wrong and sick and disgusting. He knew Jeff had just had twenty four hours alone to think over everything, to change his mind, to realize it wasn't worth it, Nick wasn't worth it, after the way he had acted for most of the camp he wouldn't blame Jeff either. He knew he didn't deserve Jeff, it was only a matter of time before Jeff gave up on him - that was, if Jeff had ever actually taken a chance on him, if the kiss hadn't just been a mistake or the fact that they were both gay and single.

He needed to stop though, Nick realized as he paced the room again. Second guessing wouldn't help anything, he just needed to wait for Jeff to come back and hope with everything he had in him that Jeff would want him -

Footsteps.

Nick spun towards the door, fists clenched, eyes wide, trying so hard not to freak out because it might not even be him but if it was, _if it was_ -

Jeff opened the door and threw himself into Nick's arms and it was like they had never been apart.

Nick held him tight, ducking his head to kiss his forehead and trying not to cry because Jeff was his and nobody could change that, no words, no Isolation, nothing. Nothing that felt this right could be wrong and Jeff fit so perfectly in his arms that it was like he was made to be there.

And then Nick felt the dampness on his shoulder and his heart clenched. "Jeff, no, don't cry, it's okay. I've got you, you're safe, we're both safe."

Jeff stopped shaking, a few seconds passing before he lifted his head, tears still glimmering in his eyes. "They said such horrible things, told me you'd changed your mind and realized you didn't c-care about me and you thought what we'd done was disgusting and - and I couldn't believe them but I couldn't make them stop -"

"Shh," Nick murmured, leaning in to rest his cheek against Jeff's, whispering softly in his ear, "They were wrong, so wrong because I didn't take back a thing. They threatened me with everything they could think of and I told them to do their worst because nothing can take you away from me now." He only hesitated a second before saying the words that were undeniably true, the ones that only he had the power to change and never voluntarily would. "I love you."

Nick heard Jeff let out a shuddering breath, as if he had scarcely dared to believe it, then take in another as if he were preparing himself for something. "I love you too. I'm sorry for breaking down on you, I just -"

"I know." Nick moved so he was looking Jeff in the eyes, smiling softly. "Jeff, will you kiss me?"

Jeff looked surprised that he had asked, but Nick needed to know. He had been the one to kiss Jeff, after all, and he needed to know that it went both ways, that Jeff wanted what he wanted. And when the soft touch of Jeff's lips against his came a second later, Nick had his answer.

When they broke apart, Jeff raised a hand to touch Nick's face, cupping his cheek gently. "Are you okay?" he asked, his voice suddenly filled with concern. "You spent all night in there on your own, I was so worried about you."

"I - it was difficult," Nick admitted. "But I knew I was coming back out to you. That's what kept me going."

Was it too soon to be saying things like that? Nick didn't know, but honestly couldn't bring himself to care because at least it was the absolute truth. And around Jeff, Nick knew he didn't have to lie, didn't have to be afraid.

"I thought the same thing," Jeff said, leaning in as if to kiss him again before pulling away, clearly remembering something. "I'd love to stay like this all afternoon but I need to pack."

Pack.

_What?_

"You - you're leaving?"

Nick hadn't meant to sound so panicked but _no_, Jeff couldn't leave now, not when they'd just found each other, not when Nick was happier and more alive than he had been ever. They couldn't do this to him.

"Not leaving the campsite!" Jeff said quickly, clearly interpreting Nick's worry correctly. "They're just swapping me out of the room for the last few days. Clearly they don't want to leave us in here together."

Nick couldn't hold back a disappointed sigh because even if Jeff wasn't leaving, their time together was still being cut short. All of his so far concealed fantasies of falling asleep with Jeff in his arms were quickly unraveling and it kind of sucked.

But Jeff was smirking. "How is this funny?" Nick demanded.

"Because they're swapping me with James. I'll be back whenever I want."

Nick had to grin. "Well then, may I help you pack?"

Jeff gave him a mock-glare. "If you wrinkle my clothes, I may just have to break up with you." And then Jeff froze, just as if he hadn't planned to say the words. "I - I shouldn't assume, I mean -"

_Oh. _

"Jeff," Nick interrupted quietly because this at least was something they had to get right. "Will you be my boyfriend?"

Jeff's blush was so perfectly endearing that Nick just had to kiss him. "You didn't even let me answer!" Jeff said indignantly when he pulled away. Nick simply raised an eyebrow, waiting. "Okay, of course my answer is yes but still. Principles. And before you say it, I know you've never had a boyfriend before and you're afraid of screwing up. So am I. But we're going to work through it together."

Could I have found anybody more perfect?

If the answer was yes, Nick really didn't care because Jeff was perfect for him, perfect enough that his mind was already happily spouting off romantic cliches without so much as a regret. Maybe this was what Paul McCartney meant by love never being silly...

And hey, there was a thought.

Crossing the room to Jeff's bed, Nick waited until he had knelt down and was rummaging under the bed for his suitcase before singing quietly, _"Love doesn't come in a minute, sometimes it doesn't come at all. I only know that when I'm in it -"_

There was a thud as Jeff hit his head on the side of the bed. _"It isn't silly at all,"_ Nick completed, fighting to keep the laughter out of his voice.

But as Jeff turned to him, wide eyed and rubbing the top of his head, Nick allowed the smirk to drift on to his face. "Good god, you can sing," Jeff said quietly, his voice full of wonder. "I didn't expect -"

"What?" Nick said almost edgily because yeah, that was hitting a little too close to home. "You didn't think I'd be any good?"

"Oh, I knew you'd be good," Jeff said. "I just didn't realize you'd be phenomenal."

Nick was fairly sure this was the first time he had blushed like this in years. "Oh," he said quietly, ducking his head to Jeff's laughter. "I - uh -"

A hand on his arm stopped him. "You're not used to hearing that are you?" Nick shook his head, glancing up a little to see Jeff's soft smile. "Then I'll have to make sure I tell you as often as I can. After all, this is technically the honeymoon period and I want to take full advantage of that by giving you all the positive reinforcement you haven't had before."

Once upon a time - only a few weeks ago, Nick realized with shock - he had been so guarded that a comment like that wouldn't have even penetrated. But it was a clear testament as to how far Jeff had invaded his defenses and how far Nick had lowered his walls that all it took was one sentence and Nick was crying. Honest to god crying and he couldn't do anything about it and now Jeff was going to think he was such a baby, couldn't keep it together, crying like a girl -

And then he was in Jeff's arms and his father's voice was replaced with Jeff's soothing murmur; "Shh, it's okay, I know. It'll take time but one day you'll see yourself the way I do. We'll work through it together, we're going to look after each other because I need you just as much as you need me."

Nick felt like that should have put more pressure on him, but instead it was strangely freeing. They couldn't fix each other but they could take care of each other. And it was mutual. "Thank you," he said quietly, his tears gone. Jeff gave his arm another squeeze in response before releasing him. "Let's get you packed."

Blaine arrived just as Nick was carting out the last of Jeff's hair care products from the bathroom, laughing at his boyfriend who was sitting on the suitcase to try and zip it. "Here, I'll help," he said, slipping the products in and sitting next to Jeff. "Blaine, zip us up?"

One eyebrow raised, Blaine did as they said. "Uh, so I'd ask if everything was okay but you both look far too cheerful for something to be wrong..."

"Jeff's been booted from the room," Nick explained, standing and holding out a hand to pull Jeff to his feet. "We get James instead... at least that's what they think."

Jeff stood, wrapping his arms around Nick's waist and Blaine gave a murmur of surprise. "Nobody actually told me why you two went into Isolation, Alana just said something about being inappropriate but around here that can mean anything... does this mean what I think it means?"

Nick raised an eyebrow at Blaine before grinning and leaning in to kiss Jeff lightly on the lips. And it was getting harder and harder to simply break away and not continue kissing Jeff until it was physically impossible to continue, but hearing Blaine's shocked gasp was enough this time. He knew his smirk matched Jeff's as they turned to face their friend. "Is this going to be a problem?" Jeff asked innocently and Nick felt his fingers lace into Nick's easily.

"Hell no!" Blaine said immediately, grinning at them. "It kind of feels like this has been coming forever. I'm thrilled for you guys and Kurt will be too when he finds out - can I tell him?"

"Go for it," Nick said after glancing at Jeff to make sure he was okay with it too. "I'm going to help Jeff move."

Blaine was already dialing Kurt's number when the two boys left, Nick taking Jeff's suitcase despite his protests because he actually had someone to do this for now and there was no way he wouldn't take advantage of that. They received some curious looks as they crossed the campsite, tactfully releasing each other's hand when they got within sight of the counselors - minus one Jessica - who were all watching them. And Nick barely noticed the glares they were getting; partly because he was so used to it, mostly because his mind was firmly focused on the boy walking next to him who he could now officially call his.

James was waiting for them, his bag already packed and sitting on the bed next to him. Scott was on the other side of it and as soon as the two boys entered the room they were turning to stare at them, identical smirks crossing their faces. "So," Scott began slowly, looking between them. "Gentlemen, would you care to fill us in?"

Nick had to laugh. "Okay, would you like the explanation or the demonstration? Because we explained it to Blaine using the latter and I think he's still recovering."

Scott rolled his eyes, James laughed and Jeff -

Was suspiciously silent.

"Anyway," Nick continued, thinking on his feet, "the room's all yours if you want to get moved in. Blaine's on the phone to Kurt but you'll get used to that."

Both being intelligent men, they caught the hint quickly. "Oh great, I've always wanted to meet Kurt," James said, quickly grabbing his bag. "Scott, shall we?"

With a slightly worried glance at Jeff who was staring at his feet, Scott followed suit. As soon as they were gone, Nick sat down and gestured for Jeff to do the same. "I get the feeling we need to talk about the past twenty seven or so hours," he said quietly.

Jeff sighed and nodded. "I just - okay." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "If this relationship is happening, I want us to be honest. Which means I need to tell you that before I went into counselling, I was going to break things off."

Nick flinched away as if he had been hit. With his heart in his throat, he waited for Jeff to laugh and say it was a joke (a _horrid _joke that was in awful taste but better than being _truth_), but the silence continued. "You're serious," he finally got out, his voice so small he could barely hear it himself. "_Why? _Did - did you change your mind?"

The look on Jeff's face was inscrutable. "Not about how I feel about you. I - I don't know how -"

"Tell me the truth and tell me all of it," Nick demanded, anger suddenly sparking up because _Jeff had said yes damn it_. "Now."

It was Jeff's turn to flinch but before Nick could feel guilty, he had begun. "Obviously I had a lot of time to think once we were in Isolation and I spent most of it thinking about you. At first it was good, it was remembering what it was like to be with you -" and Nick allowed himself a smile at that because that was exactly what he had been thinking too, "- and it helped make the time go faster. But then all the fears caught up with me and I started worrying that - that you wouldn't want to be with me and that it was just a mistake, that you'd been caught up in the moment and it didn't mean anything -"

"Which you know is not true," Nick reminded him firmly. Jeff nodded but it was hesitant and Nick frowned, nudging his knee against Jeff's. "Hey, stop it. I think I've made it pretty clear that I want to be yours."

"You have," Jeff said quietly. "But what you want and what you need are two different things."

Fighting to keep his temper in check - because he knew what _he _needed well enough thank you very _much _- Nick bit back his first instinct. "And what do you mean by that?" he asked as calmly as he could manage. It was starting to become clear where Jeff was going with this and the sooner Nick could set him straight, the better.

"I was so shaken up after counselling and coming back to the room, all I wanted was you and it felt so right to just be with you," Jeff told him. "But then I saw all the counsellors when we came over here and I - I remembered it all. I remembered that I don't know how to have a boyfriend or be a boyfriend. I can't be what you need; I can try and try but I won't be able to protect you, I'll probably just make things _worse _and I just kept thinking and - Nick, I don't even know if I can do it now. You've been hurt so many times and I don't want to contribute to that. I don't want to be the reason that you might get thrown in Isolation again or that -"

"We've only got less than a week here," Nick reminded him.

"I know, but - Nick, what about your parents when they find out that you have a boyfriend? What about people at your school if it leaks out there somehow? You don't get to go away to Dalton, you can't be safe and if this is the only way I can keep you safe…"

Nick gave it a few seconds, hoping Jeff would come to the obvious conclusion himself but apparently not. "Okay," he said, sighing. "Jeff, do you think I'm going to stay single forever?"

Jeff blinked at him. "No?"

"No, I'm not. At some point, I'm going to have a boyfriend, whether it be now or ten years from now. Either way, my father is going to hate it and people are going to ridicule me for it. I've known that for years now and so do you. Being gay is not my choice but it's my choice whether I let it affect the rest of my life or just go ahead and be happy. And I want to be happy, Jeff, and screw the consequence."

By the look on his face, Jeff was getting it. "So, you mean -?"

"_You _make me happy," Nick said bluntly. "And the possible ridicule or hatred I could get as a result of being with you isn't even a factor. It's unimportant, because it's always going to be there whether I'm happy with someone or not. I can deal with that; I _can't _deal with you breaking up with me because you think you're ruining my life. You're _not_, Jeff. You're making it so much better."

There was a long silence - too long and Nick was sure that Jeff was thinking of another argument, another reason to try and give up - and then Jeff threw his arms around Nick's neck and kissed him hard.

Their first kiss had been soft and a little unsure; their second a reassurance; their third to make a point. But this - this was _want. _This was Jeff kissing him, _Nick_, because he wanted him more than any fear could take away, more than any reasons his mind could make up.

Jeff wanted him.

"I'm still afraid," Jeff told him a minute later and Nick couldn't help himself - he laughed.

"No, hey," he said quickly when Jeff glared at him, taking Jeff's hand reassuringly. "Jeff, it's a _relationship. _Of course you're afraid."

"Are _you _afraid?" Jeff demanded.

"Yes," Nick said simply. "Absolutely. But we'll get through it, together."

Another silence before a slightly sheepish Jeff finally asked, "So, am I still your boyfriend?"

Laughing again, Nick wrapped his arms around Jeff and let all the tension go. "Of course you are."

And nothing else needed to be said.

* * *

><p><strong>Next Chapter: Starting. <strong>


	17. Starting

**Now, parts of this chapter may appear very filler-y but this is really a getting-to-know-each-other-as-boyfriends chapter which I think is vital. By the way, Kurt's question to the boys in the first section and Nick and Jeff's semi-written conversation are both in response to questions raised to me through reviews so keep an eye out on those sections if you've ever asked me something plot related (And yes, that means Kurt [or at least his voice] is back!).**

**Longest chapter to date! Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

Nick really didn't like bees.

It wasn't like he was afraid of them or anything. It was just the fact that they wouldn't leave him and Jeff alone on their picnic and kept buzzing right next to his ear and singing stupid songs from The Fray and -

"Are you people _attached _to your phones or something?"

Nick blinked awake and sat up, realizing the bees disappeared as he did so but the music kept playing which had now identified itself as his phone. Glancing apologetically at James, Nick scooped up the phone and checked the caller ID.

_Mom._

Well that was just about the last person Nick had expected to have calling.

"Hello?" he answered, brow furrowing as he tried to work out why his _mother _would be calling him when his father had assured Nick that they would make no contact with him during the camp to make sure his recovery went in the right direction. And there was no way his mother would disobey a direct order from his father, that was for sure.

Yet that was definitely his mother's voice on the other end of the line and just hearing her voice set off a tangle of emotions weighing over Nick's heart - because this was his _mom _and it had been over three weeks since he had spoken to her, but she was also one of the people responsible for putting him in this place against his will. Maybe standing up to her husband wasn't the smartest idea for some things but when it involved her own son, Nick had kind of hoped that she would step up one day and take care of him like she was supposed to.

"Nick?" his mother asked and he started, realizing he hadn't replied to her yet. "I'm sorry it's so early, did I wake you up?"

"You did but - why did you call, Mom?"

Nick had tried to keep the edge out of his voice but apparently it hadn't been successful, especially since both James and Blaine were now watching curiously.

"I know I'm probably the last person you want to hear from right now," she said quietly, "and I know I deserve that. I shouldn't have let him put you in that place… is it very bad?"

There was no point in lying, plus this could be a good time to test his mother's loyalties without his father hanging around influencing her. "It has been, but I've met some great friends and someone quite special," he said, leaving it at that and crossing the fingers on his free hand because acceptance right now might actually begin to mend some fences - at least, Nick presumed that was why she had called.

"A boy?"

"Yes."

There was only a second of silence before an audible sigh of relief reached his ears. "Thank god they didn't change you, Nick. I was so afraid that you'd come back as some - some _robot _who was trained to act a certain way. I want you to be you and if that means being with another boy, then so be it."

Blinking back sudden tears, Nick couldn't stop the smile from forming. "But what will Dad think?" he asked cautiously.

When his Mom laughed in response, it was clear that something was definitely up. "I don't think you'll have to worry about that unless he fights for custody, honey."

_Custody?_

"You're getting a _divorce?_"

They both knew where his surprise lay. Not in the fact that his mother wanted to leave - Nick had known how unhappy she was for a long time now - but that she actually was leaving and that his father wasn't stopping her by whatever means necessary to try and keep his polished family image intact.

"He can't stop me," his mother said as if reading his thoughts. "After all, the person in the marriage who has been cheated on usually gets more rights than the adulterer, especially when it's the classic lawyer-and-receptionist affair."

"Oh my god," Nick murmured, closing his eyes. "Mom, I'm sorry."

Because he really was. No, Nick didn't want either of them to be stuck living in a situation where they were unhappy, but for his own mother to be cheated on was awful. She deserved so much better than that.

"I'll get by," she said, her voice dropping a little. "It'll be good when you come back. I've missed you, Nick."

"I've missed you too," he said, swallowing the lump in his throat because _yeah_, he had missed his mother. Not just on this camp but the mother he remembered from years and years ago, the one who would play games with him and seemed so cheerful; the woman who had been married to a small town lawyer who hadn't quite begun his mad climb to the top. The family he had once had and could barely remember.

There was no chance of getting his father back. But it sounded like his mom was on the way back to herself and Nick couldn't wait.

"I got the house," she said suddenly. "In exchange for keeping things quiet and having a very low key divorce. I'm sure he'll tell a different version of events but I don't care. I don't have a public image to upkeep so he can do whatever he wants. So I have the house and it's very empty and you said that camp was awful -"

"I appreciate it," Nick cut her off, knowing where she was headed, "but there's less than a week left and I can't leave Jeff now."

"Your boyfriend?"

Nick grinned. "Yeah. He is."

_He is my boyfriend._

"Then I'll see you on Friday, both of you. Take care of yourself."

"I love you," he said quietly, realizing how long it had been since it had been said.

"I love you too."

As Nick hung up, he suddenly remembered he wasn't alone. Or, more to the point he was reminded when James chimed in with, "Well, that is probably the single most interesting conversation I've ever overheard, and I've listened to Scott mess with telemarketers."

Rolling his eyes, Nick quickly sent off a text to Jeff before focusing his attention on the other two. "My former father cheated on my mother, she's divorcing him and gets whatever she wants for keeping it quiet, turns out she's completely okay with me being gay and having a boyfriend and I can't be entirely sure I didn't dream all of that."

"I can pinch you," James offered.

"I'd rather you didn't."

"I don't know whether I'm meant to be happy for you or not," Blaine confessed. "I mean, the breaking down of a family is generally not something you celebrate with somebody over."

Nick shrugged. "My family isn't normal."

"Your cabin isn't normal," James said with a yawn, pulling the covers back over his head. "Someone should confiscate your phones."

Both boys sheepishly pushed their phones aside, although Blaine glanced at his longingly a second later as it buzzed with what was assuredly another text from Kurt. "Go ahead," Nick said. "I'm expecting a visitor any minute n-"

The door burst open and Jeff rushed in, dressed but with his hair still a mess and Nick realized he had probably woken him. He was about to apologize until Jeff practically threw himself on Nick's bed and glared at him. "You do _not _get to send texts like that, what the hell _happened?_"

"What did he send you?" Blaine asked.

Jeff tossed his phone in Blaine's direction without looking, still focused on glaring at Nick. "Oh, nothing out of the ordinary, just: _My family just got weirder and minus one person."_

Blaine just shook his head. "Way to freak out your boyfriend and make him think someone died, Nick."

Nick winced. "Um, whoops?" Jeff's glare doubled and he dropped his head in shame. "I'm sorry, I didn't even think. Everything's fine, they're just getting a divorce."

Jeff grabbed his hand and squeezed hard. "_Just _getting a divorce, Nick, what the hell? What happened, and what's going to happen to _you_, do you have to live with him?"

"Okay, Jeff, calm down," Nick said quickly, hoping the feeling would return to his hand soon. "Everything is fine, except my ability to explain things. Just relax and let me clear it up." Nick gave a quick summary of his phone call, ending with his mother's offer to pick him up if necessary and watching Jeff's face tighten a little. "I told her no," he said, smiling a little at the déjà vu. "I'm sticking around."

Jeff's smile in response was halfhearted at best and Nick frowned. "What's wrong?"

"I guess I just don't understand how you're so calm," Jeff said hesitantly. "I mean, your family is breaking apart, and I know it was never that great but it's still your family."

Nick shrugged and brushed a piece of Jeff's hair off his forehead, watching with pleasure as his boyfriend blushed at the action. "My family were more broken when we were together. Everybody's been going in different directions for so long. I think my mom and I can repair our relationship but my father is lost to me, especially now. If he ever chooses to accept me and try to make amends for what he's done to both of us, I'll consider working on it, but I can't see him as a father figure while he continues to think he's right about all of this, especially if he refuses to accept you as mine. I know family is important to you but I can't make that relationship with mine that you have with yours."

His voice had grown defensive by the end of his speel and Jeff ran a thumb over his knuckles soothingly. "Hey, it's okay. I'm not judging you on it, I just want to work out where you're at so I can help you through it if you need it."

They had been together for all of two days and already it was like they were years into a long-term relationship. How had it happened that Nick had found someone so meant for him, someone he had no hesitation to open his heart and soul to, someone who fit into his life like he had always had a place there? Whether it was fate, luck or coincidence that they had found each other at the exact right time of their lives to be perfect for each other, Nick didn't know, but they had done it.

Jeff was still waiting on an answer and Nick squeezed his hand back, nearly lost for words. "We'll work it out," he managed, not sure if it even made sense but apparently Jeff had understood.

"You were right honey, they really _are _cheesier than us."

Nick sighed, rolling his eyes. _Trust Blaine to ruin the moment… indirectly._

"Hi, Kurt!" Jeff called across the room. "I've got a boyfriend!"

Nick frowned at that. "I thought Blaine had already told Kurt?"

"Do you know how long I've been waiting to say that to someone?" Jeff asked a little sheepishly. "I couldn't resist."

"You have a fair point," Nick admitted. "Hey, Kurt, did you know I've got a boyfriend?"

Kurt's laughter filled the room. "I guess I'll have to meet both of them someday," he teased. "But seriously, about time! And I'm sorry about Isolation, it just sounds awful and raises many questions."

"Yeah, it's skating on thin ice in legality -"

"No, not that," Kurt interrupted. "I know it should be illegal. I was more wondering how you go twenty four hours without a bathroom."

Blaine actually snorted. "Only you, Kurt Hummel, would think of something like _that_ as your number one question."

"Alana let me out to deal with that," Jeff explained. "Only Jessica is stuck up enough to refuse a basic human right to somebody."

Remembering suddenly that he hadn't told the others about his confrontation of Jessica the previous day, Nick filed it away for later. "I waited," he said.

"Seriously?"

"I knew if she let me out, I wouldn't go back in," Nick said simply. Jeff's hand clutched his a little tighter and Blaine frowned but nobody touched on the subject further, for which Nick was grateful. They understood and that was all he needed.

"So I snuck out before Peter woke up," Jeff broke the silence, "but I don't know how long I have, plus I have hair to style." With a brief kiss to Nick's cheek and a farewell to Blaine and Kurt (who was giving his own farewell as he left for the day), Jeff stood and departed, running a hand through his hair as he did.

"What does he mean by that?" Blaine asked in the ensuing silence.

Before Nick could reply, James winced and cut in. "God, sorry, I forgot about him completely. What did he do?"

"Made it very clear that there was to be no homosexuality flaunted in his room," Nick replied, the bitterness twisting at his words. And he had a right to be.

Last night had actually been going perfectly - everything out in the open between himself and Jeff, time to just sit and talk (or not) and begin to learn what being a couple was like. The other roommate, Geoffrey, had wandered in after a little while and, after Jeff had explained what was happening, simply nodded and headed back out to hang out with some of the other guys.

Then Peter had entered.

They hadn't even been doing anything _wrong, _that was the problem. They had been sitting on the same bed and sure, Jeff had his legs kicked lazily over Nick's lap with their shoulders pressed together but they had been talking. About _pets._

It certainly didn't justify somebody telling them that they were abominations, that their way of life was immoral and unjustifiable and a _choice. _Especially not, after all, when it came from someone who had come to this camp exactly the same as them. Someone who Nick believed was still one of them, somewhere deep down.

"I wanted to argue," Nick told them, "but I didn't see the point. I know it's not his fault that he believes what he does now and I don't want to make things bad for Jeff. So I let him kick me out and kept texting Jeff to make sure he was alright. I just hate him being over there in case things get - bad." James glanced at him curiously but Nick just shook his head. That was still Jeff's story to tell and while a few people at the camp knew what his life was like, Nick was certainly not going to be the one to keep the story circulating.

With a shrug, James pulled himself out of bed and headed towards the bathroom, leaving Blaine and Nick alone. "Will he be alright?" Blaine finally asked, his voice hushed.

"He's stronger than we give him credit for," Nick said, firmly pushing away the previous day's potential break up - that was between him and Jeff and in the past now anyway. "And if anything goes wrong, we're less than a minute away."

With - _hopefully _- all of the drama out of the way for the morning, the two boys joined James in getting ready for the impending day. Nick couldn't help but feel a touch of nerves; after all, he was essentially coming back to civilization for the first time since Isolation and that civilization housed a few people who hated him. But he had done it before and would do it again long after this camp. For the next few days, he would have Jeff by his side after all, and Nick was going to make the most of that until they were separated again (and the small niggling voice in his head reminded Nick that they had to talk about that, about what they were going to _do _but that was pushed aside too).

Outside their room had always felt a little like a war zone to them. Inside they could be who they wanted, Blaine could talk to Kurt and they could be open with each other about who they actually were. But outside was a place where you never knew what someone was thinking and what might happen if you looked at someone the wrong way.

Today, in particular, Nick was almost scared to look up. He hadn't even taken into consideration that the other guys in the camp might have an issue with him and Jeff getting together but it hit Nick that it could make things harder on all of them, that the counsellors could crack down and be even stricter. He didn't want that, but Nick wouldn't give up Jeff so he was prepared to make a few enemies if need be.

As they walked across to the dining hall, he was sure that was the case. All the other guys were either staring firmly away from him or glancing in their direction before looking away. It wasn't like anybody had particularly gone out of their way to talk to them before, Nick realized, but his mind refused to take that into account. Everybody was judging him, judging them, him and Jeff and it was just like being back at school.

"Nick!"

Or - as long as that wasn't someone about to throw something at him - not.

Oscar jogged up next to them and casually threw an arm across Nick's shoulders. "Hey man, good to see you're out. What's it like in there?"

"Don't find out," Nick said, immediately and firmly.

Shaking his head, Oscar laughed. "Yeah, okay, point taken. But you survived and, hey, you and Jeff huh?"

The thought of hiding it didn't even cross Nick's mind for a second - because, no matter what may potentially happen, why would he? "Yeah. Kind of the reason we got thrown in there but I'm guessing you - and everybody else - know that?"

"It's common knowledge," Oscar affirmed. "But, you know, we're all happy for you guys. It's been a pretty lousy experience, especially for Jeff, so we're glad you've found something good out of it."

It took a lot of resistance to stop Nick from throwing his arms around Oscar's neck and hugging the hell out of him there and then. Instead he restrained himself to a hand on the other boy's arm and a quiet, "Thanks."

As Oscar jogged on ahead to breakfast - and what was with him and _running _anyway? - Blaine caught Nick's eye with a knowing grin. "See? The world loves you two already."

Nick just smiled.

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff.<strong>

It was strange entering the dining hall with nobody by his side. Every single morning of the camp, Jeff had walked with either Blaine and Nick or just Blaine, and now he was entering alone. If the whole goal of moving him into a different room had been to ostracize him, Jeff was pretty sure it was working.

Except it totally wasn't because there was Nick and Blaine, waiting at their usual table and something warm and almost foreign unfurled in Jeff's heart at that because everybody else was already getting breakfast (so it had taken him awhile to do his hair, so what?) but they were waiting. For him. And one of them was his boyfriend.

When had this become his life and not some idyllic fantasy?

He reached the table at the same time as Scott and James who were each balancing multiple plates on their arms, which were placed in front of Nick, Blaine and Jeff as he sat down. "I would say breakfast has been served," Scott said faux-grandly, "but they've never served breakfast here."

"It's a difficult art, that one," Nick said, his fingers finding Jeff's under the table and squeezing his hand gently. Jeff squeezed back and tried not to grin too hard.

"What are we doing today?" he asked instead, giving the plate in front of him a customary nose wrinkle of disgust. "It's not a therapy day is it?"

Scott shook his head, mouth full of something that supposedly resembled eggs. "I think everybody's just about run out of steam," he said finally. "Therapy's tomorrow, there's a solo session for everybody and the final group meetings, and then we kill time for the following two days until we leave."

They should be _excited_, Jeff realized, but that news just caused a pang of sadness. Four more days with Nick and then they would be separated. Not forever - Nick's dad wasn't an issue anymore and even if he were in the picture, Jeff wouldn't let him control them - but he wouldn't be able to just wake up and know that Nick was a minute away.

It hurt too much already.

"So, today then?" Nick asked and as Jeff glanced over he realized that they had been on the same train of thought - Nick was clearly trying to keep them distracted. At some point they would have to discuss it, they both knew, but it wouldn't be today. Not when things were actually going well for them.

"Final seminar thing -"

"Which I refuse to understand. If they want to make us into normal teenage boys, why would they do something that normal teenage boys _hate_?"

"Yes, thank you James. So we have that in the morning and then we're supposed to do prayer stuff in the afternoon but you can actually get out of that if you claim to have an alternative religious choice to Ms. Taylor. It's the one area where she's sympathetic to differences."

Blaine snorted. "Can I say I worship the god of gay?"

"If you're really looking to stir up trouble, go along and bring a Bible to ask them exactly where it bans homosexuality," Scott said, dropping his voice confidingly. "Because, news flash, hold onto your seats: it doesn't."

James rolled his eyes and dropped his head onto Scott's shoulder. "Save it for tomorrow."

"What's tomorrow?" Blaine asked.

"You'll see," Scott said and immediately and theatrically zipped his lips, refusing to answer any further questions. Jeff could tell by the way his eyes were shining, though, that it was something good and would probably be huge.

The three boys caught Nick and Jeff up on the events they had missed while they had been in Isolation and therapy - nothing overly exciting, one of the boys they didn't know had broken up with his boyfriend but it had been a long distance relationship in the first place and destined to fail, James had informed them quickly. "Apart from Jessica, it's been business as usual."

"Jessica?" Blaine asked.

Nick suddenly grinned and Jeff glanced at him, trying to subtly edge away because the look in his eyes could almost be described as feral. "Oh yes, _Jessica_. How is she?"

Without explanation, James held up his hand for a high-five which Nick gave. "She left. She actually packed up and said she would talk to Ms. Taylor about coming back next year but not to hold her breath, that us 'little brats' were never going to learn and she wasn't going to waste her time with us any longer."

Jeff stared pointedly at Nick who smiled innocently back at him. "What the hell did you _do_?"

It only took a few minutes for Nick to tell the story but Jeff was fairly sure his jaw was resting on the table by the time he was finished. "I'm not sorry," Nick said calmly. "I mean, yes, I'm sorry something bad happened to her but there is never an excuse for taking it out on others like that. Call me a bad person, but she got what was coming to her and I'm glad."

"I would kiss you right now if I could," Jeff told him.

Nick's return smile had a touch of relief - had he really been worried about judgement? "I'll take a raincheck on that one."

It wasn't long until they were in motion, heading off towards what was thankfully the finale of the most pointless exercises that the camp had thought of. Peter was the only person who ever paid attention in seminars - and that included the counsellors - with the others just taking advantage of the lack of surveillance and zoning out. And with no Jessica, a lack of attention would be even easier to get away with.

"What's the deal with Stephen anyway?" Blaine asked as they entered the room. "We know about the others," he explained to Scott's quizzical look, "but he's been a bit of a dark horse this entire time. He hates us all, but why?"

Scott sighed and gestured for them to take seats near the back. "He was on the second camp I came on, three years ago now. Had a boyfriend back home and everything. And then they got to him - used his religion against him - and now he works here, trying to help all of us the same way they helped him."

There was silence for a few seconds as they all processed it. "But why is he so bitter about it?" Nick asked.

"His whole life changed and, while this is what he now thinks is right, there's just no way anybody can go through that and not be bitter at somebody. We'll all come out of here and have someone to be angry at, even if it was a better than expected experience for some." Scott nudged Jeff who ducked his head to hide the grin forming. "His anger is probably more confusing and conflicts with who he thinks he is, so he takes it out on what appears to be the enemy. There's probably also residual feelings of homosexuality that he can't explain away which makes him more angry at those of us who are happily gay."

"Any chance you're going to be a psychologist one day?"

Scott chuckled. "We'll see. I've got a few applications in around Michigan and one's for psych, but it's not really what I'm holding out for."

"I thought you guys hadn't decided where you were headed for college." Jeff interjected, suddenly remembering the conversation about their future all those weeks ago. "Why Michigan?"

"_Ah_," Scott said meaningfully and glanced over at James. "Why indeed. Why Michigan, James?"

"No," James said immediately.

"Oh, come on, just say it."

James shook his head and in the light it almost looked like he was blushing. "Scott, it's not a big deal."

"_I _think it's a big deal. At least let me tell them."

Waving a hand in resignation, James ducked his head. "Go on then."

Scott paused for emphasis - unnecessary, considering all three boys were staring at him - before finally letting it out: "James found out yesterday that he's gotten a full-ride scholarship to study Criminology at Michigan."

A moment of silence, then chaos as three boys all tried to hug one at the same time. The others in the room were watching them but not one of them cared. James was definitely blushing now but accepted their congratulations happily enough.

"Criminology, huh?" Blaine asked once they had settled and checked that their seminar leader hadn't arrived - still no sign.

"I want to understand hate crimes," James said simply. "And then I want to do something about them - hopefully not alone, of course, since Scott should be hearing back from the Police Academy any day now himself."

It was perfect for the two of them, of course. If anybody was going to change the world, Scott and James would absolutely be a part of it and Jeff couldn't wait to see what they ended up doing. The others immediately engaged James in an in-depth conversation about college and Jeff let himself zone out because the last thing (apart from being here of course) he wanted to do on what was supposed to be his summer vacation was talk about _school. _

Finally, after they had all but given up on anything happening, a timid looking man entered the room and walked to the front. "As a lecturer from the University of Ohio," he began in a quavering voice, "I am here to tell you about our studies into homosexuality. If you could all take a sheet from the stack and a pen from the box when they reach you, we will work through the worksheet together."

That pretty much sealed the deal for whether Jeff was going to pay attention or not and, as soon as he had received both items, he immediately flipped the page over and scribbled a note on the back.

_Tell me about yourself._

Nick read the note, raised an eyebrow and turned over his own page.

**My name is Nick. Are you hitting on me? Because I should tell you right now that I have a boyfriend. **

Jeff rolled his eyes, nudging Nick gently.

_Fascinating. So very funny. I can barely contain myself. (Is this your sense of humor all the time?)_

**I'm a hilarious person. (Am I always so not-funny? Yes. Sorry)**

_I think I can forgive you. _

Nick caught his eye and smiled, Jeff returning it immediately before he dropped his eyes to the paper again.

**What do you want to know?**

Jeff mused on that for a few moments, wondering whether he could just come right out and ask the questions he really wanted to know, before receiving a nudge to the ribs.

**You know you can ask me anything. If I don't want to answer, I'll just say so.**

_Okay, _Jeff wrote before he could lose his courage. _You mentioned awhile ago that you came out to your dad and therefore he sent you here. Knowing what kind of man he is, didn't you predict that the reaction would be bad?_

Nick stared at the words for a solid minute before glancing up to the front of the room where the lecturer was apparently telling them what the answers were to the questions in front of them. Jeff winced, realizing he'd probably crossed the line already, had probably upset Nick now and brought up bad memories and now they'd have to deal with _that _in between them -

"I did predict it," came Nick's voice in his ear, the sudden whisper making Jeff start slightly. "I knew he had all these grand images of his legacy and, while he had never strictly told me I couldn't be gay, I was pretty sure that having a gay son wouldn't help his image. Still, I was sick of hiding it. Maybe I should have waited until I knew for sure I'd be out of his control, but why should I have to? Plus, I'm pretty sure he suspected."

"Why?"

Nick smiled bitterly. "He had the pamphlets to this place on his desk. Why would you have them lying around if you didn't suspect that someone would need them?"

Catching Nick's hand, Jeff laced his fingers through and squeezed gently. "I'm sorry."

"Not your fault," Nick murmured. "Plus, I should thank him. Never would have met you if he hadn't done it."

"Can I send him a fruit basket?"

Nick laughed quietly. "Yes, but I don't know the address." He silenced for a second and Jeff saw the previously offhand thought really hit him. "God, I wonder where he'll go. I mean, it's not like he's lacking for money but he could pretty much move anywhere. Or he could move somewhere close and I might run into him all the time."

"Even if you do, you're strong enough to handle him."

They fell silent, Nick's grip on Jeff's hand a little tighter than normal. Jeff ran his thumb soothingly over the back of Nick's hand, giving him time to think. It didn't matter that Nick was happy about his father leaving, the fact that what he had known as a family unit was breaking up was something that he would have to come to terms with, whether he liked it or not.

After a little while, Nick blinked and looked up. "Sorry, zoned out."

"It's cool," Jeff whispered, casting another glance towards the front of the room to make sure nobody was paying attention to them. He needn't have worried - half of the room were in whispered conversation and Stephen had, by the looks of things, fallen asleep. they were safe. "So are we going to go pray this afternoon?"

Nick looked at him curiously. "Um, well, I didn't plan to but - are you religious?"

Jeff shook his head. "Not conventionally. I mean, there's something out there in my opinion but I've never really studied it, plus I refuse to go to any kind of church that condemns me. Are you?"

"I'm probably on the same page. I've never really put it high on my list of things to think about." Nick shrugged. "If there is a God out there who created me gay and then hates me for it, I don't really want to meet him. I take it we're not attending this afternoon?"

"I can't think of why anybody would to be honest." Jeff shifted a little in the chair, rolling his shoulders back with a slight wince. The lack of sleep had always done a number on his muscles and, combined with the substandard beds they had been sleeping on for the past few weeks, Jeff was feeling pretty stiff. But he would deal.

"What was that?"

"What?"

"You winced." Nick was staring at him now, wide-eyed. "Jeff, what hurts?"

Realizing where the worry was coming from, Jeff was quick to give reassurance. "Nothing like that, my shoulders are just sore."

Nick relaxed. "Oh. Well, I can fix that."

"I'm sorry?"

"I mean, I could give you a shoulder rub?" Nick offered almost shyly. "This afternoon, when we're not being religious. I mean, if you - only if you want."

Jeff considered for a second. "I - yeah, if you're sure?"

"Of course."

The shyness lingered, however, and Jeff very quickly decided he didn't want that around. So, grabbing his piece of paper again, he drew up a few lines in a grid and put an X in the middle. "Go."

Nick stared at him before laughing (too loud) and grabbing the pen.

They got through seven games of tic-tac-toe and four of hangman before running out of room on both of their sheets of paper. Nick stole Blaine's, which led to including him, as well as taking paper off Scott, James and three boys in front of them. By the time the seminar let out - and what it had really been on, Jeff had _no _clue - they had amassed quite a collection of paper and Jeff subtly snatched one of the pieces where he and Nick had had a mock fight over whether they could use German words or not. Just as a souvenir.

They were all entirely too relaxed by the time they made it in for lunch and Jeff could see Stephen frowning at them, clearly trying to work out if they were up to trouble. They probably were; having fun at the camp was probably against the rules after all. But Jeff absolutely could not care as he tuned back in to Scott's story about the final seminar of last year.

" - so this guy had studied genetics for twenty years and Alex just stands up and tells him right off the top of his head about the studies that are becoming more and more conclusive towards homosexuality being a genetic trait rather than a choice. And this guy was just stumped. Stared at us for a few minutes before concluding his speech rather hurriedly and getting the hell out of there."

Jeff joined in with the laughter as they took their seats, leaning a little against Nick's shoulder as he did. He pulled back quickly, aware of Stephen's eyes on them, but the look on Nick's face at even the simplest of touches was worth it.

_How could you possibly have thought you could break up with him?_

Thank god for Nick and his stubbornness, Jeff though, not for the first time.

Scott's stories kept them amused right through lunch - or what was supposed to pass for the meal anyway - and before long they were parting ways: Scott and James to the prayer afternoon to do some messing around, Blaine joining them on their way back to the room, more likely than not to spend the afternoon talking to Kurt.

The shyness returned when they entered, Jeff watching Nick for a second to see what to do. "You're still okay with this?" Nick asked.

"Yeah, of course. I've never had one before so I'm not sure what to do but I trust you know what you're doing."

Nick rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "To be entirely honest, I've never given one. But I'm willing to try."

Blaine choked, drawing their attention to him rapidly. "Try _what?_ You do realize I'm in the room!"

That was all it took for any remaining tension to evaporate. "I'm giving him a shoulder rub!" Nick exclaimed. "Seriously, Blaine, we've been together for two days, what did you _think_?"

"No, don't answer that," Jeff said quickly. "I don't want to know what goes on in that mind of yours."

Blaine rolled his eyes. "Watch your words next time then. And I do this for Kurt a lot - Jeff, sit on the floor and Nick, on the bed. It'll work."

Jeff glanced at Nick who shrugged, and they followed the instructions. A second after he had sat down, Nick made a surprised noise from above him. "What?" Jeff asked, twisting his head up to look at him.

"You dye your hair?"

Blaine dropped his phone. "He dyes his hair?"

Jeff raised an eyebrow. "I dye my hair," he confirmed. "You didn't realize?"

"I'm not tall enough to see the top of your head," Nick said, running his fingers lightly through Jeff's hair. "Plus, it's only showing a little bit of brown."

"Yeah, I did it just before I came," Jeff said. "Why, is it a bad thing?"

"No, not at all. Just a surprise, and now I'm curious what you look like as a brunette."

Rolling his eyes, Jeff pulled his wallet out and flipped it open to his school ID from the previous year. "Curiosity abated." He gave Nick a second then, with a smirk; "So, which one is hotter?"

"Mm, just you," Nick said, kissing his cheek before sitting back. "Okay, now relax."

That wasn't hard - Jeff practically went boneless the second Nick's hands began to knead at his shoulders. "Oh my _god_," he whispered, eyes closing of their own accord. "How are you so _good _at that?"

Nick just laughed.

He lost track of time, possibly even fell asleep for all Jeff knew. At any rate, by the time Nick's hands slowed to the point of simply rubbing circles into his back and Jeff opened his eyes, the last glimmers of afternoon sun had faded. "I can't remember the last time I was this relaxed, and that includes sleeping," he murmured.

"You deserve to relax," Nick told him, brushing his fingers through Jeff's hair absently. Jeff rested his cheek against Nick's knee and let himself relax even further, focused only on the touch of his boyfriend's fingers against his scalp.

He had never quite imagined this would be his life, but, as Jeff had realized so many times today alone, it was.

And it was _amazing. _

"Hey," Nick said after awhile and Jeff tilted his head back to show he was listening. "Sorry to interrupt the relaxing, but question. Was I your first kiss?"

"Yeah." Jeff shrugged a little, smiling. "Wholly inexperienced. Was I yours?"

"Do you count Blaine?"

"No."

"Then yes."

Ignoring Blaine's spluttered protests of "Excuse me, I count!", Jeff grinned and leaned up to kiss him again.

"Well, you're pretty damn good, I must say," Jeff commented when they broke apart, "for someone with no experience."

Nick raised an eyebrow. "What exactly are you basing that off?"

"No experience?"

Closing his eyes fondly, Nick shook his head. "I'm so glad I measure up to all of the boys you've never kissed."

Of course, deciding he couldn't let one romantic moment go between them, Blaine interrupted. "I'm quite resenting that I don't count. I mean, I'm a fantastic kisser. Just ask Kurt."

"Blaine, think about it. Do you want Kurt to know that you were Nick's first kiss?"

Blaine thought about it for approximately half a second. "Okay, I don't count. But, for the record, if I had counted, I would have been an _awesome _first kiss."

And to add insult to injury, James decided that right then was the perfect moment to burst in as loud as possible. "Okay, no _seriously,_" Nick groaned, letting his head thud against the wall, "can we not have one moment of peace?"

"Nope. Peter's on his way here to catch you out."

"They've totally deputized him, haven't they," Jeff complained as he stood, fixing the collar of his shirt. "Plus, can they really punish me for being in here?"

James nodded. "It's after dark and you're in another boy's cabin, one that they know you're involved with. Think of an excuse, and fast."

"Here," Nick said quickly, digging in his clothes and pulling out one of his shirts. "You came back because you knew you left this behind."

Cupping his cheek, Jeff leaned in and kissed him swiftly. "Thanks. I love you," he murmured.

"Love you too."

He made it out the door just as Peter was arriving, the shirt bundled in his arms and quickly held up for inspection. "Just forgot this, relax. I'm headed back now."

"You should have sent another person to get it for you," Peter told him sternly. "Jeff, the boy is clearly trying to corrupt you further and you still have the potential to recover from this. Hanging around him is only opening yourself up to trouble and the people here have worked so hard to try and help you. I have some books you can read if you want to begin to understand why -"

Jeff tuned him out. He had better things to focus on, like remembering the feel of Nick's lips on his own and his hands running through Jeff's hair.

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

The room felt empty once Jeff had gone, even though James's arrival meant they weren't down a person. But Nick supposed that was normal when the person you loved left.

God, he really did love Jeff, didn't he?

It should scare him, this whole notion of loving someone and letting them into his heart, but Nick just felt oddly at peace. Sure, Jeff had the potential to hurt him in so many ways, but he wouldn't. He wasn't going to do that. Nick might not know everything about Jeff but the one thing he knew with a certainty was that Jeff was a good person; not the kind of person who pretended to be nice to get what they wanted but the person who actually genuinely cared about others and about making things wonderful in the world.

It was a little like Blaine and Kurt too. Blaine was so damn cheerful all the time and Kurt, despite the fact that Blaine had told them how bitchy he could get when threatened, sounded like a bit of an angel. They had found each other under the worst of circumstances and were staying together through whatever may come.

And Scott and James for that matter - certainly no angels with them, but they weren't evil like the rest of the world seemed to believe. They were just two people who had fought for what they needed and would fight for as long as it took, especially if it meant fighting with and for one another.

It was all _love_, that was the thing. They all loved in different ways - some people loved the opposite sex, some loved the same sex, some went for both. Different expressions, gestures, words, all depending on the person and their own portrayal of love. But it was all real, every last bit of it and telling someone to fall out of love against their will was like telling them to destroy the essence of themselves because it just couldn't happen. Not ever.

Finally, Nick came to peace.

Nobody was going to change him. Nobody should change him and he didn't deserve or need to be changed. Who he was was who he was and it was the essence of him that made him _Nick_. His father had never been right, nobody at the camp was anywhere close to it either. All the fears that had pained him for so long stilled, settled into the silence they had been headed towards ever since he had accepted himself.

The world would have their opinions but he was right about who he was. Nobody could ever take that away from him. They could take his freedom, they could take the person he loved (though Nick would fight to the _death _before he let that happen), but they would never take that feeling inside of him that knew who Nicholas Duval was.

"You're getting it, aren't you," came Blaine's quiet voice from across the room and Nick turned to see Blaine smiling sleepily at him. "It's not something to stress about or agonize over every day. It's not something you should even give a second thought to. Straight people don't waste time thinking about how straight they are and the implications of that, and neither should we."

"It took so long to get there."

Blaine nodded. "It does. And some people will never understand. Just remember that you are just as normal as they are and it's not even worth a second thought. Now you can focus on discovering everything else about yourself that you haven't learned yet - also known as being a teenager."

Nick rolled his eyes as he stood to switch off the light - James had already fallen asleep and Blaine was clearly on the edge. "Are you secretly a middle-aged man giving me life lessons?"

"Feels like it sometimes," Blaine murmured, his voice slurring out as he succumbed to sleep. "As long as Kurt's my husband."

"I'm sure he will be," Nick whispered as he climbed into bed. "Goodnight, Blaine."

There was no response, but he hadn't expected one.

Even though he had never shared a bed with Jeff, Nick's still felt a little too empty for his liking, as if he knew that someone could - _should _- fit there with him. Closing his eyes, Nick curled on his side and imagined Jeff right there with him - innocently, of course, just for someone to hold as he fell asleep. The ultimate craving stemming from his childhood, if he was honest with himself.

But it wasn't happening, at least not tonight, and Nick had resigned himself to that. However, he was just about to fall asleep when their door creaked open and, hoping it was Jeff, Nick sat up quickly.

It wasn't, but the guest was for him. "Brought you something," Scott whispered, dropping a small bundle of fabric on the end of Nick's bed. "From your boyfriend."

Before Nick could ask, Scott was gone from the foot of his bed, pausing by a sleeping James to brush his hair back and kiss him on the forehead before leaving as quietly as he had came.

Frowning, Nick leaned down to pick up the clothing which he realized was a shirt. Still puzzled - because there was no hurry, it was just a shirt, Jeff could have kept it for all he cared - he lifted it a little closer to his eyes to see which one he had given Jeff in the first place.

But it wasn't his.

_Why would Jeff send me his shirt?_

And then Nick inhaled and realized.

With a quick glance around to make sure the others were still asleep, Nick laid back down and tucked the shirt under his pillow so only a sleeve was sticking out. Absolutely _not _cuddling up to it, Nick curled back up and fell asleep feeling safer than ever before.

* * *

><p><strong>Authors note: As a child of both divorce and adultery, I am not attempting to lessen the impact of either. They are both tragic things that rip families apart. In some cases, however, divorce is the better option than to put people through the kind of abuse that Nick and his mom were receiving. I apologize if Nick didn't seem sad enough but I feel his emotions would be more akin to relief than grieving. <strong>

**Next Chapter: Scames. **


	18. Scames

**This chapter feels more like it should be two chapters to me, but I wanted to stick to my original plans of twenty chapters (there you go, for everybody who has been asking). So it all got jammed in, hopefully not in a way that impacts on the effect of each individual event. A lot had to happen but we're almost wrapped with a lot of the story lines now. Just a little further to go!**

**As usual, songs I listened to with significance for this chapter: Mr. Know-It-All, Perfect (Vanessa Amorosi version), Open Your Eyes, Shake It Out, How To Save A Life and Change. I also spent way too long listening to Not The Boy Next Door because Kurt freaking Hummel everybody.**

**Also, last night's episodes of Glee, wow. Just wow. I won't say any more because spoilers but ... well, you get the picture.**

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

Jeff was on the end of his bed when Nick opened his eyes.

"Man, dreams have gotten realistic," he mumbled, letting his eyes slip closed again.

The laughter was the first indication - it was just a little _too_ realistic. "What makes you think this is a dream?" Jeff asked.

"You don't live here. And you look too nice, nobody looks that good in the morning." Blaine let out a soft _aww _and Nick cracked open an eye to glance over at him. "What?"

"What?" Blaine responded cheerfully - was he ever _not_? "That was cute. I call it as I see it."

Once Nick had finally realized he probably wasn't dreaming, he managed to find the effort to sit up and this time it was Jeff _aww_ing at him. "Don't _you _start."

"You're my boyfriend. I'm definitely allowed to call it as I see it."

"This is just too much cavity-inducing fluff for the morning," James cut in as he came out of the bathroom, fully dressed and seriously what was everybody else doing up so early? "I'm off to see my non-mushy boyfriend, thanks."

Nick couldn't help but chuckle at that. "You didn't see the way he was looking at you when he came in here last night. Don't tell me Scott isn't the sentimental type."

"And now I miss Kurt," Blaine informed them and promptly entered the bathroom just as James rolled his eyes again and left.

Still laughing, Nick turned back to Jeff to make some kind of comment about how clearly homosexual relationships could be just as bad as heterosexual when it came to lovey-dovey things, before stopping. "What?" he asked, watching Jeff stare over his shoulder. Turning, Nick frowned because all he could see was his pillow and…

"_Oh._"

Jeff's smile was just a bit too close to a smirk and Nick retaliated, grabbing the pillow and chucking it at him. But, of course, that left the item in question in plain view - Jeff's shirt, previously tucked under his pillow except that one damn sleeve.

"Oh don't get like that," Jeff said quietly, handing the pillow back. "It's the reason I sent it over after all, I just wasn't sure whether to expect you to do the same."

"Do you want it back?"

"No. Do you want yours back?"

"Nope."

One moment of silence - tense, almost awkward because they were still so new to this, so very new and unsure and was this how it was meant to feel, _was it_? - and then Jeff smiled and leaned in to brush his lips against Nick's lightly, barely a kiss by definition. "Go get ready," he said as he pulled back. "I think we have a lot to look forward to today."

He could hear Blaine and Jeff talking as Nick quickly got ready, something about Peter that Nick didn't pay all that much attention to. He figured if there were something seriously bugging Jeff about Peter, he would already know.

The shrill tone of his phone going off had Nick rushing out of the bathroom, hastily doing up the last button of his shirt as he grabbed at it and shut the volume off. "I thought it was on silent," he muttered as he checked the message - chain mail, of course. "I mean, I know we only have a few days left but I'd like to keep my phone."

"I don't understand," Jeff suddenly said. "Scott came by on the first day and gave us these decoys but nobody ever tried to take our real phones off us or made any mention that they weren't allowed. What's the deal?"

"Told you they were smart," James said from the doorway and the three jumped, turning once again to see Scott and James watching them.

"They really are," Scott said, shaking his head. "I've never had to explain that one before."

Blaine raised an eyebrow. "Are you going to tell us?"

"The camp is a little weird about phones but they're not banned. They can't legally do that, their contract doesn't cover it," Scott explained. "But handing out the decoy phones gives the campers a reason to trust me from the start - there was a messy situation a couple of years back when one of the guys refused to believe that I knew what I was talking about and pretty much did the opposite of what I told them to do. So I used it as a way to make my presence known and so people could believe me."

"So, hold on," Nick said, raising a hand. "You get people's trust by _lying_ to them?"

"It worked, didn't it? Are you telling me you would have believed me if I'd said this was my fifth time in here and gave no evidence to back it up?"

He kind of had a point, Nick realized. Especially now, right at the end of the camp, Nick couldn't understand how a parent could justify sending their kid _once_, let alone five times in a row.

"I would have trusted you," Blaine insisted.

Scott laughed. "Of course you would, you're Blaine. Not everybody is as nice as you are, some people would have taken badly to it but you're just nice to everybody. It's a very admirable trait."

Shooting an amused glance at Jeff, Nick cleared his throat. "Well, we can see when we're not wanted."

"Yeah," Jeff added. "We can't all be as nice as Blaine, after all."

"Enjoy your fan club," Nick added to a confused Blaine as they left the room. "He kind of reminds me of a kicked puppy sometimes," he murmured to Jeff, letting go of his hand as they got to the bottom of the steps.

"A little."

Nick stopped immediately, turning to face Jeff. "What's wrong?"

"What makes you think anything's wrong?"

"Your tone."

Jeff smiled slightly. "Get out of my head." He sighed. "I just hate that we can't hold hands here or in public anywhere without having to worry. We could be all defiant and badass about it like Scott and James but I can just foresee life getting a lot harder, and it's not like I'm not _proud _of being with you or anything, I just -"

"You don't want life to be harder," Nick completed. "I know, and that's entirely okay. Just because we're not going to be all over each other in public doesn't mean that our relationship is any less valid. In fact, I kind of like it a bit better this way - we're not hiding, it just means that the times we get alone are even better."

The way Jeff was side-eyeing him made Nick blush without realizing quite why. He ducked his head a little and Jeff laughed in response, quiet and thoughtful. "C'mon," he said finally. "Breakfast awaits."

The other three caught up at that point and they all headed in, straight to their usual table. It was a nice change from school, Nick thought to himself, where only the most popular kids had a set table that they would all sit at. In fact, he probably _was _at the cool table right now, considering Scott's reputation.

It gave Nick a sense of fulfillment he hadn't realized he was missing.

"Good morning everybody!" came the usual call across the tables. "Today is a very important day as we only have a few days left together, so it's time to have final evaluations. Each of you will speak with one of our trained psychiatrists this morning individually, then group therapy will be this afternoon. I will read out the lists after breakfast of what order you will be received in, but I urge you to use this final session to full potential. Open your minds and hearts to what these men have to tell you."

Five consecutive snorts came from their table and it took all Nick had in him to not burst into laughter right then. They received a disapproving look from Stephen and a badly concealed smile from Alana as Ms. Taylor concluded her speech and invited them to eat. "They have some fantastic jokes, don't they?" Scott said, holding a hand out to James.

"Amazing wit," James agreed and they headed off.

"Coming?" Blaine asked.

Jeff shook his head, pressing his lips together. "Not particularly hungry."

Nick frowned before turning to Blaine and raising an eyebrow. Blaine, bless him, got the hint and left the table quickly, allowing Nick to turn his focus back to Jeff. "What is it?"

"They're going to pull out all the stops on this final session," Jeff murmured, barely a whisper. "If they bring those photos back -"

"Photos?"

Jeff caught his eye and Nick sucked in a breath. _"No. _They _didn't!_"

"I can't prove that they did and I can't stop them if they try to do it again."

Nick closed his eyes, guilt coursing through him because he had never _asked. _Jeff had been crying that night, clearly so upset by whatever had happened to him and _Nick had never even asked. _He had been so caught up in protecting himself and the person who was to turn out to be the love of his damn life was hurting.

But he couldn't dwell on that now. That was for later - right now, his priority was Jeff. "Would you be safer there or in Isolation?" he asked as gently as he could.

"Isolation," Jeff said without hesitation.

"Then if they try to show them to you, walk out. The worst they can do is put you in Isolation and I'd rather you there than having to deal with that, okay?"

"You'll come talk to me?"

Nick smiled. "Of course. I'm sure the others would too."

"Would what?" Blaine asked, startling them as he slotted back into his seat across from them.

Jeff grinned ruefully. "Come keep me company if I get thrown back in Isolation."

"I'd break you out," Scott said immediately. "All the rules go out the door in the last few days, at least for me. Trust me on that."

The look on his face coupled with James's sudden grin had Nick narrowing his eyes at them. "Are you going to fill us in or what?"

"Or what," the two said in unison without a glance between them, before turning their attention to their plates and refusing to say another word.

But on the bright side, Jeff was looking a lot happier and less worried about the impending sessions. Nick caught his hand under the table and turned to Blaine who was, per Jeff's request, telling a story about Kurt. Life settled back into normalcy - at least as normal as ones life could be in a place like this.

As breakfast was drawing to a close, Ms. Taylor stood and clapped her hands to gather attention. "Can I have all the counsellors to the office for a meeting? Thank you."

Nick noticed the puzzled expressions on all of their faces - except Alana. Alana was grinning as she ushered the others out of the hall, turning briefly to wink at Scott before disappearing herself.

That was right about when Scott jumped on the table.

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff.<strong>

James was locking them in, Jeff noticed, and Geoffery had a close watch over Peter. The rest of the boys - themselves included - were staring at Scott in confusion, clearly trying to work out what was going on.

"It's time for you to learn the truth!" Scott called out, holding out a hand so James could stand and join him. "You've spent almost a month in this hellhole, being fed their stories and opinions. Now it's time to hear what's really going on."

"This is outrageous!" Peter interrupted. "There is nothing -"

"No, you're going to be _quiet._"

All the murmurs ceased, shifting to something akin to fear. Considering James's tone, Jeff could understand why.

"We don't want to make this hard," he continued. "In fact, this is for the benefit of everybody here. But you're going to have to shut up and listen because we have a very limited window of time here and there's a lot riding on this."

Scott wrapped an arm around James's waist. "Well said. For anybody who doesn't know, I'm Scott, though how you haven't noticed me yet is a miracle… or perhaps a curse. Depends how you look at it. And this is James, my boyfriend. A statement that would be perfectly okay to be spoken of in everyday society, _if I were female."_

They had undivided attention now, although Jeff was only guessing that because his own eyes were firmly fixed on the two boys in front of them. The room was still silent and apparently it was a good sign because they both relaxed a little, James winking down at Jeff.

"For whatever reason, you've all ended up here when you're supposed to be having summer vacation. Instead of hanging out at the beach, the video arcade, the skate park, wherever you locally haunt; you're here. You're here because someone out there - well, many people out there sadly, and a lot of people in here, but we won't go into that now - but someone out there thinks that you're not normal."

That started up the murmurs again, mostly of anger. Understandable; it was a painful choice of words for most of them. After all, they had been hearing that all of their collective lives, whether it be from family, school or supposed friends.

"Now, we're not trying to make this painful," Scott said quickly, his voice dropping a little. "Like I said, we want to make this all easier on you. Because this is the fifth time I've been here, the fifth time people have tried to make me somebody I am not. I can't count how many times I've been told that who I am is wrong, an abomination, that it's just a choice or a phase. But _five times _I've been here, five damn times. If this were just a phase or something I could control, don't you think I would have changed my mind by about the, oh I don't know, _second _time?"

"First time I've been here," James carried on. "But Scott and I have been friends for four years now, boyfriends for almost two. That means three years that I've sat at home for a month during summer hoping with everything I had in me that this wasn't the year that they'd break him, knowing full well that I couldn't do anything, and one year when I could do nothing except keep loving him and trusting that he's strong enough. This year, I'm here too. Well, obviously, but I'm here. I understand it now and I understand more than ever why Scott acts out and rebels, making life for himself here much harder than it could be. He does it for all of you."

"Oh hey, I do it a little for me too. You know I enjoy making a bit of trouble."

James rolled his eyes but the fondness behind the gesture was unmistakable. "Of course you do, _honey. _Back on task?"

"Right, of course." Scott's mood turned somber, startling Jeff as it always did. Seeing all of the cheer sapped out of someone so… _cheerful_, it was always slightly terrifying. "This year, the camp hasn't been as awful as it has been some other times. Bad for some, of course, life changing for all in different ways." A glance in their direction had Jeff smiling, letting his hand slip into Nick's waiting grasp. "There has been one regrettable incident, one that seems irreversible and for that, even though it means nothing to him now, I'm sorry."

"I don't need your apologies."

"Of course you do," Scott said wearily, casting a single glance in Peter's direction. "But that's okay. You're here anyway because you're going to listen. Whether you absorb and think about working towards change, that's up to you. We're just the messengers now. James?"

A Bible was the last thing Jeff expected James to pull out of his pocket, but there it was, bookmarked and everything. "The case against us," he announced, holding it up so everybody could see. "All arguments against homosexuality have come from right here. They say it's unnatural and wrong and they take that, of course, straight from our good friend Leviticus. Anybody want to tell me about the book of Leviticus?"

A moment of silence before one of the boys Jeff hadn't met hesitantly spoke up. "Old Testament… uh, third book of the Hebrew Bible. Originally a manual for priests but also gives instructions for those not in the clergy. Usually affiliated with Moses and the most famous argument against slavery and… homosexuality."

"Exactly what I wanted to hear, Jack," Scott said, smiling for a moment. "Who'd you get all of that off?"

"My father's a priest. Probably a good explanation for why…"

"Why you're here," Scott finished when Jack trailed off. "And my case. It's the church, in the end, who have always been the ones condemning homosexuality. Basic laws were created on their rules and society built from there. Unfortunately for us, one of the laws that was, without a doubt, all their doing, comes from Leviticus. Would you do us the honor?"

Flipping open the book, James barely spared it a glance before looking straight out over the room and beginning to recite.

"_Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable… Everyone who does any of these detestable things - such persons must be cut off from their people. Keep my requirements and do not follow any of the detestable customs that were practiced before you came and do not defile yourselves with them. I am the Lord your God."_

They were both silent for a moment, letting the words sink in. Then Scott clapped his hands together briskly, startling them all. "Right. Let's go ahead and point out why this doesn't matter to us in the _slightest… _oh, but first, question for you all and don't be shy. Who would say they have a religious belief that apparently does not allow them to be homosexual, such as what has just been read?"

Three hands were eventually raised - Jack, Daniel and another person Jeff didn't know. James smiled reassuringly at all of them. "Don't write us off, okay? At least, not until the third point. This message is for you as well, we promise."

"Right, we're running out of time so let's get down to it. Three main points. First, and most famous, has anybody looked at Leviticus any deeper than just the homosexuality ban? I mean, go to the very next chapter and there is some _crazy _stuff. For example, is anybody wearing a pure silk or cotton shirt here? I can promise it's some kind of blend of material, which means you've all broken a rule - _do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material._"

"Like your steak rare? Wrong. _Do not eat any meat with the blood still in it._"

"If you've visited grandmother dearest lately and didn't stand in her presence, well, that's against it too. _Stand up in the presence of the aged, show respect to the elderly._"

James absolutely beamed as he flipped to the next page. "_Love your neighbor as yourself. _Well, by Biblical standards, that makes Ms. Taylor and all the counsellors here our neighbors. How much love are they showing us by locking us away in here and telling us that we're sick in the head?"

"We could go on all day," Scott said with an exaggerated hand wave, "but that's just one point - we don't live by these laws anymore! Good lord, can you imagine us all gathering around and stoning the girl three doors down to death because she did something that apparently deserved it? No way in hell, we'd be pulled in for murder, because we now have our own justice system, our own way of dealing with supposed crimes."

"Second, and most important," James said quietly and oh yes, he had all the attention firmly on him. "If you don't believe that this book is real, that this Lord is real, then _this is not your problem. _This is not your belief system and, as such, you are not held to the laws within it."

"And for those of us who are?"

"Are you?" Scott said, his voice just as quiet. "But didn't Jesus come with a very important message, something that overrode all of the Old Testament commands? That little message that everybody likes to spread around in the church, the place where it's easy to follow it, but not when it involves people like us? That message of _love_?"

"Third point. Who is in love in this room?"

Blaine's hand was the fastest to go up, quickly joined by Nick and Jeff. A couple of the other boys had raised their hands as well and Jeff saw the smiles on their faces - clearly no worries with any of them about their relationships. "Okay, that's great," Scott said. "Now, who loves their mother? Father? Siblings? Friends?"

By the time he had gone through a list of people, every hand in the room was raised. "So we all know how to love," James said, lowering his hand. "What makes the love you feel for the people in your life any different than the love you have for your boyfriend, or the boyfriend you may have one day? _What does? _Some laws in a book that was deemed irrelevant by _the son of God himself_? A few people in government who think you shouldn't have basic human rights even though slavery was abolished, racism is so politically incorrect and we are all equal? Who gets to make that decision for you?"

"Even you don't make that decision, do you? Did you wake up one day and decide that, _oh hey, I'm going to be gay for the rest of my life? _Of course you didn't. You learned it. Maybe it was straight away that you knew, maybe you're still coming to terms with it. But you learned it in the same way that you learned what kind of foods you like, what you're allergic to, what clothing suits your body. _Who you are as a person." _

The sound of footsteps could be heard outside and Scott lowered his voice. "Let's cut right to it. You're all pretty tough guys, as far as we've seen. Not many of you are being convinced by their acts or their words. But maybe some of you are just holding it inside, holding those doubts there and wondering, mulling it over. So this is why we're here, doing this today. Because you have no reason to doubt who you are, not a single one."

The door handle rattled and James hopped off the table, walking nonchalantly over to the door. "Come talk to us, okay? It's final counseling today for everybody and they're going to do whatever it takes to try and make an impact. Do _not _let them into your head. They have no right to be there, and if you're worried about the words they've said and the things they've done, talk to us. Please. That's why we're here."

With flick of the latch, James opened the door. "You must've knocked it on your way out," he explained, stepping aside to let the counselors in right as Scott slipped back into his seat and turned to engage Blaine in conversation. Other boys quickly followed suit, clearly understanding.

Jeff was still left a little agape and Nick clearly noticed. "What's up?" he murmured quietly.

"That was just… I've never heard anything like it before. So clear and _right._"

"They're going to be controlling the world in a matter of years. Just you wait."

Silence again as, this time, the focus was on Ms. Taylor. "Cabins One and Two, stay behind to report for final counseling. Cabins Three and Four, report here in an hour. Cabins Five and Six, two hours."

Something had clearly gotten up her nose - the usually cheerful woman was scowling down at them all like they were vermin and Jeff glanced longingly at the boys beating a hasty retreat. "I'll see you in the third hour then?"

"Take care of yourself," Nick said, letting a hand rest on his shoulder briefly before disappearing with Blaine and James.

Scott stretched his arms above his head and grinned at Jeff. "Just think, this is the _last_ time you'll have to do this."

"I'd still rather not go at all."

"Yes, but is there anything they can say to you right now that will convince you either: a) you're wrong or, b) that you don't love Nick?"

Jeff shook his head.

"Then you're sweet. One hour out of your life and then it's just group therapy and I get the feeling that it's going to be an… interesting experience."

"But I'm not in your group anymore," Jeff realized sadly. "And I'm with _Peter_."

Scott kept grinning and patted Jeff's cheek. "Relax, sweetheart. The last group therapy is the entire camp - oh, here we go."

With the six psychiatrists lined up at the front of the room, Ms. Taylor began to read out a list. Jeff rolled his eyes when he heard that Scott was with Dr. Peterson and he himself was, of course, with the esteemed Mr. Everett - apparently he had gained a reputation for being the strictest and worst psychiatrist of the group. "Does this mean I'm in the 'impossible to crack' category with you?" he asked dryly.

"Hell yeah you are." Scott high-fived him and gave a cheery wave to Dr. Peterson who was making his way towards them. "Remember, one hour and you're free. You can do it."

Jeff certainly hoped so.

Silently, he followed Mr. Everett out of the dining hall and through to the room where they normally had group therapy. Taking the seat as far away as possible, Jeff crossed his arms and did his best to show how fully he did _not _want to be there.

"Jeff."

Okay, that was _creepy. _

And right then was when Jeff remembered. The last time he had been in any kind of counseling session, they had been _pitying _him. As far as any of the psychiatrists knew, Jeff had been a victim, played by the awful Nick who had seduced him against his will. If any of them honestly believed that, there was something awfully wrong with them, but Jeff could use it to his advantage.

"Can I just take a moment to thank you?" he said quickly. "I mean, it's been a traumatic experience, but I feel like I've come out of this with a much clearer head and a better understanding of who I am as a person." Mr Everett sat up a little straighter at that and Jeff, emboldened, continued. "I know our first therapy sessions together were difficult and I wasn't a willing participant, but time has helped heal old wounds. I feel like a much stronger person now and I have you to thank."

He almost laughed when finished because it was actually all true, just not in the way he was portraying it. He was coming out of this stronger and with a better understanding, but the understanding was more that he kind of loved Nick and that was perfectly okay.

"Thank you for sharing that, Jeff," Mr. Everett said, his voice surprisingly soft. "I can see that you're still struggling to embrace heterosexuality as a whole, but you are well on the way to accomplishing that feat as well. We have therapists on the outside of this camp who we usually put teenagers in touch with who are displaying signs of recovery."

"I have a therapist already," Jeff said, immediately wishing he could backtrack out of the situation. The _last _thing he needed was that. "If I discuss my feelings with him, I'm sure he'll be able to help me."

Mr. Everett nodded and consulted his file. "The self harming tendencies?"

"Haven't done it in a month," Jeff answered in surprise.

"Do you still want to?"

Jeff considered that for a long moment. "Not as much," he finally said. "Not - I don't think I need to anymore. I have a sense of fulfillment from life that I didn't have before and that helps."

His file was closed with a snap and Jeff blinked when Mr. Everett stood. "I don't think we need to continue then," he said, gesturing for Jeff to stand and holding out a hand. "Good luck, Mr. Sterling and I hope things continue to go well for you."

Jeff's smile was genuine, if not a little smug, as he shook his hand. "I do hope so too."

He had been in his session for all of ten minutes and Jeff nearly broke into skipping when he left out of sheer relief. Sure, they may think he was straight and had no connection with Nick, but he was _out. _That was the last time anybody could try to target him.

Nick looked up in shock when Jeff entered, worry lines furrowing his brow. "Jeff? Shouldn't you be in therapy?"

"Done already."

Blaine was staring at him, even forgetting about the phone previously pressed to his ear (presumably with Kurt on the other end). "Did something happen?"

Jeff grinned. "I won." He quickly relayed the conversation to them, but as soon as he hit the end, Jeff immediately panicked. Would Nick think Jeff was hiding their relationship, that Jeff wasn't proud of him or willing to stand up and fight for their relationship?

"You're overthinking this," Nick said, taking his hand and tugging him down next to him on the bed. "I'm proud of you for finding a way out without getting yourself hurt. You've got cunning, I like that."

"But you have courage -"

"So do you," Blaine said immediately. "What if he had seen straight through your story? You would have been in so much trouble. Not only did you protect yourself from any further interrogations, you managed to pull the wool over their eyes completely."

"You're brave, Jeff," Nick told him. "Don't ever think otherwise."

Jeff ducked his head a little before immediately raising it, eyes widening. "What if I could be braver?" he said, holding a hand up to forestall Nick's protests. "No, hear me out. I've got the wool pulled over their eyes, yeah? How good would it be if I let them see just how big a mistake the've made, right when they have no way of fixing it?"

Nick raised an eyebrow and leaned forward in anticipation.

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

"So, how's it going to pan out this time?" Nick asked, idly picking up one of the books on the shelf behind him. "Am I going to get lectured or do you expect - wow, this is _morbid_," the book was tossed aside quickly, " - do you expect me to talk about all my woes? Because I'm doing quite well, thanks. Can I go now?"

Silence was all he received for his troubles and Nick sighed. "Okay, you're not one for jokes either, Mr. -?"

"_Doctor _Hargrave."

"Right, sorry. What's your deal, then?"

It was pretty unfair that he ended up with one of the psychiatrists that he'd never met, but Nick figured he could hold his own anyway. Perhaps the others had realized that he was just going to beat them again and decided on a change of track.

He'd beat them anyway.

"What is _your _deal, Mr. Duval?"

"Ah, throwing the question back at me, of course. Here's one for you: why do you care? And do you care about me or about the fact that it's your job to 'fix' me? Whoops, that's two, sorry. A man of your intelligence should be fine though."

It took a moment for Dr. Hargrave to reply and Nick grinned, likening his speech to watching a tornado pick up seven different objects at once and trying to work out which was more important to focus on, your house or your wife.

Yeah, maybe the camp was making him a _little _crazy.

"It is my job," came the response, "however I believe that the youth of today are confused, what with all of the television and peer pressure, and I consider it my responsibility to help those who need guidance back to the right road."

Nick gave a loud sigh. "And what exactly is the right road? Because here I was thinking it was getting good grades, staying in school and not rebelling."

"Which are all very important things, yes. But do you not believe that you are rebelling by choosing this lifestyle?"

"Against _what?" _Nick exclaimed. "Just because heterosexuality is the majority does not mean it's the norm. America is mostly made up of white people, does that mean if I had black skin that I'd be rebelling?"

He was surveyed for a long moment. "Mr. Duval, you cannot choose your skin color -"

"Nor can I choose my sexuality. Don't you think I've tried to like girls? Of course I have, but something's always led me back and it wasn't my choice. It's my choice to be in a relationship now, yes, but only because I know my three choices in life are to be single, to be in a heterosexual relationship and be unhappy, or to be in a homosexual relationship and be happy."

Another long silence. Nick couldn't tell whether that meant he was winning or whether the doctor was trying to make him sweat.

"We have fifty minutes left," he hinted, glancing at his watch. "I presume you have some kind of standard list of leaving questions you need to ask me -" it wasn't a presumption, Scott had told him exactly that as they passed by each other earlier, "- so you might want to get on with those because I'm not exactly going to give you straight answers."

That was such a wonderful play on words and Nick grinned, delighted with himself.

With a sigh, Dr. Hargrave dug into the file until he pulled out a sheet of paper. Grabbing a pen off the table, he made a few notes against questions Nick guessed he had already answered simply through demeanor. "Alright, Mr. Duval. Do you feel that the experience of this camp has made a long-lasting impression on your daily life?"

"I'll say!" Nick said immediately. "Apart from the addition of a -" he caught himself just in time, remembering that people talked and Jeff wasn't ready for the truth of the relationship to get out just yet. "An understanding that I can have feelings for other boys," he saved, "I have also learned not to trust any kind of psychiatrist as far as I can throw them and that there really are nutjobs left in the world. The good thing is, you all hide away here for summer so I can at least have a little freedom then."

"So you do not feel that the counseling efforts have helped?"

"Who would say yes to that? Ah, Peter," Nick remembered, "but apart from him, why on earth would _anybody _think that having someone sit there, tell them that they're wrong and occasionally throw them in a little box for doing the 'wrong' thing would _help_? It's probably emotionally scarred so many people, people who may never find a healthy relationship with anybody now because they're scared away from liking guys but can't find it in themselves to truly like a girl."

"So your answer?"

Nick sighed. "No," he said flatly. "You can consider my answers to everything on that list to be the opposite of what you want to hear."

Dr. Hargrave made a note. "What did you think of the food?"

Nick simply couldn't control the snort that erupted from him at that.

The rest of the questions continued on in exactly the same manner with Nick giving the most flippant answers he could think of. He was fairly sure he left the psychiatrist in a state of partial shock and dismay - after all, Nick was giving off the impression of the typical rebellious teenager. Except he was rebelling _with _a cause, and it felt awesome.

There was still one more hour of counseling before lunch, and before he headed back to his cabin Nick stopped in on Oscar who was on his way out. A few words of warning - "You're always going to be in the wrong so might as well make an awesome story out of it," - and Oscar was off. Nick grinned and headed back off to his boyfriend.

"How did you go?" Jeff asked anxiously the minute he was inside, jumping up from his spot on the floor. "Did they find out?"

Nick chuckled and held out an arm to wrap around his boyfriend. "Of course not, I'm awesome. He just threw some stupid questions at me, some kind of camp evaluation that I'm pretty sure I failed. I had fun."

"Of course you did," Jeff murmured, shaking his head and Nick watched the tension flow out of him. "Sorry. You know I worry too much."

"Of course you do," Nick said, smiling gently. "It's endearing." He pulled Jeff into his arms properly and kissed him, relishing the fact that he could still do so easily for the next few days. "No Blaine yet?"

Jeff shook his head. "Hopefully that's not a bad sign."

Nick let him go and headed over to his bag, struck by an idea. "Pretty sure I packed…" he muttered to himself, rummaging through the bag until his fingers hit it. "Aha! Want to play cards?"

He turned, brandishing a deck and Jeff rolled his eyes. "Only you would pick the last few days to reveal that you did bring some form of entertainment. Not poker, okay? I suck at that."

"Blackjack?"

Jeff shrugged and collapsed to the floor, Nick following suit.

It turned out his boyfriend was a pretty decent gambler and Nick was definitely losing (Jeff had grabbed pebbles from outside to keep score and his pile was significantly larger than Nicks') when Blaine entered. Nick waved, a little too preoccupied to actually grill Blaine on what had happened. "Want to join us?"

"Sure," Blaine said, sounding cheerful enough, and joined them on the floor. "As long as we're not stripping."

"Strip blackjack?" Nick frowned and gathered up the cards to deal Blaine in. "Never tried it."

Blaine rolled his eyes. "It was apparently a Dalton favorite. I'm not big on it but -" he cut himself off, shrugging a little and his face flushing. "Kurt. Um. Yeah."

"Too much information." Nick said loudly and flipped the top card. "Let's play."

The time flew by and before they knew it, it was time for lunch with Jeff clearly the winner. "I expect repayment," he told them both as they scooped up the pebbles to take outside.

"I'll buy your next bottle of hair dye," Blaine said, his expression innocent.

Jeff hit him.

It was easy to see who had experienced less-than-pleasant sessions even on the walk across. Many of the boys looked frustrated, some closer to full-blown anger and a few just looked sad. Others, however, seemed to be handling the whole situation well and Nick was glad he wasn't the only one. At least they would all be free in a few days, but he had to wonder how many of them were just going back to another kind of hell.

He wasn't anymore, and that still surprised him every single time he remembered. Life was actually turning around, becoming something he enjoyed, and Nick was grateful for it.

"Did they ask either of you about the food?" Nick asked, remembering the ridiculous question as they entered the room. Both of them shook their heads and Nick rolled his eyes. "This place really is run by idiots. We're all going to come out of here twenty pounds lighter."

"Wait until the last day," Scott chipped in over Nick's shoulder. "The parents are here for lunch, so we get real food and prove just how 'manly' we are by eating like we haven't in a month."

"Which we kind of haven't," Nick said, turning his attention to Scott. "So, Mr. Unbreakable, what do they do to you for a final session?"

"Very little," Scott said surprisingly. "They don't even bother with the questions anymore, just ask if I have anything I'd like to report and then I'm pretty much free to go. I'm a lost cause."

James snorted. "And he's so proud of it."

"You're the one dating the lost cause."

His smile softened. "Okay, yeah. Point."

The rest of the boys had filed in at that point and Nick looked around, waiting for the food to emerge or someone to tell them what to do.

Six therapists entered instead, closing the doors behind them firmly.

"Oh, of course," Scott whispered in the sudden silence. "Scare tactics - they're the ones in charge of the food and we've got to do what they say before we can get it."

"Do they just ignore the fact that _nobody_ was in any hurry to eat?" Jeff asked.

The question remained unanswered as they were all shepherded through to the group therapy room, to which extra chairs had been added. They all sat silently, the tension in the air palatable as the men moved in to stand in front of them. "Before we begin this session," Dr. Peterson began, "we have received some information that needs addressing, regarding this morning and names have been given." He paused for a breath, even though they all knew exactly who he was about to call out. "Scott Hamilton -"

"Oh my god, I won!" Scott called out and laughter broke out, a few people looking surprised at themselves from their reaction. Everybody was so used to flying under the radar, especially those who didn't usually have Scott around for group therapy. "Go on then, put me in Isolation."

"Me too!" James chipped in. "I was the one who locked you all out."

Mr. Everett beckoned them over and they exchanged high-fives as they followed him. At the doorway, Scott stopped and turned back. "So, now you guys can take advantage of this session. They can't put you in Isolation for what you say. See you all soon!"

Blaine looked all too thrilled at that development and Nick grinned, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. Jeff looked between the two of them in alarm, then pretended to hide. At least Nick presumed he was pretending.

Any attempts at an organized session absolutely failed as soon as the other boys caught on. Peter was the only one trying to answer any questions posed to them seriously, everybody else was just having a field day and making a mockery of everything - just like teenage boys were supposed to do, funnily enough.

They needed it too. These six men had been the ones to make the past four weeks of their lives a living hell, the ones who had dug into their lives and tried to tear them down and tell them that something was wrong with who they were. For a group of boys who had heard it so many times already, this had been the breaking point for some. Nick could see it in their faces - some of them would probably never recover from this experience.

Jeff had almost gone down the same road and Nick redoubled his efforts at angering the therapists, just for him. He deserved it.

"Are you going to participate properly, or do we have to _make _you?" one of the men who Nick hadn't met finally exploded.

Blaine was on his feet in a second and Nick's smile died as he looked up at him. He had seen Blaine upset, confused, frustrated and, for the most part, generally pretty cheerful. Never had he seen him _angry. _

"Are you going to _realize _or do _we _have to make you?" he said, his voice fierce. "You don't get what kind of harm you're really doing, do you? I nearly lost my boyfriend this summer, along with any self worth I had possessed, all because a group of people who had never met me and will never speak to me again once I leave here decided that I'm not allowed to like guys. What business is it of _yours_? I'm not trying to make you date me - frankly I have better taste - so I don't see how this affects your life at all. If you have a problem with me kissing my boyfriend, don't watch me kiss my boyfriend. In fact, I'd be seriously worried if you _were _watching me kiss my boyfriend to be honest."

Nick stood and joined Blaine who looked over at him gratefully. "You're not changing us," he took over. "You have no right to try, just as the people who sent us here had no right to do that either. If I tried to make you gay, there would be a huge uproar and I'd be a menace on society. The fact that it doesn't work both ways makes me sick. But we're making a stand right now, that you cannot control us. You can hate us and tell us what's wrong with us, you can pass laws against us and stop us from having our basic human rights; but you will _never _defeat us."

Jeff rose beside him, standing firm and staring down the therapists. On the other side, Oscar joined them and gestured for his friends to do the same. Slowly, one by one, they were all standing against the therapists (and Peter).

"Come on," Blaine finally said, turning away from the men with obvious disgust. "Let's get out of here."

Nobody tried to stop them - they had made their point. As soon as they were outside, Blaine let out a breath and grinned, visibly relaxing. "Well, that was pretty awesome."

"You were pretty awesome," Jeff told him.

"Careful now, I have a boyfriend," Blaine said immediately. "Oh, and so do you."

Nick rolled his eyes, stepping between them. "How was your solo therapy by the way?" he asked, nudging Blaine lightly. "I forgot to ask."

Blaine screwed up his nose. "Same garbage. But after about half an hour I started talking and didn't let them interrupt, telling them how amazing Kurt is and how we met and all of those things. Felt damn _good_."

"Of course you wouldn't pass up an opportunity to talk someone's ear off about Kurt."

Blaine absently swatted at his arm before reaching out and grabbing Alana's hand as she passed by them, spinning her around. "Alright, you. You're with me."

"Blaine, what?"

Pressing a finger to his lips, Blaine continued walking towards their room. Alana threw a confused look over at Nick who shook his head, not understanding. Jeff was equally as lost but they all followed along, figuring Blaine had some kind of plan. "Do you have anywhere you need to be urgently?" Blaine asked as they entered, hovering by the door.

"Not particularly." The door was shut and locked, and Nick and Jeff took a seat on the nearest bed quickly, watching Alana grow more confused. "Blaine Anderson, what are you doing?"

"You're kidnapped," Blaine said, gesturing for her to sit. "I want to talk to you."

Alana eyed him warily. "Is this one of those talks where you sit me down all nice and cheerful then tell me you've locked one of the counselors in Isolation or that you were actually responsible for flooding the staff office with custard?"

"One of those - how many times have you had that talk?"

"How many years has Scott been coming here?"

Blaine shook his head. "Okay, but no. No, this is completely about you."

A flicker of apprehension darted through Alana's eyes at the same time that Nick understood where this was going. "What about me?" she asked.

"You haven't come out yet."

Alana's temperament changed instantly - if looks could kill, Blaine would be a goner. "You know why!" she hissed, looking towards the door as if her mother would burst in at the mere mention of the word. "And frankly, this is none of your business so I am not having this conversation with you!"

She stood, but Blaine was right in front of her with a hand on her shoulder. "Stop," he said calmly. "I wasn't talking about coming out to your mother, I'm not an idiot. I meant to _her_."

"How -" Alana stopped, shaking her head, eyes wide. "How did you know?" she finally got out.

"It's obvious."

Alana dropped back to the bed like a marionette with the strings cut. "Why are you doing this?" she whispered.

"Because you're unhappy," Blaine said gently, kneeling in front of her. "I can see it every time you're with Scott and James or I talk about Kurt. You were the first to congratulate these two -" he gestured to Nick and Jeff, "- but there was longing in your eyes, I just know it. You want a relationship."

"Of course I want a relationship, everybody wants to be loved -"

"You want to be with her."

There was a long silence and Nick glanced to Jeff. _Do you know? _he mouthed. Jeff shook his head but he looked thoughtful, as if he were trying to remember something.

Finally she nodded. "Yes. Of course I do."

"You love her."

"...Yes."

"Then tell her."

"_No._"

Blaine sighed, rocking back on his heels. "You're going to have to give me a little more than that, honey. Are you afraid she'll tell your mom or something?"

"No, I don't think she'd - no. I'm not afraid of anything she might do, I'm afraid for her."

"_Ah," _Jeff suddenly exclaimed, as if he couldn't help himself. "You're allowed to be afraid for her, are you?"

"This is _completely _different, Jeff, and you don't -"

"What, is she not brave? She can't hold her own or protect herself?"

"I don't want her thrown in here!"

Silence.

Alana ran her hands down her face, looking suddenly weary. "She's not out to her family either," she whispered. "Not yet. Only to me and a few of our friends and if they found out, if my mother found out, they'd put her in here, regardless of the fact that she's nineteen. They'd try and take her away from me and I _can't _- I'd rather have her as a friend and never have her as more, than run the risk of losing her forever just to say I love her."

"Are you sure?" Nick said, his voice just as quiet. "Alana, every day is a battle when you're out, whoever it may be to. When I first got here, I -" he faltered, closing his eyes for a moment because this had never been admitted, at least not in these words. "I kind of hoped they would be able to do some good. Maybe they could 'fix' me so I wouldn't be a complete failure and life wouldn't suck so much."

Jeff had his hand in an iron grip and Nick winced a little but understood the worry. They would have to talk about it later, of course, and Nick was prepared for a full scale reassurance. Though hopefully the next part of his speech would help with that.

"I have Jeff now," he said simply, "and I'd never throw that away for the world. But even before Jeff, before I realized that I liked him, loved him even, I had come to the realization that who I was was absolutely fine. More than fine, it was me and I'm made the way I am for a reason. I knew I was going to get discriminated against for the rest of my life and I'll stand tall against that because I have a reason worth fighting for. Well," he amended, brushing his thumb over Jeff's hand which had thankfully loosened a bit, "more than one reason now."

Alana looked a little less belligerent but clearly still not convinced. "I have a lot to lose if everything goes wrong."

"You have the world to gain if it goes right," Blaine told her softly. "Kurt and I were dating for some time before I told my dad and, as is obvious, he reacted furiously. But I don't regret it for a second because I wouldn't have Kurt. He'd be my friend, but I would be missing out on so much potential of having him as my boyfriend, as the love of my life. It's done wonders for him too, and that's something to consider - what does she have to gain from this?"

Alana shrugged. "I don't know - me?"

"You. That's an amazing prize, Alana, and she'd have to be stupid to turn it down. If she only liked you as a friend, that would be understandable, but something tells me that there is more going on just like there's no way I believe something as small as your mother would hinder her for even one second. Have courage," Blaine added and both Nick and Jeff hid smiles at that. "Believe in yourself, believe in what you try to teach every boy who comes through here, that they're wonderful just the way they are and they deserve all the happiness in the world. If she can make you happy, go for it."

There was a long silence, then Alana abruptly stood. "I need to go," she said, her voice thick. "I will be thinking about it though, I promise."

She left before they could say another word and Nick glanced over at Blaine who had settled himself back on the bed. "Therapist?"

"Actor actually," Blaine said lightly, breaking off into a yawn near the end. "I'm exhausted, it's been one hell of a day. Might just skip dinner and call it a night."

Nick nodded, stretching his arms above his head. "That actually sounds like a fantastic idea."

Jeff fidgeted a little on the bed. "Can I -" he paused, swallowing. "Can I join you?"

"What about Peter?"

"It's safe, I promise," Jeff assured him. "Even if Peter tells on me - and I get the feeling he won't be - there's no way they could throw us in Isolation. Scott and James timed it well enough that nobody else will be able to go in before the parents arrive."

Nick smiled, smoothing a hand over Jeff's back. "Then yes, of course you can. Go grab what you need."

"Rule number one," Blaine said the second the door swung shut behind Jeff, "no sex when I'm in the room."

Nick's face was on _fire. _"Blaine, oh my _god! _We're not going to have sex!"

"Rule number two," he continued as if the interruption had never happened, "you do not get to argue when Kurt calls me early tomorrow morning. If you get your boyfriend in your bed, I get mine in mine."

"I bet Kurt's been in your bed," Nick muttered under his breath.

"Of course he has," Blaine said, standing up to turn off the lights. "And you'll understand the appeal in the next few minutes."

True enough, Blaine was right. Because within five minutes, Nick's bed was infinitely warmer and cozier with strong arms wrapped around his torso and a head resting against his chest, already half asleep as they whispered softly to one another.

Life was _good._

* * *

><p><strong>Next Chapter: Goodbye. <strong>


	19. Goodbye

**So yes, if you didn't get the memo or you read the previous chapter before I changed it, this chapter is now called Goodbye. I felt it was more fitting. Apologies for any re-emerging Glee finale feelings (that said, I hope to do a better job than the finale. If you've seen it, you'll understand what I mean). **

**This is not the final chapter, but it's the sad one. It was also meant to be a short one but feelings and parents and everything happened and whoops I lost control of the story again and now it's something like third longest chapter. I wish I could be sorry.**

**Songs: My Life Would Suck Without You, Who Knew, Firework, Human Nature, Take Care, Fighter (Blaine version) and When You're Gone. They're all so damn relevant this time, my goodness. (also Shots is fun to write to, don't even ask why)**

**This chapter though. I just. Yet another OTP and a million tears. **

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

"We've been here for four weeks," Blaine said in dismay, turning in a slow circle. "How did we manage to trash the room?"

Nick shrugged and dug through a pile of clothing, tossing the items that weren't his aside. "We're teenage boys and we've been here for four weeks. My bedroom looks a lot worse. Plus, James isn't quite as tidy as Jeff."

Blaine conceded to that, throwing another shirt that didn't belong to either of them on James's bed. "I'm going to have so much laundry when I get home." Nick hummed in agreement as he continued to pack, his thoughts wandering elsewhere. Blaine let the silence hang for a few moments before gently asking, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"About what?"

"I was awake when you woke up yesterday morning," Blaine said quietly. "I saw the way you looked at him, and then I saw the fear. And ever since then, you've been trying to hide it, but it's all over your face. You're scared of losing him."

Nick picked up another shirt and folded it carefully, trying not to let the words affect him. Which was impossible, because Blaine was entirely right, of course. It _had_ been perfect the previous morning. Jeff had been there, in his arms, when he had woken and just for a moment Nick let the happiness flood through his veins. He was right where he belonged and nobody could ever tell him otherwise.

And then Nick had remembered that this was the second last day essentially living with Jeff and more than likely the last time he would be able to do this.

He hadn't told Jeff - there was no chance in hell that he would have ruined their last full day together by being miserable - but he couldn't help the feelings. It _sucked. _But more than that, it filled him with fear that still shook Nick to the core.

"Do you actually think you will lose him?"

Nick couldn't stop the involuntary shudder that ran through him. "I'm not afraid that he'll change his mind," he said, the words spilling out beyond his control, "but distance is hard. We might not last it - and yes, I'll try as hard as I can to keep things going but can we last?"

Blaine crossed the room to sit on Nick's bed, Nick following suit a moment later. "You're going to have to battle through every other obstacle out there anyway," Blaine told him. "You've got a lot more on your plate than any other couple -"

"And that's just it," Nick interrupted. "How can we handle all of those things _plus _the distance?"

"Because you're already fighting hard," Blaine explained patiently. "You're already fighting against all of the odds to make it through, what's one more? You're going to fight harder against that to prove that your relationship is not only valid but stronger than half of the heterosexual ones out there."

"And - and if we fail?"

Blaine closed his eyes and sighed. "Then it probably wasn't going to work under normal circumstances anyway," he finally said. "Love lasts, no matter how far apart you are, because you're both determined to make it work. And besides, you're going to be a matter of, what, an hour apart? Plus, Jeff will be in Westerville every day for school; you can see him after school, hang out on weekends and probably talk every day."

"Just like you and Kurt," Nick said with a smile.

"Just like me and Kurt," Blaine agreed. "We've lasted the month, haven't we? I think we're even stronger from it too, and I know for sure that nothing will pull me away from him now that we've gone through this. You and Jeff found each other in the middle of hell, in a place that was supposed to push you away from ever considering this, and you found each other. You both had the strength to defy everything they were telling you and take what's important - each other."

Nick couldn't hide a laugh. "Blaine," he said seriously. "You had me at Jeff."

"Who had who at Jeff?" Jeff asked and Nick jumped, scowling at Blaine when he began laughing. "And hi," Jeff added, smiling a little himself.

"Hi," Nick said, hugging him briefly. "Are you done packing already? And me, I believe."

Jeff grinned. "I don't procrastinate like you two - and I kind of just wanted to get away from Peter. It's the last time I voluntarily have to see him so of course I prolonged the goodbyes and gave him a hug and all of those things."

They all laughed at that, albeit a touch guiltily. It wasn't his fault, after all, and Nick certainly hoped he would find the truth about himself again in the future. But they couldn't stay around him any longer without affecting themselves or any of the other boys there, and they needed to focus on their own lives now.

After all, it was only a few hours until they were out.

Nick pulled Jeff a little closer at that and Jeff came willingly, resting their heads together. "I'm looking forward to you meeting my parents," he said, clearly trying to keep his tone light. "They're going to love you."

Nick smiled up at him, mentally patting himself on the back when it didn't wobble. "I'm looking forward to it. And you'll get to meet my - my mom."

"And there's no chance of your dad showing up?"

Nick shrugged. "I seriously doubt it. There's the chance that he'll show up to see if I've become a 'man' or not so he could battle for custody to have me take over the business and all that, but I don't think so. I hope not. Either way, I just won't take any notice of him."

Jeff nodded and glanced around the room. "You need to finish packing."

"I don't want to."

It came out in a whisper, completely beyond his control and Nick closed his eyes, wishing he could take it back. He heard Jeff sigh quietly and pull him closer still. "I know. But we knew this was coming and we'll make it work, okay? I'm not giving up on you."

"Neither. Never."

Jeff kissed him quickly, laughing when Nick tried to drag it out. "No you don't. Pack. Poor Blaine's stuck cleaning this up himself."

True enough, Blaine had been quietly cleaning in the background while they had been talking and Nick smiled sheepishly at him. "You're fine," Blaine told him cheerfully. "It's almost done anyway. We just need to put it all in our bags and wait for James to show up and deal with his stuff."

"I'll help," Jeff said, ducking into the bathroom to emerge a moment later with their belongings from it. "Pretty sure it won't be anywhere near as bad as trying to get my bag packed. There's nothing quite like trying to sit on the bag and zip it up yourself."

"You should have called me," Nick said, cramming the last of his clothes in and rolling his eyes when Jeff tutted and smoothed them out.

"Yes but Peter. He's still strangely oblivious and I'd like to keep it that way for a few more hours."

They both grinned at that and Blaine rolled his eyes. "You're both crazy," he informed them, "but you're definitely going to be the highlight of the day."

"Unless Scott and James outdo us."

"Actually, we don't have any plans."

They all jumped, Blaine swearing under his breath, and James stood casually from his bed, stretching his arms above his head. "We were thinking about it," he continued in the silence, "but they're probably anticipating it and they'll have us on close watch so it's probably better to just let things run -"

"When did you _get there?_"

James smiled innocently. "About five minutes ago?"

Blaine shook his head and fell back onto his bed. "I give up. I told myself by the end of the camp I would be used to you two and not surprised by what you do, but you still manage to give me a near heart attack every single day. I concede."

"I never even tried," Nick chipped in. "I kind of figured from day one that you'd never let yourself be the kinds of people who were predictable."

James bowed theatrically. "We do try, and we always win. It's almost a shame we'll never be back."

"Wait," Jeff said slowly. "If this is your last time here, wouldn't you want to go out with a bang? But you're not doing anything this afternoon?"

"We already did," James said, his tone immediately serious. "That speech we gave you guys the other day is something that's never been done before. Scott needed my knowledge to enact all of that, so while it was unfortunate that I ended up in here it came in useful in the end. That was us going out with a bang. We don't need a huge performance for the parents, we've done what was important for us."

"That said," Scott added, "there's never anything wrong with that kind of display - wait a second, nobody reacted?"

"James already got us with the sneak attack this morning," Nick explained, gesturing to Blaine with a smirk. "Don't worry, you're still wildly unpredictable and can't be tamed."

"Oh good," Scott said in mock relief, wrapping his arms around James from behind and resting his chin on his shoulder with a grin. "But yeah, consider us done. We'll say our goodbyes to Alana and the other people we might actually miss and then be gone for good. That said, someday I'd like to be the one to bust this place for illegal practices and shut them down so hopefully that will bring me back."

They were all quiet for a second and then James snorted and elbowed Scott. "Now now, don't make things serious for the poor boys. They've already got to deal with their own goodbyes in a few hours, we're here to cheer them up."

"Wait a second though," Scott said suddenly. "Is Kurt coming? Do we finally get to meet the elusive boyfriend?"

Blaine shook his head, glancing down for a moment. "No, unfortunately not even I'll be seeing Kurt until school comes back. My parents are pretty determined to keep us apart for as long as possible."

Unbelievably, Scott looked more upset by that than Blaine. "No way! I wanted to meet him!"

"You're not the only one," James added. "And by the time school starts, we'll be in Michigan. Can you call him so we can say goodbye?"

Blaine nodded and Nick could tell he was putting on a brave face as he pulled out the trusted phone, just like Kurt was holding himself together just as well on the other end when he answered. "Today's the day," he said quietly, skipping past greetings.

"That it is," Blaine said, his eyes softening a little at the sound of Kurt's voice. "There's a few people who want to say goodbye to you. Obviously you'll be meeting Nick and Jeff at the earliest possible convenience but Scott and James are off to Michigan soon."

"Of course, the Fred and George of the camp," Kurt quipped lightly. "Hey guys."

Scott glanced at James who grinned. "We're flattered," they said in unison.

Kurt laughed and most of the tension evaporated from the room. "So Michigan is definitely a go then?" he asked. "Scott, are you in yet?"

Scott blushed and the responding reactions were instantaneous - Blaine laughed, Nick murmured in surprise (Scott could _blush_?) and Jeff clapped his hands together. "Oh my god, you are! Why didn't you tell us?"

"I only found out this morning," Scott said, looking actually quite embarrassed to the obvious amusement of his boyfriend.

"See how it feels?" James said, digging at him cheerfully. "Yes, Scott got his acceptance to the Police Academy this morning so as soon as we're out of here, we'll be taking our things and our savings and heading over to find a place in Michigan and get set up. Which is why we're saying our goodbyes now, Kurt, since right now we won't be meeting you any time soon."

"Definitely in the future though," Kurt demanded. "You two have helped keep my boyfriend sane and amused and I have a lot to thank you for that I'd like to say in person. So make sure you come back and visit us, okay?"

"If we can't make it back soon, we'll just come to your wedding, okay?"

Blaine was blushing hard but looked so damn pleased at that, even as he shook his head at the two of them. "You're both impossible."

"You love us!"

Kurt laughed again. "Yes, we do. But I've got to run, I'm meeting a couple of my girlfriends to go shopping and I'm about to be late. Blaine?"

Obediently, Blaine took Kurt off speakerphone and the others tactfully turned away to give them a moment. "Well, that's Kurt," James said, clearly with a lack of anything else to say. "Top kid that one."

"They're perfect for each other," Jeff agreed. "I can't wait to meet him."

"I can't wait for you to see him either," Blaine said, rejoining the conversation. He smiled at them all but it was clear that his heart wasn't in it. Nick's heart clenched at the way Blaine still clutched at the phone, the way he clearly had no desire to say goodbye to his boyfriend even though Nick knew they would be talking and texting again as soon as possible. It was no substitute for actually seeing each other, and it just _sucked _that it was a sad day on the day they should be celebrating Blaine getting out intact. Instead of being able to fully celebrate their relationship still being a whole, they were essentially saying goodbye for another few months apart.

Blaine might not be alone on that one either.

After a moment, Nick realized that Scott and James had disappeared and Blaine had ducked into the bathroom, probably to take a moment alone. More to the point, Jeff was watching him in concern, but also with determination. "Come on, get it out, okay?" he said gently, taking Nick's arm and tugging him down to the bed. "Don't think I haven't seen you stewing over something in that mind of yours over the past few days, and I know it's about me - about us."

Nick closed his eyes and steeled himself. "What if -" he paused, swallowed, tried again. "What if my mom doesn't approve?"

There was silence. "Do you think she'd try to keep us apart?" Jeff asked, his voice even.

Nick shrugged. "I hope she knows better than that. But I just want her to like you, Jeff. I want her to love you as much as I do because I want my family to be proud of something in my life for once and I want it to be you. I want her to accept me and accept us."

His voice shook a little at the end and Jeff shushed him, pressing a kiss to his hair. "I can't make any promises for you. I wish I could, I want to tell you that everything will be fine and she'll invite me over every weekend and all of those things, but I don't know any more than you do. All I can promise is that my parents will adore you and if you don't have the support of your mom, you have mine. It's no real substitute but at least you'll know that there is acceptance there for you."

Struggling for words, Nick just gave up and kissed him, hoping it would say all the necessary words. He was fairly sure the message got across.

"Come on," Jeff said, now pulling him back off the bed as Blaine re-emerged, his eyes slightly red but smiling nonetheless. "Let's get all this stuff out of here."

Between the three of them, they got all the bags across to the main building and into what was formerly the therapy room. A room that lost all power whatsoever, Nick couldn't help but note, by the bags littered throughout it and monumentally more cheerful teenage boys traipsing in and out.

It was a fitting symbol, in the end, the bags - they were all getting out.

There was certainly a lift in spirits by all of the boys who were milling around outside. With no alarm for breakfast they had all slept in, which meant nothing to do for the next hour or so until parents showed up. Of course, for some that wasn't something to be celebrated, but at least at home there was some means of escape.

With one hour left, however, there was no need to dwell on what would come and Nick watched the rest of the boys with a smile, grinning even more when Oscar suddenly (_finally)_ grabbed Geoffery and kissed him smack on the lips. "For the hell of it!" he announced when they broke apart, turning to walk away before Geoffery grabbed him and pulled him back in to the whoops of the rest of the boys watching.

"Um… didn't see that coming?" Jeff finally said.

Nick snorted. "It's been coming since the first day, trust me. I spent a few hours with Oscar on the day of the dance and it was all Geoffery this, Geoffery that. About bloody _time._"

Jeff raised an eyebrow, Blaine shook his head and Nick just beamed at them both. "Come on," he urged, grabbing each of their hands. "Let's join in the fun."

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff.<strong>

The cars were pulling in.

All the joy had essentially vanished. Boys were peering up the drive nervously and Jeff could hear the groans of a few when certain cars showed up. There were others like himself who seemed to actually be hoping for the arrival of someone, but for the most part the good moods had disappeared. Probably for the rest of the summer for many of them.

Blaine's father was the first to arrive, glaring at his and Nick's linked hands when he was introduced to them and refusing to shake their hands. Blaine gave them an apologetic look and quickly ushered his father away to meet the camp directors at his insistence.

And now they were just waiting.

The counsellors were busy so nobody noticed the way they were closely knit together, unmistakably a couple. It wasn't long before it would be revealed anyway, so Jeff wasn't too worried, but he did want their reveal to be as amazing as possible so he kept an eye out.

Mostly, though, he kept an eye on Nick.

"Don't stress," he murmured when Nick tensed up once again at a car he thought was his. "No matter what happens, I'm not letting you go. She can hate me for all I care -"

"What do you mean, you don't care?"

Jeff sighed and backtracked. "Of course I care. What I'm saying is that it'll take more than a little hatred to make me stop loving you, alright?"

It took a moment but Nick finally relaxed. "Okay. I'm sorry."

Smiling, Jeff rubbed his arm. "You're forgiven. Just stay calm and - oh."

"Oh?"

Jeff nodded because _yes_ _oh, _yes that was his car pulling up the drive now and suddenly all the energy was building up in him because _that was his parents. _"That's them," he managed to get out calmly, even if his body language was anything but. "Oh my god, I spent so much time thinking about your mom that I didn't even think -"

Nick was laughing at him and released his hand with a playful nudge. "Go on, go see them."

He tried to keep calm about it and walk evenly across to the parking lot, but as soon as his mom was out of the car all self restraint was gone. In fact, Jeff was pretty sure he flew.

He caught both of his parents at the same time and just let all the words wash over him - how long it had been, how much they had missed him, how much he had _grown _while he had been away - all the things he needed to hear more than anything.

Jeff had really missed them.

"Is that your young man over there?" his mother finally asked and Jeff started, realizing that in all the excitement he had forgotten about leaving Nick on his own.

"That's him," he said, nerves suddenly balling in his stomach as he turned back and gestured to his boyfriend. To be fair, Nick looked equally as nervous as he made his way over to join them and Jeff took his hand without even thinking about it. "This is Nick," he said, trying to keep his voice confident even though he knew in his heart that there would be no problem with the words to follow. "My boyfriend."

Jeff's father immediately held out his hand and Nick shook it. "It's good to meet you, son," he said, looking nothing short of genuine. "I suppose I'd better get used to seeing your face around my house, hadn't I?"

"Yes, sir," Nick said a touch quietly. "I mean, only if that's alright with you, sir."

His father actually laughed at that, shaking his head. "None of that sir business, alright? You call me Thomas and my wife Stephanie, even though I'm sure she'd love to hear someone addressing her as ma'am."

If possible, Nick looked even more apprehensive about that and Jeff realized this wasn't normal for him. In his society, adults were addressed in the most respectful way possible and anything less was essentially an offense. But Nick still nodded and agreed, and Jeff loved him more for it.

Jeff's mom took the far less formal route by hugging Nick just as tight as she had hugged Jeff. "Oh, I've been looking forward to this day," she gushed, stepping back and actually taking a good look at him in a way that made Jeff want to blush. "Looks like Jeff has good taste, doesn't it?"

"_Mom!_"

Nick, however, began to laugh and Jeff had to stop himself from gawking. _That _was the thing to set him at ease? "Well, I'll take that as a compliment," he said, taking Jeff's hand again. "It's so good to meet you both, anyway. Jeff seems very close to you both."

"And what about your folks," Thomas asked. "Are they on their way?"

Jeff winced but Nick took it in his stride. "My mom is on her way. There was a bit of a falling out recently so my father won't be able to attend but we're not mourning that particular loss. I'd like Jeff to meet her and, if it's acceptable to you, perhaps you could both meet her as well?"

"Don't be so formal," Jeff told him lightly. "Of course they're going to meet her. I insist."

"Oh good," Nick said, his tone changing rapidly as he stared over Jeff's shoulder. "Because that would be her."

Jeff turned so fast he was surprised his neck didn't snap.

The woman walking towards them practically reeked of high society - the clothes, the way of walking, all of it so posh that Jeff would have immediately decided that he wouldn't be welcome if it weren't for the warm and genuine smile on her face as she stared right at her son. Her son who was also smiling, first tentatively and then wider until he was grinning and tugging his hand out of Jeff's to greet her properly.

With a sigh of relief, Jeff turned back to his mother who was watching him. "Jeff, you say you're dating this boy," she began and a cold prickle ran down Jeff's spine as he immediately began to worry where this was going. "But I think it's more than that," she continued. "I think, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you might just -"

"Love him?" Jeff asked. "Kind of, yes. Well, definitely." He paused. "Is that bad?"

"No, no, of course not," she assured him hastily. "I did see it coming - when you feel something, you feel it with your whole heart and I should apologize because you get that from me. I just hope his feelings for you are as strong. He seems like a wonderful boy, but I don't want you to get hurt."

"Don't worry," Jeff said, casting a glance at Nick who was turning back in their direction. "Sometimes I think he loves me more than I love him."

He had just enough time to catch the soft look his mother sent to Nick before turning to his boyfriend himself and subtly holding his hand out. Nick took it (positive) and gestured to everybody else assembled there. "This is Jeff," he said, his voice making it abundantly clear that there was no way they were just friends (definitely positive). "And his family."

The adults made the required greetings and then Nick's mother turned to him. Jeff couldn't help but tense a little, unsure of exactly what was about to happen. Yes, everything seemed good so far and he was sure that the woman would be nothing but polite, but there was a definite difference between politeness and acceptance.

Then he was being hugged and Jeff resisted the urge to make a noise of surprise. "It is _lovely _to meet you," she told him, releasing him after a moment and glancing at him in almost exactly the same way his own mother had looked at Nick. "Nick did tell me that you're a little more fashion forward than he is. That will be a lovely change around the house."

Oh yes. That was acceptance.

As the required small talk was made about jobs and families and what-not, Nick leaned in close to Jeff and bumped their shoulders together lightly. "I had no reason to worry, of course you were right."

"I generally am," Jeff said with a smirk. "But no, things seem to be going really well."

"I can see them getting together for dinner easily."

Jeff laughed. "I can see them getting together for dinner and forgetting to invite us along," he added. "I think they've forgotten we're here entirely."

"Oh, so you know the feeling now."

To his credit, Jeff didn't even jump when Blaine appeared beside him, watching the adults interact with interest. "So that's how it's done in a normal setting," he mused.

"What do you mean, 'know the feeling'?" Nick asked.

"When you two get so wrapped up in yourselves that I could pretty well not be in the room?" Blaine asked, grinning at them. "It's cute, I promise. Anyway, just came over to let you know that it's starting in five minutes so you might want to bring the parents on inside."

With quick introductions made to Blaine, they did exactly that, leading their parents into the dining room which had undergone significant changes within the space of the morning. Tablecloths were stretched across the long tables and nice plates were set out, clearly about to be loaded up with food that probably equaled the value of all of the food they had been given the entire month.

Scott and James were already seated at their usual table and stood when they arrived, far more polite than Jeff was used to seeing. It sent his head reeling for a second and then he pulled it together long enough to introduce the boys to his and Nick's parents. He could _feel _his mom itching to ask why they didn't have parents with them but thankfully she held it back and instead asked their plans for the rest of the summer.

They passed a good ten minutes in getting-to-know-each-other conversation as other parents filed in, and when Jeff wasn't contributing he was looking around at other families. There were others like James and Scott, whose parents hadn't shown at all - Oscar was amongst those but had quite happily placed himself with Geoffery's family, who seemed a little wary but not altogether against what was happening. Jeff silently wished them the best.

Of course there were many families that were clearly so homophobic that Jeff wasn't quite sure how the room hadn't spontaneously combusted from the tension. Peter's family was one of those and looked so delighted at the way their son was acting that it ached in Jeff's heart. Maybe they were happy, and maybe Peter thought he was, but it wasn't the truth. Not really.

He couldn't tell for some, either. Families talking, seeming fine, but who knew what really happened behind closed doors? Clearly enough for some of them to send their own flesh and blood to a camp like this. That said, maybe some of their motivations had been like his own parents - to try all of the options to try and give their son a better life. Not necessarily against him being gay but against him having an awful life and wanting to make things better without knowing how.

He had learned that on his own experiences here. No matter how bad things got, you could never try and change what was so important about yourself to fix them. Change the surroundings, change the small things, but never the person and what they stand for.

Jeff didn't blame his parents, not one bit. He knew their love was unconditional and they had all been thrown into a situation that none of them liked. But the situation was getting better and maybe he had the camp to thank (unfortunately), but Jeff hadn't changed who he was to get there. He had just accepted it.

It was only a few minutes longer until the counsellors filed inside and a hush fell over the room - even all of the parents were immediately quiet and Jeff had to stifle a chuckle at that. Clearly the intimidation technique worked on everybody.

"Welcome to this very special day!" Ms. Taylor began, even more cheerful than usual and Jeff saw Nick wince a little beside him. "It's been a long and productive month here at the camp, a very long month since you've all seen your sons, and it's a pleasure to have you all here with us today! We do have matters of business to discuss but allow me to serve lunch first while you reacquaint yourselves with your sons."

Plenty of the sons looked like they would much rather _not,_ but Ms. Taylor was clapping her hands and people were emerging from the kitchens with serving plates and they had other things to think about. Namely _where had these people been all month while they were starving?_

"Well, this looks lovely!" Jeff's mom exclaimed. "At least you've been fed well."

Five simultaneous snorts echoed around their table and the four parents present looked alarmed. "Not even close to this," Jeff explained. "This was saved all for you."

Blaine's father was whispering something to him at the other end of the table and Blaine nodded, looking down at the ground. Clearly the man was not amused and Jeff shot Blaine a sympathetic look when he glanced back up. Blaine just shrugged, grimacing a little and then turned back to his food.

Thankfully Blaine's father chose not to engage in conversation with the rest of them, meaning the lunch conversation was pleasant - or at least as near as it could be when they were discussing the past month.

"Scott and James are the worst," Nick said, waving a hand in their direction. "They stir up trouble constantly, but it's all for a good cause. Public enemies of the camp directors."

"What kind of trouble?" his mom asked.

"Oh, you know, telling kids that they're awesome and shouldn't care what others think, hanging out with my boyfriend, answering questions honestly, all those sorts of rebellious things."

Jeff's father was staring at Scott as if he had grown a horn. Possibly two. "How are any of those things a punishable offense?" he demanded. "And what exactly is punishment around here anyway? What do they do, lock you up?"

Nick flinched, Jeff grabbed his arm and Scott and James shot them concerned looks. "Well, yes," James finally said. "That's sort of the final step that they use far too often. Scott won for being in Isolation the most times this camp, I was second. Not many of the guys actually finished the camp without being in there at least once."

"Nick?"

Nick's mom was staring at him, wide-eyed. "Nick, did they -?"

"Yes," Nick said simply. "It's okay," he added, visibly pulling himself back together. "I made it through and it was for a very good cause anyway. I don't regret it."

"Jeff?" his mom asked. "What about you?"

"Same reason, same cause," Jeff said, feeling Nick's fingers relax a little as he calmed down.

"How do they get away with that?" his father demanded. "That should be illegal -"

"Mr. Sterling," Scott smoothly interrupted. "Did you read the fine print on that contract?"

There was a moment of silence. "There were seventeen pages and Jeff agreed to go," he finally said, his tone quieter. "I skimmed through it but not in great detail. This was in there?"

"It was in the list of preventative and corrective measures. Not listed exactly by name but they put it in, so it's legal if you sign. Sort of."

All attention was now on Nick's mom who just sighed. "My ex husband signed it, and he's the lawyer, he knew exactly what he was signing my son up for. All I can do is apologize for not reading it myself, but even if I had I probably wouldn't have done anything."

After an awkward silence, Nick shrugged. "Well, what can you do? We've been through it now, anyway, it doesn't matter. We just need to get through this last bit and then it's over and I can safely presume that we won't be coming back."

The lack of agreement from Blaine's end of the table was worrying, but Jeff knew full well that neither Blaine nor Kurt would let Blaine go through this again. In fact, he had overheard their contingency plan a few days ago, involving a summer home belonging to a friend of Kurt's and utilizing the fact that Kurt's father was completely on their side. Blaine would be fine.

The servers reappeared to clear away the dishes as Ms. Taylor returned to the front of the room, calling for their attention. "Now that you've all eaten, it's time to begin the final activity of the camp. This is what we like to call our 'graduation ceremony' - after all, this month may have taught these young men more life lessons than they could learn in all of their years of schooling!"

Jeff could certainly list them off - _don't trust people who run corrective camps, don't sign any legal contracts without reading the fine print, a health camp is not a health camp, love matters more than anything. _Yeah, definitely a few important lessons there.

"There will be a few speeches from our therapists in charge, words of wisdom to help both parents and young men to continue growing along their new path of life, and then a few of the boys themselves have requested to speak and talk about their experiences for us all."

"Peter," Scott muttered under his breath and Jeff looked away so Scott wouldn't see him smile.

Unsurprising to all, Mr. Peterson was the first to speak and Jeff did his best to tune the man out - he had heard it all so many times before already. Advice for his parents that Jeff knew just from looking at them that they wouldn't even consider taking (and who _would _actively punish their own son if he didn't find himself a girlfriend within the next few months?), and the usual statements about how straight was normal. Boring.

Mr. Everett was next and he kept it short and sharp. "You all know within yourselves whether you have made enough progress," he said, staring at each of the boys in turn. "We did our part, you need to do yours. You know what's right and what's wrong and we've taught you everything you need. With enough persuasion, we are sure that you will take this advice to heart and become the person you need to be."

He stepped back and Jeff noticed that many of the boys were now avoiding eye contact with their parents. He sighed, catching his mother's attention, and shook his head. "Trust me," he murmured. "I know what's right and it's not any of the drivel they're trying to feed us."

"Peter's up," Nick whispered to him.

Jeff's stomach flipped but he pushed it aside in favor of listening to what the boy had to say. That said, after a few seconds of self-righteous comments about how he had 'seen the light' and that he hoped the others would 'follow in his footsteps', Jeff was about ready to throw something. Namely, Peter.

Peter concluded - "About bloody _time_," Scott hissed - with his phone number in case anybody wanted to contact him to receive assistance, which was about the _stupidest _thing Jeff had ever heard of. Not because Peter actually thought people would call, but because everybody would call and prank him. He had noticed at least three boys scribbling the number down or punching it into their phones and made a mental note to get a copy later.

And - oh, right.

It was _his _turn.

There were a lot of shocked faces when Jeff jumped up on the bench - Scott's was especially priceless - but he just smiled around at all of them as innocent as could be. "Hi!" he said, waving. "My name is Jeff, if you haven't met me before. I came to this camp as a result of both my parents and myself wanting to find a way for me to have a better life and be happier. And I'm extremely happy to say that both of those things have come true, thanks to this camp."

"Jeff, what the _hell_?" James whispered.

Jeff glanced down and just kept smiling. "I spent a month being taught what was wrong with my old life, what the important things are that I should focus on and what kind of love is the right love. I had a choice to make at the end of this camp, and I'm pretty sure I made the right one… especially when it comes to love."

That was about when Nick stood, right on cue, and Jeff turned to him. "This is my choice," he said, loud enough for everybody to still hear him but with eyes only for his boyfriend. Nick gave him a wink, then pulled Jeff into his arms and kissed him.

There were murmurs when they broke apart, but Jeff talked easily enough above those. "I can't choose who I love, despite what many of you may think," he said, wrapping an arm around Nick's shoulders. "But I can choose to accept that this is the way I am and let myself be happy. I have a better life and I am happier, and it's not because I let myself believe that I have to be straight to be normal. It's because I accepted exactly who I am as a person, realized that not everybody is going to like me and came to terms with that. I wouldn't swap Nick for the most beautiful girl in the world, because she may be beautiful but I am not attracted to her. She wouldn't make me happy in the way that having a boyfriend does."

"This is the right kind of love," Nick suddenly added. "It's the kind of love where you battle through the tough times together because you know what you have matters. I've seen heterosexual couples crumble under less pressure than this and you think their relationships are immediately more normal than ours just because it's a male and a female? All love is normal as long as it's real."

Oscar began to clap and Jeff started, completely unprepared for any kind of positive reaction. Geoffery was quick to join in and Jeff could see the determination in both of their eyes - they were going to fight for this too.

One by one, others from the camp joined in, some of the parents too. The rest of the leaders were standing by helplessly, clearly not wanting to make a scene with parents around and unable to enact punishment for what they had just seen. Alana wasn't with them though, and was actually giving them a standing ovation - behind her mother's back, of course, but it was still a brave move. She blew him a kiss, and Jeff knew her story wasn't over. Not by a long shot.

Finally looking down at their table, Jeff saw Scott and James watching them like a pair of proud parents. "We've taught you well!" Scott called up to him and Jeff laughed.

Speaking of parents…

His mom was crying, but she had never looked happier and Jeff nearly lost it himself when he realized - it had been almost a year since she had seen him this happy, this passionate, with something to actually live for. His dad looked a little shocked, but Jeff had been prepared for that. After all, it wasn't everyday that one saw their son kiss another boy in front of them, especially without any warning.

Nick's mom was staring at her son like she had never seen him before. Jeff supposed she hadn't. She had only ever seen the boy that had been hidden, the one who had locked everything good about himself away in fear. Now she could truly see her son right where he belonged, and _happy. _

Jeff turned to Nick who was watching him intently. "What?" he asked as they climbed off the bench to sit back down.

Nick shook his head. "I just… I love you."

He clearly had a million other things he wanted to say, but Jeff understood.

"I love you too," he whispered, taking Nick's hand and waiting for the end.

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

Two families who both sent their sons to a straight camp, talking to the parents of their son's boyfriend, and it was _normal. _

Who would have known?

"You'll have to come around very soon," Jeff's mother told him warmly. "It's so nice to see Jeff with a bit of color, please make sure he gets out into the sun more this summer."

Nick laughed and squeezed Jeff's hand. "I'll be glad to. Of course Jeff will be welcome at our place as well."

"Of course," his mother echoed without a second of thought and Nick smiled a little wider, knowing it was entirely genuine. Jeff had been accepted, just as he had wanted. In fact, everything about this moment was everything Nick had wanted for so long and it was as if nothing could ever make the smile disappear from their faces.

But apparently all good things did indeed come to an end (and Nick was going to _kick _whoever created that idiom because it was _not _fair).

"Well," Jeff's father said, glancing at the car briefly, "we should probably head off. It's a bit of a drive back and we need to stop in at the grocery store on the way back, now that we have another mouth to feed."

Jeff's mother agreed, saying something else along the same lines but Nick couldn't hear them with his heart thumping so loud in his ears.

_They can't take him away from me._

Forcing himself to be logical, Nick took a deep breath and nodded. Of course this time had to come, he had known that for a long time now. But, of course, it hadn't been _real _until now, right in this moment when he was watching Jeff's father pull out the car keys and take Jeff's bags to head over to the car.

This was it.

This was goodbye.

Jeff's hand slipped out of his as he turned to the others - Blaine, Scott, Jeff, all waiting nearby and Nick hadn't even noticed. Jeff hugged them each in turn, taking longer with Blaine who whispered something in his ear before they broke apart.

Then he turned back and Nick turned to face him before he had time to fully prepare himself for what he was about to see. What he got was what Nick was pretty sure was on his own face - a sense of bewilderment, not understanding how it had come so _soon _and knowing that they had to say goodbye but how. How could they?

He didn't know what to do, what to say. All he had _known _of their relationship was being together and having Jeff there every single day when he needed him or just wanted time together. And now they had to say _goodbye_, had to go to separate houses and separate lives and yes, they were a part of each other's lives now but it was still _separate. _

God it hurt.

He closed his eyes, swallowed back the tears and opened his arms. Jeff all but flew into them and his attempts of a second earlier were fruitless - the tears fell and Jeff was nearly shaking in his grip. "It's okay," Nick murmured, trying to reassure them both. "I'll see you as soon as I can, I promise. Hold me to it."

"I will." Jeff pulled back a little and Nick reached up a thumb, brushed away the tears. "I love you, Nick."

"I love you too." And doing something Nick never would have thought possible (and for the second time that day to boot), they kissed each other under the eye of both of their parents and half a dozen homophobic counsellors with no care but each other. There was nothing else that required caring about, not in Nick's books, nothing more important than hugging the life out of his boyfriend and memorizing everything he could about him in the few seconds they had left together. "I love you," he murmured again against Jeff's neck, the words more a promise than anything else.

Then Jeff was pulling away, the look on his face just about breaking Nick's heart. He didn't say another word, quite possibly couldn't. Instead he just turned and walked to the car, climbing in the back seat. And Nick just watched him go.

He knew he was crying, but made no move to hide it. The rest of his friends were by his side now, silently supporting him as they all watched the car back out and pull back down the drive. Even though he couldn't see him, Nick watched until the car was long out of sight, driving back to another life.

That was it.

He took a deep breath, came back to himself and wiped the tears away before turning to the others. "Well, that sucked," he said, smiling a little ruefully at himself.

"You'll see him again really soon," Blaine reassured him. "And that moment when you get to be with him again after being apart is always the most amazing. Look forward to it."

"I will."

Scott cleared his throat lightly. "As much as we hate to interrupt, James and I are off too." He gestured to a cab that had just pulled in. "Usually we don't do goodbyes," he continued, "because they're too drawn out and sentimental, but we'll make an exception for you guys."

"We're flattered," Nick said, rolling his eyes at Blaine. "Really. So so glad you want to make us _sadder._"

Scott just laughed and pulled Nick into a hug. "It's been one hell of a month," he told him and Nick nodded his agreement. "Remember everything we taught you, okay? Don't let the world get you down, you know better than all of them."

"Good luck with everything," Nick returned. "You're going to be a kickass police officer one day."

James had similar comments for him as well. "You and Jeff, what you've got is something incredible. Don't let that slip away for any reason, alright? You remind me of me and Scott when we were just starting out and, well, not meaning to brag but we're doing pretty well for ourselves."

Nick laughed. "You totally don't ever mean to brag, do you?"

James rolled his eyes and released him. "And don't miss him too much. Be happy." Picking up his bag, he turned to Scott who had finished his goodbyes with Blaine. "Ready to go?"

"Always," Scott said without hesitation, taking his bag in one hand and James's hand in the other. "Let's blow this joint."

"Stay in touch!" James called back as they threw their things in the cab. "Don't ever forget the Scames!"

They could only laugh as the two left, Nick shaking his head at them. "The last thing I'll ever do is forget the Scames," he said to Blaine who was smiling fondly after them.

"Definitely changed my life," Blaine agreed. "And now that my father has had a good long chat with all the therapists about how to make my life a living hell, I guess that's my cue to exit."

Nick grimaced. "God, I'm sorry Blaine. Let me know if you need anything at all, okay?"

Blaine grinned and pulled him into a hug. "Do try to get to the beach this summer, you and Jeff both. I'll text you my address - my father won't like it but I do a lot of things he doesn't like. We'll manage."

"Speaking of your father…"

Blaine turned and sighed. "Yes, okay, coming," he muttered. "Do me one favor though, Nick?" Nick nodded, curious. "Have an amazing summer for me. Spend as much time with that boyfriend of yours as you can and make the most of it. If not for yourselves, for me and Kurt."

"Absolutely."

With a wave, Blaine was gone.

Well, that was it then.

Nick finally turned to his mom who had been waiting patiently to the side the entire time. "I guess it's just us now," he said, thankful his voice didn't crack. "Time to go?"

"I got Jeff's home number while you were saying goodbye," she told him. "We'll have them over for dinner in a few days once you're both settled back in, okay?"

Nick quickly crossed the distance between them and hugged her. "This is everything I ever wished for," he whispered, not quite sure if she could hear. It didn't matter either way - she knew. He was sure of that. Breaking away, he gave her the best smile he could muster up. "Let's go home."

Home was finally not just a place, he realized as his mom started up the ignition and backed out, preparing for the long drive home. It was a person, a feeling, a sense of security and acceptance and love.

Nick finally had that in spades and, despite the fact that his boyfriend was now far away and getting further by the minute, he had never been more at peace.

As he settled in for the drive, his phone buzzed and, without looking, Nick knew exactly who it would be. The missing piece to the puzzle, the one that made the feeling of contentment absolutely complete.

_So my parents have already asked every question known to man about you, including what your favorite food is so they can make it when you come over. Welcome to the family. In other news, I miss you already. _

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><p><strong>*quietly sobbing*<strong>

**Next (and final) Chapter: Dalton. **


	20. Dalton

***READ ME READ ME READ ME***

**I hope this reached a lot of you who still have this on story alert. Nothing in the chapter has changed, but I didn't want to risk losing my entire story by posting an authors note chapter so I went for this option. As some of you might know, I tried to post a Scames oneshot some time back and it was promptly deleted because it wasn't technically Glee fanfiction. Understandable. But since then I've written a few more stories, and I now have four Scames fics in total that I really want to share with the Straight Camp readers who don't know about them yet. They're over on my Tumblr, which you can find under the username iyantojones and in the sidebar under fic. Two of them were just ones I wanted to write for the hell of it about a year ago (2012 I think?), one was a Christmas present (2013) and the other was a New Years present (2013/14). They officially complete my foray into the Glee world of fanfiction - I won't be back but I do have other plans for Scott and James which is why I wanted to keep them alive. Read and enjoy (and if you happen to be a Torchwood fan, I've written something like thirty Torchwood fics as well sorry not sorry go look at those). Also, come and say hi. I still love you all very much and appreciate what you did for my life when I needed something to give me hope. **

**Thank you.**

* * *

><p><strong>ORIGINAL AUTHORS NOTE:<strong>

**So, here we are.**

**I've been trying to work out what I'm meant to write here for hours now and I'm at a loss. For me, this is probably the hardest story to conclude because it was so much more mine than anything else - my own original characters, working with main characters that had very little development on the show itself. It's the closest I've come to my own story and it's been amazing.**

**But all things have to come to an end, and this is it.**

**I can't begin to say what it means to me to have you all here. This story went over a thousand reviews on the last chapter and is still gaining readers, even at the final chapter. I've received amazing feedback here and on Tumblr, and made so many friends out of this.**

**Thank you.**

**I hope it's been as wonderful an experience for you to read as it has been for me to write. Thank you for joining me in this world for so many months. I hope the final chapter does justice to what I have been aiming to create.**

**Also, there have been many questions about this story - whether there will be sequels, oneshots etc based in this verse for the most part. I'm going to put up an announcement on my Tumblr - relationsonadewymeadowoflilac - which will be linked under 'foraworldundeserving PSA' on the sidebar. Please check that out before writing any reviews with questions because they will not be answered. Questions on Tumblr after reading the announcement will be.**

**And on we go.**

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff.<strong>

Dalton Academy.

It was almost formidable and Jeff gripped his bag a little tighter, staring around the campus. He wasn't used to not seeing graffiti and cigarette butts everywhere, not used to the fact that these students apparently respected their school enough not to trash it. Blaine had told him what the general environment was at Dalton but Jeff had scarcely dared to believe it could be true.

Maybe it was.

"Hey."

Jeff jumped, spinning quickly to come face-to-face with Blaine who winced apologetically even as he pulled Jeff into their first hug in far too long. "Sorry, should've known better than to sneak up on you."

"It's alright," Jeff said, calming down. "I knew you were coming and… _hey_." He raised an eyebrow, taking in Blaine's uniform. "That actually looks really good."

Blaine smirked. "Don't let Kurt see you eyeing me up," he joked. "But yes, first stop is to get you your uniform. Your paperwork is all filed?"

"I think so. Where is Kurt?"

Blaine gestured for Jeff to follow him across campus. "He's a day student, not residential, so he'll be here as soon as he's finished doing his hair. Which usually means ten minutes before class starts. I'm surprised you made it this early."

Jeff swatted at the boy, rolling his eyes. "I don't take that long. Anyway, I do recall you saying seven and it is now seven _fifteen_. You'd think that relaxing on the gel would free up some time."

Blaine actually looked sheepish. "Yeah, I know. First night back in my bed and all that, kind of really didn't want to leave. You know the feeling?"

"Yeah," Jeff agreed, though for him the feeling had occurred quite some time earlier in the holidays. And it wasn't nearly as hard to get out of bed knowing he was coming here - the unknown was certainly many shades better than where he could have been going this morning. Considering his morning hadn't started with his alarm clock waking him either… "Oh, and Nick says hi."

"Of course he does. How is he?"

Jeff shrugged. "Said he's alright. Obviously it's weird not having his dad there and he and his mom have a few fences to mend but they're getting there - I've been watching it happen all summer, it's really quite something. And he didn't sound _too_ worried about going back to school, more irritated than anything but - what?"

Blaine was shaking his head, smiling. "I've never seen two people fall in love so fast. And, I mean, the camp kind of screwed us all around and potentially ruined our summers but… well, seeing you two as you are, I can't regret it."

"Neither."

They smiled knowingly at one another for a moment before Blaine pushed open the door to administration. The next ten minutes was a whirlwind of information, paperwork, maps and uniforms that had Jeff's head spinning by the time he left the building again with Blaine laughing at him. "Okay, to put it simply, go to class, go to Warbler rehearsal once you've gotten in and make friends."

Jeff relaxed a little, tugging lightly at the tie around his neck. "This is going to take some getting used to. I'm loving this blazer though."

"The blazer is pretty awesome," Blaine agreed. "Now, we still have about half an hour before we need to be getting organized for homeroom so I'll give you a quick tour. Expect to get lost for your first month and - David!"

A dark-skinned boy walking by looked up from his phone and grinned at them. "Blaine! You're alive!"

They engulfed each other in a hug, Blaine laughing as he did. "I am. I'm alive and still madly in love with my boyfriend. How was your summer?"

"Same as ever." David pulled away, his expression softening. "They didn't screw with you too much in there?"

"They did," Blaine admitted. "It was pretty much hell, but a few good things came out of it. Speaking of which -" Blaine reached back and grabbed Jeff's arm, tugging him forward. "This is Jeff. We met in hell."

David held out a hand and Jeff took it slightly awkwardly. "Welcome to Dalton," David said, his voice suddenly official. "Are you interested in joining the Warblers?"

Blaine groaned. "Oh my god, one day in the Council and you're already starting this? Yes, he's joining but cut him some slack, he's just arrived."

"Sorry," David said sheepishly. "It's an easy habit to fall into. It's good to meet you, Jeff."

"Um, you too?"

Blaine laughed. "It'll be good to meet him when he's not in Warbler-mode, I promise." David rolled his eyes, disappearing with a smile and Blaine gestured for Jeff to follow him. "Now, I'll just show you the main blocks and we can deal with classrooms later. So this is administration, obviously."

Blaine continued explaining the different buildings as they made their way towards the main block of Dalton, the building that had both scared and awed Jeff upon arrival. "Creative arts," Blaine explained. "I mean, there's a few other classrooms here and there but this is music, art, theatre, languages… Jeff?"

"We actually did die back at that camp, didn't we?" Jeff found himself saying, staring at the building with a new reverence. "And somehow made it to heaven despite the whole gay thing?"

Blaine laughed. "That was pretty much my reaction when I first got here," he admitted. "We'll go in there a bit later, you'll obviously need to know where the choir room is and all of your other classes that are in here."

They walked past the block, Jeff giving it a longing glance before turning his attention back to Blaine. More and more students were walking past now and Blaine greeted a few of them as they continued their tour, waving at nearly everybody between pointing out buildings. Jeff took a small amount of pleasure in how many did a double take at the sight of Blaine's hair.

"And this is -"

"_Blaine!"_

Both heads shot up at that, recognizing the voice. Blaine's entire face lit up in a way Jeff had never seen before and then he was running, full out sprinting across the campus towards a boy who had just gotten out of his car, only having enough time to drop his belongings before literally being swept off his feet as Blaine grabbed him, spinning him around. Jeff was torn between giving them a moment of privacy and staring because _this _was what love looked like and this was exactly why their entire summer had been a waste of time because no force in the world would ever split Blaine Anderson from Kurt Hummel.

They were _beautiful. _It wasn't just Blaine who Jeff had always found attractive, or Kurt who turned out to be just as gorgeous as Blaine had always said. It was the way they were holding each other as if to simply reassure themselves that they were both there, how easily and perfectly they seemed to fit together - bodies, cheeks, lips, as if they were made to belong to one another. The way Blaine was wiping away the tears before they had properly started to fall from Kurt's eyes and the smile Jeff had never seen, that he knew was only for Kurt.

He took his time to join them knowing that they needed this. Apart from this being the first time they had seen each other in months, this had been one hell of a few months and they had faced struggles that would have seen any weaker couples collapse for good. The fact that they were standing here, clearly still desperately in love with one another and not letting anything change that was awe inspiring to Jeff and let him believe that maybe, just maybe if he played his cards right and wished hard enough, that he and Nick could have that too.

By the time he had reached them, Kurt and Blaine had lessened their hold a little but were still wrapped around each other, talking softly. Not wanting to intrude, Jeff waited back a few steps and took in Kurt properly. Even clad in the same uniform as the others, the boy managed to stand out - possibly due to the accessories he was sporting, definitely due to the fact that his natural beauty was like nothing Jeff had ever seen before. He could see why Blaine raved about him so much, that was for sure.

Kurt glanced over and his eyes widened. "Jeff?"

"Hey," Jeff said a little awkwardly, but Kurt was already unwrapping himself from Blaine to practically throw himself at Jeff. "Oh!" he said, startled, before glancing at Blaine in worry. But Blaine was shaking his head and smiling so Jeff hugged Kurt back, a little overwhelmed with the whole situation himself.

"It is so good to meet you!" Kurt finally said, pulling back and looking at him properly. "Oh dear, I might have some competition in you - just think, Blaine, another Dalton boy who knows how to style his hair!"

Blaine was suddenly smirking from behind Kurt and Jeff realized that Kurt must not have noticed Blaine's hair yet - gelled, yes, but definitely not shellacked back as it had been previously. "You mean opposed to those of us who cake it down with gel every day?" he asked innocently and Jeff grinned, shaking his head.

"That's right, babe. Some people know to let their hair _breathe _and -"

Kurt froze, turning slowly to face Blaine who was staring back at him innocently. He immediately turned back to Jeff, wide eyed. "Am I hallucinating or is he -?"

"We may have weaned him off it a little," Jeff explained. "A lot happened that month."

"I'll say," Kurt murmured, his attention now completely focused on his boyfriend again. "Excuse the PDA but -"

Jeff blinked as Kurt grabbed a handful of Blaine's hair and tugged him in, turning away to give the couple their moment just in time. And _wow_, if he had thought seeing other couples happy when he was single was difficult, it was probably worse now that he was in a relationship and couldn't be with the person right there and then to do exactly the same - and Jeff literally had to shake himself back to focus so he didn't slip off into a rather pleasant daydream and get caught out.

Judging by Blaine's smirk, he had been. "Don't you dare," Jeff warned as the boy opened his mouth. "I dealt with this for an entire month when you two were apart, you can't judge."

Blaine's expression softened. "I never would. Despite all the crap, I'm kind of glad to see how this summer turned out."

"You mean apart from us being apart for months?" Kurt asked, not quite innocently.

"Of course!" Blaine said quickly, going into damage control while Jeff took his turn to smirk. "And the time apart just made me realize how much I really do love you, Kurt, enough that I'm considering doing a Scott and James right now and screw the consequences."

"Doing what?"

Jeff's eyes widened. "Oh my god, really?" he asked at the same time. "You have one?" Blaine nodded and Jeff couldn't resist clapping his hands together in delight. "You have to!"

Blaine bit his lip, immediately looking nervous. "I don't know," he said edgily. "I mean, I really want to but I don't know if Kurt -"

"Kurt is right here," said person interjected, smiling a little. "Blaine, if whatever you have planned has to do with how much you love me, I'm kind of all for it… except if it's PDA of the excessive variety because Dalton is just not ready for that kind of 'demonstration of love' and probably never will be."

Kurt's words had the desired effect - Blaine snorted and relaxed a little, rummaging in his bag. "Okay," he said softly and pulled out the box, not even giving Kurt time to react. "You gave me something to remind me of courage, so I wanted to give you this. But it's not just courage, it's me and it's my promise to you that I want to be with you forever."

Kurt took the box but didn't open it, eyes still fixed squarely on Blaine. "I know you, I know this isn't an engagement ring so - what?"

Blaine gestured to the box and Jeff noticed his hand was shaking. "Find out for yourself. Go on."

Kurt cracked open the lid and promptly clapped a hand over his mouth to muffle the shriek that came out. "You mean it?"

"Completely. I promised I wasn't ever letting you go, this just gives you a solid reminder every moment of every day." Blaine pulled the ring out of the box and twisted it in his fingers, just enough for Jeff to catch a glimpse of the engraving.

_Courage._

_Of course._

"Kurt?"

"Yes."

Blaine swallowed nervously. "I was wondering -"

Kurt laughed, cutting Blaine off before he could begin what Jeff was sure was a well-prepared speech. "Blaine, I meant _yes, of course I want it."_

As subtly as possible, Jeff stepped back so he was out of the picture. Not that it really mattered - the two of them only had eyes for each other as the promise ring was slid onto Kurt's finger. Jeff couldn't help but imagine it for himself, how it would feel to be the one with the ring, slipping it on Nick's hand…

And promptly made himself stop. It was far too soon for him to even consider a promise of that magnitude, even if he felt so sure about it already.

Maybe next year.

For now, Jeff was perfectly content with being happy for Kurt and Blaine, for the fact that they were still standing, stronger than ever, completely focused on each other and their relationship.

"You can come back," Blaine called to him, both of them still smiling, and Jeff obediently returned. "You didn't have to go anywhere, you know. I think I was privy to most of yours and Nick's relationship milestones, except for whatever might have happened over the rest of summer of course, so don't feel like you're intruding or - oh, hold on."

The phone Jeff had gotten well used to seeing was out of Blaine's pocket and, after a moment, something else far too familiar had appeared. "Okay," Jeff said slowly, looking between Blaine and Kurt, "I'm used to seeing him with that look on his face when he stares at his phone, but usually he's texting you."

Kurt nodded thoughtfully and Blaine rolled his eyes, grinning as he looked up. "It's Alana."

"Honey, you're gay," Kurt said bluntly, but there was a trace of a smile around his lips, as if he were in on what was happening too. More confusion for Jeff, then.

Blaine laughed. "So is she. _Definitely_."

Curiosity piqued, Jeff stole the phone from Blaine and glanced at it. One second and he was unable to keep from grinning in the exact same manner as his friend, completely understanding.

_Looks like I found that courage you were talking about, _read the screen, directly underneath a photo of Alana and another girl, arms around each other with the girl leaning her head on Alana's shoulder.

"That's Lily," Blaine told them. "I finally got the full story out of Alana - they've been best friends for years upon years. Inseparable, even more so now. They're both going to the community college in Lima so I'm going with Kurt this afternoon to visit them. It was going to be a 'stop being stupid and get together already' mission but I guess that's no longer necessary. Thank god."

"You're welcome to join us," Kurt added. "Nick too."

Jeff smiled, but it was half-hearted. "I'll text him later and see what his plans are. He might not even go to school for the first day, I'm not sure. He didn't sound too thrilled."

"He'll be alright," Blaine assured him. "Nick's strong, you know that. And he's got a parent in his life to look after him - if things get bad, you can be sure that this time something will be done. Maybe you could recommend Dalton."

"I've been recommending Dalton all summer," Jeff said, sighing. "His mom said that he had to at least give the school another try before she made any decisions. Nick tried to convince her that he would just be miserable there, but after awhile we just let it go."

The two were silent for a moment, the look they shared unreadable. "Believe in him," Kurt finally said. "If things are bad, he'll get out. We'll all make sure of that."

A bell suddenly rang out - not unlike the camp bell - and Blaine and Kurt were in action. "Right, Jeff, you're with me, I'll show you where to go. Kurt -" Blaine broke off and kissed him quickly but softly. "I'll see you at lunch."

Kurt rolled his eyes and smiled sweetly at his boyfriend. "Don't be silly. I'll see you at your locker after first period." Depositing one more kiss, Kurt turned and headed towards the main doors, immediately drawn into conversation with one of the boys passing by.

"He's like a whirlwind," Jeff said absently. "Just sweeps on by and makes the world brighter."

Blaine elbowed him. "Don't sound too fond. That would be my boyfriend you're talking about," he said, but there was no heat to his words. "Come on, time for your first day!"

Jeff smiled but felt it falling flat as he followed Blaine into the school.

Dalton was amazing so far and Jeff knew, more than anything that he would be safe here. But he also knew that there was something missing and, until that changed, Dalton would never be everything he had dreamt of.

* * *

><p><strong>Nick.<strong>

It took longer than usual to get ready for the day and that was really saying something considering Nick used to stretch out his time as long as possible to avoid school.

Going downstairs for breakfast and being met with only his mother was still a shock to the system, even a month later. It had made a complete difference to the rest of his summer - he could relax, take his time with breakfast, talk about his plans for the day and whether he was going to see Jeff or not. And Nick found the bond with his mother slowly reconnecting after so long of being almost strangers under the same roof.

But now it was the first day back at school and Nick had just finished tying his shoes, ready to go. He was going to be late but his mother had promised to drive him and explain the situation to the school - whatever that was, Nick didn't know, but he couldn't complain about missing the first few periods at all.

Nick found himself dozing off a little on the way, hardly able to complain since it was the result of texting Jeff late into the night and early morning plus calling him the second he had woken today. Of course it was difficult knowing he wasn't going to see Jeff - and on top of that, Jeff was going to a school where he was safe which, of course, was a great thing but also made Nick a little envious, wishing he could have the same. At least he knew his boyfriend was safe, being looked after by Kurt and Blaine and that the four of them were going to meet up the following afternoon so he could finally meet this mysterious and wonderful Kurt. That was enough to bring a smile to his face, even as he slipped further into sleep.

He woke to his mother shaking his shoulder. "Nick, we're here," she said quietly. "And I just wanted to let you know that I - well, I made a few arrangements with the school to make your year a bit easier."

Nick frowned, turned to look out the window and simply stared. "Really?" he finally asked, his voice barely audible.

"Really. If this is what you want."

"It's more than I ever dreamed I would get," Nick said before turning back to throw his arms around his mother's neck. "Thank you so much. But how did you manage this?"

"I might not technically be a Duval anymore, honey, but the name still throws weight. Now, come on, we need to finalize the arrangements with the principal."

Things flew by a lot quicker than Nick had expected - it was a huge rearrangement after all but somehow Nick knew that the school was used to making this kind of request work. Finally, Nick was shaking hands with the man, being handed a list of books to purchase and guided towards the student office for the next change required. And as soon as that was finished and he had said goodbye to his mother, Nick was just in time to join the others for lunch.

This was going to be the best part, he knew it.

As he walked, his phone buzzed and Nick fished it out of his pocket, smiling as he saw his boyfriend's name pop up.

_I miss you already. How's school going? - Jeff_

Smile widening, Nick quickly tapped out a reply, weaving to avoid a few students who glanced at him curiously but let him pass - another welcome change.

_Very very different to what I expected - Nick_

It only took a second for his phone to start vibrating madly and Nick pressed it to his ear fondly. "You are such a worrier."

"That's because I don't know what you expected," Jeff said quickly. "Well, okay, yes I do but I don't know if it's better or worse, please tell me things are better."

"They are," Nick said and heard a sigh of relief. "You really were worried about me, weren't you?"

"It's hard not to be. I mean, I feel so guilty that I'm here safe and you're out there -"

"Stop," Nick said firmly. "Do not ever feel guilty for that. You're in a safe place now and it's where you belong. Please don't ever doubt going to Dalton. And things are really not bad for me, in fact they're so much better than I ever thought possible."

He could hear the frown in Jeff's words. "Oh? How so?"

Entering the cafeteria, Nick saw the table he wanted and immediately headed for it. Two of the occupants were staring up at him, one in confused recognition and one dawning. The other had his back to him and a phone pressed to his ear. "Well a _lot _has changed," Nick emphasized as he drew closer. "In fact, I'm going to have to ask for assistance from some of the students."

Hanging up his phone, he waited until Jeff lowered his own in confusion before tapping him on the shoulder. "Excuse me? I'm new here, could you help me out?"

* * *

><p><strong>Jeff.<strong>

_No way._

He couldn't move at first, couldn't even think to turn around because spoiling the amazing daydream he was having right now by realizing his boyfriend wasn't standing behind him would hurt too much after everything they had been through. But Kurt's eyes were wide and Blaine was grinning and they were both looking over his head at - _oh god it wasn't a dream -_

Jeff finally turned.

Dalton uniform. A stack of freshly bought textbooks. Neatly gelled hair. And a smile, impossibly wide; the exact one Jeff had fallen in love with on a hot summers day in the middle of hell.

"_Nick."_

And suddenly Dalton Academy had everything Jeff had ever wanted.

Nick dropped everything in his arms onto the table and held them out to Jeff who wasted no time scrambling out of his seat and straight into them. "Oh my god," he whispered, pressing his cheek helplessly against Nick's. "You're actually here. I never thought.. I hoped, I thought maybe she would change her mind, but I tried not to hope because I never thought - oh my _god_ Nick!"

Laughing, Nick pulled back to look at him properly, the delight so clear in his eyes. "I didn't know myself until about half an hour ago," he explained, fingers stroking lightly over Jeff's arms as if he couldn't quite believe this was happening either. "But I'm here and I'm staying."

"You're safe," Jeff said breathlessly, lifting a hand to cup Nick's cheek softly.

Nick covered it with his own, rubbing his thumb over Jeff's. "I am," he agreed and leant in to kiss him and Jeff melted because there was actually _nothing _better in the world than kissing Nick.

"Oh, but they're so cute!"

Jeff began to laugh and Nick broke the kiss, raising an eyebrow. "I'll assume that was the Kurt we've been hearing so much about?" he murmured.

"Excuse me," Jeff said, raising his voice without looking away from his boyfriend, a smile tugging at his lips, "but I don't remember interrupting _your _moment."

"Don't be mean," Blaine told him, the laughter in his voice still audible. "We want to meet and greet Nick too."

Jeff stepped aside and watched Blaine and Nick hug, immediately followed by Kurt. To his relief, Nick also had the same slightly bewildered look on his face when accosted by Kurt - it wasn't just Jeff who had felt a bit displaced by it all. Though, to be fair, Jeff was probably _far _more confused by the whole situation because Nick was kind of _here._

"Are you going to explain?" Blaine finally asked when they had all seated themselves back at the table, Jeff sitting as close as he possibly could to Nick. "I mean, this morning Jeff was all mournful and puppy-dog sad that you weren't going to be here -"

"_Blaine!"_

"It's true," Blaine said unapologetically. "And now you're here, and half a day late I might add. What's the deal?"

Nick shrugged. "I think she's been planning this for awhile. I was getting more and more annoyed as school got closer and she just kept telling me that I'd be fine. I guess she was right. But I'm staying here until I graduate unless I change my mind. Her words."

"Promise?" Jeff asked, the word slipping out before he could control it.

Nick turned to him, his eyes softening completely. "I promise. I'm here for good."

There was a moment of silence where they all just looked at each other, then Blaine laughed. "So, now what?"

Jeff understood what he was getting at - it was a hell of a moment and he felt like there should be more excitement, more to mark the fact that this was monumental. Yet, there they were, just sitting around together as if it were all completely normal.

It was.

And Jeff knew - truly and finally knew - that he could have spent the whole year and every year right up to graduation at Dalton, happy and safe and enjoying himself, but it would never have felt right. It never would have given him the feelings he was having right now with his friends and his boyfriend right here in one place.

The feeling that everything in his crazy, messed up world was finally right.

"Now we just… live," Jeff finally said, taking them all in. Kurt rested his head on Blaine's shoulder and Nick's fingers interlaced with Jeff's on the table top. They were all quiet, content, peaceful.

_Happy._

Everybody finally had what they needed.

"We continue on, we keep loving and living life as it is meant to be."

Blaine smiled, the light in his eyes brighter than Jeff had ever seen. "Works for me," he offered up, Kurt nodding his agreement.

"And me," Nick said softly by his side.

Jeff couldn't quite get the smile to leave his face, and after a moment realized he didn't want to, not one bit. "Then on we go," he said.

And on they went.

* * *

><p><strong>Complete.<strong>

**Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being here. It's been an honor and a pleasure to write for you all.**


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